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Should I Wait For Him?

hello NLanders, pls i nid ur sincere advice on this issue. i am a 25yr old working lady and i have a boyfrend that i v been dating for the past 6yrs. it has been more of a secret relationship as far as the both families r concern. once my mum suspected us and strongly opposed it and even my frends dont like him, there reason i dont know. now he is yet to go for his NYSC program and then come out and luk for job b4 dreaming of settling down but he kips assuring me that 3yrs from now we will get married, but wat if something happns and he leaves me and by then i will be 28yrs. again, my mum and everybody in my house is expecting me to get married this year so i can help train the rest of my siblings in schl since my job is not yielding much and my father is no more. shuld i bone my family's demand n frends and wait for the man i love though i dont know if my mum will ever approve of our marriage or luk for another person and save my siblings and my age as well. pls advice me!!!!

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20 answers

Follow ur heart babe !!!

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dnt let anyone esp ur parent pressurize u into marriage, u are still young.

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poster,

seems u like putting urself in stressful situations

1. ur family dont like the guy so ur in a secret relationship

2. ur family want u to marry this year 2b. to take care of ur siblings 2c. so ur new husband will take care of ur siblings.

3. should u wait for the guy.

Y dont u explain to ur family that it will take time for u to be able to take care of ur siblings since ur present job is not enough for u to take care of ur younger ones. and take a break from everything to think about it and decide what U want. to do rather than put urself in another stressful situation and do something ull regret.

by the way why dont ur family like the guy??

goodluck sha and let us know how it goes.

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Six year relationship

. .25yrs old. . .

he's still in school. . . .

marriage promise in 3 years. . .

marry to transfer your family burden on your "husband to be"

Hmmmmm. . . .Na wah ohissues plenty!!!

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Get a better paying job to support your family. Marriage is not the solution.

you must be outta ur mind

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@ poster,

Just think and think and think wisely before making any decision, but me think it's not very easy for you to just dump ur b/f of SIX YEARS and stick with someone within a year and get married, it means something might happen in future, a Yoruba proverb says: ESU TAA TI MO TIPE, OSAN JU EYI TO ASESE MO LO. which means the devil we've known since ages is OK than the one we just met or about to know.

U've had ur b/f for like 6years and everything is still going on between you and you even said u love him, can you imagine?.

So if you now marry another man u just met and get quick marriage with him and maybe in the next 3 yrs things has gotten better for your ex or even before that 3 yrs you would now be thinking of him again.

And am sure if you still have feelings for that ur ex after you get married, you would still be considering of dating him ( especially when ur hubby you just met within months and engage with has started misbehaving to you) which means extra marital affairs am sure that's gonna happen.

Am saying that because I 've seen a lot of women that still stick with their ex after marriage some do that because of the sex advantages and some do that because they still have a very strong feelings for their ex.

It's happening between me and my former lover and she still even keeps calling till today can you now see ladies, ( even though am not married).

THINK WISELY.

IT'S WELL.

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Anything can happen, just know that he is a guy, its neva to late for a guy.

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Get a better paying job to support ur family. Marriage is not the solution.

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Why ur mama dey disturb u now? My advice for u is dat u shuld wait for dis guy for 3yrs. And after dat, if he does not ve enough money to marry u, give him another 5 or 6 yrs. Add it to ur age: 25+3+5or6=33 or34. Then he ll look for a younger girl and marry. Oops!

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I support Mr. SMOOTH.

@ poster, watz D assurance dat he wil kip his promise? Remember dt u aint getting any younger.wat if he finds sum1 else along D line? So, i ll advice dt U follow ur heart!

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though family and friends are important, i dont think they issue of who you want to spent the rest of your life with should be based on their feeling.

that said, i will say there is time for everything under the sun, and if you think its time for you to be married and there is a good opportunity open ,

then i say its your time. jump on it, forget what your bf is saying, promised made by a man when he is down cant be counted on.

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@poster

I have a cousin in the US, hes good looking 29, drives a benz and is doing ok, Will u marry him?

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most mariages isnt built on love at first sight,d guy does he have 100% guaranty dat he will get a job and settle down b4 3yrs time? hop u knw d position of 9ja when it comes to getting job? for me just b friends, love today doesnt mean love tommorow.

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so ur mum wants u to marry now so ur husband n urself will train ur lil siblings,

such a good mother,

cos when u marry, she will be there when something goes wrong

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Dont wait till the 11th hours pls

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@poster, has the parents of the guy approved of you? if yes, I would advice you

lets your mother know of your intention for the guy cos it is better u harmonise

matters now and be securied than wait until the 11th hr.

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I suppose Mrbrownjay has already answered the poster, and any other addition would be an overkill. i think its left for the poster to decide if bshe wants to live he life for her friends and family, or live it for herself. Whatever the outcome, only she, holds the key to her own problems.

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what serious contenders are you talking about? she is desperate to marry this yr, which means to marry any Joystick, Tom or Harry out there just to satisfy her family and "look" married therefore LOVE has no barring on the issue. she doesnt care about love because if she did then this thread shouldnt have been opened.

the poster is just another lost soul who is going to marry for peer pressure and not the person she truly desires and then 3yrs down the line open a thread on NL about why she doesnt love her husband and has hidden photos of her ex in her house.

she is desperate on so many levels. . . . . .focusing on how old she is, what her family thinks and doubting the man that has stood by her and loving her for the last 6yrs. women and their insecurities lol!!!

if the man hasnt got the right job to take care of a wife and kids then people should wait until they are financially ready. rushing someone to get married just because of family or body clock is wrong! 6yrs/10yrs it doesnt matter, what matters is that you stand by each other until you guys are READY to support a union. thinking with your body clock in mind will have this poster fail miserably.

unfortunately all her friends and family hate the poor guy so she will have to make a choice and LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.

my question to poster is: WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU?!

- standing your ground and giving a chance at the love that you and you bf of 6+yrs have or

- give up on this love and marry some dumbo that your family/friends will approve and probably" be miserable for the rest of your life.

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its a catch 22 situation, if you decide to wait for him as he is suggesting what is the guarantee that he'd keep his own end of the bargain meanwhile you would have passed on other serious contenders while waiting. On the other hand if he really is the guy you love and he is honest enough to warrant such a sacrifice then why not besides @ 25 u r still youngish

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