So you're ex-girlfriend/boyfriend's birthday is approaching, what are you going to do??
top up wots with u and this ex of yours? i keep reading stuffs bout ur ex every now and then. is he not an EX?
sha i'm most likely not gona wish anybody happy birthday even if its staring me straight in the face i.e the face book thing. i do what i feel convinced doing and not even the face book remainders makes me obligated to say happy birthday to someone when i dont see the need. well thats just me sha, i never believed in ''the ex is my good friend thing'' . they are not my enemies either they are just well er EX.
Wow, I wish you had a blog. Anyways, there I thought I had analysed everything, but I guess I haven't. Maybe I should just close the book, there is nothing more to say.
Before I came on Nairaland tonight, I wanted to cancel my Facebook account BUT then I realised that an event I'm organising requires it, so I think I need to find some other way. Maybe I should just rid everything all together. I'm scared I will regret this though - well it's for the best.
That's true, I don't have a really close guy friend, however I have a good enough candidate who happens to be completely out of the situation. He told me, that my ex was a player, and can you believe, it was ME who was making excuses for him. Now if I said what my friend said to me, the guys here would cuss the life out of me.
Another guy friend described the ex as 'a player with a heart. So he ruined the relationship, before he could break your heart lol.'
Personally if I'm having problems with guys in general, the last people I would go to is women. I'd rather go to my guy friends first then them. Because guys usually give it to you straight. Not that women don't but sometimes women are a wee bit manipulative and that is the last thing you need to be around.
So find yourself a really trustworthy guy friend and he doesn't necessarily have to be straight. Because I have guy friends who are gay and give great advice.
Just do whatever you feel is right.
It's okay sweets. Whenever you feel the need to talk, come here. We are one big happy family, so we should be able to lean on each other for comfort. Right now you need our brotherly/sisterly words of advice and that is exactly what we are going to give you. As harsh or pleasant as they may seem, please try to understand that we all want the best for you - I know I do. You don't have to wobble through this lonely road alone.
No na poetry competition.
@ topic . . . u can actually be friends with your ex - FACT. Infact i'm good friends with all but one of my exes . . . it all depends on how mature you both are on why you had to breakup and why its best for you both.
You still sound pretty naive and ur ex is still a small boy as far as i'm concerned. Besides all these folks who conduct relationships via facebook na wa o.
Lol, you guys obviously didn't do enough work to cover your tracks, because that research has F-L-A-W-E-D written all over it.
1. I was going out with him this time last year & on his birthday.
2. I haven't been on Nairaland for a full year yet.
I don't mind if you hijack my thread, nobody likes being pitied and awwed like that - that's all.
errr sorry if that sounded rude but hijack your thread? Certainly not. Merely passing by and wondering why you seem to obsess the same guy every waking minute u're on this board.
Sorry, seems you want mushy responses rather than hard cold facts. Yeah he's ur most recent and ur ex, the way you say it one would think no one else had every been in a relationship before. We've all been there several times over, i get the feeling this is ur first EVER so it sounds like such a huge deal to you. If he's ur ex either ignore his birthday or say hi to him, frankly i think more than half the threads on the romance boards are totally unecessary.
perhaps replies arent forthcoming on ur threads because its just the same thing over and over and over again with slight differences in words used. Get over urself.
Thanks for the advice, but do we really need technicalities lol. My head, my heart, am I over or am I not. (Lol, I appreciate every word - I'm just being difficult),
I think that we need to know the type of person I am before we can judge whether I'm over anybody (dang this topic is turning to be about me AGAIN!! grr).
Let me give you a little piece of insight. I am the girl, that once used to hang around with a bitchy set of girls in highschool, who used to bully a friend of mine. I would beg the friend to have patience and understand that I couldn't stop them, but eventually she turned on me and stopped speaking to me and I didn't understand why, I left it.
