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Why Do Girls Avoid/Ignore Me? It Is Impossible To Get A Date!

I'm new here, but I had something I wanted to get off my chest anyhow.

I am 24 year old male and am currently attending a very large university in Canada. I've been single for quite a long time (four years sincw my last serious relationship and almost two since my last date!), and it is now frustrating me to no end. I'm not the kind of person who really enjoys being alone (although if that's you, that's fine), but for me, I absolutely hate it. I also realize that I am by no means "old" or over-the-hill yet, but I still must admit that I am quite lonely and not at all satisfied with my love life (or lackthereof, rather). So, obviously, I want to find a decent girlfriend.

Anyway, the problem is that, for the life of me, I just cannot get a date! And the thing is, I don't fully understand why either! I'll admit I'm not all that experienced with the fairer sex, but I am at a complete loss as to why I cannot meet anyone at such a large school. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I've theorized that maybe it is because of my looks. Although not an easy thing for me to accept, I have considered the notion that I am not as attractive as I initially thought I was (I happen to be a rather tall and skinny guy, unfortunately). So I'm under the large impression that girls tend to avoid me due to my appearance. I don't honestly know what else it could be. I am a somewhat shy and reserved person when it comes to dealing with an attractive member of the opposite sex, so that may also play a factor(?). But considering the complete lack of interest I receive from any and all girls, I presume it's definitely something wrong with my appearance.

I am also aware that some of the more old-fashioned and traditionally-minded females will say that as a male I have a "duty" to be the one to make the first move; by initiating conversation, interest, advances, and the like. But I just have a hard time swallowing that. I mean, is it that inconceivable that at an enormously large school with thousands upon thousands of women my own age that there is not one who is extraverted and forward enough to take the first step? (I was always under the impression that women are usually the ones to take the first step, either via body language, gestures, conversation, and so on.) Moreover, it is extremely difficult to be bold when you're naturally shy, and even worse, you feel badly about your own appearance.

In the past, I never used to lack confidence, but as of late, I admit that it certainly has been a bit lacking, to say the least. I know women appreciate confidence in a guy. Recently, however, now that I'm seeing myself in a much more unattractive light than I previously had, my self-confidence is pretty much shot down the drain. (Wouldn't almost two years without a single date do that to someone?) And don't think I haven't tried to get a date either. On more than one occasion, I have asked out girls and been given a super-polite excuse for not being able to further our conversation. It's quite painful, I admit. Like most people, I don't handle rejection very well from the opposite sex.

So now, in light of all this, what do you guys think? What are some other reasons why girls tend to avoid me like the plague? Any tips or advice on how to raise my self-confidence or on getting a date? I'm just trying to figure this out and perhaps someone else can help shed some light on this problem.

Any and all opinions are welcome. Thanks.

~James

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43 answers

That's where yall get it all wrong! Love is not, I say not about looks. Love is about the heart, the personality. You may look not so nice to one, but look the most beautiful or handsome to another. one mans meat, is another mans poison! Everyone has different tastes and different likes. Dear, if you love and appreciate yourself, other people will grow to love and appreciate you. Yes women like confident men, but some women also like to get up and make the first move, but very few do that. Have confidence, be yourself and try your lack, get off your butt and ask someone out. If they deny, tough luck for them, they have missed an opportunity with you. If they accept better. All the best! Love starts with loving yourself, nomatter what

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James T,i would suggest being nice to everyone.It's a proven formular known to work like magic & also learn to give whatever it is you desire out first & you will get it back in greater measure.For instance;you smile at someone to get a smile back.If it's love you desire,try giving or showing love & you would get it back in return.Reach your hands out always to those who are in need of help even when they do not or have not asked for one.kindness softens any hardened heart.All the best!

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@ James, don't be pessimistic and that shouldn't make you have a low self esteem. You are kute in your own way, I have seen the ugliest guys with pretty gurls,  I mean, you should try to be more outspoken. You do not expect a gurl to just come up to you. I mean, you need to talk more, and socialize more. Don't be afraid, you are kute. You can ask a girl of her name, what class she is taking, etc, then her phone number, So, do what you feel like you can do, maybe stretch yourself a tiny bit, and be yourself. Approach girls and become friends with them- then if you find you like someone, ask her out to see a film with you or something.Good luck James

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james my friend,

all you really need is my blog, honestly am serious,

and you'll tell lots of stories,

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Its either that you're too much of achallenge or too little of one

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Dear james,

the root of true achievement lie in the will2 become the best that u can become.

evaluate ur personal standards of quality. what ever u thought was good enough for now. add 10% more.

work 2gether with friends and others. Remember the banana; everytime it leaves the bunch it gets peeled and eaten.

until u are decisively committed, there is hesitancy and the chance 2 draw back, followed by ineffectiveness.

decisions are what transform an idea into a reality.

walk 2 a babe and say hello!

