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Should I Take Him Back?

Hi everyone.i am so sad as i am posting this but i just have 2 put myself together cos i desperately need ur advice.

I have been going out with my boyfriend 4 the past 4yrs.it actually started while i was still in secondary school then he was in 100 level and he is the only guy i have dated.i love him so much and he loves me a lot too but the problem is that he is too jealous.i am in 300level now and he recently just started working.he is always jealous whenever he sees me with another guy but i always feel that it is because he loves me so much and didnt pay much attention to it.

Most of all my hallmates in my school are guys and we always feel free with one another.atimes some guys can come and watch t.v in my room and vice versa and we even read together cs we aere all coursemates.recently,i was in my room with 1 of my hallmates,he was lying down on my bed we were actually reading when my boyfriend came in.he saw d guy and wtout even saying anything he jst dashed out.i went after him 2 explain 2 him but he jst entered his car and drove off.u can imagine the embarrassment in the presence of other students.i went back 2 my room in shame.the guy that was wt me was so sad that he caused me the trouble,he even wanted to call his no 2 explain 2 him so i gave him. i was crying in my room when i saw his no calling me.i didnt pick.then he sent a text message begging me dt d guy called him.he then came back 2 my house and started begging me dt he thought i was cheating on him.i made him promise me dt he wl not accuse me and dt he should trust me.he promised and travelled back to his place of work.

Things were going on smoothly until the day my cousin came to visit me in school.we were discussing when my boyfriend entered.i knew he was already angyr so i immediately wanted to inroduce my cousin to him.dt one was even smiling cos i had already been gisting him abt him.when i introduced him,he didnt even greet him so dt 1 lft.he then started accusing me of sleeping around dt i am always wt guys.dt rily got me mad and i told him 2 go 2 hell afteral we are not yet married so i can live my life.before i knew wt was happening,h slapped me the force was so much dt al my hallmates ran out.i fell on the ground.my friends started beging him 2 leave me alone and he left.i was already crying i was so ashamed of myself.ever since theh he has been begging me 2 4giv me because he later found out that the guy is truly my cousin he has even gone to my house to beg my parents,he has begged my hallmates.he snt some1 to tel me dt he is no longer concentrating at work.i stil love him very mch but i cant jst 4get the fact dt he beat me cos of something i didnt do and i know that if i 4give him,it will only take sometime before he starts accusing me again.people have been telling me 2 leave him but i cant live wtout him.do u guys tink i should accept him back?

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38 answers

ur absolutely right,

no one should hit anyone

but in the event the woman is both forward and plain whatever excuse she wants to give,

the man should walk away

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im sorry but a man that raises his hands agaisnt a woman ceases to be one to me hence no woman should be with it (yes he becomes an it in my world)

irrespective of watever issues might have preeceeded his hitting u even if u hit him, a man should walk away

hitting a lady is a sign of both cowardice and inseurity

i wouldnt tell u if u should take him back but u are not married n he hits u whether hard or not is irrelivant

what would he do when say u actually cheat on him when ur still dating

then when u break his most prized trophy when ur married?

u've gotta think about these things

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1. Your boyfriend is overly posessive and thats bad.

2. Any man that can raise his hand on a lady 4 any reason whatsoever,doesn't deserve her.

I mean, if you are just is girlfriend and he can slap you that hard,what happens when you are his wife?

You should truly start the un-loving proceedures.

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@musty405

You don't need to be telling her this word,all i think the advice should be by taking him back, even if you are christain or islamic religion is writen that we should learn how forgive. me while, this so called guy his acting immediately because he doesn't want to loose her.

@poster

my advice to you once more that you should not leave him.reason:

1. He beat you?

Although is not proper to race hand to slap someone girl but angry cause it.and you should understand something that if he doesn't need you any more he would have left.

2. He don't like seeing you with guys?

He has reason with that, i belief you know the way girl are doing now,( but i understand you been together for the past 4 years)may be such a thing as happen at where he his that why he's afraid of loosing you.

BUT i belief you should understand that he loves you by taking some of his time to come down to your school.

And are those people who are telling you leave him going to replace him?or will they find one for you?and what about if you dump him and found the warsed one?

I think this is the right time for you to come back to your senses and take him back before it his too late and am sure abandon him for this long is a lesson enough to make him change to good.

good luck. hi to all Naira land

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Musty450,Thanks mehn seems we're seeing this from same perspective.

