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When Parents Oppose Your Relationship?

What do u do when u're hopelessly in love and your folks are opposing strongly to ur relationship?

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27 answers

@ Seun,

Good idea, but you know what, it is not that simple. I pray I don't encounter such because it will be very difficulty to have to choose between family and husband. And if I have to choose, I guess I know where my loyalty will be. Also giving the extravagant naija wedding, family disagreeing might just be karma's way of helping me save money on a typical naija wedding, and my dream of a quiet wedding coming through.

BTW I know my family most def will not marry me, so if they say no, there better be an alternative. Whatever happens I pray I don't experience it sha.

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thank seun

see, some times these parents just oppose , cos they want us dating thier heart desires, but what really matters is WHAT WE want,am also in a situation where ma spouse's father , doesnt want to hear the first letter of ma name, let alone ma full name.but it doesnt matter anymur, as long as i have HIM

i been listernin to Akon's "dont Matter"

and these lines "nobody wana c us 2gether but it dont matter , cos i got you,cos we gon fight for our right to love"

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Sorry about this. Next time don't ask your father whether he approves. Just invite him to the wedding.

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Personnally i am in this kind of situation and its only God that can make things work. My girl Yoruba while am Igbo.my girl travelled out to the usa via lottery and the truth of the matter is we love each other so much.first her mother said shes older than me,again that she went to see a Pastor that told her that if we get married it wont work. but with all this my girl still loves me just that they put her in confusion with all this rumours that IGBO guys are this and that.

my girl says we should leave everything to God and that her mind says its me so we praying that next year w'll be able to tie the knots u.

but meanwhile we are putting all in the hands of God,i personnally told my girl that if her Mum thinks its becasue shes in the usa that i want to marry her that i will leave her alone but she personally told me that i shouldnt give up on her and the truth of it all is my strenght is her strength and vice versa. but i must tell u all out hear that is not an easy task.

i personnally went to her mum to tell her that i love her daughte and want to marry her and she said that we should leave everything in the hands of God. Also, my girl once told me that she thinks her mum is delaying our marraige because she thinks we wont be able to hang on for long but i have one believe,"WHAT WILL BE WILL SURELY BE" my girl calls me and i call her.

sometimes like one of u said on here Parents do that for  their own selfish reasons without minding the Happiness of their child. but i will only advise anyone in this situation to hang on there and have one believe "if ur girl/Man is for u then no one can stop it not even ur parents.

cheers[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000]

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Or they see what the man / woman in love cannot see.

That the person is just a bastard,. a selfish fool a lazy bone or something like that

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i would tell my parents just to inform them, not for their approval. No one would be living with us, if i made a mistake i would take it, but l wont forgive myself if i take their advise  and their advise becomes a mistake. But at this age and time, love counts not what parents says, come to think of it what parents normally says is always based on tribe, she is an OSU, she has a child already, her sister is divorced from her husband, one of their family members had been mad or is epileptic, she is too educated, father married 2 wives and very many irrelevant reasons

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Open your eyes maybe there is something they see which you have refused to see. if not , follow your heart because either sweet or sour your parents ain't gonna be there always!

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@Actuary

What do u do when u're hopelessly in love and your folks are opposing strongly to your relationship?

Please don't be hopelessly in love. There are many reasons for being hopelessly in love (not the issue now). Open your eyes and don't pretend. Is there anything in your relationship that you think you can cope with but your folks know you can't (based on your peculiar family values)? You need to prove to them if you know you can cope. Remember marriage is for better for worse.

Now put your folks apart, hear the views of real friends (who know you well and can tell you the truth) about your folks reasons of disapproval. They can be of help to you.

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@ juwon

My advice to you is to pray and put your past behind you. Your trials are indications that you are precious.

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@ kiki

Yeah right

@juwon

Move out of your present location perhaps to a friends' and start afresh. Just move out maybe u've been depending on your spouse for too long. Just believe your future is spotless.

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well i'm a lil gurl and rite now i'm speechless well there are older ppl who will av a very good advice 4 u ut all i can say is move out of that state and go to another state even if u can't afford to move out of d country and statr a whole new life and always pray i don't want to sound all religion but u ain't got dat many option than to pray and belive God will help u out

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am juwon by name 25 years old i was a student of uni ibadan and had some problems in school because of my ex girl fri i was trying to help her to school she told me then there is a SPIRITUAL CURSE but i never took it serious i entered a terrible problem then in 2001 and i was sent out of school in 2002 then after that time i stated developing some problems which i will HEAR my NAME from no where telling me to start walking and i would have walked 3 to 4 hrs before asking my self where am i going i never took it serious and never told my parents till i walked 3 to 4 hrs everday from year 2001 till 2005 august where i finally got delivered.In march 11 i got to meet a girl who finally helped me back to school in festac i study INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY in NIIT Festac centre but my parents are really happy about this and told me they wanted to see my new girlfriend i took her home my parents like her so much but unfortunately my mum elder sister and came and said so much about that that she hate her and she is a foolish,silly and all anoying decaying words that are not good to tell a human being. She made her way to my uncles house where i live and came up with same problems, the problems was too much for me that i told her to pay up my school bills or leave me alone but i said no and get off me when my uncle heard he told me to leave his house and kicked me out the girl promised me for my second installment but she later told me that their is no means helping me anymore since she is not going to get me married that was her target she changed her line and all about her i had been sent out of school now for 3 weeks and my mum has been too much worried i don't know what do i was thinking about it i don't know what to do please i need emails or calls to advice me what to do jarue4real@verizonmail.com or 2348032725262 i told SEUN about it and told me to post it on nairaland i don't know what to do i had lost my girlfriend, lost my school and me and my uncle are not in good terms i have a bitter world now

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though,my parent will alway want the BEST for me, but then,if my parent oppose my relationship?may be they might have forseen danger ahead or in the nearest future, i have no option than to listen to them.

