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What Do I Do Now I Am About Taking A Break?

I talked about the guy older than I am that wanted to walk away because of the age difference 12 years older, and I had to talk to him that age should not be a problem. He decided to stay. After some months, weeks, he said he is considering a break because of some misunderstandings we've had. I asked him if it was a way of walking out again, he said no he just wants a break to decide if it's something he could deal with or not.

What am I supposed to do now or should do. I am hurt but you cannot force someone to stay when they don't want to. Please I need opinions on these and do you think he would want to come back or would he miss me? Should I continue to keep in touch? Should I ask him, how long this break would last so I know the outcome or just keep silent about the whole thing? Please I need answers

P.s it's barely 3 months we've been dating.

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72 answers

Thats why i put it in bracket " it is not a sign of weakness"

Sometimes in life, complex issues can be solved by a simple "am sorry"

She has admitted that of lately she has said some hurtful words, etc

All she is doing in my second solution is admitting that she did somethings wrong. Don't forget, she still tells the guy that he gets his break to sort out himself.

Am trying to tackle the issue from the root (where it all started) and not issue now (which is the result). I call it damage control.

Sometimes it helps to see a problem from the two parties eyes

@KAYD , i understand your stand, but in a relationship if the 2 people insist they are right, then they are heading to the rocks

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@lacrissa. then stay on the break girl! now u re d one breakkin our hearts! pishure!

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Please moderators or this spambot stop deleting the solution, I haven't seen his solution.

I get what you are saying but how can I do all these? We are already on a break.

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@clintwine

Your solution posts are not being deleted but the spambot have tagged it as spam.

I will report it to the admin so it can be released.

Please do stop posting it cos if you do the spambot might ban you for spamming

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@clintwine. i saw ur solution part,hence ma response its like dey have deleted it again oo. re u on EFCC watch list?

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@ clintwine, i dont like your second solution na na na not bit. y shld she call him to apologize for all the thing she has done? that sounds so wussy! it wold make her look desperate still *like if i apologize he cld kinda take me bac kind of a thing** hmhu me thinks.

and dropping by once in a week like u suggested cld also mean to askin him see me oo have u change ya mind?

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Now to the solution part.

Forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate, add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.

Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).

Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.

If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).

Note!! No s***x, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally you are young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

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Now to the solution part.

Forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate.

Add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.

Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).

Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.

If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).

Note!! No intimacy, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

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I hope the moderators don't delete the solution again.

Well Lacrissa, i was able to know because am used to solving this sort of problems ( Those of my friends though).

Its good to know the root cause and tackle it from there.

Its not a crime to say you love someone, so you should not feel bad to be the first to say it.

Probably you should start by saying it casually

e.g if he does something for you, you can say:

Your a darling, thats why i love you

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Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate

add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.

Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).

Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.

If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).

Note!! No intimacy, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

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@lacrissa, i posted a post with my analysis and solution, and it was deleted, i decided to break it into two parts, the analysis was allowed, while the solution was deleted, i would repost the solution again

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He is a very busy man. I doubt it's because of seeing other women. He even told me, it wasn't like he's talking to other women or tring to, as I saw, he is very busy and rarely has time.

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Thanks, that's what I've decided to do. You cannot beg someone to stay with you.

I am not too young and in the beginning, he was taking me everywhere, showing me off and introduced his friends to me. I wish I could post my pic but oh well. That should not be the problem and at 22 soon 23 as we know time waits for no one, I don't think I'm too young.

As for choking him, looking back, i feel I might have shown him too much love already and it's not even up to 6 months.

Yes in as much as it hurts, I know life must go on. Thanks.

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Thanks Jaybee. Yes the height was a problem before I got deeper and got to know him and his other qualities. The age difference was what he mentioned as a concern because according to him, he had never done it, but seeing I'm different and the chemistry was willing to work with it and with time, would completely erase the concern, that's what he told me.

I don't really believe in breaks. What's difficult in having someone and also concentrating on your future and all but I guess like you said, let everything else fall naturally into place.

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I would have to admit, it's like you've been around me in person seeing everything. I'm not 21. I know I am young but is there any crime in wanting to settle early which I mus admit again, I feel like you said I have been showing signals of wanting to settle down and marry maybe should not have been the case.

For what he stands to gain, I have a lot to offer, It doesn't have to be money but genuine love, companionship and all those though not saying I'm perfect.

He hasn't met my family yet. Maybe my showing desperation of wanting to settle down was not to lose him because of the age difference and his concern that I might not want to settle down, I was only showing him, I am willing to settle down. Age is just a number after all I am very mature for my age.

Yes his height was a problem but as you get to know someone and see other qualities, I was willing to work through it. I never said he was ugly and rich.

