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My boyfriend has a great sense of responsibility. He is someone you could call a family man. The way he treats people and even children, is a wonder to me.

He is ready to get married but the thing is that the money is not there yet. He works hard though but finacially, he is not ready yet to carry on responsibilities.

I have dated him for like 3 years now but then, i wasn't ready for marriage. I was giving him time thinking that by the time i am ready atleast he would have been settled financially. Now i am ready and he still isn't.

When i say financially ready, i don't mean he should own the world, but basics and a steady job or business that he does. He should to an extent take care of the wife and the children that would come.

He would still make it tho but i musnt have to wait. There is a time to everything, that's what i believe.

RIght now, i want to walk out of the relationship because honestly m getting tired of the whole thing.

Crucify me all you want but i need some advice. Thanks.

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235 answers

B4 i find it difficult 2 open my heart 2 odas. Bt nw i tink he has given me a stone heart

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U ar right av learnt my lesson. Av done som silly tins dat i shudnt av done 4 som1 lyk him. What a pity on my side!

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Ur not the first girl to "think he will change." U probably won't be the last.

U did well to have forgiven him but allowing him drag that grace thru the mud over and over again is just wrong.

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I tot he wil change nt dat i was searchin his phone,i wanted 2 c d pix on his phone

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Should U choose to go on, Brace urself for more heartaches.

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I wil cal it emotional frequency. He has bin doin it (cheatin nd stufs) but he do ask 4 4givnes nd i always because of d luv. 2yrs rlatnship!!!

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^^ How long did you guys date?

Has he always being this way or did he suddenly change?

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Hmm! He proposed wit a ring infact we ve started a counseling class 4 intendin couple in my parents church.

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I don't think he is insecure. He just myt be up to no good.

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His urterance is killin d zeal

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then dump him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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His urterance is killin d zeal

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He's insecure. Despite provin 2 him dat my luv dnt cheat. @ufo. I wil try nd pour hot oil on his face.

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i dont think its her fault the guy is insecure dont u think? with him checking her phone and all.

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Falling in love is not where things went wrong. maybe U fell for the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. Maybe U both just didnt nurture the relationship properly enough?

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I told him he disrespectd me wit wat he did. He said if by nt alowing me 2 check his phone meant disrespectd dat he wil continue 2 do dat. Nd i reminded him dat he do check mine nd he anytym he does dat i shud cal him any names. Na wa oo

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Yes oh, life requires strength. Expecialy rlatnshp. Just lyk d kingdom of God.

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Ujujoan, our very own taliban of men issues. U want her to blackmail him? Hehehehe. Trust U to go by all's fair in love and war.

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Yes! I wil hang on 2 dat word 'respect' i tink he doesn't respect me.

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^^^ Brilliant. I don't agree with Ur closing but I think mirroring him will get his attention a lot easier.

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@gUDGURL--Since thats how he wana play, u too shud play along. Get a password for ur phone too and see what he has to say afterwards. dont let him knw, jus lock ur phone wit a code this minute, d nex time he picks up ur phone this will shock him.

"Do unto others , as they do unto u".

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If U are termed bad for wanting to feel as important as u should be made to feel by a guy U are getting married to, then the earth needs more bad girls.

Love isnt a one way street. Even when it looks as if it is sometimes there just isnt as much traffic on the other side and it myt be cos of a hold up.

Ur case is not the case of a hold up.

One thing I despise is when people feel like they are doing their partner a favour being with them. If U feel like not calling him, don't. The worse that myt happen is U both have a fight which could provide the grounds for some revelations of the reality of things with him to come to light.

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He has nt even cal or send mesage. Wil i b termed 'bad' i maintain my stand dat am nt goin 2 cal him?

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Tanx onched. In a situatn wherby he refuse 2 change,wat cud b done?

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Fiance you say. . .hopefully your marriage will be more open

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People will treat U how U let them treat U.

What U don't know can hurt U and U myt never know it was what hurt U.

Pay more attention to what people do than to what they say. Saying "I love U" is one thing. Showing "I love U" or "I cherish Ur relationship with me" is another thing entirely.

What kind of relationship are U into? What are Ur guys beliefs concerning relationships? Is he open to "just dating"? Are U both thinking along similar lines? What does he want out of the relationship with U.

U know one thing bout relationships that lead to marriage? Things U allow in a relationship first get worse and have chaces of staying worse or geting worse than that still, more than they get better.

Even those things that get better get worse first before getting better and much work is required on the part of both parties.

He's getting calls and sms's now and hiding t from U possibly telling himself the usual lie "When I get married I will change." If that's true, when he does get married and finds it difficult to change and relapses to the old habit, He'l just quit and say it's his nature and many women will encourage him by saying "all men cheat."

Anyway, U should tell him and if worse comes to worse give him an ultimatum, however do it in a way that he doesn't take it as a threat but a loving demand for respect.

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@Africn x.Tanx but wat he did does it make sense or wil it make rlatnship 2 wax stroner?

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There was this girl I was involved with whose phone I checked once when it was ok to call her my gf. Found an sms in it she had sent to some dude confessing love and saying she "wanted him." I confronted her and we ironed things out but after then fr a while if I went thru her phone and saw nothing, I'd feel she had deleted all of them. I didnt bother checking after a while cos that one event took away all the trust.

