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Why Do Men Become Such Monsters?

I know this sounds like a sweeping generalisation but I have found it to be true in almost all cases I have seen or experienced first hand. Why is it such a horrible, horrible thing to be married to a Nigerian man? Like there is a certain type of handbook the men read before becoming husbands.

Fine, a lot of newer generation men usually swear on their lives that they will never hurt their women but the moment they are settled into marraige, cheating begins. . . .as if this isnt the most painful kind of thing to do to your wife. And the people around them treat it like it is the norm.

I have hardly seen a Nigerian family (from my experience, especially yoruba people) who dont have one story or the other attached to their family name. The men always mess up! And in the most painful and ridiculous ways, I wonder how their women manage to have the patience and peseverance to stay eventhough most of them claim to still be there for their children.

I have an uncle. He's the kindest, most gentle and caring man I have ever met. If we werent related, he would be a very good model husband. We were so close. . .i discussed issues relating to my puberty with him instead of my mom. When he was getting married, I didnt go to his wedding because I was jealous. Later on, I met his wife and she suited him perfectly with her pretty smile. Very good woman, my heart melted when i met her.

Then a year into their marraige, I spent sometime at his house. I woke up one morning to find her crying. She refused to say why. I later learnt it was because she found out a woman had just given birth to a child for my uncle the week before. Meaning, he had sex with this woman a few months after their wedding.

I dont know how they resolved that issue but I was so dissapointed. I cannot fathom where she found the strenght to forge on.

Thats just my uncle o. . . . the kind and caring man. Talk less of many other Nigerian men.

Why?

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86 answers

yeah you are right sis, men turn to become monsters after marriage.not just nigerian men,,men as a whole. you are lucky if he just cheats and at least acknowleges that, what about when he suddenly becomes violent as well. get a better job than your hubby and you will see how pathetic they can be. ofcourse not all men but most. yeah there are some women who also act in appropriately, but some are pushed into being whores by the men who have disappointed them each and evry time. its like men were born by the same mother, its amazing.

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The monster thing happens with men and women. not all men are monsters and not all women are saints.

Meet Nigerian singles here http://something4singles.com, make friends and connect!

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Even with a stable girlfriend there are certain discussions that are offlimits. I wouldnt be telling my friends how good of a kisser she is, let no one sneak behind my back to "try things for himself". Even my brothers sef i wont trust with my wife . . . bodi no be firewood.

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I asked him and he told me no.  how is that naive.  This is called trust one of the foundation stones of a marriage.  W/O it I cant have a successful marriage.  Until such time that he proves himself to be untrustworthy then I will continue to take him at his word and not changelle everything he says.

I believe everything done in the dark comes to the light and I dont have to wonder if what he says is true as he has given me no reason not to trust him.

Some Nigerian men are good, not all are liers, cheaters and backstabbers.

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or u can imagine a man cheatin on his wife

with a neighbour, how bad can it get

do tink dat girl wld respect his wife?

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no people please don't misunderstand me this is all in good humor.

A conversation may go something like

Queenisha; ah ah the babe how come I'm calling and no response,I hope oga is not killing you this weekend

My friend; For where ? the man is mad at me and frowning all over the place

Queenisha: ah ah Ify you know what to do now,it will only cost a few wild ones and he's back in order

My friend[/b]Is it only wild ones, this one calls for a couple of mouthfulls too,you know how these Igbo men are.

[b]Queenisha Are you telling me ?please let him take it easy before he chokes you to death

LOL LOL LOL

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Lol you really think he's GONNA tell YOU if he's discussing you with his friends?

Can women be any more naive?

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Any man that cheats on his, has disrespected her

d one that pisses me off are, men who cheat around their wives

can u imagine i was at a bachelors eve

and a friend to the groom was asking me out

old man like that, the painful tin was his wife was around

if u heear d kain tin wey dey commot from this old man mouth

i was really pissed, nd this same men if u see where them dey talk 2 their wives. . , . ,

its really a pitiful thing

may God help them

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Queenisha, im sorry but maybe im more modest about certain things. cause i knew if i was married, i would never even allow the topic to even come about. i just believe that what goes on between a married couple should stay with them. by disclosing your relations between you and your spose to a friend, i don't know but it just seems very disrespectful.

