«Home

Should She Give Up After 9 Years?

My sister met her husband 10 years ago, he was her first boyfriend and they were 2 lovebirds, a year after they met he proposed to her and she accepted, everyone was happy for her because she was the quiet, morally upright and, gentle and serious type. There was an engagement ceremony with family members of the two of them in attendance. The engagement was to be preceded by church/registry wedding but then the guy had other plan. He wanted to travel out and he didn't want them to waste money for this, he talked her into consenting with promises that he will send for her as soon as he was settled. she consented after talking upon talking and she got pregnant, he left the country shortly.

He was really great, helpful, lovely and generous the first few years and attempted once to get her in but it didn't work out. After a while things changed; no more phone calls, no more money transfer etc, i remember her crying like a baby always saying this wasn't their agreement. All efforts to get him failed, even his mum who was once loving started avoiding her. She was able to get his new no from his cousin who was not happy with the wayshe was treated and she called only to hear what no one ever wished for 'i have no wife'. We called and called and called all to no avail, years after years and at a time i gave up and advised her to forget him, that sounded like too cruel to her. She claimed it's practically impossible for her to, the child she gave birth to is now 9 and she is still waiting for a miracle that will bring him back to her.

Do you think this is wise? A whole 9 years and this guy still insist he has no wife at least not in Nigeria, she could not just imagine having any relationship she kept praying, fasting, hoping and trusting God that he will call back for her. I have tried my best to make her forget him but the last time i was home she is still waiting.

Avatar
Newbie
21 answers

Sorry to hear that. Wouldnt surprise me if he ends up in some trouble where the only way he'll get out of it is if he were to aks for your sister's forgiveness. That is when he'll remember he had a wife.

She needs to let go.

0
Avatar
Newbie

I was well prepared for all these bashings and i wont bother myself responding to abusive responses. Yeah i know she is not bound by marriage but this is not someone who just came from somewhere and just impregnated her and ran away. He was a kind of brother in-law anyone would wish for then, they were together for quite a good time because even the issue of travelling came in and hell NO she did not try to tie him down with pregnancy, the pregnancy came and she nearly died from the shame because it was against our upbringing, she almost aborted it but the guy will not allow it, she was also too afraid to do that and coupled with the guy's insistence that she keeps the baby she left it.

Its good to move on with life and so easy to say but she is still not able to come to term with the fact that the guy is gone, today she will say 'me i will just 4get him and marry' the next minute she will say 'but she 'Dapo' (not real name) can do this to me sha? and she will answer herself NO!

Sure i wont even wait for a year if my husband should say that to me but we are all not equal, she was a complete gentle girl to the core and never messed herself up. I am just thinking of a way to make her see reasons to move on but i doubt if moving on to her can ever mean having another relationship. Everyone in the family has tried to talk to her but to no avail. No one will tie her on the bed for another man, abi.

0
Avatar
Newbie

And the saga continues. Yet another 'Love" turn bitter. My dear, such is life. I commend your sister on being who she is. But the truth is, she needs to move on. It's obvious that guy has no intention on making right by her. Albeit that someone think there is no such thing as Karma, I believe in retribution. And it will get him. God is good. Your sister should focus on raising her child, ensure he or she doesn't turn out like the "pig" who fathered him/her.

I know it's easier said than done, But God still answers prayers. Tell her to Let go and Let God,

Grace & Peace!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

She is not bound by marriage to the guy, they were never legally married.

@ Poster:

First the bitter truth: The law says they are not legally married, only traditionally engaged to be married. The guy can go ahead and marry someone else legally whereever he is and he wouldn't have committed bigamy and that would be his lawful wife. Your sister is just the mother of his child. A marriage certificate is more powerful than bitter and cola nuts!

That notwithstanding the guy had been a let down. But it happens - there is nothing new under the sun, people change. We should all learn to move on and not hang on to the past. 9years is too long a time. Live!!!

0
Avatar
Newbie

which kind of waiting is she waiting she is not getting any longer tell her 2 move on with her life jeje b4 it is finally 2 late.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Thank God for women like your sister, they are truly scarce. God will fight for her , she should move on though , 9 yrs is more than enough.

