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Who Should U Marry;a Person U Luv Or A Person That Luvs U?

My BF and i have been relating for 3years now and im convinced he luvs me very much.But as more and more he's luv grows,so is my luv for him decreasing.i have come to realize that i dont have true feelings of luv for me.maybe i thought i luv him when d relationship commenced but now i've seen clearly that my feelings are mere infatuation. Hirtherto,this guy in question has been so much good to me.he's been sincere and faithful though there are still some of his xters dat i dislike however i understand no one is as impeccable as God,thus we cant have a perfect character.

Now d bone of contention is d fact dis guy is ready to go down d aisle with me.he wants to have me as a wife but i dont know how to make him understand that i cant love him the way he deserves to be loved.right from d beginnin of our relationship,av not been reciprocating his luv cuz i thought real feelings of luv will emerge later which never happened.In the last few months i hav done a lot of things to frustrate him,to make him leave yet he still politely reminds me of d extent of his luv and dat if im actually tired of him,then i shld say it to his face rather doing it indirectly,But i really dont know how to face and tell him dat i dont want him anymore!

My dear readers,im not tryin to dump dis guy bcuz i dislike some his characters or cuz i dont luv him dat much but it is because i want him to have a woman dat will luv him wholeheartedly as a wife cuz he deserves dat very much.i know i cant give him dis kind of luv and im also tryin to avoid any marital problem dat may arise if i force myself to marry all in d name of not wanting to break his heart.i want him to have peace in his heart,in his home and marry d woman dat will satisfy him in all ramifications.

If i now face him to explain these points and y i want to quit a 3yrs relationship?wont he take me as a wicked person or as a heart breaker? or shld i go ahead and marry him since i know he truely luvs me? PLS ADVICE ME I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

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45 answers

Person that loves you. They wont hurt you.

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@cant-c-me,pls stop jumpin at conclusions n mind d language u use on dis forum.i think u ar matured enof to know hw to address pple witout offendin dem wit ur words n if u dont hav any sensible advice to offer,y dont u keep ur razorsharp-mouth up!On a lighter 10ks to u all 4 ur contributions.

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Thank you for this.I hope a lot of people take heed of the embolded line. Then perhaps a lot of married people will stay together forever in peace, and that the single people will realize that there's nothing wrong with their singlehood. Its all a matter of being with the one you are most comfortable with, either alone till you find the one and that is if you are looking or with someone you could find when it all makes sense.

I dont know who f*^#d up this world making people belive that marriage is the end all and be all of your life. Today marriage is being treated like something of a conquest. While on the other hand I'd like to belive that inner peace, contemptment, goodness and kindness should be the quest for human kind, and wherever you find it so be your happy life.

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NEVER MARRY THE PERSON YOU DO NOT LOVE AND YOU KNOW YOU WILL NOT LOVE.

Marriage is better, healthier and safer between a couple in love or who love each other.

mariage de convenance has done humankind more harm than good.

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@ poster, let me correct one impression concerning love u re saying, nothing like love in a relationship, what we go for is choice. When u see ur choice the love will grow and grow stronger. In a nutshell,  this gentle man is not your choice in one reason or the other.

U better look for ur choice, so u will not regret at the end of ur marriage. U can risk everything in life, but u can't risk marriage.

these are the things u need to consider in a relationship:

1. Choice: is this person is a kind of person u want in ur life?

2. Love: is this person love u as u love him/her?

3: Understanding: do we both understand each other?

sorry time does not permit me to expatiate further.

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@,,,,,,

Here is it: (cdocuman@yahoo.com) Just add n' buzz, and i 'll join u in a jiffy.

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Some men/women have potentials in them but circumstances are holding it which will manifest/come out later in life then think twice before you quit but if it is just I love you lets go and have dinner some where so as to cool off no prospect at all in life then count me out

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Big sis. b very careful as u make ur decision. probably u saw someone that u like or love ur love degenerated), that is why u're mking this decision.

life is all about taking risk. so go ahead with the present relationship but if u don't, the other guy might b the person u'll regret in ur entire life.

Also put everything in prayer as u make ur decision, cheers.

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There's nothing wrong in leaving someone-if deep down within you know it won't work out. Since that initial doubt has already set in-it's more likely than not to grow.

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Drop ur email, will add yu on messenger.