Are U sure U want to embrace the possible reality with Ur man?

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Ur case is more like : Do unto others as u suspect that they are doing or will do unto U.

Express Ur discomfort with his manners to him as best as he would hear U out. If nothing better comes out of it U should brace urself and expect it to continue as it is or worsen.

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U ar right. I dnt check his phone but when i notice that he checks mine freely i dcided to c if he subcribe 2 d motn dat says 'do 2 odas wat u expect dem 2 do 2 u'

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It might be that Ur fiance knows he is not to be trusted and knowing so himself he is suspicious of Ur phone activities and tries to keep tabs on U.

I don't know what advice to give U yet if this is the case.

It also might be that Ur fiance has sensitive documents on his phone? (yeah right)

Or maybe he has pictures of real Unclad women or just Indecency he thinks U myt find offensive?

Whatever the case U need to talk to him about how U feel about him nt letting U go thru his phone.

Left for me sha everyone should just mind his/her phone. The person that is lacking in character won't sleep comfortably. The burden is theirs to bear.

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Shey? Som guys ar funy. I wishd i neva fel in luv

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My dear, what u don't know won't hurt you. Just let go of the phone. U might read meaning into stuff u see and it might tear u both apart. Just enjoy him and damn his phone.

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Ther was a day we ar 2geda we were bot checkin his phone nd a mesage came in wit d content lyk 'do u tink am cheap,wat do u take me 4, ' i told him i nided explanatn bt he said he wasnt goin 2 discus it til he feels lyk. Alot of tins. Today he wil apear faithful 2mrow unfaithful. Alot of tins. I sent a text 2 him expresin mysef afta last 9t incidnt he didnt reply. Nd av dcided am nt goin 2 cal him

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*i laff in jamaica* see noetic fooling himself

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It has also been well documented that many people have been abducted by aliens. . . . It has also been well documented that many people have seen mermaids, ghost, virgin mary, prophet mohammed, jesus etc. . . .All anecdotal evidence and claims are generally discarded because human beings are extremely unreliable, . . . Even eye-witness claims have been shown to be almost useless in some cases.

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But surely it is well documented that many people have had dreams that come to pass.

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No I haven't. . . . .

What is that thing that transmits those messages to your brian and why does it make sure that only your own dreams come to pass and not that of others. . . .

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Have you also considered the fact that in your dreams you play a part in shaping reality? That is another way to look at the phenomena.

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Okay, at what point would you consider it something worth investigating further ?

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What has your hypothetical senario have to do with reality?. . . . . .has what you have written ever happened? Has it ever been verified scientifically?

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@ Mazaje - I repeat: have you ever studies the mathematics of sequential probabilities? ? ?

@ Pastor AIO - In my case virtually all my dreams come to pass, that's why i am pressing this point. It is clear that there is something external that transmits those images to the brain, and not necessarily that the Brain generates them all by itself based on exsting thoughts, such as Mazaje is trying to suggest.

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I don't know. . . . . Actually it depends on what you call significant. . . .

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statistically speaking how often should a dream come true before we can consider it significant?

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^^^ You are still being evasive.

Noetic set out his question carefully. In doing so, note that he constructed a very precise scenario - such that it is not just one event (like in your example) that is at issue - rather a whole sequence of events which replay themselves in reality to precision, along a paticular pattern already seen in a dream.

Thus if i have a dream that i fall down my staircase, and shortly after, i do fall down my staircase, it is possible for you to argue that that is a mere coincidence.

BUT - If i have a dream that i fall down my stairwell, and break my ankle, and a strange italian man rushes to my aid, and he is wearing a red necklace, and he carries me out, and once out i see his green mercedes parked outside my gate, and we get into it, and there is seated in the car an angolan woman, and the woman is carrying a baby boy, and we drive off to the hospital, and at the hospital i fall down again at the entrance and break my wrist, and on getting to the Doctor's office we are told there is no space and to come back the next day, and as we drive home we have another accident. . .

If all the essentials of this dream playout in reality, then it is most difficult, nay, impossible to argue that this is a co-incidence.

Because of the sequence of events.

Have you studied the mathematics of sequential probabilities?

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First of all. . .I do not deal with hypothetical situations because they are of no use in this discussion. . .I have had dreams that came to pass and I consider them to be a coincidence nothing more. . . so many people have had that experience regardless of their location, culture and religion, race etc. . . .Most people dream about what preoccupies their thoughts. . . I once had a dream where I lied to my step dad in the dream and he gave me money($3000). . . the next day. . .I went to him told him a lie, requested for the money and he gave me the money($3000). . . what has that got to do with the supernatural?. . . . It was just a coincidence and nothing more. . . . .

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^^^ Men! Mazaje, it was entirely comical seeing how desperate you were above to avoid answering Noetic's question! Haba, you cant be that afraid, surely. . . ?

Since when did rational debaters shy from EVEN hypothetical questions? Are hypothetical questions not the life-blood of analogy? ? ?

You running away from the question was even more comical because YOU yourelf have stated to me on this Forum that you have had dreams that came to pass as well. Now suddenly you state that you "personally consider it not to be true. . . !"

Lets at least always be straight-forward, even if it means conceding some points to the other party!

The truth is you can never rationalize predictive dreams as being the product of the brain only!

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