Its clear the poster can't let go and will be torturing herself if she does,

From her story it looks like this is the first time he's raised his hands on her apart from ofcourse the late night scenes,

Everyone deserves a second chance even poster's boyfriend,and sending people to talk to you(poster) is a sign of 'i am sorry and don't want to lose you please come back i can't leave without you'.

If the guy came on nairaland saying he caught her with another mahn you'll have some of my fellow nairalanders advicing to take her back and so is this case.

What if you had an issue and needs him to forgive would you like him to stress you for too long??

I mean youll always protect your investment in order not to lose them and thats what he wants NOT TO LOSE YOU!

Raise your rod and spank a child so he wont go astray.

If this action didnt come up the poster might not see the need of giving her male friends some space, or how much effect this whole thing has on him,Your pastor wont even advice you leave him, when you have probems you don't run from them you find solutions.

I really can't picture myself in his shoes but i tell you its not easy on him too.

POSTER, ill advice you GO SEE YOUR GUY,TALK THINGS OVER WIFF HIM

FROM THE WAY YOU GUYS TALK/RELATE YOU'LL KNOW WHAT YOUR FINAL CONCLUSION IS GON BE

if he doesnt want you back or acts like what he did was right thats another case but dude knows what he did was wrong and wants you to forgive him like GOD forgives us when we sin.

CMON GIRL STOP STARVING YOURSELF OF HIS LOVE.

You can't just let go of your sacrifices.

Ofcourse,troubles either tears you apart or make you stronger.

Remember every relationship has a bad side and a secret,It also has hurdles to overcome.

Ill also advice just before you go see him,talk to his mum about this,she's a lady and i tell you none wants to have a wife-beater for a son.She'll make sure it doesnt repeat itself.

Best of luck

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Lol dayokanu!

Funny, yet it is in order.

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Candidly i think you should take him back but take some precautionary measures like warning him and telling his parents that the next time he hits you, he might sleep in Police station if he does that.

Meanwhile try and get some self defence stuffs in your possesion like Pepper spray in your bag, Knives or even a baseball bat in your room target his knees and balls and learn how to wack real hard.

They might come in handy very soon

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Forgive him, but know that somewhere down the line, the relationship has gone from one where there is comfort and safety to one where there is paranoia and pain.

1. He beat you.

That should have never happened, especially as it wasn't brought about by your own doing.

I am not saying that he will become a wife beater, but it is clear to see that he can lose his temper at times, who is to say he wouldn't have beaten all those other times if he wasn't too quick and drove away instead.

2. He doesn't trust you.

This doesn't mean that he doesn't believe your words, it simply means that he doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt, when he saw you with another man reading, why would his first assumption be to assume that you were cheating on him? After 4 years, 4 years to air all this rubbish and childishness out and he still thinks that of you.

- I hope the story is truly how you have put it, because I believe you should be very aware of this man, and don't think he is not capable of much more. His actions so far have not been justified.-

3. He doesn't have a strong sense of 'something to lose'.

Whilst you are here crying and telling us about your 4 years relationship, how you met and how you truly care for him, he didn't really care about jeopardising all of that when he slapped you. Most men know now that women are SO afraid about this that even ONE slip, could cost you the love of your life. Most of them know better, so if your boyfriend cared that much, why did he hit you?

Please understand that you deserve better, I am not being synical BUT, 4 years of your relationship may actually not mean much. I mean, was it 4 years of trials and getting closer and finding each other together, or was it 4 years of wandering around, accepting and tolerating each other because there was nothing urging you to call off your relationship after 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 3 now 4?

I feel so much compassion towards you and I really want the best for you, I hope you read this reply and that you see that if anything, you need to take a step back. I am not telling you how to live your life, just telling you a few things, friends or family or those people who are supposed to be there for you might decide not to share with you.

I care, and I don't believe anyone, male or female, should love someone so much and be treated like rubbish.

Finally, I believe the actions of your boyfriend display some sort of guilt, if the relationship seems to have taken a sharp turn for the worse, maybe something happened to him, maybe he lost his job, maybe he committed a crime. . whatever it is, is making him act out on his loved one. Either way, it shouldn't be tolerated.

Take care and God Bless.

