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Should I Discriminate Against Naija Boys From Home?

I am a Nigerian female raised in the US but in a very cultured home.  I was still going to the C&S churches until college (even though I also went to Catholic churches too through my schools).  I always went to the Nigerian parties that lasted till 7 am, I occasionally watch the Nollywood movies with my parents, always knell when i greet relatives, grew up eating Nigerian food everyday until college and understand Yoruba (but don't speak it).  

hence, I am much American, actually I'm more worldly.  I went to an international university (where i hung out w/ the naijas too along w/ people from every culture) and my current group of friends are all from diff.  nationalities. I've dated a diversity of backgrounds and now in my late 20s, aunties and uncles, and of course the parents are bugging me about getting married.

at first it's "you must find nigerian."  now lately it's, "please just get married."  lol

well, the thing is i just want to marry my one true no matter where he's from but ideally, I want to marry a Nigerian guy but preferably Nigerian-American or someone who grew up in the west (eq. U.S., england).  Basically, if the guy went to college in Naija, it's not going to work for me.  I know this.  He has to at least left by 18, but preferably, much younger. I have put myself out there twice already w/ guys from home and just now did it the third time and realized it will be my last.  These 3 guys i've never actually dated but was introduced by families.  2 of the guy were in nigeria at the time.  the problem?  All of them were intense too soon already calling me their girl after the 3rd e-mail response.  Hel-LO.  Relax buddy. We haven't even met yet.  Or they'll call plenty of times wondering why u didn't respond to their e-mail message they sent 2 hours ago. (ok, i'm exaggerating a bit).  

I even knew one naija guy at work and we were cool friends until he wanted more.  Him i wasn't feeling at all and he just wouldn't get it when i would say, "I do not see u this way" only surprisngly responding to me, "why not?!" or " I know u feel the same."  

I've only met a few naija americans (includes ones that grew up here and even some that went to college in the U.S.).  The very few i knew were cool but either seem to distance themselves from naija/black girls or were a bit cocky.  

what is an amerinaija girl to do?  anyway, so my thing is I'm just too different socially (and romantically) to find all this agressiveness appealing and think i should just steer towards Naija americans or any other that fits my boat.

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7 answers

Thanks all.  I appreciate your comments, even the cynical ones.  I find it interesting, but don't blame, that some of you have me figured out already.  Trying to make me out as 'akata'.  lol! This is a common backlash. pu-lease, i grew up in one of the strickest nigerian households I know - and i know plenty of naija raised folks.  I barely hung out w/ AA growing up cause i hung out w/ my cousins and that wasn't too often b/c i was always home "reading my book", helping my mom cook, or stayed home alone taking care of my much younger siblings, all starting at the age of 9, dear.  so please, off that soapbox.

I'm not even going to comment of being of good quality or "worth the trouble".  Too lame.

on to the better comments:

No one has forgotten their origin is Africa.  It is for the very reason that one must marry wisely in order to live happily in love and harmony w/o divorce that I brought up the question in the first place.  Why do we marry someone anyway?  Despite the basics of marrying someone who is responsible, educated, good, etc., the most important aspects are compatibility, understanding, being able to relate, and being intrigued.  If I can't relate to someone other than he has the same ethnic makeup, what is that?  What does him knowing about knelling down and making eba doing for me or the relationship? nothing.  you can teach that to anyone in 10 minutes.  But you can't teach someone to be compatible w/ you intellectually (don't mean educationally) and emotionally.  It is those very things you need to survive the many ups and downs in a relationship, esp. marriage.  I've seen a number of bad naija marriages.  Culture did not help them.  Not even pastor from church to mend things!  I've seen a number of great naija marriages, some that went through tough times.  What was it that helped them? love, respect, understanding, relation.

 I do want to marry Nigerian.  why? because that's part of my relation.  But he also has to be westernized. why? because that's part of my relation.