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I would be so embarrassed to show my face around his friends if i knew this was going on.

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that just seems weird and awkward. i mean what kind of conversation would that be. "Oh husband is so great in bed. He knows all the rights spots to touch me in and everything". yeah couldn't do it. and besides i feel that is a bit disrespectful. what goes on between a husband and wife should stay between a husband and his wife.

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i agree wt u on dis one sistawoman

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honestly i cant share my husband's sexual perfomance wt anybody;I CANT

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His cooking skills you mean to say.

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Even my best of friends dont get that info.  What me and my husband discuss somethings are ment just for us.  What we do is certainly not ment for my gf's.  You cant tell your best friends everything.  I dont want them looking at my husband in that manner.

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My best friend and i have been together for 9yrs. When he got married i became second place . . . and the same will happen when i get married. Give a man or woman space to solve issues with their spouses.

My mum always says . . . let there be no third party in any marriage . . . i can only hope you learn that lesson and fast.

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osisi i also have a close friend and shes edo,we grew up together as in right from kindergarten,but my dear they r some things u cannot discusss wt friends osisi no matter how close u all r,u should have ur own secrets now,dont tell me u discuss wt them virtually everything u and ur hubby discusses in d closet?

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osisi im saying d same thing

d neutral i meant is---keeping them on d hello and hi levels,as in when they see themselves on dway,they just greet hello and hi,that is what i mean t by neutral

atleast when d problem starts nobody will blame her for anything

some women just go into marriage wtout knowing what exactly marriage is all about,maybe if they look at their age ,they just say they r ready for marriage,sometimes age does not give one d maturity one deserves or need in life

as a married woman sistawoman,my advise is for u to watch d way you're going,if u continue like this ------------let me not talk sha

because i can see you're d type that trusts easily,but my dear,shine your eyes well,and don't be too loose in your home

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I on the other hand have 2 close friends that I've known since we were 10 years old and one is closer to me than the other.And we know intimate details of each other down to you know what.

Everyother person is an acquaintance and I can cut them off whenever I choose.

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My girlfriend and I have been friends for sometime (years) and i normally dont run with women who sleep with married men, but she is a long time friend.  We have been thru alot together and she would not be married to this man if it was not for me making the introduction.  

But I am thinking that this maybe the best course.  Not to cut my gf but to cut the wife off.  I would like to get a few more cooking lessons but maybe i can find someone else.  She is really cool thou.  The first Nigerian woman I have ever known and I really like her.

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that is a very interesting thought. you would think you would like to socialize with people with some what of an okay marriage. but instead alot of women do be kicking it with women they know have trouble marriages. knowing good and well that jealously will soon come around.

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My advice will be that she even distances herself from such complications.

I would cut ties with both people because I can't be close friends with people I can'tbe free with and have to hold a secret.

Life is too short.

I'll cut them lose and that's it.

Let them sort out their wahala

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abi ooooo

can't imagine keeping loosers as close friends

anyway i trust myself,d few friends i have don't even know me too well,i can't risk my marriage,my home,my joy ,my happiness and husband all because of some friends

friends gbakwa okwu,nonsense

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You took the words from my mouth.

If I ever had a friend that was running around with married men and sleeping around,that's it.

Our friendship is over.

Thank God I don't have such friends.

I don't keep friends who may pull me down by their lifestyle.

Tufia!!

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By the way i still dont get why married women still prefer to keep very close relationships with other women especially those with troubled marriages. This is the way husband snatching starts.

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good

if they like let them blame u,its not in ur place to tell any body,so cut off

keep d relationship u have wt both women neutral,so dat weneva trouble starts nobody will come knocking at ur door,its as simple as dat

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This is what i am going to do but i hope this does not get reflected my way.  The way the wife and I are hanging out and talking we will be good friends in no time and i have already been good friends with my gf for sometime.  You know how women can be, when the poo hits the fan they will try to blame me because i knew and did not tell anyone.  

But I am alergic to drama, really i get a rash, and I dont want any drama thrown my way or in my marriage.  So i am going to do as my husband tells me and keep my mouth shut.  Hopefully his friend will be able to control both his wives.

