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Why Do Couples Loose Interest In One Another After Marriage?

Hi guys, Is marriage the end of love? Come to think of it, the greatest love stories such as 'Titanic, Romeo & Juliet were stories of love which no other love story has beaten till date. But what baffles me is that these stories only involved young guys and babes who were not married to each other. Does it therefore means that those who are married cannot demonstrate such love to one another. Let me have your views and contributions on this.

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44 answers

Perhaps, one can insinuate that there is no joy in eating same type of food; what do you think?

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I can go on and on all this topic but i would be precise and straight to the point with a pratical reason.

Most people donot realise that you have to be the right people for marriage before you can find the right person.

People go into marriages because of gains and not because of love, I bet you no 9ja lady would marry you if you are not loaded and fashionable,handsome, plays with money ,sleek and the typical 9ja guy wants a beautiful lady that would make head turn , a girl from a wealthy family, a lady who is connected and other stuffs!

9JA Sense on both ladies and Guys side, until people know that u marry someone that make your skips whenever they arte around them, until people donot place emphasy on material things, until people look out for the hidden characters, until people learn to appreciate people 4 who they are and not what they are, until we put the fear of God first.

I have always dated classy babes, beautiful things spent my last kobo to impress them, lived my life to impress and not because of who I am but I thank God that I realized that I was heading 4 destruction. men thats da koko, until we retrace our steps couples will continue to loose interest in one another after marriage!

Remember MKO was from a very humble background but got married to Simbiat who was from a wealthy background, their marriage worked! Aisha Babangida got married to Abacha cousin but the marriage crumble liked a packed of card after six months.

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They know what they wanted but pick the wrong choice. At times, it could be that lust outscore love on emotional scale but they could not detect the paralax error due to their defective vision.

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I guess they did not know what they want before going into marriage

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Exactly! That is why the foundation had to be solid. But in theory, this argument easily won the day. However in practice, it is subject to conditions such as individual value system. Let me give you an example. When Bobby Brown and Whittney were getting married, it was all Love and Love. They had one of most celebrated wedding American had ever witnessed.

Pundits say the marriage would not last. Against permutations, it survived over a decade.

But today, it is dead! Where had the Love gone? It wasn't because they didn't love one another, other factors crept in. You can check it out.

A second example, is very common among Muslims and those who had very short courtship. It is not news that Hausas 'give out' their daughters in marriage as "gifts". Love or no Love. While I object to that practices, I had noted that some of this kind of marriage lasts a life time in peace and harmony. I lived among them before and even have a friend, who was "given" a wife. This guy is a scholar, and best student in his department, so nobody can call him ignorant.

My point is: LOVE ALONE, WOULD CRUMBLE WITHOUT OTHER FACTORS. Relationship can survive without Love! I know critics would yawn at this. Let me say without being misunderstood that I LIVED FOR TEN YEARs IN A HOUSE DEVOID OF LOVE! My guardian certainly don't love his wife. He said it and the wife know! He kept the wife for the sake of his children! He kept chains of concubines HE LOVE BUT NEVER MARRY THEM! He died two years ago leaving his estates FOR HIS CHILDREN, NOTHING FOR THE WIFE! Yet, they married for over 25years. Think about it. I studied few more, and i am convinced Love isn't what actually bind them together. The Love they shared died after their second child, five years after marriage. Yet they have 4 children.

One case is not enough to generalise, that is why I avoid it. Luckily, I have more examples. We need to cultivate habit of learning from both success and failure. That is our best insurance.

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Exactly! That is why the foundation had to be solid. But in theory, this argument easily won the day. However in practice, it is subject to conditions such as individual value system. Let me give you an example. When Bobby Brown and Whittney were getting married, it was all Love and Love. They had one of most celebrated wedding American had ever witnessed.

Pundits say the marriage would not last. Against permutations, it survived over a decade.

But today, it is dead! Where had the Love gone? It wasn't because they didn't love one another, other factors crept in. You can check it out.

A second example, is very common among Muslims and those who had very short courtship. It is not news that Hausas 'give out' their daughters in marriage as "gifts". Love or no Love. While I object to that practices, I had noted that some of this kind of marriage lasts a life time in peace and harmony. I lived among them before and even have a friend, who was "given" a wife. This guy is a scholar, and best student in his department, so nobody can call him ignorant.