And if i was soo ignorant, I would have never decided to accept getting to know a naija raised boy.  It is right that some of them want your papers( i know, i experienced that w. one) but also one of them was living here and was a US citizen and acted the same.  Also, I barely know any naija ameri boys, just the two i personally met and just commented on those 2 and not all ameri-naijas.

therefore, my interest is finding a divine companionship and not one cluttered w/ "he has the same skin color as you, it must work" or "both of your parents went to the same primary school, this is destiny."  I guess my point of starting this thread in the first place is to relay my new decision about naija raised guys and getting peeps opinions on it.  i did.  Thanks!

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Bravo!i think ya all have spoken well,but a line must be addressed and this is the issue of naija girls raised up in the US.no beef though but i think they always wanna imbibe the western culture forgetting that her origin is Africa.u really have to work on yourself girl if u truly wanna settle down,cos marriage is not a 1yr thing or 10yrs is a life thing and we are not used to divorce in Nigeria we always try to tolerate.are u such a lady?can u tolerate?someone commented on Naija guys wanting to use u as a pass way to the US.u are right on that.cos they don't know u and they are all over u.u have to be smart enough to smell a rat.cos u will have a big problem when they are there cos they don't know whats obtainable there so they get ecstatic when they get there and carried away by the euphoria and then u just get dumped. so know what u want,work on yourself too and seek the face of God thats the foundation for any marriage to work.

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I married a white woman, (am i loving it?, yeah, white girl love u for who u r and not where u from or if your family is rich or educated.

Black girls, hmmm, pretenders.

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@ ameri naija

hmmm  u have met a bunch of crazy arranged spoilt nigerian guys and u conclude on that well i hell pity u

we r not all the same, some very few still have dignity

AA, jamiacans may not be the best option neither a white guy

probably u sound desperate thats why u have not met the right guy

or should we put it like this - likes follow likes. are u of good quality urself? cos if u r u would attract the right kind of naija men probably u aint anything near 100% -

since u grew up there then we can call u an AA and we know wat comes with that.

sorry if i sounded insultive no offence meant.

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@AmeriNaija

You are experiencing freedom away from all the Naija rules, that is what you are experiencing. There is nothing wrong with that. Believe it or not, I am very social with all types of people but when it comes to Romance and family, I stick to my own. To many black people have been crossing over to white when there is no need for that. What are we saying about our people when we do that? Black people need to stick together and stop this epidemic of going over to white people as if white people are the only ones who can save us from us.

Hey girl, try a Jamaican try a AA just don't try white, please don't. There are plenty good black men out there that would love to have you, don't give up on them. As for the advice Davidylan gave you, I believe his advice is of a biased view, he has already told everyone that his girlfriend is white so he would fall into the category of a Naija man who is just plain old not interested in a black girls period. What he said about Jamaicans was not right and he has also not said good things about AA people. He is a victim of border line self hate but he is tipping over into full fledged self hate.

I know he is going to see what I posted and after that it might be some shyt but I will do my best to behave and not screw up your topic.

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eh ya i completely understhad what u are going through, either hte guys in nigeria dont meet the standards or the boys in the us are just not intriguing enough. everyone haas their many reasons for why they wanwt to date who they want to date or marry, but though i am young i would advise u to just look for the qualities that matter to u. try and find someone that grew up in the sam family background as ur self, and values, regardless of whether or not they came from nigeria or have grown up in the US. take care ok and Good luck.

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Tough luck there girl. And since i attended college in Naija (and i absolutely would do it again!!!!), i'm way out of your line of consideration.

True, i felt the same way when i came here too. I had uncles and family friends already lining up a Naija American girl from the first day i set foot in this country. Unfortunately for them and much to their sorrow, i'm not interested at all whether naija raised at home or in mars.

It depends on you, flow with your heart. If you dont like naija bred guys, no stress there will be plenty of other naija guys bred here that you can hang with. The problem is most of them are not even looking the way of other naija girls! When i came here, i remember protesting that the girls already had other guys they could date besides me, then i was told most of the naija guys are either going white or plain not interested.

Dont blame the naija guys for going too intense too soon, they were only seeking you as an opportunity to get a free passage to the US, it was not about love at all!

Stop letting people dictate who you marry. Find your own soulmate.

And as for the Jamaicans, nna Nigerians bred in the village would be a better option! Else you'd be jamming your way through your marriage!

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