AM very sure that u would get 3 at least out of 15 hello!

goodluck .

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@ poster ,

may be you look like them ( a girl that is )

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james

ur looks hav absolutely nothin 2 do wit datin. work on dat inside man. loosen up wen u're wit d opposite sex, cos self conciousnes wil deftly do u no good in anythin. its a mind thin, so just free urself. i know u can. cheers!

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james

ur looks hav absolutely nothin 2 do wit datin. work on dat inside man. loosen up wen u're wit d opposite sex, cos self conciousnes wil deftly do u no good in anythin. its a mind thin, so just free urself. i know u can. cheers!

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please be a man,have confidence and accept failures.Bear in mind it has nothing to do with ur physical appearance.women,money and political elections are unpredictable in pursuit.Give them the muximum trials you can ever afford.

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yo james, when i accidentally came across this forum while looking for support to my conclusion that you can't win in arguments with chicks, I thought that maybe I had been writing here under your profile while drunk or something, everything you said is almost exactly the same in my life, and i was astounded by the similarities, heck, we even have the same freakin name!,

anyway i'd love to chat with you on msn or something cos it seems we have alot in common and could help each other out.

message me.

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Wait a minute!

Did I hear you say Ca -aa - "Candada"? If you can't find anyone over there, bro just come down here to Lagos or PH. They will be flocking all around you like bees around honey.

I knew this when my friend lost his girlfriend to one "OPPRESSOR" who just came back from Jand.

Jojo

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I realize this is an old thread but I want to give my two sense worth here,

Being attractive does have it's benifits with women but let me say that it's all about your mentality.  You can sit by 2,000 hot women and not be hit on once and wonder why your ugly or you can make a move, see how they respond, and if badly then move on to the next.  Now, I know it seems easy to say, and it is, but I also know how difficult it can be when you believe your shy.  This is why your own mentality matters so much.  You will never expect for anything to happen with women if you believe you can never achieve what you want in a relationship by coming to the conclusion that your ugly and that is why women don't like you.  What I have found by my own expierence is that women give signals to let men know if they are interested or not.  However, these signals can sometimes last for weeks or one-time spurts of odds behaviors.  They hardly EVER will approach UNLESS it's been forever and you just have not approached them yet, then they will think that you are a challenge and they will make a "move".  I wouldn't bet on it though.

A lot of guys want to practice on being more attractive or working on their personalities more to get the women they desire.  What usually happens is they think for waaaaaaaaaaay to long to finally come to the conclusion that tricks don't work.  Lines don't work.  Thinking dosen't work unless it is proactive towards a result you want to acomplish.  Thinking about approaching or talking to a women dosen't mean hardly anything untill you do it.  Knowing what women are attracted to helps but you have to act.  Period.  They will not,  

I have this super hot girl at my work who's been there for about 2 weeks now.  The first week she gave me a signal of intrest by basically dropping her water bottle right in front of me and smiling (you could tell she did it on purpose).  That is a signal.  That was all I needed to think about HOW I was going to attract this girl.  I am still in the middle of figuring out what I should do.  I've did a couple of things to let her know that I am interested but I think they were of waste being that it wasn't being "bold" enough and making the "mainly" move.  So by the end of this week I'm just going to plop right down by her and start talking and ask if she'd like to go to a party with me.  If she says yes she likes me.  If she says no she don't.  Or I might just ask her for her phone number but being that I don't like to talk on the phone I probably won't, not untill we have established something more.

Like the author of this thread, I need to realize that women expect you to approach so approach or kill yourself mentaly wondering why.  If you feel good about it then just do it.  If you feel bad about it just do it.  When you leave with or without a number at least you'll know and it'll be a hell of a lot better then wondering if she likes you or not.

