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What Is Wrong With Dating Or Marrying An African American Man?

I am currently dating an African American man, but what I want to know is why is there such a commotion about "akata". There are plenty of bad ones, but there are good ones. I don't know why it matters if I go out with one or marry one, because I am not a son in the family, so i do not know. Plus I mean, I was raised in America, of course I am going to have "american taste" and find interest in an African American. My dad said it's a taboo in my culture, but I don't want to dissapoint him with my "likings", but if that is where my love falls, what can I do? You know, so I just want to know you guys views on this.

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Sleeping men on our walls: Nigeria’s terror and What we call Democracy on http://africanlovestories.wordpress.com

This is not the usual blame game. This is not about the gaping failure of the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces or is it about calling for his resignation although I am sorely tempted to make it all about him and with good reason too – a man afraid to wield his shield of power for the fear of being called a dictator, a man who trivializes brazen looting of public funds, simply waving aside huge chunk of missing funds on the excuse that “America-will-know” and legendary for setting up redundant committees while making promises we all know he can’t keep. Oh! How I am deeply tempted but I flee. I flee because I don’t want my articles hunting me like Reuben Abati to criticize is to talk cheap but to proffer unsolicited solution is well..…expensive (never minding that no one is probably going to use it) and more importantly to speak. We must be heard and we must matter.

And no, this is not about a critical evaluation of the State of the Nation nor is it in anyway linked to recommendations for winning the war against terrorism. This is about drowning in a blood flood, unholy hands raised to the heavens and hypocritical knees planted in supplication for Passover and preservation from the Boko Haram insurgency when what we should be doing is collectively shouldering the responsibility for making Nigeria what it once was – the giant of Africa.

This is about the abduction of the #Chibok girls, the cry to #BringBackOurGirls, the constant politicizing of terror by the PDP and APC, the increased hunger amidst impressive but intangible economic indices, the swift sweep of missing funds under bureaucratic carpets, the porous borders and seemingly foolish intelligent officers plagued with moles, the underpaid and unappreciated men in uniforms, the ticking time bomb in the middle of National unity and the acceptance of reality – that death lurks everywhere, his fangs dripping with blood ready to sink it into the next defenseless and faceless victim is what this is about.

And no, this is not just about terror and the collective failure of Northern leadership to curtail violence by empowering the region economically and developing educational systems, creating forums and providing platforms for youth engagement but about the flagrant negligence, impenitent selfishness and acquainted insincerity of Nigerians in their dealings at all levels. Yes, we are all to blame for not caring, for not speaking out, for not demanding accountability and most notably for being easily corruptible.

So what caused this prodigious epiphany you ask?

I wouldn’t take a bullet for no one, not even myself even if I was given $20 a billion dollars but we dare ask men on our walls to walk on bombs and get sprayed with live bullets without properly compensating their families before and after they are called to serve their fatherland. It is easy for us to ask where our men who have sworn to protect the lives of Nigerians and defend the country at all cost are in the face of death without a single thought to the orphans and widows they are leaving behind.

Where are our fallen soldiers? Where are the men on whose watch we have not been totally consumed? Where are their families? What is the fate of their families now that they are no more? The Nigeria we know it to be is poor in statistics, zero recognition of real heroes and unbelievably insensitive in adequate and prompt compensation of men and women who have sacrificed their lives on altar of service and belief – all for what? Definitely not the present day Nigeria.

Why exactly do we ask others to die for a country they probably do not believe in? I will shout from rooftops of my heritage but make no mistake; I am not jumping off to show the world of my dying devotion and belief in my country. Let’s face it. An unmotivated and not-well-protected man in uniform will not stand in line of fire. We may as well get a one month course in use of weaponry and go guard the porous borders ourselves instead of hiding in our cozy homes and offices tweeting and penning open letters to a dense government.

If I were in a uniform, I would be sleeping on our walls.

