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The Way To A Man's Heart Is ****?

The way to a man’s heart is sex –Mopelola Ogunlusi, MD, Romeo and Juliet

By Chinyere Fred-Adegbulugbe

Mrs. Mopelola Ogunlusi, a technologist and matchmaker, tells Chinyere Fred-Adegbulugbe why her marriage has lasted 33 years.

By training, she is a medical laboratory scientist. She got to the peak of career, retiring many years ago as the chief medical scientist of the University College Hospital, Ibadan. But Mrs. Mopelola Ogunlusi has yet another love: linking and matchmaking men and women, who desire to find life partners. Since 2002 when she officially opened her doors, her matchmaking agency, Romeo and Juliet, has become a Mecca of sorts to different categories of individuals for different reasons. ”This is where you can get good husbands and good wives. If you have marital or relationship problems, this is where we can help you because we are not biased since we are not related to either the husband or the wife, we see things clearly,” she says.

Incidentally, she says matchmaking is something she was involved, howbeit informally, even as a spinster. Then, as a young girl, though she already had a boyfriend who was to be her husband later, there were many other men who were interested in having her as a wife. And as she humorously recalls, since she didn‘t have any problem with the relationship she was having, coupled with the fact that even her parents felt the fellow was okay for their daughter, she devised a means of warding off her excess suitors. “Many of my friends were dating wrong men. Some of them didn‘t even have men to date, so I was linking my extra suitors to my friends and I must say that some did get married and are even grandparents today,” she says.

She didn‘t stop there. With time, even her domestic hands became beneficiaries of her matchmaking prowess. ”If I saw anyone who was single; there was always this urge to link them to others who were also single and desirous of having spouses. Some worked out while some didn‘t,” she says.

Until she had to retire from her job in order to join her family in Lagos, she did not fancy staying alone in Ibadan. That was when her husband rekindled the matchmaking fire in her. But this time, it was in form of a business that is duly registered and not just as a pastime.

She says, “One day I was discussing with my husband and he lamented that some of his secretaries were still unmarried, despite the fact that they were good looking and well-mannered. He even said some of his friends‘ secretaries were also in the same predicament. He now said to me, ‘Why don‘t you start an agency since you have the flair for it?.’”

But she wasn‘t convinced that it would be a profitable venture. ”Who will agree to pay for such services? I asked him,” she says. Nevertheless, the man went ahead. Not only did he get the company registered, he also got an office space and equipment, printed stationery and also hired staff. ”That was when I knew that he was serious,” she recalls.

Yet, she wasn‘t persuaded to get involved until, according to her, the staff almost ran the business aground. And that was when she decided to take over the business. Thus, her new status as the managing director of Romeo and Juliet was born.

And as she says, her initial scepticism concerning Nigerians’ willingness to pay for the kind of services her company was engaged in was proved right. ”The first two years were very difficult. Many people didn‘t want to pay and maybe because it was a totally new venture, a new idea. So many people did not know what to think about it. My husband had to pay salaries and rent without us realising anything during those years. And each time I told him that I was calling it a day, he would refuse and tell me that even if it was only one person that registered with me, that I must get the person a husband or a wife, that I couldn‘t just let the person down,” she reminisces.

And today, she just can‘t thank him enough for his encouragement those early years as Romeo and Juliet, she says, has over 1,000 members in the organisation‘s database today. ”Out of this, about 200 have been successfully linked and married, about 250 are still courting and the rest are yet to find partners,” she enthuses.

And what does it take for a registered member of Romeo and Juliet to be successfully linked to a spouse? Ogunlusi says it is very simple. “The person comes, tells us his profile and also the profile of the kind of spouse he is looking for. Once a person gives us this information, we collate what you have in your data, compare with the genotype of prospective partners. Once we see someone in our database that has at least seven out of 10 of what a particular client wants, we link them and leave God to do the remaining.”

But just like every other relationship, she says that it is not always that it works out as there are some of them who don‘t like each other, even at the very first meeting. ”There are even some who don‘t like each other even from phone calls alone and there are some who fell in love just by speaking to the person or at first meeting. So it varies,” she explains.

