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Wat Do Y'all Think About Da Idea Of Marrying A Guy 4rm Nigeria & Bring Him 2 Us?

I'm trying to find a potential husband. I have a couple in mind. The thing is, i've lived in da U.S 4 a while now, and i really am not digging da guys here. All da Nigerian guys i'v met r sooo trying 2 be American & i'm not feeling dat. Da 1 Nigerian guy i dated 4 a year was amazing. I loved him and everything was good btw us, but da bottom line was that i am almost 2yrs older than him (age is nothing but a #. i know) and his Nigerian family wasn't kool with it. I wanna date someone new, est a long term relationship b4 we get married. i'm only 23yrs old.

Now i'm thinking about looking up one of my ex's in Nig and see if we still have any chemistry left. The relation was good 4 da 3yrs we dated. We broke up only because my mum moved to U.S and i moved with her.

Do u think this might work?

Do u think he'll turn into those Oyinbo wanna_be?

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72 answers

Well Poster Am Ripe 4u Jarey. E-mail me on killaass2g@gmail.com and maybe we cud share some chemistry and move on. I like nigeramericans buh me wont wanna live like em'.

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I bet the poster too dey behave like akata, feel free to make your choice either in Nigeria or US.

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You're walking on tight ropes my sister. I crave a Nigerian American too but like you said most of them try too hard to pierce their ears, talk like akata, and embrace American culture. But really when you wanna marry a guy from nigeria make sure

A) He doesn't know you're American

B) He doesn't have a wife

C) He's not too set in the nigerian mentality, but no guy is perfect and many guys in Nigeria will marry just anybody just to come abroad and take off with a white women, only to return home and bring their wives abroad, leaving you and the white woman with their children. Jokes aside, this is serious issue. Who knows? Your prince charming could be anybody even an Akata so you don't wanna dismiss everybody.

In whatever you do, make sure you never toast a man though. ALWAYS let them toast you.

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lmao, u never fail to amaze me,

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Hello Bokodike,

What was the experience?

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Can someone show me where its written about specific USA culture or even language.

In regards to the post of bringing naija man here for marriege, change they say is a constant thing in life except for God who doesn't for With God all thing are possible, and I'm writing from experience. If that is your choice take it to God in prayer.

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Loooooong Sigh

I gotta invest in some trouble repellant coz he can't seem to go anywhere without trouble following. I mean he's made some excellent points but his approach. . . lawd-a-mercy, his approach needs serious work.

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you must choose wisely.As the wrong guy will dump you as soon as he finds his footing. The right guy will Love you more for the opportunity you have given him.

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Google, or any academic database, is your friend. Hell, Wikipedia, as inaccurate as it is, can give you a crash course, if you follow the right references, into the many things that make up the culture and society of the United States. If you cared to open a few books or make a few searches, you would notice that American culture (or as I should say, the collection of American cultures), whether you may like it or not, is a valid one, just as Igbo culture is a valid one. Sure, it may have derived from other cultures, but who's culture hasn't? American culture has grown to be distinct from every other culture in the developed world. That is a fact.

As for hip-hop culture. I shake my head at how you just proved your own ignorance. Are you really going to make a generalization about a group of people, based on what you see on TV and radio? By that regard, one can assume that Nigerians, as well as the rest of Africa, is nothing but a group of savages who live in huts with bones in their noses, speaking a clicking language, but we both know that's not true, right?

This must be a different America, because I distinctively remember being beaten by my parents in public for doing something wrong, as well as my friends. The police know not to get involved in family matters unless someone's health or safety is at risk. The police have more important things to do, such as stopping crime, something I've rarely seen in Naija. There is a clear difference between discipline and child abuse. Child abuse laws protect against the latter, not the former. I guess you have never seen some Nigerians run away fro their homes due to dislike of being punished.

If you did, you failed very hard at it.