Democracy in Nigeria is simply having a civilian president. End of story. We have made a terrible caricature of a concept so powerful and so positive, a concept dedicated to ensuring that a man’s life is made worthy. A government for the people by the people is largely defunct in this part of the world and basically has resulted in frustrating impunity with which elected leaders shabbily carry out what they were elected to do but generally have a clear-cut modus operandi – occupying positions to loot funds, give embossed notes, acquire landed properties, live on the lap of Nigeria’s luxury and send their children abroad to escape the continuing rot in the education sector amongst others. Sadly, most in these sensitive positions are far from being qualified, shameful products of ‘godfatherism’(a word that does not exist in any English dictionary but in Nigeria, describes the puppetry relationship between kingmakers and their acolytes in powers) and sentiments – another definition of democracy.

You see, to succeed especially in a team, ball droppers are made to catch the ball, some forcibly replaced or risk having the entire team look incompetent and particularly the team led take the chide for it. The constant call for the skin of the president is not at all to be misunderstood. If his team fails, he fails. The onus rests squarely on his shoulders to bridge the gap between the unmotivated, the saboteurs and laggards. To put it aptly, if the unemployed dies in a stampede, it shows that the president did not provide enough jobs, if girls are kidnapped by the Boko Haram, the president is clueless and nonchalant of the safety of his citizens, if missing funds are unaccounted for or not clearly explained, he condones corruption and if militants continue to operate in the Niger Delta – looting oil and kidnapping, then he fails because we are long overdue for refineries. We are quick to condemn because that is how the system works. Moreover, the president is quick to advertise feats of the agricultural and finance minister as successes of his administration. Same should go for the failures.

It is a simple case of acute reflection of bad decisions and practices of those in his cabinet generally referred to as the ball droppers. The president is surrounded by ball droppers who get a tap in the back and get on with the next blunder without as much as a reprisal but have resource-drains as committees set up in their wake. Anyone still in touch with committee set up to investigate Stella Oduah? No? I thought so. And no, I am not absolving the president of having ball droppers but what are the local government chairmen, governors, principals and northern leaders doing in their communities? What are the elected doing in the name of democracy to make existence worthy? One would have thought that they would help humanity whether the president is available or not mostly because of the office they occupy but instead, they criticize like the rest of us and get heavily paid for doing nothing.

The unhealthy tussle for power and ethnicity is the reason why terror is staring at us in the face. Does it strike you odd that the average Nigeria can see the problem and offer plausible solutions but not the government? We have had cases of brilliant men and women proffer solutions outside the circle but have now become as clueless as the word the moment they become part of the circle. Could this be the case of the color of money? Perhaps the brilliance in these men and women disappear when mouths become full. With the loot of public funds.

‘A generation of egocentric social media activists’, they call us but they miss the one point that makes these all the more admirable – we are speaking. Demanding accountability and initiating a worldwide revolution. We are doing what our parents failed to do and not on our watch will missing funds and incompetence be rewarded with silence but with hard, loud, somewhat comical demand for accountability and results. We refuse to be quieted because ‘we were not in the picture when Nigeria was born’ and have no knowledge of our beloved fatherland. Where are our books of history? Where are the scrolls of knowledge?

I will not tell the history of a time, a country that once was and now, like the ruins of Egypt, have become. I will tell of a country that will be and like the flourishing of the cedar in Lebanon, we will stand strong. Like the sphinx, Nigeria will rise from her ashes. For posterity sake, we must speak and act for he who speaks and does nothing is worse than an infidel. We owe Nigeria. We owe ourselves.

Uneñ Ameji is a writer and Real Estate Valuer, the author of Memoirs of a Justified Gold Digger and thoughtful provocative contributions on online magazines and blogs; questioning the rule of law and positive for a better Nigeria. Follow @UnenAmeji on twitter for insightful conversations.

**All opinions are of the writer’s and does not represent the opinions of African Stories.

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Geez! My dad is AA & so is my bf, like your 2 or 3 combined "encounters" with AA men are enough warrant belief.