With her registration pegged at N5,000, one wonders how the agency breaks even. Ogunlusi says people do ask her the same question, but that has never been an issue with her. “You know when God sends you on an errand, he fortifies you and makes it easier for you to accomplish. I am a pensioner, and my husband is also now retired. Though we need money, we are not looking for anything outrageous. The joy of seeing people happy is our reward,” she insists.

Talking about matchmaking and why it has become necessary, she insists that many people would be married if they weren‘t too fussy with their choices. Speaking from her various experiences at the agency, she says many of the so-called singles limit themselves with the kind of specifications they give, especially when it comes to physical attributes. “According to the Holy Book, everything God created is beautiful but some will come and say, ‘He is too tall.’ She is rotund and all that, thereby limiting themselves,” she adds.

Religion, Ogunlusi says, is also a reason why many people have remained single, even unto their 40s. “A lady came in the other day and she is already 42. One would think that at 42 years, as a Christian, she should be ready to marry any Christian. First of all, she told me that she was a prayer warrior in her Pentecostal church, so she didn‘t want a man that would disturb her prayers. She said she didn‘t want an Anglican, a Methodist, and a Catholic. She gave us a very long list of people she didn‘t want when she was submitting her form. I told her that I was not God and that if God says she would get a mate through the agency, she would. But I also told her that she was spoiling her chances. People are not helping themselves. Once you are above 30, you should drop some of your dos and don‘ts,” she says.

As a marriage counsellor, she gives a hint why many marriages tend to end in divorce. Tolerance and patience, she says, are very necessary if a marriage is to stand the test of time. ”In marriage, one must be willing to be a sheep why the other is a goat. And I always advise women to be sheep; somebody has to give in. For a marriage to work, the woman must be ready to be accommodating and patient,” she opines.

Does she also advise a woman whose husband is engaged in extramarital affairs to remain quiet and docile? Ogunlusi replies that since most of our men are involved in extramarital affair anyway, what a wise woman should do is to make the best out of it. ”If you put men on the ground and calculate, I will tell you that over 70 per cent are having extramarital affairs, even when they claim to be Christians or Muslims. And the young girls are not helping; they forget that while they are breaking another person‘s home, their own homes can never settle. But if a man is having extramarital affairs and there is nothing you can do, talk to him. You know David Beckham‘s wife once said that she would not allow a tart to break her home and till today she is still married to her husband. That is the kind of attitude all women should have,” she advises.

For those who preach equality of the sexes and women liberation, obviously, they can never find a kindred spirit in Ogunlusi. “I am not for women liberation,” she emphasises. ”That is why I have been married for 33 years and I am going to be married for another 30. Those women, who say they are liberated, are not. Are they wiser than God?” she queries.

She also advises women who want their marriages to last not to ignore the power of sex. She says, “Sex is the binding factor in marriage. People say that the way to a man’s heart is food. It is not food alone. You must have sex together often.”

At 58, Ogunlusi believes that style should be about what fits one’s body structure and age. “I hate those women who expose their chests. The way you can get to a man is to hide what he is looking for a little. Men who go after such girls do that for sex and not for marriage,” she insists.

http://odili.net/news/source/2008/aug/31/415.html

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34 answers

votes= 8 for and 10 against. I guess the 8 people that voted here are guys.

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Wellll, For one thing , y'all r right but also very wrong, 1st off im a guy, married , sex is good , wife is the girl of my dreams n all that, my childhood sweetheart turned girlfriend ,turned wife , !!!

The thing thats got me about this topic is just that a mans heart has sooo many diff needs, food , sex , conversation, but the most imp thing is compatbility.

we as guys appreciate it when you are adventurous in bed and willing to do all, but theres a diff in trying and liking , if i know that yr just trying it to pleaese me , i will appreciate but nxt time i'll look for someone who will ENJOY it and prob take it to the next level, now thats fun!!!

The sameness can be boring!!!!

Just a thot!!!

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Well Who ever says the way to a mans heart was his stomach is aiming a little bit too high

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Some won't even tell you their needs. Most specie in men cannot talk our discuss anything with you effectively. May be their vocal cords are not developed.

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@ poster

The way to a man's heart is his stomach (belly).