My point is: LOVE ALONE, WOULD CRUMBLE WITHOUT OTHER FACTORS. Relationship can survive without Love! I know critics would yawn at this. Let me say without being misunderstood that I LIVED FOR TEN YEARs IN A HOUSE DEVOID OF LOVE! My guardian certainly don't love his wife. He said it and the wife know! He kept the wife for the sake of his children! He kept chains of concubines HE LOVE BUT NEVER MARRY THEM! He died two years ago leaving his estates FOR HIS CHILDREN, NOTHING FOR THE WIFE! Yet, they married for over 25years. Think about it. I studied few more, and i am convinced Love isn't what actually bind them together. The Love they shared died after their second child, five years after marriage. Yet they have 4 children.

One case is not enough to generalise, that is why I avoid it. Luckily, I have more examples. We need to cultivate habit of learning from both success and failure. That is our best insurance.

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@olanajim

hhmmmmm

@ poster

As someone said above, depends on the kind of relationship the couple had before getting married. if you truly love a woman from the depth of your heart and she loves you, then no reason to lose interest in her after marriage. there might be troubles, the good and bad times. but never loosing interest.

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Another reason is that people goes into marriage with too much, often silly expectations. The people in this category get married only to discover that their expectations are just a mirage. Fools among them keep being fool by mirage and "they keep searching" thus lost interest in frustration. The wise among them pause, and face the reality. They began digging a well so they could build on the foundation they laid. There are some people who would beat a retreat after discovering they are in "the wrong place" the 'quit' and go elsewhere. Had they did their homework earlier, they wouldn't have been in that state.

The truth is MARRIAGE IS THE BEGINOING OF LOVE. In marriage, you are expected to build something, a structure, home, a community upon the foundation of love.

Love is not static, it is dynamic. It is lame. It is dependent. You can buy love, but it would always return to the owner if he/she is alive.

Many people married without love between them. Many marry simply to please their parents, etc it is not Love that make or mar marriage but the attitude of the partners. For instance, your wife may love you deeply and still sleep around. It is common. We must learn to know what are the things that make marriage work or fail.

Love is not what solely sustain marriage. It is a catalyst that make your efforts in marriage or relationship works.

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It is a must to do so.

Let go straight into the issues raised. Couples lose interest in one another after marriage for many reasons. Love alone, I must be frank, can't sustain marriages. The mistake we made about marriage is to equate it with love. I laughs anytime I hear people saying they can't marry someone because they don't love him/her. And when you listen to them define what they mean by Love, you wonder if they are cursed. I personally won't marry for "Love". This may be strange to those who are obsessed by love and practically worship Love. But having understood what real love mean, I am never going to argue with them. I would just challenge them to learn to "experience" Love and not just "feel" love.

Why would anyone labour hard to love somebody only to spend his lifetime hating that same person? Many people today are getting married after leaving behind chains of heartbroken partners. You cannot expect a man who had slept with 10 ladies in the name of love to marry with the same attitude without having problems. This is a must if he had been unfair to those ladies. You cannot expect a lady who had been savouring diffence sizes of men joystick and measure her love in term of man's sexual performance or other physical attributes to maintain interest in one man. There will always be a better man or woman before or after marriage. In short, one of the reasons is that couple who lose interest in one another:might have married for the wrong reason(s). Check the statistic of broken marriages and confirm this fact. The parting partners, often express regrets at something.

This error is prevalence today among youths. Dating is all about love. Love is about feeling. Feeling is about emotions and imaginations. Emotions are based on first impressions. And it go on and on! A great gamble! While everyone experience these, wise men know that they need to scratch beyond the surface.

I posit that if you want a happy marriage, don't expect love alone to do it for you.

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Thanks a lot olanijim. I am overwhelmed with your indept knowledge about this thread. So far so good: a lot of us have learnt so much from your contributions. God declares that he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the lord.

When two mature people begin dating each other with an eye towards marriage, they must consider many things such as:

What value does the other person hold?

Does he believe in in the union and God?