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^^^^^^EXCELLENT RESPONSE & TRUE, some igbo ladies have a thing for black american men not Yoruba women. please keep preaching the truth because that's how black american men feel, it is either Alicia keys or lauren london or another female of another race for them.

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typo

than an african american man

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^^^^^^^@Tom, thanks for preachinggggggggggggg the truthhhh oooooo

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typo

the african women

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Most black american men are really not attracted to west african women.The african men that really gets them on are those ones from north africa and the horn of africa.If u west african u might be wasting your time trying to get the attention of a blk american man.

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I am non-Nigerian.   Opinions and viewpoints aren't hard facts.  It is easier to live in denial than to bear truthful realities.

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^^^^^^^^no african american man did anything to me but the video's speak for themselves, Im not going to pretend because your father is african american(half akata)

^^^^^^^^^@Mrs. Chima, I am not pretending about anything or said I'm in denial, I never denied african men don't have babies, but the numbers are not big as african american men are with white women in America, so what are you trying to prove or proving is not important. I don't care about the leading marriage of IR between white women and african american men in America in this thread(that's not we are talking about). So you findings are true but it doesn't change the numbers. Just because all the men are black doesn't mean they have the same patterns, sorry. Also white women in America are marrying african american men in a higher rate then african men, that is my point, I already have a thread and a study on that, so stop beating around the bush.

^^^^^^^^^^oh I forgot both of you guys are igbo, one is half igbo and the other is complete igbo; you guys mix alot with african americans and marry outside your race alot, so I shouldn't be surprised by your comments. You guys can proceed, with your fantasy world comments

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^^^^^^^^^^^^^In the US majority of the cases are african american men, not black african men; so you point is irrelevant. There are more mixed kids from african american men & Caribbean men in the US then african men, you know why because majority of blacks in America are african american, followed by Caribbeans then africans.

African peoples population in America are to small to make a big impact so whether a few african men have kids with white women makes no difference when their numbers are small compared the rates with african american men. If this was Europe then I will agree with you since many father less children from black fathers tend to have Caribbean then african fathers.

When it comes to Black men white women love in America, they mean african american men and to a extent Caribbean men; I have heard many white ladies call some african men ugly. the swagger of black american men are different from african men

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As a resident of USA, I would say that there are Black American baby daddies and there are African baby daddies.  Many of the white girls who have illegitimate kids are by African and Black American men. 

There were studies conducting issues in the black communities by a social agency and they did not identify African men as African men but Black men along with Black American men.  They have stated that the majority of baby daddies are black men according to their studies and majority of baby mommas are white. 

If you see some articles about interracial marriage and dating in America and how it jumped tremendously in the last decade, it is true.  The articles aren't fabricating the stories and there are high number of biracial children than white and black children combined. 

Those black men in America must be doing something right if those white chicks running to them like a rabid dog in heat.

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^^^^^you don't need to see evidence the writings are on the wall:

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Hmmmmm. I have to see the evidence. Plus I've seen enough where I can say their women don't really care about them.

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^^^^^^^I said most of them, most doesn't mean all so your father and boyfriend don't count in that list, but for many of them, especially compared to other men they do

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Not my dad, not my bf. They don't treat their women any worse than any other group of men.

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^^^^^^they do treat their women like crap, at least most of them

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Kinda true, my mom is igbo. But the "baby momma" stuff applies to the type of AA men they date. And please stop wih the "treat women like crap", thats bull.

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^^^^^^^^^^^^majority of african women don't go with african american men(the couples exist but very small) because of culture, and quite frankly they don't want to become baby mommas because many african american men are not responsible, they treat their own women like crap, and etc. When it comes to what west indians or black latinos think about african american men, I don't know but many marry african american men.

when it comes to Nigerians I don't see Yoruba women looking that direction but a few igbo women look that direction though

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sista,so this thread is still alive?

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African women can become and have become baby mamas as well.

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after u become baby mama 2/3 times, you go wish say ya papa don advise you on who to marry

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Absolutely nothing's wrong!

im real glad my dad isnt trying to chose who i should be with. . .that wud be jus plain horrible.