Here is the killer:  I believe most women don't act interested yet they are.  I seriously think that women will do EVERYTHING to show they aren't interested and play so offish because this is what they know.  However, deep inside the girls that act like they aren't interested in you are and they feel bad about themselves when no man approaches them!  Society follows a code, whether it's biological or w/e, and women are the same.  Women simply don't want men who can't get poo started.  So when you think to yourself that women aren't interested in you becuase they haven't made any attempt to get to know you or give signals, realize that some won't and it'll always be that way even though they like you.  You must make the move or forever wonder why,  lol,  oooooo scary,

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Hey James and all others like him, go to http://www.fastseduction.com.

You CAN have the woman of your dreams.

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You can also check out http://www.online4love.com to search for a date, found my wife there

hope it helps

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u said u r kinda skinny right, get some big buff clothe, try and be funny in class and do something new like ear pierce or put some deep waves in your hair or even hair do and just hang with correct people. you are not ugly are you?

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who said these JAMESES are attractive? they should post their pix and we will tell them what went wrong

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no i'm not james T as you can see my username is james K.

I had this strange urge to register and post my 2 cents because this other person (james T) was in the EXACT same situation as me. We share the same name, school, problem...it's almost hard to think of it as coincedence but it is. My roommate is having similar problems despite the fact he is very good looking. In my opinion good looks don't have much to do with success. It's really about "game" or making the woman feel a gut level attraction. Since im older he asks for my advice but I sometimes feel reluctant to give him any because I'm such a massive failure when it comes to women I really dont know what to tell him. I have my own problems to deal with first anyways.

The positive thing that come from my negative experiences is that I learn something new with each failure and I hope that eventually I will perfect my game (aka manipulating women to feel attraction).

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Hye guy, I feel you pain there. Truth be told we're not nice as a gender when it comes to us being in groups and can usually sense hesitation, shyness and weakness. If we do, then we tend to be a bit evil. Be yourself and try to add a bit of casualness to it. Start up a conversation, ask meaningful and unusual questions, smile and then walk away, maybe winking or whatever. Be a touch mysterious. Girls tend to like that.

Best of luck hun and all my girls from Britain (me too) will say a british prayer for ya.

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James T:

Hi my name is also James and I also go to University of Western Ontario. It baffles me that ive been here for 2 years and I've approached roughy about 100 women (not kidding here) and I'm still single. It's true that there are more women here at western and many are beutiful. Girls are western are notorious for taking care of themselves and tanning, working out, bleaching hair, etc etc. I've picked up girls everywhere from sororities, bars, clubs, class, even church and still nada.

I've even went online on a variety of sites but only to find that it is impossibly hard to get to a date because most of them are just too scared of taking risks and meeting up in real life. They wont even give their numbers out. Then as if it can't get even worse, you meet the girl in real life finally and she's like 300lb. They lie about their appearance and it's totally discouraging. Anyways looking online for a girlfriend isnt a good idea.

I remember at one point i was so insane from being lonely I forced myself on my friend (this tall blonde girl) at the movies. She had a boyfriend and I knew this but.i was so desperate and any thought of guilt vanished from my head. I went to 3rd base with her when suddenly her conscience kicked in and decided to leave me for her boyfriend. I have to admit i was dissapointed but happy to have a intimate moment even if it was for a couple of days.

this post is dedicated to James T. I don't really care about any other comments from you guys because the fact is you don't know what's it like to be in our situation and quite frankly there's no advice you people can give us other than, "keep your chin up" and so forth. The fact is I don't have a choice other than trying to stay positive and hope to GOD that I can make another girl feel a gut level attraction toward me.

james T, if you wanna talk more add me to your msn. It's nauticle@hotmail.com

peace

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i have a free floating babe. any guy in search of love should contact me

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@james T

Guy mabe ure trying toooo hard...let the gurls be. The opposite sex is a very complicated specie...give hem too much attention n u get booring on the other hand appear non charlant and u might just be in luck...dont feel too bad every dwag has his day n yours might just be around the corner.

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wow! if this is how you feel then that is very sad. If i were 6'1 i'd be over the moon with joy, i'm only 5'11! 145lbs? what's the problem with that? i'm 194lbs and actively trying to shed some weight!

