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The Right Decision?

Today i was on one of the other threads you know commenting on my beliefs. then all the sudden my boyfriend walks through the door all mad. He imediatley took some of his anger on me. he told me he was tired of me being on this site all the freaking time and i needed to delete. so knowing him as long as i do, i just did what i was told. usually i would have snapped back but i knew he was really stressed. So i started a new one when he came back to me stating that i could go back to my old one. Im so tired of his moodiness. i understand that he is under alot of pressure but it seems like im the punching bag for his anger. not literally. so even though i knew he was mad i told him that i wanted a break from the relationship. he looked at me and just walked out the door. i have tried calling him but he turned his phone off. Then his sister called me telling me that she has never seen him this angry. So im asking you guys for you help since i consider you guys as family for your help. usually i have things in control but im seriously afraid that i have probably lost him. so since most of you are more experienced in relationships then me, would you please help to find a way to get him back?? i really couldnt imagine him not in my life.

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21 answers

@ jenny

naw, that is kanye west

@debosky

easier said then done. he is not going to hear me out. and we are both too uptight to apologize. but seriously it is mostly my fault. this wouldnt have happened if i just let my ego down and let him throw his little fit. but like i get stressed too and i dont go around showing it. i have alot on my plate too. i got have a job, track practice, basketball practice, and i have to take care of my brother who is autistic. but i dont go around yelling at him.

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Nah. . . that's Kanye.

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is he d one on ur profile onyinye?

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Its ok to be quick in the mouth, but you must learn to tame that too so it doesn't do more harm than good.

Like I said, talking to him when he can take in what you're saying is the best - right now he probably thinks you are hurting him in return, which does no one any good. Yes you have emotional needs and all that, and he's not the only one with problems, but since you are the mature one able to see this then handle it maturely.

Flying off the handle rarely ever helps - he needs to know that he cannot offload his anger on you each time, and you need to know you can't always say what you think. . .like my pastor said y'day, 'button that lip and think a little more'. I guess he needs to calm down first then you can talk about it rationally.

Now don't go thinking it was all your fault, he was wrong in getting mad at you unreasonably, but you erred too by responding angrily - you were both wrong and both need to accept that and work on your individual failings.

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@debosky

i get your point in some sense. i know i shouldnt have asked for a break at the midst of the moment but i just couldnt take it any more. it seemed like i was having to hold my tongue all the time with him. which of course you guys know isnt me. I know im always quick in the mouth but i just couldnt take it any more. it is not like he is the only one who has problems.

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ok

honestly i like u onyinye,seriously i do, but sometimes maturity goes a long way,when i was your age God knows i was nt acting like this

sit him down and talk some sense into him,make sure d sense gets into his medula(brains)even if u have to knock his head for it to enter,a man cannot just shout at u like dat as if u r d cause of his frustrations or watever,breaking up wt him wasnt d right thing though,but u would have talked some sense into his skull

don't tell me you're already acting like a wife?sometimes uve got to be stubborn and rude when necessary,God knows that im very stubborn and don't take any poo from anybody not even from my husband,theres a time to respect a man,and there is a time to stand on your ground especially when it has to do with your emotional life,onyinye d earlier u twist that guys head correctly and not make him feel that hes doing u a favour by dating u,the better for u

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It wasn't very wise of you asking for a break the moment he was pissed about something, it seems very vindictive or you trying to punish him/revenge for being angry at you.

Whenever you want to discuss serious issues about the relationship, always wait till both parties are in a reasonably calm/receptive frame of mind so things are not taken poorly.

Right now you're probably compounding the problems he has to deal with and instead of being supportive, you've added yourself to the list of problems. I think TOH was right in saying taking a vacation away from him such as going on a road trip with your girls or something would be better, instead of this 'take a break' thing - it rarely works.

If the dude has a temper, you do not talk to him in the midst of that, he probably is too mad then to comprehend. Wait till he's calm and then try to talk again. Considering he is having problems, you need to be supportive as much as you can - when you can't, bite your tongue so you don't worsen things.

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He is 22 going on 23. im 21 going on 22

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ok u want our advise ,we will give it to u

how old r u and how old is d boy?

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To most people a break and break UP is the same thing.

The normal thing to do is INSTEAD olf asking for a break, you literally get time away from him on your own

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you see i know you guys are dog tired of hearing all my bf problems and such. but he means alot to me. he has always been there for me so of course im going to talk about him all the time. but his only fault is his biggest problem. he does have a temper. and that collides with my controlling independent self. and i couldnt take it any more so i wanted a break. not a complete separation. so that is why i asked you guys for your help because Jenny you are right, we are pretty much are kids and i need you guys adult advice.

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Hmmmm. . .how old is he?

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So. . .why the hell did you break up with him? Why am I asking? It ain't like I'm interested.

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then why did you say what you said?

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he is under alot of pressure right now. he has two jobs, takes care of his mom and has track practice. so he is a man. but i just get tired of him taking his anger on me sometimes. but i dont want him to leave still. i love him. and he is all i want.

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Oyinye, darling, when a man takes his anger up on you, he's not a real man. . .

dnt it take up with it plz. . .

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your boyfriend needs to grow up goshhhhhhh,he is so imature ,what r u doing wt that kind of person anyway?can't imagine myself dating a kid,that is silly

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Maybe it's his time of the month. lol

Anyway, I'm done with all your posts about your boyfriend and stuff. Seriously, I am.

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You need to buy him a tampon. he needs to chill out

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honestly onyinye u and ur boyfriend are kids dat needs to grow up and have a little sense

im tired of dis boyfriend wahala

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