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sorry,

i mean a gal should marry who loves her.

@

Adaybola, u are making a whole lot of sense. wish i could reach you.

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@Adaybola Thanks for your contribution and honesty

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@

OP, please be sincere nd kindly let us know why you can't just love him, we know quite well that d reason is best known to you. No doubt, you are in dilemma, but i say be practical to enable you handle it with ease,

AS 4 UR QUES;

A man should marry whom he loves.

A gal should marry who loves them

In African society, while the reverse should be d case in western world where there are more strict laws that protect the women in marriage.

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You are right to an extent but it seems you don't understand me.  If i may ask, is leaving someone who loves you with their whole heart and are always there for you no matter what for a silly fantasy of "tall-handsome-comfortable-romantic and perfect man" makes sense to you? I didn't love him cuz i was looking at all the wrong qualities. I liked him a lot, i enjoyed the intimacy we had, i enjoyed his company but "he just wasn't attractive enough"! Is that a valid reason to end a relationship that was so great?? Or because of some silly fantasy? 

Yes and yes, you can fall in love with someone overtime, if only we can try to see the good qualities in them. Respect begets love and love grows over time.

All am telling her is to be careful and search herself and have a good reason for ending what she has now. Atimes, we don’t appreciate what we have until we loose it cuz most times we keep searching for “whatever we believe will make us happy” we never seem to realized that we had it all along. As the Yorubas will say “nkan ti a wa lo si Sokoto, o nbe ni inu sokoto wa” .

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don't u ever make such a mistake, or else u will end u having a peaceless home for the rest of ur life

so Marry whom u love and not the person that loves u

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@adaybola.

That's life-we live and learn i guess.

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@adaybola, thanks for the honst story a lot of girls would not admit to such. I've always been one to maintain that you are where you are because of the decisions you make, therefore regret nothing. There's always two possible outcomes in the decisions we make and that is it will either work out or it may not. Whats important is that Whatever the outcome be prepared.

You did nothing wrong leaving him otherwise I believe you wouldnt have seen the beauty in him anyway. He was going to be that guy who constantly tries to please you which in the end he would have grown resentful of it. Who knows you would have been the cheating wife, which by the lines in your post it tells me that's not who you are. Meaning this relationship could have brought out the worst in you.

What you should learn from this is that, he came into your life to teach you to appreciate people in a deeper sense. Not a bad lesson at all. You dont know the reasons why they had an attraction to each other and why they decided to get married.

Just because your search is not yielding the best results it doesnt mean your match will not come. Maybe this is happening so that when he comes you can then appreciate him more and better. Bless yourself and see what happens.

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Your honesty is refreshing. Hope you meet someone else who would love you perhaps more than your ex did and who you would be able to love back in return.

@Poster, se you dey tory so? - Use brain oo, Hmm

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My dear, it's not the same situation, The poster has been in this relationship for 3 years, Probably kissed and panshed each other many many times too. It's not the same ooo.

Your own was just a friend who happened to like you. The two does not equal four in this case.

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I was once in that situation.

We were friends but he loved me so much and i wanted to make him happy so i pretended that i liked him too.

It was when he tried to kiss me that i discovered that i could not continue to pretend.

It was so revolting that i had to come clean.

He actually cried but i had to be firm and pull away.

Today, i am married to the man of my dreams.

He is totally into me and i am into him.

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I think you should tell him and you guys sort it out. The talk will either clear things up or cloud the issue more. . .but it's a step in making a decision.

Personally, i cannot be with someone who loves me more. Feels like i have use padded hands to handle them. Too stressful jare.

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In every relationship, one person usually puts in more effort than the other. Just like break-ups, one person usually doesn't want the break-up as much as the other person does.

Let's be real, women fall in love more easily than men. Many men can sleep with a woman and feel no attachment to her, many women can't. I think the idea of a guy loving me more than I love him is cute based on the above fact. Shows he's really genuine and would most likely stick with me no matter what. But it's still "selfish" on my part but hey, who isn't selfish?

I'd say you should stick to him because it's rare for a guy to be into you more than you are into him BUT that'd be a great decision if you even loved him at all, doesn't need to be up to the level he loves you(since one person usually puts in more in every relationship). But you don't seem to love him at all, maybe like, which isn't good enough. So, tell him how you feel, he'll be hurt since he's probably obsessed with you, but with time, he'll get over you. Going ahead to marry him would be torture for you and him because you may stick to him while having extra marital affairs. Just save two of you the heartache.