What is the person's background and and personal standards and values?

What are his preferences, dislikes, character and personality?

Will the person be a complimentary match? Can the person be loved and respectyed?

These considerations amongst others, should be the pivot on which further decisions should revolve.

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I am not a marriage counsellor. A psychologist? maybe! But I am honestly not a University graduate of psychology. It is self learning so I won't claim to be an expert. I look at the people and then, learn from them using the gift I had, I can't say more on the secret on this thread. All I can say is that I just have the ability to decipher something, from within.

As for those who think it is not worthy to know what marriage is about, little wonder they keep falling in love and fall out as fast as they fell in. Makes mistakes, trail and error kind of. In the end, they started regretting ever taking that path.

marriage is so important that like it or not, you are going to be there someday.

I am not surprised at our youths. In the years gone past, our forefathers marry early and learn what ever they want to lean from their parents. and they live happily to reap the fruit of their labour. see their ground children and so forth. it is not common to hearthem talk about broken heart and all kind of nonesense that we read everyday. What we have is a man of 35 year old single and still searching! or a woman of 40 still searching. at times, they got married only to be booted out of their matrimony with nothing to show for it. they would later comeout to lambasted their opposite sex and blame one another for their own ignorance.

A young man would have sampled about ten ladies before marriage. so that by the time he marry a "virgin" he would have ween all kind of bosoms and Well sizes. as for ladies, some of them would have become a public properties that could not even tell their children a simple moral story. they are corrupted. imagine looking at your wife and you started seeing all the pictures of men she had slept with before you! how i wish God should have given us the power to see the past! many ladies now nowaday would simply die without husband!

My sympathy goes to men and women who are looking for wife at the age of 35 upward. some even have to fake their ages to get someone they like! i had seen a lady that had to settle for a man she once derided when she found no suitor to take her. she is approaching 32 and the man is still free. Nothing near her liking But she don.t want to be left behind.

what is more? after all these delay, most of those who marry late at 40 upward may have to be nursing a child while they are60! at that point in time, their comtemporaries would be doingtheir children wedding.many may not even be able to see the child to maturity.

we need to reflect deeply on thisand stop all the nonsense about love being blind and junkies about romance that lead nowhere. we must realize that time Wait for on. take it or leave it, if you are so sure you can live till 90 year of age, Marry at 40!

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, don't understand. Is it not worth it?

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y are people responding to this

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@ olanijim, are you a marriage counsellor or a psychologist? Love your stuffs, u know!

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Those who took to infidelity after marriage are trying to run away from a problem and the problem can only be solved if identified. Unfortunately many would not admit they have problem. The first step toward solving any problem is to admit it.

Indidelity had causes. Just like malaria. And we all know.

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And what happened to my dream of having a Rose garden? Guess.

At the bus stop, I threw away the stem when my friend was out of sight! I wouldn't have to carry such thorny stem on my lap on a 12 hours journey! I regretted it though but I learned numerous great lessons from the experience and it stay with me till date. In short, as beautiful as Rose may be most of us would avoid it thorns. It is not all rosy at all! It is a beautiful world from painful background. But if you had been warned in advance that you would experience painful moment while plucking the Rose, you can be well prepared. My friend, for instance didn't warn me and he didn't remember to tell me how to handle the pains.

Our youths must realize that what they are longing for during courtship like Romeo and Juliets stuff would hand then a big disappointment in marriage unless they grow up. Little wonder we have numerous tales of heartbreak, disappointments, disillusions, immoralites and gender war had trailed our attempt at having a Rosy relationship. Somebody would be hurt anyway.

Yet, those patience couples that had learn the art of tolerance, endurance, and had discovered that REAL LOVE IS REAL AND COULD ONLY BE SUSTAINED BY WISDOM, had been enjoying fruits of marriage!

Immaturity? Well, it is part of the problem. If you are determined to learn, you can overcome immaturity. Just don't be too choosy and you would find a happy mate with whom you can live prosperous marrital bliss.