3 years later, I would see her name on myspace and my guilty conscience would dig at me, can we explain why I would feel guilty, despite not once making a dig at her? Why should I let her feelings affect me?? Just because she took the fact that she was bullied out on me why did I feel bad??
Well if you knew topup, and her background, you'd know about her weak heart.
I spent a good few months stalking her- YES!!, trying to find out the chances of re-conciliation, trying to understand the girl she had become over the years and how to approach her, at which I found a blog, where she poured her heart and soul out, she told of how her mother beat her (lol, yeah she wasn't raised in Nigeria).
Anyways, I finally plucked the courage and wrote a private message.
"I don't know if you remember this, but , I'm, so sorry for anything I could have done or not being there for you."
The girl replied, "AND? Am I supposed to care? I got over it pretty quickly."
The ordinary person might have felt their ego crushed, being the bigger person, contacting and apologising and being rejected in a way, but not me, I felt happier, RELIEFED. I could live my life knowing that I had done NOTHING wrong. If anyone had to analyse our crisis, the finger would not be pointed at me. I explained this to people, and they didn't understand. (Truth is that when I realised that she hadn't really let go of the grudge and we weren't friends again, I tried to figure out how to force something, how to re-concile. It was through confiding with my sister that I realised that I can't always make people like me. Some people will hate you even when there is no reason to, because their reasons are personal to them.)
I thought I left this complex behind but it is obviously still very much alive.
I rarely argue with my friends, and if I do, I always apologise. I just can't stand people hating me - I'm a lovely person LOL!!
That is why I often try and do all the right things, should I message him/her or not, should I call, send gifts? I can't take the guilt that is associated with being the one to blame for any failed relationships.
There you go Nairalanders, I let you into a little part of my life.
gurl ive followed ur topics albeit silently most times
n this just proves ur head might be over him but ur heart is definitely not
dont get me wrong i know ur no longer in love with him neither do u want him back
but ur not over ur feelings for him
u have him as a friend on facebook
a simple 'happy birthday' will suffice
it will most definitely be lost among the throngs of messages he'll recieve that day
u'lld have satisfied ur conscience that way
a text will only seem to make ur message more personal - u dont want to do that just now
that said, its not obligatory in any of the books to wish an ex a happy birthday
worse if the ex treated u like crap before attaining that title - 'ex'
you are not being asked to do anything spiteful to him, or to do something that would intentionally hurt him. Facebook actually sounds like the best way to holler at him. Leave a public message on his wall wishing him a Happy Birthday. no strings attached, no hiding behind the wall to intend another meaning. nothing! just happy birthday.
Logically, I shouldn't text him at all.
I'm not going with my heart, or logic, I'm trying to achieve something that doesn't exist. How am I going to be sure that I won't regret going with my logic?? I don't love him, so my heart is not in it that way. But if you know me (which I understand is quite unrealistic over Nairaland), you would know that I find it very difficult to do spiteful things, my conscience works overtime. I know what's best for me, and I have killed all hope of us getting back together.
However, I can't bring myself to do things for the sake of revenge. Any of my other friends would get a Facebook message, and that was what I had in mind.
What would be the benefit of ignoring his birthday to me?
It would simply start the whole cycle of ignoring him and he ignoring me. I think I need to make it clear that we have facebook, and are friends. I wish that I had never added him now, through facebook it's a lot more difficult to ignore people, and with birthday reminders, the implications of forgetting a person's birthday is even greater.
Lol, sorry, but you're the one outlining a whole strategy for purposefully delaying the birthday text. If someone you think is still into you, texts you the day after your birthday, depending on your ego, you will think that they really did not want to forget wishing you happy birthday, and that would translate to mean that they still have you in mind.
I'm not planning nay strategies, I opened this topic, to see how most people would deal with this issue.
Assuming that I still want to get him back, this would hurt me, but instead this would give me a reason to dislike him, right now all the feelings of hate or strong dislike and pain have vanished, and I can no longer pinpoint why I should be mean or insensitive.