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You want to kill the boy abi ?

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girl, its better for u to marry somebody that love u. its easy for a lady to build love than for guy, just focus on the good side of the guy and u will develop the love for him.

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It's simply DEMAND and SUPPLY that is at play here. Poster feels she has too much of our homeboy's attention and she is f**king up. Reminds me of tai2's post.

Once our guy withdraws his attention and fixes it on some new bimbo, this ingrate will sit up asap. Hope our guy's game is tight sha.

Security [in a relationship] lies in your [potential] ability to 'produce'. Once a chica knows you can sweatlessly replace her, she stays constantly on her toes.

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you wanna dump da guy cos he aint rich abi ? OGA OOOO oloshi ni awon obirin yi sef

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@poster

sit him down and explain to him how you feel EXACTLY the way you wrote it on here. you shouldnt really care what he well think of you if you are TRULY HONEST about how you feel.

as for the saying: "better marry someone that loves you more than you do" its the dumbest thing i have ever heard!

but hey, some people marry for other reasons than LOVE and therefore they need something to make them feel special, i suppose!

there is no need for you to stay any longer in this relationship as we all know that one day when the love/care/respect is all gone, you will become a real biatch towards him (excuse my French).

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Must U indulge the men that make advances at U? Spyker is on point but I doubt U will listen to him.

Not everyone will be happy at the end of the day even tho everyone can be happy at the end of the day.

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The situation you are in is the same situation i found myself two years ago. In my own case, she told me she likes me as a friend and would continue in the relationship hoping that the love would grow. She ended up cheating on me and after we broke up, she realized she made a mistake of cheating since she thought in cheating, she would meet someone better than I. At the end of the day, she came running back but it was too late.

Hope you won't regret it if you leave him. Why don't you find a quiet place where both of you can seat and discuss. Tell him the truth, believe me, he will understand. But don't cheat on him otherwise you would have created an enemy of women.

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@kay, u just av 2 let him kno so u wont live to regret it!

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Hope say another guy no dey one corner dey wind Ur head?

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@omolola,i dont know exactly y i fail to luv him.i guess dis luv of a thing is something natural (i.e. we dont have control over it) n maybe there are some features i luv to see in a guy which he doesnt have.i really cant place it.bt one thing im sure of is dat i dont luv him d way he luvs me n i want to stop faking my luv.

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Trust me, whether or not U are in love U cannot be swept off your feet unless U make provision for the sweeper to sweep u off of them.

Even if U get instantly swept off your feet the high on the floor won't last long enough unless of course U stay on the floor and encourage the person to keep sweeping U on the floor.

Whether U love or are in love U will continue to meet people U find attractive thru life's journey; now that's confirmed. It's how U handle the attraction that leads to whether U will be found wanting or not.

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@ochendu, if she marries sum1 she does not lov nd meets a guy dat sweeps hr off her feet,my broda,she wuld cheat on him!

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@ 190, i kno now honey mi, lol.

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People don't cheat cos they don't love the person they are with; people cheat for other reasons but hardly, if ever, cos they don't love the person. best not expect that love would keep U from cheating.

True she should marry a guy she at least feels good about being with.

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People still get married in this day and age? hell nooo

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omolola but u know i love u sha~

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@onchedu,dat is normal now.even if one is married,,u men will still come to make ur advances.do u think dats d cause?bt i dont think i've come across a guy dat can completely replace dis BF of mine,yet i still hav feelings of doubt abt my luv for him

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y dont u lov him? is it dat he is short nd u prefer tal guys or he dosnt hav all d qualities u wnt in a guy.

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if u marry hm without lovn him dere is every probability dat u wuld cheat on him! nd u both wuld onli end up frustrated!

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I've heard it said by mothers in advices to their daughters over and over again to marry a man that loves them more than they love him. I think loving is a man's responsibility cos with men it more often than not holds more meaning, even when it doesn't feel like a pleasure trip. I would rather marry a woman I love more than she luvs me. A woman's love can fade like rain bearing clouds blown away by the winds.

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i would rather go for sm1 that can die for me

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