And like I said before, everyone is entitled to an opinion, especially yourself. Yes, I noticed the same behavior, just as I have noticed similar behavior in Naija. Mind you, in the US, your parents are responsible for you until the age of 18, therefore, they are free to discipline you in any matter they choose, unlike in some parts of Naija. If the child doesn't like it, he or she has a choice to live in the streets, or as a ward of the court, which, for a sensible person, means that they have no option but to listen to their elders.  What you are describing is an extreme theme that I usually see portrayed in the media, which you are still making generalizations upon.

Neither do I. I do, however, accept the rights that the US constitution gives me because this is what America was built on. There is a thing that America was built on called personal responsibility. If a child decides to be a bad fruit, it's the child's fault. If the parent chooses to let the child become a bad fruit, it's the parent's fault. America was built on the ability of one to live their lives, not having its every aspect ruled by a governing body. You don't like it, I get that. What can you do about it? Don't raise your children here. You have that choice, as my parents had theirs, and were able to raise five successful children (Two doctors to be, one businessman, and two professional athletes). It comes down to you, whether you can really handle bringing someone up in a free country, and not using culture as a crutch to hide your parenting skills, or lack thereof.

If it brings peace to your heart to think that way, who am I to change it?

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i checked my facts.  got it from a book i read a while ago and i don't think much has changed since then. the statement i made is that americans consume way more than they need to.  before you talk about size, don't forget to compre america and china. 45% of meat and fish is consumed by Americans, overall energy 58%, of all telephone lines 74 % belongs to americans, consume 84% of all paper and own 87% of the world’s vehicle fleet.   these figures according to george ritzer's research but i am not asking you to take his stats as fact.

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@ Orimili

so sensible people still exist

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"blah blah blah?" That's no way to reply to a statement that basically negated everything view you have tried to push to others. Anyway, If you take the time to read through the messages on this forum, you will see the truth about the attitudes. Your "holier-than-thou" attitude is more apparent than ever. Yes, there are differences between cultures, but you are very wrong to say that Americans do not have a culture of their own. You, my friend, have seen one too many movies. If you have been here long enough, you would notice.

Yes, there are some American kids that behave like hooligans, but can you seriously claim that the same types of kids do not exist in Naija? I think not. You may notice more cases here, due to the fact that the US has ~300 Million People, versus the ~150 Million population of Nigeria. If you take a ratio of well raised people to the bad ones from both places, they will most likely be the same. You are wallowing in ignorance if you can say what you said with a straight face. There are bad fruits in every tree. I speak from what I have noticed. (Edit: forgot a couple of words)

Speak for yourself, you are the true face of ignorance and racism.

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@HCH

I get your point,  and I am not talking about struggling naija's ,  I am talking about the ones with money (even small) that buy expensive things haba people who make less money than me they buy 250 K (naira) lace, thats not even consisdered expensive in some circles. besides naija people dey buy Iphone o!!! even when there is no internet to support the thing

And check your facts before you says americans are the most consumerist . They have the highest per capita income for a country off its size, and thus influence the world economy more  . but they are not the biggest spenders in the world , Go to Switzerland and start counting the number of Porsches and Maseratis you see once you leave the airport.

I get it you like to argue ,  oya fire on

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Woman do whatever pleases you, dont listen to so called love doctors here, if you wanna go to your homeland to seek for love do it

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and in terms of consumerism O . I will rather shop in an airconditioned shopping mall than go to balogun market , where the price of some laces is more than the average naija monthly salary .

Yes things are more convenient in america , yes please over extend themselvesin the US , but thats because its available. Trust me if it ws available in Niaja , we go do pass. Naija's in America as a testament ( I know Students who but $700 coach purses ) we like good things just like americans O!!!