For your last question, yes I have been a little touchy because I felt since I admitted my feelings to him, I'm scared of being taken for granted so most times, I've been too judgemental of what he says which he also said is the reason of the break which also made him remember the age difference he once mentioned was a concern. Yes I said some hurtful words like sometimes he behaves insensitive so I ask why he's behaving cold and things like maybe that's why his ex left him and all. That he should be more sensitive.

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Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate

add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.

Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).

Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.

If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).

Note!! No intimacy, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

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@Lacrissa, i decided to go through your previous posts and this is what i have to say.

At 21, you are not too old, infact you just started life.

Your problems now stems from the fact that you seem desperate to marry ( Am not insulting you, infact, you might not know that this is the signal your sending off), but the truth is that people you are with can sense this.

Men don't take breaks, if they do, it has to be for a reason , we usually break up or cause you to do the break up.

A man could take a break because he sees a potential in you( Something he values so much), and doesn't want to leave you.

Now ask yourself what does he stand to gain (Visa, money, companionship , love , )

This answer would determine if the guy wants to use you as a means to an end or just wants to end up with you.

Sometimes when people ask for advice, people supply advice based on what is seen on the surface, and don't try to find out the root cause.

Now you said you guys were having this quarrels lately.

I would say that your childish tendencies were being thrown up. you might ask how i know, you mentioned some of it here, but i would say from your other posts.

First you post on how pretty you are and how your family talks about it and how many guys are toasting you( am paraphrasing). If unfortunately this happens in the presence of this man, and he sees your encouraging it, it sends the wrong signal.

secondly, you complain about his height, that your 5.7 and he is 5.6

Thirdly, i hope he is not the ugly rich Man you once talked of.

Do you think you have been so touchy lately or nagging or have you said some hurting words, that could be part of it.

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@Lacrissa, i decided to go through your previous posts and this is what i have to say.

At 21, you are not too old, infact you just started life.

Your problems now stems from the fact that you seem desperate to marry ( Am not insulting you, infact, you might not know that this is the signal your sending off), but the truth is that people you are with can sense this.

Men don't take breaks, if they do, it has to be for a reason , we usually break up or cause you to do the break up.

A man could take a break because he sees a potential in you( Something he values so much), and doesn't want to leave you.

Now ask yourself what does he stand to gain (Visa, money, companionship , love , )

This answer would determine if the guy wants to use you as a means to an end or just wants to end up with you.

Sometimes when people ask for advice, people supply advice based on what is seen on the surface, and don't try to find out the root cause.

Now you said you guys were having this quarrels lately.

I would say that your childish tendencies were being thrown up. you might ask how i know, you mentioned some of it here, but i would say from your other posts.

First you post on how pretty you are and how your family talks about it and how many guys are toasting you( am paraphrasing). If unfortunately this happens in the presence of this man, and he sees your encouraging it, it sends the wrong signal.

secondly, you complain about his height, that your 5.7 and he is 5.6

Thirdly, i hope he is not the ugly rich Man you once talked of.

Do you think you have been so touchy lately or nagging or have you said some hurting words, that could be part of it.

Now to the solution part.

forget about marriage for now, so that you don't emit signals of being desperate

add value to your life and be a better person cos the guy is not blind, we men like value and can see one.

Give him a call and say that you are sorry for all the things you've done and he can take his break and decide what he wants (This is not a sign of weakness).

Once in a while( probably once in a week or 2 weeks) drop by, and tell him you wanted to be sure he was doing fine and ok.

If you used to help him out with somethings around the house, do it without expecting anything in return.( If you didn't, think of something you could help him out with in the house).

Note!! No sex, cos if you do then your break would be tending to infinity.

Finally your young and have lots of stuffs you need to accomplish in live, while your heart is in action, control it with your head.

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"Taking a break" means:I want to play the feild and date other people(see what happens),

but since meeting/hooking up with girls is kind of hard sometimes,I want to keep you on hold

in case I don't meet someone better than you.If I don't meet anyone better than you,then I

can go back to having se.x and stuff with you because you're probably going to be sitting there

waiting with a broken heart until I call you. And when I do call,you'll be like a desperate dog to see

and you'll jump through hoops to see me happy so I don't "'break" again!

DUMP HIS SORRY BUTT.

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@OP

Why do you seem to have issues with your bf's

First it was the issue of height, then the age difference and now the dreaded "taking a break" issue.

Why don't you just take a break yourself to decide on what you want as well as concentrating on what matters with the added bonus of letting everything else fall naturally into place.

Good luck still

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@poster

have u slept with him?  if No then let him take as much break as he loves.

If Yes then he has had his cake and he wants out.

Remember he is older and should know better, if you where the one taking a break then we can understand.