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Reason: Cos she's months older. Does it really matter? Especiallywhen u know all the facts (implications), and u're ready to deal with it anyways?

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Some parents are doing that just because of their own selfish interest.I had a similar experience,his mum said no way just because i'm not their tribe.And he told me he cann't do what will make his mum feel bad about him.since then he's no longer the same person i use to know.

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i would tell you, my girl friend of 4yrs 3months and 6 days left me,based on her mothers saying it could be very devastating,and killing,but looking at it from another view , it might just be okay ,

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@ Worldgreat

World, have you tried discussing your frustration with the Igbo girl? Don't assume that she knows that you dislike her yelling. Give her a chance to come to a common ground with you. Tell her that you want to talk to her about the relationship. Don't talk to her as if you are disgusted with her behavior. Talk to her as if you understand her and are not criticizing her.

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It's very difficult situation,u don't know how to go about it,it's happening to me too.we're 2 guys and 6 girls in my house and all my sisters are married,but my brother married an Ibo girl,which my mum doesn't really mind ,cos we grew up in the same area,so she'd always known her.

now am dating an Ibo girl but my mum is always begging me not to marry Ibo girl again now,that i no we're only 2 guys,and i personally ,i like my partner so much but am still trying to study her,although everybody have their short comings.am now afriad not to get too deep,cos 1. my mum doesn't want me to,

2. She gets angry easily, which i can't tolerate,but i've got to understand that all girls does,it just vary the degree of the management,cos am an easy going person,i hate people shouting on me or not cool.it pisses me off.

i'd lost my dad since i was 15years,now am getting ready for a steady and last relationship.

so what do u think i can do?

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To an extent its not fair for parents to meddle into one's relationship, 

Their involvment should be on a low profile,  giving parental or moral advice n stuffs like that. and not an upright rejection of your partner. Some parents base their decision on physical outlook of the individual, which is not fair.

On the otherhand its good,  because they've been there, seen it all and the experience. so they wouldnt want us to pass through the negative side of relationship as they did.

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There is always something for you to learn from your parents, some times its best to stay calm, hold back a little and try to see issues from their angle. You won't find it pleasant to discover at the end that your parents were right about their refusal.

Listen to their views before resisting their interference into your private life. You won't loose anything by doing so and also, give them time to also see issues from your angle. Its only after exhausting all alternatives that is best for you to hold on to what you think its best for you. If you succeed in winning them over then you will be happy you handled issues this way.

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Then lets hear your story and see if they are right or wrong.

Guess what thanks to internet one day my daughter showed me a pic of a Boy she was dating.

One look was enough for me to know the boy was a bastard. And i told her that i cannot make it impossible her to see him, but very difficult.

She called me every name under the sun how unfair i am i do not even know him just because bla bla bla.

But at the end of the day i was right. And thank god she saw that too be4 it was too late.

Parents have more experience and when it comes to their kids their eyes are very open.

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then love undergoes the test of real or not real love. If y'all really love each other or not!

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@ Actuary

Just to let you know, we do choose who we fall in love with. Falling in love is a concious choice.

If our parents see that we have not made the right choice or that our choice has a flaw, it is their duty as a parent to intervene. However, ultimately the choice is yours and if your choice turns out to be a mistake, you will have to suffer the consequences. This is what our parents want to avoid for us if they can.

Something else you should know, your parents love you and would not deliberately do or say anything to hurt you.

The relationship one has needs to be good for the entire family or else there is going to be problems. If your mother and father do not approve of who you are dating, whether they are right or wrong, your relationship will suffer.

Your parents will send out negative vibes that will absorb into your relationship, sometimes you won't realize that you are reacting to these vibes. It is important to know that, if you continue your relationship, you have to be strong to protect you and your friend against negative vibes. But, on the flip side, if your parents turn out to be right about this friend of yours, you can't let your ego get in the way. You can't continue to be with this person to spite your parents and prove them wrong, you would only be hurting yourself.

Why do your folks oppose, can you tell us more?

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yeah i read this book like dat 2

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To answer your question, there is nothing you can do about it, time will heal them or make things worse.

I know some women today their parents are not talking to them ,because of the man they married.

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It depends on what they have to say.

maybe they just want to open your eyes.

Parents usually handle in the interest of the child.

Not all are just biased.

If my daughter comes up with an indian i will go like "ho my god" without even knowing the guy , but if she is serious and my hands are tied i will start to study the boy very well

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well 1st of all ur parent ain't suppose to av nothin to do with who u love but i know somtimes dey do but it don't matter wat dey say cos u love this person and its u who gon be livin with dis person 4 d rest of ur life not ur parent

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