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What Makes You A Man?

I have observed my father, and noticed that he holds the reins in his relationship like a charriot, wearing the trouser in the relationship.

while my girlfriend's father is the exact opposite. I mean i've never seen a man cry until when i met my girlfriend's father. I used to think women were too emotional but this one beats me. I was shell shocked.

I am now at a point where i have to hold the reins, and i have resorted to take after my father.

Guys, what makes you a man?

bare in mind the ladies will be reading this, but please be truthful.

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41 answers

First of all, a man that cries does not make him less of a man.

In my opinion some of the things that make a real man are: the ability to make decisions, act mature and be responsible, to name a few.

I like a man that can take can be a strong leader and at the same time consult with me. This makes me feel apart of the relationship and not a little girl who is taken from the hand. I am in the relationship with him and I want to have a say as well.

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@ davidylan - Yes, you are right. All fathers are different - There is no right or wrong.

@sistawoman - I think your parents have it right. They are not doing these things because it is expected of them, just because of the respect and love they have for each other. Each relationship has "their thing" that makes it special.

I also believe the man should take the lead role in the relationship. I totally agree that if mom is not happy, the whole household will suffer.

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nothing. can't make you feel anymore guilty than myself, i no go worry you again.

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okay sorry to bother you.

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My venom in your veins?

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blah blah blah. yes i agree with him.

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ohhhhhh, thanks. Do you agree wiv him, cuz I don't.

*grabs face* I seriously don't know what I woulda done without your help.

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Its ok, i'm just saying not to assume that your dad shld be the model for the ideal man. The good thing is you at least have an idea of what you want your man to be so the rest of your search is made easy.

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At least he makes sense as opposed to those who dont make "speeches"

"My papa didnt even cry when his parents died, he's THE MAN"

Utter idiocy.

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see this man. must he write a valedictorian speech on everything?

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Never said I was looking for a clone. Like any human, he has good and "bad" sides.

But when it comes to NOT RELYING ON A WOMEN TO DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU, that's one majority stance I'm not weavering on. It's what I was raised up with, what I've come to appreciate and what I WANT

is that ok for you?

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lol definitely not. There are basic things you expect from your partner . . . beyond that you just have to learn to adjust to the other minute issues she brings to the relationship. If you're looking for a clone of your father maybe i shld suggest u just marry him because you wont find any.

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Karmamod,

if it does happen to you, will you rush out?

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even if "as they come" is the exact opposite of what you wnat in a partner?

Good luck with that.

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maybe maybe not. I've learnt that not all women are the same, i take them as they come now. I suppose you shld begin to see things in that light.

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I'll accept that day you accept marrying a girl that is the complete OPPOSITE of your mother, David

Eiher way I dont see that happening on my side

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what does a child know? When i was 5yrs old i thot the earth was flat too.

Its no big deal, all fathers are different . . . dont be surprised if u end up with a man the exact opposite of ur father.

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I never looked as my mom as inferior to my father but my father is the head of his house.  My father did not control my mother but she knew what was expected of her as he knew what was expected of him.  I dont ask my husband for permission to do things as my mom never asked my father for permission for everyday things.  But if any of us children came with a special request, ie a loan or something, it had to be cleared thru dad.

My husband cooks but that is his personal preference and my dads was that he did not have to cook because my mother or us girls would do it.

If it is 50/50 and a husband and wife dont agree weither to go left or right are they suposed to go off and do thier own way seperate from each other.  a decison has to be made and the result of that decison has be delt with.  why not allow your husband to make those decisons w/ your imput and allow your husband to shoulder the weight of those decisons.

Women have the power to influance our husbands in only a way a wife can.  We can help them, hold thier hands and guide them to a decison w/o taking control.  The real deal is, and every man knows this, if mama aint happy nobody is happy.  My dad often said that to us children.  He always made sure my mom had a smile on her face and no matter what was going on mom was always happy.  Now I know why, she had a MAN who took charge of his family and ran his house.

You say you cant submit to a man.  Let me tell you I used to think that way at one time until my husband.  When that MAN comes along you will gladly submit to him.  You will gladly wait on him hand and foot because he will treat you like the Queen you are and you will have no problem giving him his King status.

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sistawoman,

Don't mind Karma, she's just being a sissy.

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Sista don't get too distracted by the naysayers, at least your parents had that much needed mutual respect and understanding for one another.

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These are the ways my parents showed they loved each other.  It is admizing that out of everything I said about my parents the one thing you focued on was that he never served his own food to his self.

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ROFL

Trust and obey

for there's no other way

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No offence but I'm VERY thankful that my father is the complete opposite despite being a village man to the core.

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@sistawoman

oka i don't know how you do it cause i don't think i could be a submissive wife. it just doesn't work with me. yes i will take care of my husband but to wade on him hand and foot is a hell naw for me. Growing up my father was a man but he treated my mom as his equal. And a marriage can be 50/50 if you try. I don't understand how people can withstand marriages in which things are 75/25. i don't like being seen as inferior to anybody so i don't want no one controlling me or telling me what to do. he can tell our children what to do but as for me, i do what i feel is right in my heart not after being told what to do. I dare for him to think he aint never going have to cook for himself cause my father cooked for himself all the time. and my mom took care of hte bills every now and again. so i guess it depends on what you were brought up with.

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@ Onyinye

a man has to be firm in his household does not interprete to being a punk.

Karmamod, please watch your language, this thread is not for insults.

If your own father cries like a baby each time, does not mean you should insult people on here. That statement from me was used as a reference and not a standard of measure geddit?

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You sound like a demented psycho/ Are all men the same? So cos your cold father didnt cry about the death of his parents, everyone should look up to him as the standard of being a "man"

Abeg go and sleep

It's these so called "men" that can kill people in their sleep and sing "trust and obey" 20 mins later

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yeeeee o yibon. paa paa paa

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A man controls his emotions, and not the other way round.

My father may feel pain sometimes, but i have never in my lifetime seen the guy cry.  even when his dad and mum died. now what painful emotion can be more than that?

Not someone who cries at every little opportunity just because his wife left him.

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yeah i was tooken back about his statement too.

oka i dont want no punk as a husband because that aint nothing no one want. yea there will be times that i will have to except the fact he is the man and society says he needs to step up and take control. but i dont need no man telling me what to do. i have a mind of my own. and i dont want him to make all the decisions in the household. i mean it is my household too. i deserve to have a say and make decisions too.

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Are you saying your gf's father isnt a "man" cos he has emotions?

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david,

it's not being brute, but being firm.

@ Onyinye,

My research shows most women get annoyed when they expect the man to take the decision and show the lead rather than asking her what he should do.

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he can be the leader, just not over me. i dont need someone telling me what to do. i have my own parents for that. and i dont want just one of us to be the leader of the relationship. why can't it be 50/50? there we both have a say and no one soul person makes the final decision but we both can.

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First of all, a woman looks up to man to be the leader in the relationship.  When the man starts looking up to the woman, then there's something wrong.

50/50 means there's no leader in the relationship.

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because even in life there are no two captains on a ship.

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Why shouldn't he be a leader?

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well even though im a woman, im going to put my two cents into this. oka i heard your post was a little tooken back. First of all you said that women were too emotional. Negative. Second you said that you never seen a man cry. I want to ask you why you seemed so shocked when you first saw a man cry.Third of all, why does your dad have to be the leader of the relationship? why couldnt it be 50/50?

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My father is just like yours.

I think you're mistaking being a "brute" to be equivalent to being the "man" in a relationship. A man can be the leader in his relationship without being too pushy or making his partner feel intimidated.

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