But honestly, I believe u are either too young to be dating or choking him with love

(***you are at his place in his absence and plan to wait for him to come back***).

If you are too young to be dating then he feels embarrassed showing you off as his girlfriend.

If you are choking him then he feels you will soon become a burden to him.

Healthy relationships always strike a balance between love and work.

I hope you have not done the sleeping part because the rejection will break your heart.

But I pray that God sends you a true friend and you learn that love and intimacy are miles apart!

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Please allow him to process this in his mind at his own time, he is entitled to it. If he comes back to you and says he wants out well so be it there's nothing wrong in that and dont feel bad about it. Sometimes people need to be allowed the freedom to take decisions even if the decision is not in our favour. Give blessings to him so he can find the one he really really want to be with and should be with, who knows that actually that soemone mignt just be you.

Dont wait for him carry on with life like you should and claim back your control.

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so he is taking a break indefinately.i.e till further notice and this means you should move on.sorry it must hurt bad.

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If you really love something let it go, if it comes back to you you never lost it, if it doesn't it was never really your's.

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Thank you all for all your advice(s). I would do as said though it hurts so bad.

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Hey, girl let him go! If I say I need time then, I am thru! My coming back would depend on how she works on her self during that interval. Believe me, it's not the age thing, maybe u behave kinda immatured. I know peeps who are 23 and behave 40, some are 40, but still think 19. Clinging to him will only drive him further away. Have you considered the fact that u might fall in love during the break?

He might really love you and not know, then maybe he will come back, but you have to move on with ur own life !st.

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@ Poster, why are you making things difficult for urself? the guy is indirectly telling you to free him and give him som space, he does not want the relationship anymore, he is trying to make the break up more presentable by telling you he needs a break, abeg move on with your life, though it might hurt but you will get over it, i bet the guy was not inlove with you cuz age difference should not be an issue in a relationship, the ultimate is being happy together. so listen to the voice and advice of the elders and move on with your pretty life.

@onchedu i like your write up, it made alot of sense, thumbs up

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@OP

Might be best if you let go.

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She's not just taking the hint, but she's also setting herself up to get let down really hard!

Anyway, girls typically handle heartbreaks a lot better than guys so,

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sorry love,man was trying 2 let u down easy,u r not taking the hint.

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I already asked him even if he is indirectly telling me he's walking away he said break is break, that he wants to know if this is what he wants or not with the misunderstandings we've been having. That there is no time frame it could be sooner or longer and sometimes during that period, it's a make or break it. That he can't really tell. That's what he texted me back.

Gosh this hurts!

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We are arguing? I thot we just were rubbing minds. Didnt know we were.

Anyway, if I decided to take U up on going on endlessly on religion I'd statr quoting out of scriptures and we'd derail from the topic and annoy the other people in the room.

Do U want us to do that? Cos I have time to burn and truth to reveal.

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You see that's your problem. You are trying to 'rationalize' these things . . . you can't!

Don't you think the 'ultimate plan' to save us, which he doggedly saw through, was borne out of an emotion and not out of 'practicality'? Why on earth would he want to save us mere mortals with his own son's life? Do you think we deserved it one bit? We got ourself into trouble in the first place because we disobeyed him and ate the forbidden fruit, but he still chose to give up his son to die for us! Wht part of that is using his head?

I could argue endlessly with you over this and beleive me I can, but it doesn't prove anything!

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the simple truth is that nobody knows what is going through the guys mind but what evrybody is telling u is true in so many ways r/ships are complicated  but a guy being 12yrs older (esp in naija seems to me thats the kind of gal most of them like) than you shouldnt be a problem afterall he didnt have a probs with that when he was rocking things with you thats if you guys have done it if you knw wat i mean.YOU have to give him space nothing wrong in asking him howlong the break will be infact it is very important cos lots of time when people say they want break is cos they want to fly away.all you can do right now is siddon look pls dont belittle yourself running round and trying to talk him into loving you or staying or that you are worth it dnt make him be with you out of pity cos if he wants to leave you are just postponing the inevitable.

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I'll take it Ur not sure what it is then.

Let me tell U something about guys and sex and see it as sort of the final prize. Give a guy sex without him loving U and the next second it becomes hard for him to find U as desirable as U were before that first time.

U myt be right about sex not making a guy love a girl any less but put the two together and the it making him love her any less is more of a likely hood than it making him love her any more.

Do U wonder why the excitement dies out a lot faster and the squabbles increase and periods between fights reduces after sex in intimate relationships?

Have U ever wondered why a man can have sex with one woman and not be able to get an Attention again for a relatively long period but if another girl walked into the room who he hasnt touched and he finds appealing, he'll immediately be cured of his exhaustion?