 I dont have anything to say about the guy, other than we as men at times wonder why things are not working for us - we forget all the damage, hate and pain we have caused other people in the past.

I was involved with a lady when I was leaving Nigeria. She tried to have a baby for me and get an introduction done but I avoided it not because I did not want it, but I was not ready for it then and would not tie down a young girl while I was in school abroad. It obviosuly did not work out but I did not just dissapear like that - I went to Lagos to officially end the relationship and make peace and she respects me for it.  I acutally hooked her up with her husband and she's here in the U.S as we speak.

The 9yr old boy will become famous in future and the 'daddy' will show up suddenly from nowhere.

God will judge everyone.

0
Avatar
Newbie

WHAT CAN ONE SAY,

ITS NOT LIKE IT'S 9MNTHS OR SOMETHING.

9YRS IS A WHOLE LOT AND ASKING HER TO MOVE ON IS GOING TO BREAK HER RIGHT NOW,

BUT HELL YES UTS THE RIGHT TIN TO DO.

LET HER FIND SOMETHING TO OCCUPY MOST OF HER TIME,

LIKE MY KINDA JOB.

SHE NO GO REMEMBER THE GUY EXISTS.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Im sorry.

But, there was much foolishness involved in this.

Tell ur sis to take heart.

God Dey.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Ayo,

pls let ur sis move on with life o. because, the guy in question might not even think about her again. It has happened to me too, though no issue involved. I've tried to get out of the marriage thing sha. Let her face her child's future, and if she get's someone else, let her marry o abeg. Though it's not easy to get on so quickly, but the earlier, the better.

0
Avatar
Newbie

thats her choice to make, have seen 4 cases and all the men came back begging, 2 of the women in question married another people,

if she can wait, her choice,

if she cant wait, again,, her choice

my take, get another guy and stop living in the past

0
Avatar
Newbie

so she should wait till he comes right?

0
Avatar
Newbie

the guy will come back begging, trust me on that

0
Avatar
Newbie

Its quite understandable how she feels.Especially if that was the first guy that got to touch her. She will find it difficult to move on.

Moving on doesn't mean she must go get a boyfriend etc.She should forget him and face her child. That is her happiness now.Though when she looks at him she would always remember his father and how nice and caring he used to be.

I t even worsens the case when you say he was initially loving etc. This will cause a continuous turmoil in her heart.Wondering why he has suddenly changed.Or who has suddenly changed him.

She should face her child.

0
Avatar
Newbie

WOW I'm so pissed off right now.

What is wrong with silly Nigerians having babies in the hope of tying a guy of girl down!  Oshi

She is crazy to have wasted 9 of her best years on this evil and wicked guy!

She had to contact him he left and forgot about her and the child!!!

Are you people serious what kind of family has this woman got can't you advise her better?  Please don't tell me he was not sending money and crap to his own family in Nigeria!!!

What nonesense.

0
Avatar
Newbie

Look she needs to wake UP and smell the coffee

has she even considered that the answer to her prayers is the FACT that he is no longer interested in her

she's probably in denial, its easier for her to hope against hope rather than face reality

why has she reduced her sole purpose for living to being someone's wife

Even for her child this atitude is not healthy.

She needs to let go

This world is round one day they will meet again and he'll regret his actions but right now she needs to wash this unpleasant experience away

I dont care whether its a hard thing todo but IT needs to be done

0
Avatar
Newbie

@post

after a year, I would have given up

0
Avatar
Newbie

You are right its just that you get pissed up at some people for causing undue pain to another. She is such a gently sister and the most reserved, its not funny but i'm sure she is a virgin again now. I wouldnt have bothered if its a different person but she is too good to be going through this kind of stress.

0
Avatar
Newbie

She should have given up after 9 months, 9 years? shiooor, the guy is unfair, she needs to move on, waste of time

0
Avatar
Newbie

so @ayomifull what are u suggesting she does? forget him and move on to another man? These things don't just work the way you imagine, its an emotional attachment. She is bound by marriage to that guy and until he is dead (abeg don't attack me na the Bible wey i dey read talk am) can she move on. If she believes he will still come back she can continue fasting and praying. If she can move on and do things on her own fine. At the end of the day its still painful.

0
Avatar
Newbie
Your answer
Add image

By posting your answer, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.