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as boy friend and girl friend, he has started beating you, i wonder what will happen in future. it all depends on you, from what you said this is the first time he is hitting you and you are madly in love with him. you can accept him and observe him over a period of time, watch his mood to see any change, if there is a change you can continue the relationship, but if there is no change, hmm u decide.

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Davidylan,

that is a good one.

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personally,i tink the guy realy loves u at least judging by ur post.bt he sholdnt ve slapped u.u can tlk 2 him and make him realise u luv him and cant cheat on him.u dont ve 2 leave him.uv been dating him 4 a long time.he wl change.u wl be takin a step 2 farrrrrrrrrr if u leave him.tk

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the problem is the constant accusation that you are cheating. Next time, make sure you slap him back!

for you to have peace with this guy you have to literally isolate yourself from any man/boy you know. if you can afford to

loose most of the people you love for one single guy? na you sabi. In my opinon runnnnnnnnnnnn.

no talk se nairalanders no warn you

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If he's only laid hands on you just that once, give him a second chance, forgive him, you guys have a lot of history and please refrain from letting guys come to sleep on your bed, next time they come, offer them a chair to sit on.

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he cant ever change. Its easy to "beg" now because you are not married.

THINK about marriage . . . when he starts beating you while married you wont have much of a choice but to put up with it. Dont say you werent warned.

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I thank everyone 4 ur concern.i am appreciative.i must say,i am very confused.As regards my being friendly with my housemates that is just my nature.i am friendly wt everyone and when i found myself in the midst of guys,i had 2 jst cope wt the situation.They all know i have a stable relationship.

As regards my boyfriend,i must say i dont know what came over him the day he beat me because normally,in the circumstances,he would ve jst left when he saw dt i was already angry wt what he told me.i know he overreacted.we ve been going out 4 quite a long time and i ve never suspected 4 a day dt he could hit me.he used to be very caring,he took care of me when i was very ill.he has always been there 4 me.even while he was serving,they posted him 2 a far place but he still made it a point of duty 2 come and see me at least twice in a month.he has realy sacrificed a lot 4 me.and i ve always told him dt nothing can take my love 4rm him.we have realy come a long way and that is why i am so confused.Ever since that incident happened,i have not been myself and i hear he hasnt been concentrating on his job.he has sent virtualy everybody he thinks i can listen to to beg me.i feel 4 him but anytime i remember how he beat me.i once again feel bitter 2wards him because he ought not to.i dont know if i can ever bring myself to love another person the way i love him.i think i am going to jst think about it and know if he can actually change before i make any move.i still need more opinions.thanks

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@ Poster

Drop Him Like He's Hot!

Word!

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Take him back, let him change! Take him back he would learn from his lessons! Take him back have pity on him! Blah blah blah!

I have learn to know something: NO MAN OR WOMAN CAN CHANGE A GROWN UP MAN WHOSE HABIT HAD BEEN MOULDED UNLESS THE MAN TRULY WANT TO CHANGE. What is best way to assess this than to look at established traits?

A man who is possessed by jealousy to the point of employing violence to achieve his cause has a psychological problem which need to be solved before marriage.

My candid advice is for the poster to follow the steps below:

1. If he come begging, let him suffer alittle more by refusing to listen to him. If he keep on pestering you, you are in control. If he stop begging then, good riddance. He must show enough remose.

And man that can slap a woman for mere trifle, during courtship will repeat it after marriage. Quote me.

2. When you have had enough, listen to him and let him pour out his heart. This is your time to make a set of rules. Tell him what you expect him to do even if he suspect you. Tell him the truth. Communicate with him. Let him understand you and you understand her.

3. Place him on probation. If he fail again, then quit without looking back! Remember to chat men regularly during the probation. If he can't bear to see you with your male relation or family members then he is a big gamble. Dump him fast while he is hot and find joy elsewhere!

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MY DEAR LADY,

i Dont know wat u really expect from since you have already said you cant leave withouy this guy.

LETS face the truth, love is beautiful thing. But love is not selfish. Everybody have some degree of jealousy in them but your ability to control it is wat really makes you a man. Your boyfriend probably wont change, am afraid, so you have to be ready to tolerate him since you cant leave without him.

Living , has to do wit wat you want, if you can continue wit his jealousy fine then stay, if you cant my sister i think its time to take a walk.