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Thanks for the honour, Mcdoe. Marriage is not a bed of roses. You see, nature thrives on conflict. Without conflicts, there can never be real progress! Yet, what men want is to move toward stability, to try to reach comfort zone. The higher we move, the more challenges we encounter, mostly what we did not anticipate in the begining. To stay on course, to maintain stability, we must 'resist' and 'fight' any obstacle we encoutered. To relax is to begin a steady downward fall to the bottom. To stay immobile and stop 'fighting' is to risk being trampled upon by those willing to risk, and if are not lucky, you may end at the bottom. And the cycle repeat itself until you expire and leave no trace that show you have ever existed. Nobody want to have problems or experience instability. In reality,however, these two make us a greater person if we suceed in overcoming them. The 'sages' know this that is why they warns in advance that you should not expect marriage as a bed of roses if you want to be truly great. If you want to enjoy it. It is their way of helping youths disband the fantasies they nurtured during courtship most of which are illusions.

It is indeed possible to have a marriage which is bed of roses! But with a prize tag that take you to where you hate to be.

Think about it, Rose itself is a mystery. It is beautiful to behold, great smell; it symbolize love and beauty. We all want it. But, Roses, emerge from thorns! A very sharp thorn.I was once given a stem years ago by my pal in the north when I went visiting. I saw a rose garden and told my friend I would love to have at least a plant. He told me how to cultivat it but i wasn't listening. I was day dreaming of having real Rose garden. Where I want it to be etc. In the end, he gave me a bag on the eve of my departure. I was stunned to find that it is filled with stem with dangerous thorn. The pain I experienced from each thorn lasted hours! I had never been in such pain before. My brother, it pay to feel it!

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Or why so many men and women take to fun outside their matrimonial homes?

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Why do they say that marriage is not a bed of roses?

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i tink marriage is wat u make out of it,its a personal tin,apart 4m d fact dat sum pple go in2 it 4reasons oda dan true love,d situatn of dis country mkes one so impatient,even in rltnships its not all smooth sailing,dr r ups n downs so it is in lyf(marriage)if it were al rosy d clause 4 beta 4 worse wunt b dr,i tink couples shld b more patient wit each oda,realisin dat we r 4m difft backgrunds,culture,etc.even d marryd men hu flirt most of dem wil not abadon dr wifes 4 a fling no mater wat,except d babe use juju.pls try 2 diffrentiate btwn luv n infatuatn,most of these men/women r just infatuated simply because of wat dy c in d oda person

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How would you descibe a matured mind in this situation?

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marriag is for matured minds

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@ olanijim: You are a very constructive and reasonable guy. For the sake of your contributions, I have decided to re-phrase the thread. Thanks.

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Mcdoe, I understand your logic. You want to know why most couple lost the love steam after marriage rather than the way you put it. The question or the topic should have gone this way. 'why do couple lost interest in one another after marriage, or why do they seem to lose "steam" after marriage' We would then examine whether their is love in it or the love was simply lust.

Frankly, this topic could save alot of potential heartbreak and rescure a falling relationship. Let take it from there and see if we can get into the root of the problem. Bring out more and let examine them. Who knows we would be doing our generation a whole lot of good by helping them not to jump into marriage or jump out of marriage when the storm gather momentum.

As for the fellow who said not everybody is a product of marriage. Right and wrong. Right because, you are right. Some chaps were actually born out of wedlock. Some are product of lust. Yet,there were those who are a product of accidental discharge. A lot to say.

Wrong because you tried to generalise by using single parents who are not married. Most of these single parents actually married. Legally or illegally, marriage is marriage. Most of them come to that level because 'love turn sour' . In a way, you cannot use them as a perfect example. They are to me a great example of mis-match in love, marriage and relationship. They let sex drives beclouded their sense of judgement and fell for the wrong guy. Let us look at it critically and see if we could find out why love turn sour. Be it in marriage or dating. Many young lads could be saved of heart break.

The whole thing become more interesting, when you find that some "love birds date one another for over five years and still terminate the affair in acrimonious circumstance. Yet, some couples actually had few month date and ended in a lasting bliss.It isn't about marriage, the problem must be exhumed for "nairalanders' critical disection. It is not about a person but the society

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hi its been along time,

just saw ur profile again and tot i say hi.

hope you are fine.