Do U ever wonder why the mugu's love the girls they who's pants they never saw even after they have married some other dude and have kids and grandkids?

Sex was designed with a purpose. God commands us to regard his instructions concerning the use and/or enjoyment of sex so that we can be happy.

Having sex with any man will not make him love U any more or less but the odds are more to him not loving U any more than he says he does.

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Ok ma.

I'll take my leave now since U seem to be under the notion that I owe it to U to help U with Ur problems as a matter of duty. Well it's that or that u won't listen to me no matter what I suggest seeing U really haven't heard me or anything I've suggested since.

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U seem to be getting me wrong. I'm not asking the girl to force it with him. I offered her advice that will ensure that the hurt that could come her way if things go wrong will be more manageable than the one she would garner to herself if she went the way of the heart now.

Relationships don't always have to work and the only relationships that can be said to have worked out well are those that had more ups than downs all through the period both parties were alive and kicking. Unless one or both are dead there's still possibilities (no matter how small they have worked to make it) that things can still g horribly wrong. So as for those couples U sited as an example that have sex on the first date or do things wrong and look like they got paid with an irrational bias by life, wait till U see the end.

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You don't know my age neither am I a kid. What is there using my head or being 6 years older. I only asked a simple question and opinions so I don't make any mistake this moment. He sent me a text, is it wise to reply or not and also use that opportunity to ask him how long he wants the break. Is that difficult?

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Question to U Ujujoan: What is love? I'm not being sacarstic. I'm really asking U what love is.

Lacrissa abi wetin be that Ur yankee sounding name sef, sleeping with a man will not make him love U so if U haven't now is not the time to. If U forget everything I've said, don't forget that.

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I'm just saying you should leave her to do what her heart tells her to do because what her head tells her will not help her either! And yes because if it wasn't meant to work, even the best advise from the 'head' won't help her!

I'm not suggesting you gamble, I just dont buy the idea of keeping yourself in an invisible chain just because you want to do the right thing!

Why does s3x on the first date spoil one r/ship and have absolutely no effect on another? Because no matter how right you do things, it doesn't make it work any better of it wanst meant to!

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You are wrong! Infact is she hasn't slept with him already, I bet she's blaming all this troubles on it and looking for a way to do that as we speak right now!

She's not doing the things she's doing because she expects him not to leave her, but because she loved him! You do beleive in love don't you?

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Well for one thing U think a getting a bosom job is a cool idea. Even the naija men that like big bosoms like them natural. That whole plastics under the skin just makes the women come off as artificial too us and I don't know a single naija man that grew up in Naija that thinks an artificial woman rocks.

Second, U say things as they are. Naija babes like speaking "parables." Well not parables as in parables. I'm not sure how to explain it but U sha don't sound like a naija babe.

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Dreamy dreamy, things just always go smoothly and ur feelings are complimented by reality all the time. The more U say I love U the more the loved one emphatises with U, Bull.s*it!!!

Babe no let pant wear U o. Love Ur neighbour as Urself.

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@ Lacrissa, all i'm trying to emphasise is that, it'll be easier for you to let go, even for a brief while, if you hadn't given of yourself physically, i mean dude is 12years older than you, so you thought if you did all that is expected he won't leave you,  pretty soon, i'll start siding with Onchedu on this.

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Ask Urself what a girl 6years older than U would more like do about the sms he sent U. If U are as young as I think U are, chances are, in that age group she won't be desperate for marriage or come off to him as such and she won't be clingy either.

Do the maths and make up Ur "her" mind on what to do.

Won't be surprised if U sent him a reply already.

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I could be wrong but it really sounds like the man wants a permanent break, maybe the age thing bothers him more than you realise, let him go and if he wants to be with you, he will be back, chasing after him won't help you at all, it might push him even further (into the arms of someone his own age).  These things are tricky but you can't make him stay if he wants to go, that simple, deal with your heartbreak and allow yourself to heal.

How old are you, just curious!

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Relax please, this is not the best time to start criticizing me. Take it easy. I said he already sent me a text saying "he's sorry how things are going. He's sure I'm not thinking the best of him".

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Wait first chic. Which kain phone U dey use wey e be say U dey post like this dey move around and which network U dey on for which part of the world?

Do what U want jor. If Ur heart gets broken eventually, U won't be the first to have the experience. If U hit it off with him and Ur relationship survives and blossoms, U'd have done urself well.

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Oh that's wonderful. Oya start writing him love poems about the good times and if U can burn a cd of his favorite songs and buy him a gift before he gets back. Hope U made him his favorite meal and have prepared his bath water?

Nonsense! Shey English language dey hard u well well for afternoon ehn? As e be say U wan cry oya wait make wetin U dey find jam U.

I don vex!

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