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Topup, once again you have hit the nail on the head. Sadly this took me way too long to realize but I guess its better late than never.

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But then after communication, he has to be willing to work at it, a relationship cannot be tackled by just one person alone. Really, I believe that if a guy does not want anything to do with you, that is how it is going to be, likewise if it was the woman who wanted to leave.

Communication is a great start, but from experience, some withold communication about the things that matter the most or the problems, but are able to maintain communication about the positive things. e.g. doubts are left to grow and fester in the mind, whilst compliments and sweet nothings just roll off the tongue.

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The way to a mans heart is communication.

If communication is on point then you will know what his needs are and will be able to be able to address them w/o him having to go outside.

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Most people seem to hold the opinion that if you can master all these 'elements' - cooking, maintaining the house, sex, conversation, a man will not want to cheat on you or will be satisfied.

I believe that this is not the case, just as much as I disagree with a point made by a poster saying that 'a man will always try to find better', can we say that every mistress is 'the perfect wife' NO. I believe most of them, are only able to master the element that the man is lacking in his existing relationship, so men who have wives who are great cooks, great conversation, good looking, leave them for a mistress who is great in bed, or a wife who is great in bed, great cook, but leave them for a mistress who engages their minds.

Men want it all, and not just men, humans want it all, have our cakes and eat it.

Also, another point is the fact that a lot of people sometimes don't want to believe that they have found the 'best' out there for them, they would only be convinced if it comes after a long tortorous search and many many relationships.

That is why a lot of relationships when we're young end, we still have the mentality that something better exists.

I have always thought that men by nature are always on a search to better themselves and to achieve the best, so sometimes they don't appreciate the good or great, their eyes are always set on 'THE BEST' and generally, if you don't keep them on their toes forever, and the relationship starts to slip into pattern or familiarity, then it is very easy for them to believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

I believe as women, we can try and try to captivate a man's heart, but it all lies with ONE thing, a man will be captivated ONLY if he wishes to be, if he is willing to listen, work hard on a relationship, if he has realistic expectations and such. A man who has his criteria for the perfect wife, may never be captivate-able unfortunately.

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The way to a man's heart is thru their D**Ks!!

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yes sex brings couple together n as u said u want to go into married aspect; ''the other question we skippeding ask urself is that what if the husband didn't satify the wife sexually very well''

U consider urself a liar saying that u didn't marry ur husband for sex , that means u aint in the system n no nothing abt the system. Once blood flows in ur system as a human being u must have the sexually Fun and if ur husband won't give it to u ,,,,u will complain that HE IS NOT MAN ENOUGH, HE SHOULD TREAT U AS A WOMAN, MAYBE HE STRAYS,, which if he stil refuses to give to u ,,will make u the wife stray n will label it as HE IS IMPOTENT,,

MY dear lets call a SPADE A SPADE,, SEX AND FOOD ALSO GO A VERY VERY LONG WAY IN A WOMANS LIFE (99.7%).

BE REAL WITH URSELF.

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That was before the advent of modern civilization.

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You are joking right? Why can't the man cook if the woman cannot cook very well? Love is patient.

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Whatever it takes to get there and stay there my dear.

Different strokes for different folks.

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naaa never mind dat,im talking about d sex part,na dat one catch my eyes

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Nwa ada!!

Born rebel!!

I greet you too.

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sweetheart dis post of urs has made me happy

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We're talking of a wife, and this assumes the man and woman are married, right? What's that got to do with having children?

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@ mesmya

u still dont get it. . .

sex and good cooking is important

but if u r a bore, there is no way ur husband will stay. . . all that crap about a guy staying becos he can see u r trying is just lying to urself.

lts face it, if he has a heart he will stay but not for long. ,  sooner or later someone who tickles his mind and gives him a healthy challenge will come along. . . then say goodbye to his consience because despit d sex and food he'll go where he feels alive

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i assumed u were a guy. . . i apologise

i'm basically saying sex and food isnt the factor that maks a man fall in love with you. . . d key factor here is that he lovs u!

he wont love u becos u can shag or know how to cook. . . many girls out there can cook and shag but r still single. sex and food r important i agree but I absoutely insist that isnt the way to a man's heart.

a guy no matter how much sex or how good u cooking is will always stray. the thing that brings him back home is that in u he has found a mate, a companion and a friend. . . all that gotten from sparking his interest and stimulating his mind!

