Do single women after 30 have a chance to get married? What are the reasons of their loneliness? How to deal with it? You’ll find out everything you wanted to know about relationships here!
According to research conducted by UK OfficeforNationalStatistics more than 50% of women, who have reached the age of 50 years, have the status - never married. Thirty years ago, the number of women who have never been married were 2 times less. What are the causes of loneliness? Why are there so many single women after 30?
The question arises: why a woman in the prime of life, with a certain experience of life, without the youthful extremism and romanticism, is not married. Moreover, there is often no constant boyfriend. So why aren’t they married? Are they independent women or working women?
Wide-spread quotes of such ladies:
- all men bastards;
- all decent men are already dating or married;
- all have pets and dirty shoes;
- I want them to... and there is a very-very long list. And they do not do that!
And where is the truth?
I propose to refer to the opinion of the famous author of the bestseller ‘Why are not you married yet...’ Tracy McMillan. She believes that women's loneliness is a consequence of self-deception and a whole bunch of systems. Is this the main reason? Let's investigate.
Active defense! Watch out!
Successful in career (business) woman, who believes that she sees men’s souls and can examine the psychology and physiology of men, does not forgive men's passions and weaknesses. She is ready to criticize and ridicule any man's act, and especially masculine weakness. She is ready to argue and fight with any man and is ready to be the only winner. And the men run from such woman very quickly and much faster than she sends them out. Men, according to Tracy McMillan, avoid evil and cold women, and most importantly – ‘unloving’. This is a good reason.
Tracy calls these women ‘bitches’. But, in my opinion, in this case acquired bitchiness works as a defense mechanism. Such woman is afraid that someone will see her true nature and reject it. And to be rejected for such a lady is absolutely unacceptable. So she, in any case, attacks first. She initially believes that to be nice, cheerful and open - it is humiliating for women. Loneliness sounds good.
What are the reasons?
Tracy suggests that this type of behavior is obtained when the girl grew up in a family, in which she did not get enough attention, and also she was regularly teased because of her weaknesses. And the child has a desire to prove to everyone that she also can be successful and very strong. And without any weaknesses and sentimentality.
For women, who are showing constant aggressive defense, Tracy advises to stop being afraid. No need to open the soul to everyone, but also hiding is unnecessary. You have less female. Just try to be friendly and you can get an unexpected pleasure in the realization that not all men are trying to crush and subdue. They are as different as the women are. But they will not make any steps towards moving train. It all starts with a smile, and then you’ll see. Smile is an effective technique for different life situations.
There is a type of young ladies, who make up a list of required features of her future applicants. The list is usually huge and quite detailed. Over the years and acquired experience (and the friends’ ones) list grows.
Woman chooses the gentleman with the same attention as a sorter in the packing of fruit choose defected ones. She rejects not only man with bad features, but also with a hint of the future problem. Just in case.
Such women have men, but they cannot withstand long-term test, there are dates, and sometimes the first sex, but applicants do not go further. It turns out that they do not meet the strict requirements of the list.
According to Tracy, these ladies (because of their list) do not see real people. Yes, it is not important to look at man and his feelings. It is important to match the list of positive qualities. It’s far-fetched, but such a important reason.
And Tracy offers such a lady to make lists and ideal images not accented on the height, weight and eye color. You should choose the character and attitude to you, but not to your car brand or to Mozart as your most beloved composer.
Open your eyes and look at the man, who is close to you, and not on the list of positive qualities required invented ideal. Drop your list aside. Your list is a loneliness plan.
Running in circles or what comes around goes around
You are almost thirty, you date a man, and you are satisfied, but... man does not wish to marry. You decide that you have enough and leave. Suffer and start to convince yourself that you have hurried up. And the ex-boyfriend does not mind to renew relations. And again you are lovers, living in the blackthorn. Almost everything is fine and you almost give up on the possibility of marriage and yourself. Years pass and you convince yourself that you no longer want to get married. What for? You have almost everything, what should you wish?
What are the reasons?
McMillan says that this is a deception. A woman living with a man wants to get married. Just not finding a suitable candidate woman is ready to be satisfied with what she has. And it is strange to hope that the man, to whom you have made it clear that you're comfortable with this situation (and he is fine with that even more so), suddenly decides to complicate your life and offer a hand and heart.
Tracy advises that if after a year of dating a man does not even hint at the possibility of marriage, there is no need to waste time. It's not your man. Look for a guy that will make you happy and married.
Mistress of a Goldfish
I will not retell you the famous fairy tale about the goldfish. We are only interested in the old woman who tormented her husband with constant demands of wealth and strip of these requirements was constantly growing. Tale, of course, is not a real life. But the old woman was left with nothing. She was alone with her trough. The loneliness caused by excessive requirements.
