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What Else Can I Do To Put My Girl's Mind At Peace?

I'm sort of getting fed-up and edgy about telling my babe the same thing all the time. I left naija early this year for my master's and b4 i left, i had proposed and given her my ring. we even brought our parents to meet informally. i've been here for a couple of months and i call her almost everyday.

Recently, she keeps on bringing up the issue on when will we get married, and i keep on telling her that she shld relax, that as a man one shld be able to provide well for his wife b4 the kids start coming along, and that giving the situation of things, we cannot get married until wen i finish skool and get a good job. besides, i'll have to work for a few months to have some money in order to be able to get my own place, furnish it a bit, and even for the wedding itself(even if my parents are going to give us money for the wedding, at least as a man i shld also have some money as well for the whole thing).

This has been what i've been telling her anytime she brings the subject up. As i am now, i won't be finishing skool until much later next year, and hopefully if i get a job wen i go back home, we shld be able to get married by the first half of 2011. But she called me earlier today, telling me she was so moody, that we had planned that by 2010 we'll be married, etc, etc. i told her that plans definitely change, that she herself knows that is no longer possible considering the state of affairs now, and that i don't want to bring her into my house in order for her to suffer, that she shld chill out on this wedding thing. besides i had told her from day 1 that i was going to go for my masters at some point, and that would she be willing to wait? at least i've assurred her that she's the one i want to marry, her parents have given us their blessings, and they are all willing to wait till i get back from my studies. i almost started yelling at her today cos i don't know what else to tell her. i had even told her that i'll be coming home during the summer break next year, and we can then do a more proper introduction. this thing is really getting on my nerves cos i'm really fed up of telling her the same thing over and over again.

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Better just focus on your masters.

would have been better off in the UK, at leats their own program is justa year and you'd be closer to Naija

that aside just dont give her any reason to panic and dont even think of using anyone to get "papers"

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Like i said earlier, i'm planning on going home in summer next year. immediately after my finals.

Funny enough, she called me in the middle of the night, apologising for everything. she called me again wen i was having my jog this morning too.

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She's simply feeling unsafe!!!

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igba wo loti mapada wale remenber 4 nija u get iyawo

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Im not saying am not proud of her. infact, she's the best thing that has happened to me after my family and white amala with abula and goat meat.

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ha ur problem isn't all that serious afterall. just tell her to stop being naughty. lol

i mean what really is the difference between late 2010 and early 2011. you guys shouldn't be fighting too much over that. i know it's not a petty issue but still.

does she live by herself or with her parents? is she having problems with her current living arrangement that she can't wait the 6mths to settle with u?

u guys do need time for the planning like u said, afterall.

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That's why you go to Naija in secret

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Na dem send you go obodo oyinbo? Abeg its not compulsory to buy anything for anyone except your woman, if they dont understand then too bad.

Anyway you need to reassure your woman you're not going to up and run away with the next whitey or American with passport that you see. she's not immature, simply being protective of her turf. I would be secretly proud i have her if i were in your shoes. Best of luck with her and your plans.

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Besides naija is not somewhere u just "rush" too, knowing that pple are there waiting and wanting their shares of "what did u bring from obodo oyinbo". dis one wey i no get money.

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I'm not thinking of the cost. infact it will be much cheaper because i would just use the return ticket. but i'm still insisting i can't make naija. its too soon for me to go home.

I culd be exagerrating her position, but wat i could infer from all our discissions on the issue is that she doesn't want it to be long after i arrive that we get married, which i told her is impossible. besides i gave her a 6-month window as we have to plan well in advance. and i plan to do that b4 i leave. i mean start planning.she's just being naughty thats all.

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Winter classes shld be over at most by the 22nd. Unless you're working you should have 2 weeks off till January, enough time to rush down and come back. But you're probably thinking of the cost no?

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Exactly.

stillwater, your parents are of a rare breed.

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klassyguy seriously though, i will say that u are exaggerating her position on this matter. u seem to be doing everything right so i don't know why she is being so inconsiderate really. lol does she want to you to get married as soon as you finish school without a job? I mean if she agrees to sponsor it all and rent the home before you find your job then i guess you can consider that. lol otherwise she needs to take a chill pill as well.

face ur studies bro and don't worry too much about it. I mean, you're enduring your distance, she should be able to do the same as well.

don't mean to be harsh on ur girl but she's stressing u unnecessarily i feel. you two should schedule a really serious conversation and talk all these things through. it doesn't matter if you rain abuses on each other in the process, bring out tissues for your tears or whatnot, just make sure that by the end of that convo, u have reached a feasible agreement on the matter. lol

i wish u luck anyways

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I can't make naija dis december as i have winter classes. Besides the skool i am, they don't really have positions for International students in GA positions, and with the term i came in, the only time there would be vacancies would be in fall.

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That's probably because you did not alert your program you would be interested in a GA to help offset part of the bills. In my experience i already had a GA lined up with pay even before i left Naija and so did a couple of folks i know.

Doesnt seem like she going with you was part of the original plan.

I guess you'd just have to go to naija this dec, summer is so far away.

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i no young oh!!! i'm >25 but <29. my dad got married at my age.

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exactly, how will he be able to afford things? If he can't even take care of himself,  DO NOT RUSH ANYTHING.