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@ HCH

I totally disagree with the spoilt brat statement. The average teenage middle classkid here ( particulary w/ naija parents ) is so much mature than the average middle class teenage kid in Naija. I know kids here who have developed business plans and run their own business , work full time jobs to pay for college and have a clear outlook on what they want to do in life . Not the case in Naija where parents still hand hold kids into their 20's

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Yes pitt we can make that kind of comment.  the shopping malls are the cathedrals of worship in america. The only kind of consumerism the struggling, working class nigerian tends to practice is the kind required for survival.  it's an unfair generalization but i made that point earlier on that i will generalize.   the casual american kid is a spoiled brat.

timmi i agree o. is something wrong with me wanting my kids to experience drinking garri in the hot sun before they move on up to eating rice in their air conditioner?

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@ Timmfikk

My exact thots O!

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You guys need to break everything down and understand yourself without any arguments. to me i can never compare any culture to one another, i eat rice in my home every morning never means someone living away from me should also eat rice or bean every morning as well. A word is enough for the wise and future brighter ones.

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@HCH3COO

I think you have made a very unfair generalisation of Americans, There are equally unrespectful, non-church going people everywhere.And I really don't think  Nigerians can accuse any one of consumerism (no offense intended !!!)

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you are just talking about yourself here.  this doesn't apply to everybody.  you are completely delusioned if you believe that environment shares no big role in how you turn out.  i don't need to watch tv to see how american teenagers or what have you behave.  from constant disrespect for parents, to celebrity worship, consumerism and so forth.  the average american child would rather spend the day shopping than worshipping God on sunday.  discipline? let's not even talk about discipline, if you dare spank your child you could end up in jail with your child taken away from you.  a culture of liberty aka "i can do whatever i want" and law-backed disgusting practices is what america has.

product of the church.

What's considered better in this back and forth discussion is based on opinion.

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I've noticed that a lot in this forum. There's a lot of people here that know nothing about American-born and raised Nigerians beyond what they see on TV. I also grew up in the church, with much discipline and respect for others. One of the things I learned from this forum is that ignorance know no borders, and that there probably isn't much you can do about it, because they are too far gone to realize it.

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have u asked if the guy will love to come join and get married to you. guys dnt think the way u girls think sometimes u know, thats why he is a MAN.

i was in same situation, my girl left, mine shld have even been better cos all the 5yrs she was there, we kept contact, and lately she wants us to get together again and wants me to come and stay with her and probably get married and raise kids. she said she no mind the cost or stress o. but i told her plain, NO. cos i dnt feel her anymore. and i had a girl then that i was crazy about,wont even go now she's gone. besides i got a job i love and a country that i have faith in,

so its berra u move on, dear, and find someone there, cos the guy don forget u, the only time he gonna show interest is if he's jobless and that na just to chop ya money, bone u.

but u can try sha, i may be wrong this time, (remeber we are not liable for any heart break o)

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@ chinesedoll

abeg o, if he is from niger delta hook me up oo, if fiona is still waiting to go to 9ja to ship her ex,

wats ur yim so we can chat

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@ Poster

Find the right man where u are, the man u are going back to find might be different from the one u left. Remember the only constant thing is change.

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@poster

WONDERFUL IDEA

somebody's life is about to change. hopefully he will stay wit u for a few years before he brings his naija wife, dont mind all those sayin u shouldnt, great idea .DO IT!

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Chinesedoll,

i noticed you've been campaigning for this your so called cousin for along time. The same way naija guys say no naija wife material abroad, na the same way naija girls say no naija husband material abroad. which one are we going to believe?

Chinese, i hope you are not having the same difficulty in manchester?

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@ negro ntns i can't start to tell it cos don't know when it'll end. but one thing i know for sure is that God don't change

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Here we go again. When will the epic battle between Nigerian-born and American-born Nigerians end?

I propose a new theory. I will call it Orimili's Law (or Orimili's rule of cultural analogies):

So far, a vast majority of Nairaland threads have proven this law accurate. Keep up the good work, everyone!

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Fiona, leave your ex alone, and start with a clean slate.

