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Was I Wrong To Be Jealous?

I started dating my girlfriend in March and its really been nice. We've been friends for a year but we officially got off to dating March this year.

I'm a very free guy and I dont like taking life too seriously. and my girl knows me for that.

Everyday when we talk, she tells me about all the guys that hit on her at work, where she eats, @ the salon. Everywhere she goes at least 2 guys must try to ask her out. Her toll is like 6 to 8 guys everyday. we always laugh at the guys together especially those with very poor pick up lines cos she told me there was nothing to worry about.

Earlier this week, she told me about a particular guy she met like 3 years ago. She's known him before we met. although they've not met in person. She told me the guy just got back from singapore where he went to do his masters. He then asked to meet her. She asked me if she should meet him. And i said OK.

She met the guy @ her office restaurant today. She then called me after the meeting and was talking about the guy. She was so excited talkin about this guy. It wasnt like when she was talking about the others. she sounded pretty excited.

When i noticed her excitement, I kept quiet. She noticed my silence and she asked why and i didnt talk.

She then asked, 'dont tell me you are jealous'. . And i was like ' why shouldnt i be'? She got all angry and all. i got angry too. I asked her if she's going to see him again . she said she does not know. I got quite angry,

She has not spoken to me since then. That was this afternoon. Its really bugging me because we talk almost all the time. 2 hours without us talking is too much. Its almost 8 hours now.

Was i wrong to be jealous? Am i over reacting?

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35 answers

ummmm OP, only bother yourself if you're both engaged.

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Na wah for the girl self. That means she has been keeping in contact with the Guy for the past three years that the guy has been in Signapore. If not, how come she knows that the Signapore guy is in town. The girl na " ONA NA DI ACHO DI' meaning she dey for husband house still dey look for husband.

At poster, i smell a rat here, she dosen't want to pick your call just because you are jealous, na wah for some women, please do all you can to gain audiendce with her, if it fails, then know that the girl has been looking for an excuse to opt out of the relationship, then you wait for your girl, maybe she was not the one meant for you.

Good Luck sha, abeg channel your jealousy towards me, i will embrace yopu with open arms wahoooooooooooo.

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LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS PPL

ITS WE HUMAN THAT RE JEALOUS AND NOW WE RE PUTTING IT AS IF LOVE IS

1 Corinthians 13 (Amplified Bible)

1 Corinthians 13

1IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such [a]as is inspired by God's love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

2And if I have prophetic powers ([b]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).

3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or [c] in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.

4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

8Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].

9For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

10But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the i

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They all have it twisted bro. I have been in the position of the returnee not as the boyfriend. I've got to tell you though that when women say things in appraisal of who they are, you'd need some reality check into their assertions or you'll be swayed just right into the wrong camp. They like to make you think you have to put up more fight or effort to deserve them or you'll lose them to potential lovers, which exists negligibly if all it exists at that moment

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LOL, you sound like you've just been fresh-out of a similar situation either as the untrusting boyfy or the returnee.

Either way, you made a great point. Many ladies on here won't admit it so don't expect them to.

It's funny though but thats life for you.

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You are just so right. I have had a girlfriend who asked me one time if I ever got jealous and I told her "No". She practically did everything within her emotional hurt arsenal to bring me to the table of jealousy but each time she tried, I laugh. Honestly, I've been in love but I choose not to be jealous by simply overlooking whatever they are doing and not having the time to read meaning to any of their reactions, some girls broke up with me on an account of not being jealous claiming that doesn't show enough love. If it comes to the worst, I'd just tell her to check what she's doing and see if it's right, if she tells me everything is up and up, boy oh boy, I ain't gon' do na'in. Imma just look str8 up in her face and put up a blistering smile. It's not really right for guys to work themselves up over girls' issue. However, I do have a few tips for people who are distressed, but personally I am unavailable to be concerned. Go on and flirt all you want, I don't care.

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Lie. Call a spade a spade.

@Poster

From my experiences and things I've seen, it's a two dimensional thing. When your girl is on about hating a guy so much that she talks about that guy all the time, she is on to something, she either surreptitiously loves the guy and is jealous of other girls flocking around or just want the guy for some reasons and she's not having her way.