Women my dear brother do not care how you look but what you have on the inside, most girls are personality freaks. the good looking guys you mention if you notice are also very confident, bold and do not bat an eyelid to make a bold move to anyone. that's what will get a girl anyday. besides spending all your time thinking of ur "dating problem" which i assume is what u've been doing won't help. do something else bro, u're just 24 and have a great life ahead of you. throw urself in some worthy venture or hobby and watch God do the rest.

There must be a girl in your school that likes you but with ur present defeatist attitude it's hard to see how she'll be interested in you!

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please James T listen to ludacris "pimpin aroud the world" get the lyrics, that is a direct approach, there are others, so many techniques even with "minimal resources"

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Oh, I'll tell you all if it works after I try it! lol

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Another advice that I'll give u for free... is: Talk to Jesus.

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@ james T

I didnt read thru ur essay, but if u want some attention, u can hit me up! i just need to know what ur bank account is like...hehehehehe

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hmmm Western ain't a large skool though thought u were talking about York or U of T..anyho, it depends if da gurls population in ur skool are mostly white or black and if black. wat percentage r AFRICANS..dis can be factors cuz maybe sum1 wants 2 date sum1 4rom their own place or race i assume. ermmm Western area ain't big 2 as in Toronto where u can meet other uni. students or college students and have relationship with istead of limiting it 2 gurls in ur skoo. 2ndly, gurlz nowayz can be sumthing else, they can be looking 4 guyz dat has a car( know quiet a number of dem)...just chill and believe in urself and ur will get a good result..... good luck though

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@James T

I quote:

I wish I had a picture I could post online, then many of you would understand what I'm getting at. Regardless, tall and skinny = me, that's for sure.

Please try to post your picture online .

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phew i hope for ur sake man there is a phychologist in the house cos this one is a BIG one.

fellow NLers pls help out this dude for real

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I think all has been said to you James, all you need is self-confidence.

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my own opinion still stands

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Well,all has been said,need I say more?

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sup james? first thing you lack self esteem in yourself, and the funny thing is no one said you were ugly you just think you are. Your ability not to handle rejection is another bad factor u have however I understand. Ma guy, you don't expect every lady to say yes to you in your first move. Ladies like attention, do some follow up and really mean it or fake it, they just want to see some seriousness and have some security. You have to love yourself first that will naturally bring out your pride and confidence follows remmember you only got yourself and lastly make use of your gift or talent you have with pride it will make room for you.

You can send me an email privately if u want. Adios!

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James! wont you respond to what others are saying, i thought you needed an advice

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One thing i think u can do to help yourself get ladies, or keep them from ignoring you, is by building your self confidence. it might not be as easy as it sounds, especially when you are naturally a shy human being. But as you can see... shy-ness has no good in store for you. Start to build up ur confidence. And when you see a lady you like, talk to her and don't be shy about it.

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Unfortunately James T. I thought hotstepper wanted to help big time but..........sorry

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Imagine if 'Flavor fla' can get his groove on. I believe every men on earth deserve a woman. Well, you are in Canada you may not know the xter in question. You can google or yahoo the name.

Can I say I envy Flavor Fla now?

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Hotstepper, do you want to help him out?

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sad story indeed. if i may ask, wat skool u at in ontario datz large..u of t(uni. of toronto) or @York Uni.. or uni. of Ottawa?..get back 2 me...

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Hey bro, i am dissapointed you think the way you look is affecting your dating. Let me tell you, i know of some ugly beast who comes out with a fine chick an handsome guy wont even think he can ever got. Your problem is that you don't make moves, there may be someone out there triping but if you don't make the move, nobody will.

Me as i dey, i believe i can date anybody if i really want to, not because of my appearance or my features but because i gat that confident in me. IF everybody tells me, you can't date that lady, i tell them just sit down and watch.

I have dated a model in a school(name withheld) before who everybody thought it was not possible because of her beauty, reputation and popularity. I don't give damn to that rubbish, i went for her.

My guy, cheer up, thousands of ladies are out there looking for someone despirately

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i definitely agree with disney..... you really need to believe in yourself.

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Hey james T,

Ur story is sad but l think you lacking some sort of self esteem and you need to be happy on the inside in order to attract people to your outside. Am telling you, there are some ugly people out there that still got relationships. Am sure, you not even ugly or that bad but because of the way you perceive or see yourself. Take heart, you a man, just keep doing what you have to do, put on a positive attitude and you be surprise the kind of girls that be coming your way. stay blessed.

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