I'd never date an ex, there must have been a reason things didn't work out the first time around.

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wouldnt matter if i was born in naija, america, mexico, or freakin china. i would still be the same person. i was born independent and head strong so dont put that on american culture. and most if not all naija born kids i know are pretty well disciplined compared to other cultures. so dont give me dat. and a relationship can be 50/50 if you are willing to work at it.

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MAGA DON PAY. U ARE INVITING YAHOO BOYS.

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In all honesty, I just feel that American society has had too much effect on most of you. If your parents did a good job of raising you to be culturally aware, respectful, and responsible then maybe you deviate from the behavior of a typical Nigerian American born-bred here. Some of the side effects I've seen from you, include toeing the line with your man in a relationship 50/50. Which is god knows impossible.

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please elaborate on the high lighted area.

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Even if she does choose to look in Naija for the reasons you said, I don't blame her. I hate to generalize, but y'all american-bred naija chicks get too much sikon sikon for head.

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Fiona how come the guys chasing you that you have used as example are married? You sure say you no get bad label? only joking but u gotta check that. Then again where are you? cause there a lot of good naija boys down here in maryland oh U.S.A. who dont change their accents and clothes, lol. Start moving with the right crowd and in the right places at the right time you will find a naija guy. They are too many abeg.

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@post

have you dated any american born nigerians?? to me they seem pretty cool but i guess you are one of those people looking for the "authentic" naija men. oh well. any ways, i would consider finding a new man. dont go looking at your ex. the only thing between yal is memories.

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Fiona , please no mind them wherever you find the right man Naija or kuwait. work to keep him

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Ok Michelin , I apologize lets not start trading words, my point is not  that over 30 women have a lower chance of marriage . Nope I live in the 21st century my point is that too many women put off marriage because they do not keep their options open. Let us be frank the stats are out there over 45 % of black women in America over 40 have never been married. So you have to keep you options open ke . The odds are against you in this country (especially if you happen to have a grad degree and earn more than $75K per annum)  .

That said there are many good men in America . find networking opportunities like National Black MBA, Harvard and Wharton African career fairs and off course church seminars and Nigerian reunions

I know say make you go church look for husband  O just no find am for club

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chika na boy or girl name sef?

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no. no be fight @ all. e neva reach dat point

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whose whining? u think i sound desperate right? i don't blame u,

it's just something i'm thinking about for now. it's not like i'm gon get married by 2morrow morning. i'm still in school. i have pre-law school after college. i'll have 2 start my career and other thing in-btw. it's just the wrongest (if dats even a real word) guys u can ever imagin, dat come my way. my firned said i need cleansing. Bull S**T,

i get asked out at least 4-5x a week, but it's always the wrong guys. there's a 28yrs old haiti guy @ my mum's job (who by the is married) who talks and talks about leaving his wife for me. he's so obsessed with me (pysco!). my next door neighbor sent flowers and a movie ticket 2 my work place 4 dayz after his wife moved out.

u see wat i mean. i beleive that there is "ALMOST" no hope in this market.

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And you keep whining!

I thought I read somewhere that she was 23. Well all the same, going to Naija nor go solve her problem. She'll get the worst types of men trying to use her to get to the USA. Abroad isn't America alone. She has her papers. If she can go to Nigeria, she can go to England, Switzerland, Japan. Anywhere she wishes. Explore the west and enjoy the fruits of the dream garden!

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Importing a guy from naija? I don't think that's a good idea. Shine your eyes well well.

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Why are you so in a hurry to get married? You are young. Take your time to look around carefully. You can even allow yourself to start building one up from nowhere! Exes are exes for a reason. Let your past be your past and your guidance for the future.

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it had happened many times b4, however ppl aren't always thesame. not a very smart idea to judge ppl based on other ppl's past experience.

i might use my ex as my re-bound guy just incase. i hear what u say, i'm going hope 2 find someone here in america, but ,

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