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he wont mention it till he finds fun with another woman

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I don't see anything wrong with dating an afro-american as long as he doesn't mention the Divorce word.

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@topic

absolutely nothing

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Wolves kwa?. . . Who eats meat here? Not me!

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Uju, some of these men are wolves,beware!!!

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I don't like it when people don't fulfill their promises, this person knows who i'm talking about,

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@Uju4eva

Uju, I already talked to you in the last email telling you I would be getting that stuff together. I told you what to do until then, why didn't you just email me agiain?

You don't have to leave me a message in this topic. You know you and I can email each other.

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na lie

that one na story

one nigeria lives

abeg no slavery mentality we no need them

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Infact you are making a good point here, is inpossible to ignore culture, but if we manage every thing well, we might as well be uniting our people the most balanced way, this is why I 've always wanted the Igbo's to stand on there own, either by seceding or by autonomous system of governace, cause that is the only way we can develop our talents and help one another, instead of staying in some white mans enclave called nation and fight one another. believe me if we wont sort this problems now, we would still be confused in 100 years time, quote me anyday.

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Sista it has been nearly 5 days, and you have still not emailed me back,

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@Sista

Alexander Pushkin is the maternal* great-grandson of an Eritrean man who Peter, czar of Russia, wanted to educate. Peter made himself Gannibal's (that's his name) godfather.

Their relation is not through blood but through voluntary association. Hope that helps.

*sorry, before I said paternal and that was wrong!

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@Chinani

I am assuming that Pushkin is related to the Russian King I was asking 925 to give reason for bringing up?

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@Drusilla

Duly noted. Thanks for the correction and link (above).

@Nferyn

Thanks for noticing. I totally agree w/ your additions to the conversation, especially, And how many of these squander their weath in ill-conceived illusions of grandeur? Trying to fit into a class they will never be accepted in? Approprating the external symbols of wealth while still being excluded from the upper class. Rich they are, wealthy most definitely not.

Wish people would accept this already and stop hurting themselves. http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-23185.544.html#msg665526

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Chinani,

Hmmmm

Quote:

However, Pushkin certainly did not need to embellish his ancestor's own personal history. For the accomplishments of Ibrahim Petrovitch Gannibal are proof of what any man - despite his colour - could rise to, given the opportunity. Ibrahim was treated as no less than a member of the royal family at court and, in the biographical notes on him written either by his wife or by someone in her family shortly after his death, the following statement is made:

", he (Peter) wished to make examples of them and put (Russians) to shame by convincing them that out of every people and even from among wild men - such as Negores, whom our civilized nations assign exclusively to the class of slave, there can be formed men who by dint of application can obtain knowledge and learning and thus become helpful to their monarch."

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/secret/famous/pushkingenealogy.html

Apparently they were very aware of race in Pushkins Time. The African as only a Slave was alive and well then.

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I actually agree. This is why I think it is better to make a large African Federation that all current African nations must be subservient too, while at the same time empowering each cultural group to the kind of power that nations now weild.

We should be strenghthening cultural groups and the African Federation and squashing nations put together by Europeans for their profit.

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To Babyosisi

Aghotalu mu, thank you

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Hey

Iwe adirom at all.

asi'm gi hapu nwanyi a ka oburu uwa ya gawa

anu ofia k'obu.

I ma onyem n'ekwu about

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To Babyosis,

Ada oma, biko amaram na inwelike ever gbaghalu mu, nne nne biko okwa obi oma mu mere njili kwu otua, mana biko nwannem chefuo, if you ever can, I was a fool. Mee kam nmalu, if you accept my apology.

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9to 5.

Nwannem nwoke,O kwa gi n'asi m welu nwayo, kita i fu go ife?

N gwa welu nwayo nwoke oma.

lovu o nwunye i ofuma O.

chefu e okwu ojoo dum onye obuna gwa gi.

i nu go nwanne,OK.

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