The other dimension when your girlfriend is so comfortable talking to you about another guy and is so excited about it as you have pointed out, more so he's a guy she had known before she met you. Now that's a big difference - KNOW AND MEET. It means she had been relaxed with the guy before she met you at all and probably she had feelings for the guy then and both weren't able to start off a relationship because the guy was busy with his educational pursuits.

I am sure in their latest meeting, he had asked her out for a relationship or appreciate how more beautiful looks since he left at the least(I would do the same if I was the guy and interested in her before I left), and now your girlfriend's ego is being upped and the romantic paparazzi from the guy is hitting her real good. My opinion is for you to be patient but prepare your mind to be worst, I hate to be an advocate of negativity complex unfortunately that is what we have here. The girl has suddenly developed interest in the guy all over again and it feels to her like she's been linked up with a lost lover. She might be telling you this out of being open to you and all and what we don't usually know is women themselves fall for a guy without them knowing it.

If she was such a damn good girl, why hasn't she talked to you for 8 hours? And you guys talk every time on the phone? I mean didn't she miss that about you? Isn't the relationship worth for her to answer your phone calls? Oh I guess the Singapore returnee is filling your spot now otherwise she will have talked to you even if she has to be upset which I don't believe she has a right to for expressing your jealousy. Don't be too quick to forget that the God said "I AM A JEALOUS GOD" If he wasn't jealous He wouldn't have said "we should serve no other god except Him". Stop making an effort to call her and you will see she will predicate her opting out of the relationship on your actions and then you'd know she is not really worth all the stress you're putting yourself through. And to answer your questions, you weren't wrong for being jealous and you never over reacted, she would do worse if she was in your shoes given that she allows you to meet up with her in the first place.

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For her to be telling you means - nothing dey happen ,

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poster tell us how far u have gone.

did she pick the calls.

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Dude,

Go see her later today when you have the time and appologise for hurting her. . .but let her understand the "being exited abt another dude. . .ain't just right" ok . .and insist that SHE shouldn't see him again. . . .(though you might not be able to control that 100% sha)

If she insist on holding the small dispute between you guyz. . .then there is more to her reaction than meets the eye,

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Girls.are.so.double.sided. . Most.times.they.just.do.things.without.clear.reasons.

There.was.an.instance.where.a.girl.was.talking.with.an.old.friend.in.the.presence.of.her.boyfriend. The.guy.was.very.mature. He.didnt.even.act.jealous.at.all. The.girl.was.angry.cos.her.boyfriend.WASN'T.jealous. . .so.she.started.flirting.with.this.other.guy.just.to.get.out.jealousy.out.of.him.

When.it.got.too.much. .the.boyfriend.blurted.out.and.sparked. .Can.u.imgaine?, the.girl.got.angry.again.that.her.boyfriend.was.too.jealous. That.he.took.it.too.far!

Women.are.just. . . .

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4rm ma own definition of jelos, u can't b jelos of wat u have and anoda persin doesnt, aldo gulz have dir selected opinions since jelosy is wired into dir dna buh 4 a guy, its just going 2 d extreme,she tells u evry evry coz 2 her u're her best friend/girlfrnd/boyfrnd, den uche2nna is rite abt 1 tin u may lose her buh 2least she'll keep u informed, will u have it anyoda way?

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Yes. . . . .i am and ma woman is very disciplined.

If she's wrong, she says SORRY 2,000,000 times per minute.

Ignore her. . . . . .That is the only language Naija women understand

If u ignore her for 72 hours, she would come begging. . . .and if she doesn't. . . . .maybe she wasn't meant for you in the first place.

Blimey. . . . . .If you are bored, call your ex-girlfriend.

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Blinkered first?

Battle in a relationship?

Sauron are you involved in a serious relationship at all?

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@sauron

Now i feel bad trying to call her. I think i just missed her so much and just wanted to check up on her. And now she's not picking her phone. .