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that highlighted statememnt is offkey

sweetheart i get u i really do,but you're going to a diff direction  now

listen sex is like a bond,that connects people together,y do u think most men divorce their wives this days?is it not because of sexual starvation or sexual weakness

there is no doubt that sex goes a long way in a relationship especially them married ones

wats being interestng if u aint good in your sexual act or skills?sex is d only thing that can bring a couple together,sex is sthg that makes them couples loose focus a little abit on sm certain things

now let me go to them married:wats being interesting when a woman can't satisfy her husband sexually and in the food aspect?this is simple logic

im happily married,i did not marry my husband because of sex,but i tell u that ive been in d system for long andi can tell u that sex and food go a long way in a mans life,their friendship will continue to appreciate except the man does not love his wife

98% of men that go outside do this because of poor cooking or poor sexual life

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the proof is i've known thm for yrs and d way they both go on u'd think they were the first to discover love. . . i do admire their banter and d fact that they spend hours just gisting. . .

if a good cook and a good shag is all u need to fall inlove then i guess u fall inlove evryday becos that isnt hard to find

the kind of guys i know look for more substance in a woman other than d ability to cook and shag. . . thats what grabs at their heart.

havnt u seen marriages where there is little or no sex and food is prepared by a cook or help and yet they r both really happy? if u havnt, u need to get out more

the sexual attraction and chemistry can only last so long, the thing that hold a marriage together after all the fireworks is friendship and companionship. . . the mutual stimulation of the mind

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proof please,how do u know he doesnt eat out always and then come home to manage his wife, ?how do u know that they don't quarell over her terible food?

how do u know she cooked and shagged right?c'mon no responsible man will come out and tell his friends what a bad Bottom his wife or girl is

im not saying that being interesting wont keep a man,sex and food r d most important thing in a raltionship,be u married or single,that im very sure of

oh gosh hotness u don't expect the man to tell u guys that the wifes cooking is bad do u?its only a silly man that will do that

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i recently had dinner at a nigerian couple's home. the food was just nasty but the husbaand loves his wife and loves her cooking. . . he always goes home for dinner and never eats out if he can help it. all thru the dinner he kept going on and on about how wondeful the food was, my mum and i cldnt help but wonder if we were eating the same thing he was

i also have a friend who broke up with hs girlfriend, she did everything right; cooked, cleaned, shagged, never nagged. . . he even confessed she was d perfect girlfriend but the poor dude was bored to death. he used to sneak out to come hang out with my friends and I for, in his words "stimulating conversation". how do u explain that?

in my opinion, a guy's need extend to more than the obvious. . . cooking and shagging are important but not enough to keep a relationship. with time a woman can learn to cook in th way her man loves and learn to give him mind-blowing sexual pleasure but the truth is, in time even this wont be enough, he will search for other forms of stimulation. the kind that never goes stale and keeps him on his toes. . . women make mistake of forgeting a mans mind

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ofcourse we all know that the lively i meant therer was interesting

been lively or interesting does not make a man stay with u

take married couples for xample,what is being interesting when d woman can't make love properly or cook well,yes men go out for food,but most of the time infact 98% of d time dey go out its because d woman aint doing it well.when a woman does her cooking well,i bet u a responsib,e man wont make it a habit of going out to get his tummy satisfied elsewhere

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Thats d trick. . . u do something to catch his attention

if u can stimulate his mind befor he gets hungry, he'll choose to eat your food over all else when he does

there is a difference between being lively and being interesting. . .

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even sm of them have lively girls as lovers and they still go out,what will u call that?

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or stimulate his mind in an empty stomach?

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How do you stimulate his mind when he's never attentive?

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Me thinks the way to a man's heart is thru his mind. . . keep him interested and keep his mind stimulated and he'll never leave

he can get food and sex anywhere

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Lmao; some men can do with a cold pizza as long as the sex keeps rolling.

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So is it food first then sex or sex then food?

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d way to mans stomach is food

the way to a mans heart is sex

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