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More contibutions from the house pls

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Thanks for helping me to throw more light on the issue

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Haba, how can he abhor an institution that saw him to the world?

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Immagine the world witout marriage! Although, love in dating has some tantalizing effects than as in marriage.

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well, y'all' can prove ur point. but whether u like it or yes, my marriage will be the the beginning of new love life for me in jesusu name (amen)

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Let me tell you, you statistic is wrong. 95% ? That is a scandal! The whole world is guilty. I agree tha married men flirts. What they sought after marriage is lust. It happens more to unmarried guys.

When people marry for money lust, or just because a lady got pregnant, at time some marry to please their parents, some marry because they are growing old and wouldn't want to be left behind etc all of these are obviously marriage of convinience. Marriage devoid of love in most cases. That is why it would not be stable.

Let me give you a parable. We know that a lot of youths are involved in 419 in Nigeria. Does that mean no honest youth exist is Nigeria? That is what is called fallacy of over-generation. You assumed that because some exceptions occured them everything must be discarded. That is not the way it should be.

Remember, you are also a product of marriage. Is it right to say you are from a useless institution?

Marriage no doubt have been losing it value due to our desire to by pass divine ordinance.

Why not give it a try. Get married to someone you love. Stay away from lust. Channel you energy at positive things. After marriage, keep loving your angel. Bear fruit and bloom, Hold it in your mind that happiness is your birthright, that love, affection are non negotiable. Be determined to love unselfishly, Then wait to see if Romeo and Juliet won't envy you. Don't look failure, it may become your vision. Look at success and go for it.,

your friend marriage failed because of the seed he sow. Seed of lust, unrestraint sexual gratification etc. So they are reaping what they sow. You have a choice, try it or leave it. Every deeds produce a multiplied result.

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olanijim, your ideas/contributions as far as this thread is concerned are invaluable. But if marriage is not the end of love, why do married men still seek love elsewhere? Between you and I, we know very well that 95% of the so-called married men do the extra marital. Why is this so; don't you think it is as a result of lack of love which of course seemed to have vanish after marriage?.

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Mcdoe, the only way you can know is to do any of these.

One, don't marry. Don't even bother to plan for it. Live your life in Romeo and Juliet type or the Titanic style. Be honest with you girl. Tell her you don't believe in marriage. So sell her your idea of perfect love. You would definitely have a recruit. Many shares your viem. Also, stop attending marriage functions since you don't believe in it. In short, practice what you believe and be a role model to others.

The second option is for you to try it. Try it out! Get married to a lovely lady you have always loved sincerely. I mean the lady that made your "Romeo and Juliet" love a reality. Be honest with yourself. Keep loving and don't marry for lust.

Betweem these two experiments, you would understand why marriage strenghten love. The only other option is for you to sit on the fence and watch others do it for you. You can be a fan, a spectator cheering or booing others as they rise and fall in love. It is a worthy experiment for you to undertake.

Goodluck

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For ladies: DON'T MARRY SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU GOT IMPREGNATED BY HIM. If you don't love him, if he isn't interested in your pregnancy, why tie yourself to a life of despair? Prevention is better than cure. That is why abstinence is the best. Those you are impregnated by mistake as far as I know are foolish people who ought to thank God for giving them unwanted pregnancy instead of HIV virus. As for the guys, I reserve my comment because I am a guy.

Tell that your friend to do something fast. If they truly love one another, they can rebuild their love. Who knows, money might be at the centre of their problem.

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I still stand to be convinced that marriage is the beginning of love. Men, have you ever loved a girl? Are you now saying that the way you need each other then is the same way u would need a wife?

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You have said it all. Read yourself again. You'll find that your friend wasn't in love. His was infatuation. It is obvious their relation was borne of the fun they enjoy together. Having sex with a lady doesn't signify love. Else rapists would be the better lovers. Seeing someone everyday and going everywhere with him, is also not sign of love. These are only expression of love. We all know that expression and impression mean different thing.

If you love someone you would be willing to stand by that person regardles of the situation you find yourself. A lady get pregnant for you and you ask for abortion knowing fully well she may lose her life or her womb. That isn't love at all. The mistake most lady made is they rushes head long to marriage for whe wrong reason "to keep their man". That is not the purpose of marriage.