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the guy is crazy!what was he thinking raising his hands on you?

anywa things like this happen but my candid advice is, watch out! beating you might become a hobby so make sure you deal with him squarely before taking him back!

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steve49ja

may u increase in knowledge, wisdom & understanding

not many ppl tink d way u do

4 d poster i ll advice u 2 take him back and live on 2 let him c reasons y he most not raise his on u

kindly find a place in ur heart 2 give him a last chance

cos wat u ve labored 4 yrs dont ungreatful soul 2 reap it

plz make ur decision snappy

bet he would change 4 d best

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@poster,

you are not married to him and he is becoming a terror. What if you get marry at last? Your work partners, your business associates etc will be the butt of attack. Maybe he will turn you to a slowpoke. I think it is time for you to take a break! You can deal with him.

Stop calling him. Don't beg him again. Don't even bother to pick his call. Don't take anything from him. If he come to your school, ignore him.

Believe me, he will start begging you again. And if doesn't don't bother. Forget the past and find a better man.

However, if he come begging, accept hin on the condition that he won't be childish again. If after that, he acted stupidly again, please don't hesistate to give him red card. Unless you enjoyed being beaten.

Cheers.

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take him back and get a red eye the next time he comes visiting

if thats what u want, then no probs

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hehe. . .

Topic: You know what you want. . . don't end up with a 'wife beater' all in d name of "I love you"

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Take him back! But make sure you buy a helmet and some body armour.

And yes! take some self defense classes, probably Kung Fu, Tae Kwon Do and the like.

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abeg take him back, u know if u dnt

he is gonna miss his favorite punching bag.

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@topic

You can take hime back if you like. I mean we all "take back" exs for varying reasons. I know why I do it. It's more of a personal thingy that I intend on using later to my advantage.

To each its own. best of luck.

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u guys need to take a  break, grow up some more

you need to explore and he needs to learn trust.

whether u guys make up or not, this r/ship is heading

no where.blive me. as for the hitting, no comment

cos a guy can hit u once and never do it again and in other

cases it can be an early sign that he will be a wive beater.

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Though i don't support him beating you, but i feel u should take him back.

From ur story i could deduce that u guys are in love and all u need do is talk to him, let him trust u, pray for him too and avoid things he dosent like. Even if it will make u limit the no of male friends u av, pls do it.

True love is rare to find, and everyone in life has a weakness. Besides, Love FORGIVES.

Pls forgive and follow ur heart, not what ur friends says.

I wish u d best.

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next time he wud have killed you before he finds out that

the man was only your landlord trying to get his rent.

love in deed. bera run and fogerabarit.

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Just time baby, just time, don't give up on him but tell him that he is to dumb not to have known u for the past 8 years the two of u have been together, there is another party triggering his reaction. talk things out but don't say yes yet if he says "marry me"

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I suggest if you want to take him back because you love him that much, you should take a lot of self defense classes.

You will need them when he's beating you in your pregnant state because the doctor touched your belly.

If he's that jealous, then you need to let go. Ordinarily, it shows you're in a lot of trouble already.

Beating you is a bonus to the trouble you already have on ground.

Maybe it's because you are in uni, that's why he's being this protective.

Whichever, be very afraid for your life if you take him back.

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take him back but let him feel that beating a woman is the greatest offense he will ever committ in his life.

i recommend after one year of purnishment.

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Is not easy like that to just dump him, they have been dating right from when she was in secondary skool. 4yrs relationship no be small mata oooo. try as much as possible talk to him. cause the guy may change. if you leave him now, where would you start from, don't you no that you are not getting any younger. many people can advice you, is now left for you to follow ur heart. people will never tell you what they are facing in there relationship never. is up to u

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If u r my sister; I wont be asking u to run away from the guy; he will be the one running away from you after i have had a proper word; u should run miles; no need to take back rubbish

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Noooo

don't take him back, Any man that raises up his hand to hit a woman is a monster

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Take him back at your own peril!

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past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour.

OFTEN GURLS GET MARRIED AND THEN THEY SAY STUFF LIKE, "he keeps cheating, or beating me" or whatever.

i say to you Duuuuhhhhh. like, he did it before you was even married why should he change in marriage.

YOU ARE STILL TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUNG I THINK lil girl, get your groove on and take a break before you jump into these things.

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