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But how wuld we have sustained ourselves, knowing very well i don't have a job yet? i'm doing the masters as a full-time student. and i haven't been able to get a GA yet.

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It is obvious and apparent that both YOU and HER are young. Stop wahalaing yourself jo! Only God and Time knows what the future holds!

Finish School and get Focused.

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The chic isnt immature, she's simply aware of what can go wrong when 2 people who love each other live apart from each other for so long. She's used to having the dude practically as a husband even though they arent married. she's probably finding it hard to cope without seeing him around.

If i were you i'd have done the introduction and gone for masters with her.

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Baby, i do that too. i talk to her sisters, her brother, i even call her mom every now and then and she too calls me once in a while.

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Like they said, if you truly care, help her get her papers to work here.

But ile aiye le o!

I understand her stance. . . . and how are you so sure she won't leave you when she gets here?

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i read that in the news abt ur schools there lol.

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And u think i hadn't thot of that as well? b4 i even left naija, i had told her that i wuld have loved it if we could come here together. but wen she brought up the issue of her not leaving the country with a man whom she is not married to, we decided that i just go and finish up.

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awwwwwww

but for real. distance ruins plenty of relationships. i don't think i need to be telling u dis. lol so i'll just tell u to stay strong. since I don't know her or know her side of the story i can only say that she's being inconsiderate or a little selfish in this situation but i'm sure she doesn't mean to be.

I have a friend as well sort of in her situation except she's the one abroad. they fight a lot but their relationship is really tight ie she says he doesn't contact her enough etc even though they talk almost everyday lol but she so much loves him and cries sometimes that i feel really bad since she's my really good friend. i totally understand the pain so yea that's long distance relationship for u.

I really don't know what other advice to give you. maybe u can call her family once in a while to say hi like once a month or twice or so or get closer to them. so maybe she will start to understand that ur serious about being a family with her.

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Guy she's not a student. she's working right now.

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Very soon she'll hear "I just need to get my papers from this woman, dont worry"

then after 3 kids with the "green paper woman"

"dont worry I will soon divorce her"

If you truly cared, you'd fine a way for her to also do her Masters in the states or UK, whichever

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the thing is FOR NOW, homeboy plans to head back to naija after school,  only god knows what the future holds.

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its not my fault ooh, like someone said

What else does she want?!

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I dont blame her, she must have heard experiences of men who promised heaven and earth . . . went for masters in the US and decided to marry US citizens.

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guy me sef i be student and i know how difficult it can be to skate by.  schoo fees sef no gree pay.  the green monsters here almost wiped out calgrant, FML thank God they didn't. you carry yasef come abroad now, you need to settle down n get a job, pay rent, focus on school, .  tell her not to kill you wit apatension

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The only conclusion I can come up with is her FEAR. She's afraid of losing the bobo due to what her friends/maybe family are saying.

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Sorry for the caps, didnt know it was on jare

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sO tHE MAN QUESTION IS, WHY IS SHE PERSISTENT ON MARRIAGE?

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the girl is a graduate too according to the op.  i'm sure she can work, if she's not already working.

posakosa that's too harsh.lol i wouldn't want random posters calling my fiance that

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Well, He doesn't have a job. He's only a student. So I dont know the most appropriate choice for her. Definitely not marriage, unless she marries someone else over here.

If she's a good worker, im certain work may become an appropriate choice. It seems that she's more focused on marriage instead of her impact at work,

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I know she's missing me badly. This is a girl that was weeping like a baby the day b4 i left, wen i gave her the ring. My younger bro even told her that it was good she didn't follow me to the airport. I told her then that no matter what, God sparing our lives, once i finish, i'm coming back for her. I send her mails every now and then, cards, texts, etc.

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Not aside from marriage/ work is the other easiest way.

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@ Klassy you need to understand that she's young and VERY IMMATURE,   uuum, just ignore her for now, <don't call her or give her any

attention>, focus on your studies,  and see what she does.

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oh that's reasonable enough @klassguy.

then she's probably missing u or being reallllly scared of losing u.

phone convos isn't the same as being there. time goes by really fast anyways. by this time 2 yrs from now u two will probably be married n laughing this off. lol don't stress it too much

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Now you've spoiled her for another man. . . .thatz if her nagging gets overbearing for you two and you decides to split

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i even decided that maybe during my graduation, she can come. but i'll still go home b4 then.

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Naturally, i was supposed to have gone home this xmas, but my classes don't end till mid-december, and even if i go home then, i'll not be able to spend much time with her. besides i just got here in april. that's why i decided to shift my visit till next summer wen i'll know i'll have time for her.

i told her that she can't come right now as i don't have a job yet. besides it's just for sometime.

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The girl need to get a grip abeg, i agree it might be pressure but she just 23. Gettin married at 25 is perfect. Lol. So she shud wait.

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Nope marriage is NOT the only way. Her parents can sponsor her if they can afford it, she can come for school, someone can invite her, Marriage is certainly not the only way.

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You see how marriage ties into everything now?

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Maybe i've just spoilt her silly. back home, any problem she has, so long as am available, i help her out. any small thing, she'll call, nd i'll have to pet her. anytime she's in town, and i close from work, i usually go pick her up, take her home, and drive back. and our houses are at two opposite ends of town.

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Doesn't she have better things to do at her age than pressuring a man to marry her? All diz girls panting for what they know nothing about. . . .

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