Just the most common type of single women over 30, those who believe that a man must-must-must and should. At the same time they must do nothing. Such kind of mistresses.
What is the cause?
It is clear that men do not like men these women. And it's not because the men's greed. Most men love to make gifts. But none wants to have eternally dissatisfied and aching creature next to him. Such a woman cannot make a man happy, because she cannot be happy herself.
Why does a woman behave like that? This issue is very personal and it must be solved with a psychologist. But there is something that must be understood without a psychologist – a behavior of eternally dissatisfied selfish woman cannot attract men. They do not like women who like men’s money, but do not even respect the man who gives this money. This is a true recipe for long-term loneliness.
Little big secret
Everyone has weaknesses and disadvantages. Large or small, it is a shame or not. One of the reasons for lonely women after 30 is low self-esteem. There is a disadvantage real and imaginary at the same time. But from this disadvantage appear a great inferiority complex and fear. And anyone who is near can see this little but huge disadvantage. She is sure that man will laugh, turn away, and hurt her. So there appears a desire to alienate anyone who can get closer.
It should be understood that men are just people and there are no ideal people. Disadvantages, problems, complexes – everyone has something, there is no exception. And do not be afraid to take a step towards dating. Moreover, it may be the first step towards your marriage.
Woman is seeking a man with money, with the good job, with an ancestry. Her choice can only ‘fall upon’ richer, smarter man with a higher status in society. Other people are considered as ordinary and boring, and not worthy of marriage.
But the ‘Prince’ is not caught and the woman begins to blame herself: she is not enough beautiful, smart, rich, etc. for this man.
Very often, trying to find someone who has higher position explains the disparaging attitude towards herself. There is a bunch of problems and complexes associated with self-assessment, and a woman subconsciously wants to increase her value by the value of the spouse. And it raised her status in her own eyes.
Self-deprecation is a huge problem. Love yourself. This is the first and most important thing in your life. If you are not able to love yourself, how can you make the other person love you?
You cannot fool me!
Self-deception is a very common cause of loneliness. He was a womanizer, drinking heavily or taking drugs. He is married. But he is so good and it is worth fighting for. You should wait a little bit and you will certainly be together and, of course, very happy.
Deep down in your soul you know that you ‘won’t get it’, but you continue to convince yourself that a miracle will happen.
Well, no. Do not waste your life on the empty hope. As Tracy advises 1-1.5 years - it is a control point. Do not waste your life on waiting.
However, there is a different view on this issue of the famous writer-feminist Samita Makopday. She names the other reasons of loneliness. According to her, loneliness is a conscious choice of women.
Career is more interesting for woman than the family and love. Currently, due to the protracted crisis there was a sharp question of survival. And earned capital is more proper investment of energy and emotion. A hired a nurse may give you a glass of water in your old age.
The women began to earn more than men. And if a woman earns more, then it means she keeps a family. And what's the point to become ‘a breastfeeding mother’ for a man who earns less. The family issue, in this case, is not considered by Samita. She claims that if a woman is more affluent, she feeds everyone and feeds a man.
A woman leads a very active life, and this life has no place for marriage. Correspondence on the Internet with friends, parties, sports, work and travel do not leave place for men and families. Woman is enjoying life, and if she gets upset or depressed, then there are friends who are always ready to help.
Amorous women. The woman initially does not want to belong to one man, and she is satisfied with the relations with different partners, or she likes to change partners. It’s not normal for women to be proud of it, so they come up with the reason – ‘I cannot find the right one’.
Women who are not ready to marry. Weddings of girlfriends and family life does not inspire her, and the thoughts of family can cause nausea and itching. Freedom is most precious in the world and all the possible charms of a family do not really inspire such ladies.
What can be said about the opinions of writers? Everyone can have one. There is always a secret personal truth of every woman, why she is single. But the statistics stay relentless.
In 1970, the average age of marrying men - 22, women - 24 years. In 2012, the average age for men - 30 years, women - 32 years.
65% of married women aged 20-30 years old are changing their surnames to the surnames of her husband. At 40 - 68% and 50 - 75%.
During the last 10 years the number of women marrying after 40 years has doubled.
Peter Pan Generation or TWIT
These are people between the ages of 25 and 40, who are not married, and have not made a career. Just live like teenagers. Parties, gatherings, games and fun. In society, there was ‘a community’ of old boys and girls, who do not want to grow up. Eternal teens, who refuse ‘to get up on their feet’ and make adult decisions. They do not need a family, since the family assumes responsibility and adulthood.
Well, that’s it. And you choose and make decisions, ‘to have or not to have’ - it is a really personal matter. The cause of loneliness in women’s life is usually the woman herself.
There is always a light in the end of a tunnel! Just don’t stop walking towards things you dream of!
- READ ALSO: How to make a woman fall in love with you?