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Leave her jor, the more you keep calling her fone! the more she grow wings

Try to be in control and not her taking control of you.

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I am disappointed. . . . .

U have blinked first. . . . . .Be prepared for a week long begging and petting.

Why can't men of these days hang on and win simple battles?

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Now this is getting scary!

She's not picking my calls.

I just called her number now and she's not answering.

Wat is she getting at.? Playing hard to get?

Why are girls like this sef?

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you caused it all. Why would you allow your gf to go and visit a toaster (old male friend)

What's your girl problem? what is she looking for? why go meet the guy in the first instance, seems she is interested in him cos the guy jst came back from Singapore!!

poo

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ya  u're wrong 2 be jelos, its ur gf and she trusted u sef b4 tellin u abt dis guy and all u do is get jelos, was dat not d point of tellin u abt d rest of dem toasters?  incase u havent realised it, ur gf is tellin u 1 way or d oda dat she's has/d many options but u're d one 4 her and u dont need a relationship expert 2 tell u dat, or mayb u do, i wonder who she's been talkin to since ur not around, think abt dat

dwn 2 my advice: u berra call her up wit d same enthusiasm she used 2 call u dat day and request dat she tell u al abt dis guy, den lyk all d odas u laff it offf hopefully it(relationship) wld be back 2 normal. and/or please try not 2 remove the drivin(smalltalk) factor in ur relationship coz it is wat it is, small talk

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Abeg stop all this fallacy of hasty generalization.

The fact it happens to you does not mean every girl practices that,no?

Some of the stories on NL are mainly fables.

And you will be surprised if half of the gals in Nigeria decides to narrate their guys sexcapades  on here,

The male gender are worse off.

@OP

If you can't stand the heat,stay off the kitchen.

Some of your decisions in allowing your lady "mingle" could come back to bite you.

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I go to naija every year for the past goes know how many years now. The thing is I never lost a girl of mine to another guy when I was in naija. But going by what people post around here, it seem to be a common place. Even me wey I be guy, I find am hard to just break up with a woman and go with another just like that. lol

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Yeah, i.know.she.mite.be.angry.i.got.angry.unnecessarily.cos.she.thinks.is.routine.gist,

But.she.should.have.called.me.by.now,

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Don't delude yourself. . . .

I have nailed a babe like that in Naija before and she introduced me to her boyfriend before the nailing.

I can guarantee you by the time the OP discovers, Mr Singapore woulda shagged his babe at least a dozen times.

Never let your guard down when it comes to Naija babes.

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The smokescreen can't be maintained for too long honestly if that is the case.

I'll rather ther OP discover if there is any major development by waiting and watching rather than concluding based on her lady's gay countenance.

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Something scary I have noticed here is how people paint a picture of how easy one can lose their woman in Naija. Is this true? Lol.

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What if she was using reverse psychology as well??

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Hold on. . . . . . . .She's definitely missing you as well.

It's a matter of "who blinks first". . . . . If you call her now, then she's got you for ever/

The next time she meets an old friend, you won't have any say again.

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The reason i got angry was the way she talked about the guy. It was different from the others.

When she was talking, i kept quiet because i didnt want to sound unreasonable. .and ofcourse jealous.

Now she's angry. I dont want to call her. I want her to call me. And she hasnt. Calling her would mean i'm admitting missng her and that i was wrong being jealous. although i really miss her.

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I quite agree with everybody

U made her feel like you were o.k with everything with all her toaster so she's got all the right to be suprised and upset that you're angry.

Just give her a call and explain to her,it's no big deal really,

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She has fallen in love with the guy

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No!!!

Your woman shouldn't be getting excited about an old male friend.

Call her. . . . . .Talk to her and let her know where you stand on the matter.

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Jealousy is a basic and normal human behaviour. You may need to keep tabs on things so that it do not go out of hand.

You are well within your rights to get jealous, but you girl may not see it that way. Remember you both laughed at her toaster tales before. So, it may mean nothing to her seeing that you have given her the impression that it do not bother you.

Try and speak to her. Explain to her how she would like it if she was in your shoes etc.

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