When you have a situation where your partner lose interest in you after marriage something is wrong with you or him. The following could be suspect:

IT IS POSIBLE THE LOVE U PROFESSES IS FAKE,

EITHER OF YOU HAVE WRONG CONCEPTION OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE

THE UNION IS BONDED BY FORCE OR THREAT <of any kind. Includind those afraid of not getting a partner for age reason, pressure from parents, peers etc >

there are many more. The purpose of courtship <not dating> is to assess your compatibility and wet ground for mutual understanding. If you skip it, you take a big gamble. Indeed marriage is a gamble but not the kalokalo type where you lose more than you gain. It is a win-win affair. All things being equal only marriage offer ground for love to bloom and BEAR fruit.

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@Bolarge & olanajim: You guys have really spoken well; actually that is how it is supposed to be but the reality speaks differently. I know a guy who was dating a babe at one time. Then, he couldn't do without seeing the babe almost every hour. This habit progreseed to where he got the girl impregnanted. After failing to convince the babe to abort the pregnancy, he relunctantly agreed to marry her. As i post this thread, these once lover birds hardly stay together a day without fighting. How do you then sum this situation. Does it not vindicate this thread?

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@poser,

Please don't confuse illusions with reality, u're talking about hollywood stories and relating it with marriage which is reality.

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Mcdoe, opening door for a lady to enter a car, room buying flowers etc are not necesarily signs of love. Get it right that we are Afrian, it is not in our tradition. I am also not aware of any religion promoting it. They are just a show of courtesy, politeness not love.

To clarify my point, when a guard open door for his master to enter a car or room then follow by a bow, whatever, does that action implies love or servitude? Women want to be treated as queen so men bow to their wish willingly and sometimes reluctantly just to show they care.

After marriage, things like this become a nuisance when tradition take take it full course. You would have to keep improving on your love and adapt to situations rather than expect your man to act as an adolescent. Fact is, even to you girls, the act become boring. There are more ways to show love than opening doors for ladies. And only marriage offer the best options.

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@poster

Thank God u cited love "stories" as your basis for this argument and last time I checked they were still stories; Hollywood scripts. It's amazing how we have allowed Hollywood with its bevy of twisted script-writers, producers n' directors to remodel our thinking. Try and read the book of 1Cor 13:4-8 and u'll get a clear picture of what True love is. 'Cs most folks won't bother I've volunteered to highlight it here:

1Co 13:4  Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;

1Co 13:5  love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;

1Co 13:6  love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.

1Co 13:7  Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

1Co 13:8  Love is eternal. . .

   The challenges, frustrations, ups and downs, joys n' pains of a lasting marriage are the true test of the calibre of a real man or woman. Anyone can quit a relationship that doesn't seem to be working out according to our pre-programmed emotional mindset and this has been the order of the day but my brother these same challenges are the ingredients that make a solid relationship what it is, not d witty scripts of a Harvard theatre arts product. A real war General is known only by the fierce battles he's fought and won. Same goes for marriage. You're there for her through thick n' thin. When she's nice;when she's not so nice. When she's agreeable;when she's just a pain in the neck. When she's a 24yr old stunner;when she's 56yrs, fat n' greying.

    Puleeez let's reorientate our thinking in this light. Thank you.

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nope marriage is the begining of trouble

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@mubowa & olanijim; have u heard people say that when a man is dating, he will be very willing to open the car door for his lover anytime they were to go out but that, this ceases to happen as soon as the relationship turns marriage and consummated?

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What is love, if I may ask? Do you think love is all about dating? Have you ever love someone without feeling the desire to marry ? What about your parent, don't you love them?

Your question is a result of your lack of understanding of what is love. The answer had been stated already. No. Marriage is actually the begining of love. That is why we celebrates it.

You want to stay with your partner for better for worse. Only love can make that happen. True love actually manifest when you marry. Those examples you mentioned, especially titanic ended tragically. Try think of Abraham and Sarah for instance, you can learn a great deal from that instead of looking at tragedies,

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WRONG, Marriage is the beginning of love depending on the kind of relationship the couple had before getting married.

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