I am not saying my text will make his day, or even that I will text.
I think if he told me to get lost, that would be great.
I have told this story to my friends and I have got the typical 'you are holding a grudge, you are obviously not over him.' but then when I say 'I might text.' others say 'Why are you giving him all this attention?'
I think I need to listen to myself, but it's hard sometimes, friends always feel to comment and say 'I told you so.' or 'If you had asked me, I could have told you that was coming.'
In all honesty, they are as clueless as I am about the person I'm dealing with.
A simple text will do.
Birthdays are meant to be remembered by ur family members,friends or lovers.But if he doesn't fall within d category,then let him be,but if u still consider him as a friend,then there is need for u to wish him happy b'day.U can get him a happy birthday card or just send him an ordinary text with no strings attached,else everything u do will be translated wrongly,cos he might feel u still miss him,n if he's a bad guy he might send u a very bad text message lik, 'i thought i was done with u' or 'pls my girlfriend dont like this' or even 'dont u have better things to do' and trust me,this would hurt more than the initial heartbreak n u wouldn't want to experience such again
Even if you are, you must resist the urge to tell him you miss him. The last thing you want to do now is put him back in control. He might get this arrogant feeling that he has you wrapped around his pinkie. You have proven to yourself that things get better with time. No longer are you under the impression that you can't be whole without this person that dominated your life for so many months. I still think it's sad that this grown man refuses to look past his own selfish life to cleanly break up with you. No matter how wasted you felt your love was, you have shown that you have more decency flowing through your blood than he does. You should never feel bad for caring about him the way you did. He just wasn't the right one.
However, if you send it the day after, it will seem intentional, cos if you didn't care enough to remember, why do you care enough to send a late message, most people just forget about it, once you've forgotten a distant friend's birthday, you wait 'til the next year.
It'll seem like a game, I'm tired of games!!
I'm not sure if that is your generic advice, BUT THANK GOD FOR YOU!! It's like you're on the inside of my head (and I hope it's not because we agree). You must have paid attention to all those posts *shakes head* I posted agesss ago.
I'm still friends with all my exs, (including the most recent), the other ones are cool people, understanding and I would call any of them (except some I would just Facebook).
BUT - this one is a toughie, I think I will just do whatever comes on the day. I hope I'm not feeling hormonal though when the time comes.
I don't know if the old saying applies, dear, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Your ex is stuck in a routine of having drinks or nights out with the boys. It is convenient for him and he is not ready to change that about himself. Do not wait up for him. He might have thought he was ready to turn a new leaf in his life to settle down with you, but he thought wrong. It sucks when you feel like you went out on a limb to put yourself out there for someone who doesn't deserve it. You invested so much time and effort in your relationship for your partner who doesn't really appear to care as much. You are left wondering if it's all your fault, you keep questioning how it went wrong or what you did to chase this person away.
I think there's a blue period. A period where you are deeply hurt, so you feel the need to ask so many questions because you want closure. You forget that you are now broken up and this person owes you nothing. He or she does not have to answer to you. I know, I know, it hurts. How could someone just completely permeate your life, come into it, only to suddenly walk out after 7 months or 18 months or how ever long the duration. But that's the risk you take when you open your heart to love.
That is why I have always prized myself with my level head. Sometimes I'm too analytical, but it's all in a desperate attempt to minimise the chances of regret.
Despite being heartbroken, I knew there would be a day I would be able to say his name again without being emotional, I refused to cut all ties (also I become very nostalgic at times too - reminising the past). I agreed to be friends, knowing that I would be in pain, but in the end I would learn a lot more about myself - AND I have!!
I never understood how love could turn to hate, I rarely tell people I don't love, that I love them, in fact I never told the ex that I loved him, and yet I was still unable to fathom extreme hate. Even in my moments of extreme anger, I couldn't bring myself to hurt him or banish him.
I don't know if that's good or bad though.