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like seriously

for heavens sake her husband has told her to back out and let them be,and shes still trying to poke her nose into wat does not concern her

dis is d reason y most men get angry wt their wives,wen u tell them to let some things go,they wont,they will keep poking their nose until they drag d family's name down,at d end of day pple will call them names,just because she refused to mind her business

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sistawoman is so excited about her wedding that she has transformed herself into voltron - defender of the cheated wife.

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seriously i think u should tAke your husbands advise and step back,why r u trying to force yourself into some pples life

u just got married,so ,mind your home ,your husband and your kids,and stop minding other pples affairs,its none of ur business

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Well the only good thing about this is that she is fixed and cant have anymore babies. Bad thing is she tells me because of this they are not using a condom during sex. She really believes this bama is not going to divorce her in 3 years.

She thinks what she has is what i have and it totally is not the case.

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I really like the wife, she seems pretty cool.  I only know her thru my husband because her husband and my husband are very close, she has shown me how to cook some of my husbands fav. dishes.  I wish i was not torn between the loyalty to my gf and his wife.  My husbands advice is to just step back and let what happens happen.  But I dont understand other men coving for them when they know that he is cheating on his wife.

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if i were u,i would mind my business and let her be,leave her,let her do watever she wants to do

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@ sistawoman

Be there for your friend when it all goes horribly wrong, she will be HISTORY, when he gets his papers.

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The next phase is that the women will drop a Queenisha and a Shaquille as fruits of his labor and they are bound for life and the Nigerian wife is screwed for life with endless finances going that way.

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@

This is very simple: the chap is simply using the babe;he's not a monster only an opportunist, an opportunity he would take anywhere else if it presents itself.

Simply tell ur girlfriend to stop making herself a poke hole.

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If she agreed to the divorce deal, I'm sure she'll just endure the cheatings.

I pity that man.

Your friend may do a 180 when the divorce time comes if she loves the man.

women have been known to use sharp finger nails and poke holes in the condom.

and that would suit him right.

I've heard stories like that.

Then the whole thing becomes one big messy and rotten pot of gumbo

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right after the man gets his papers, then u will know a real 9ja woman.

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I dont understand how the wife does not know. She has met the wife only once I fear his wife is going to come after her. The wife is older in her 40's but are Nigerian women like that. Will the wife come after my gf if she finds out? Or because her husbands papers are at risk will she sit by and allow this woman to sleep with her man?

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hey,i understand, but dnt intefere in their relationship, berra she discovers things her self, blive once u try to advice someone thats lost u may end up being an enemy.

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A divorce in America is valid in Nigeria.

The man is a fool.

First off divorcing his real wife for the sake of green card already places him in a lower rung of the ladder in my books.

I don't expect much from such an individual.

Your friend on the other hand knows the marriage is not a loving one but  an illegal temp arrangement.

Most likely she's being paid for her services as a provider (from stories I've heard) so her sleeping with the man makes her a cheap LovePeddler.

What woman with good self worth will knowingly be sleeping with a married man who breezes in when he needs to change diet.

She is just being used as a mere private part and sadly she doesn't even know it.

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I tire o.

No marry na. shey dat 1 go be solution for una

Not constructive

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I agree that her self esteem is shot.  She has been in one bad relationship after another and along came this man, who took her out a few times and next thing i know they are sleeping together and now she says he wont let her see anyone else, I think that takes a lot of guts for him to say that and for her to agree to that.

How do i help her to see this is bad and she needs to stop this poo?  He is feeding her all kinds of poo about how much he loves her but he is still referring to the other wife as his wife even when he talks to others like me and my husband.  She does not understand the language and my husband tells me everything, or most things they say to each other.

I just dont understand how she could put up with this?  The men will say to her you are so kind to _____ and he likes how kind  you are, thanks for all your help.  This should be a clue when the 3 years are up she is done for.

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My Dad did not become a monster

My Husband will not become a monster

AMEN SOMEBODY!!!!

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Sistawoman its easy to diagnose your scenario:

1. Your friend has no self esteem - if not u wont be with a man who's married.

2. The man in question has not moral inclination - hence he will sleep with his housegirl if possible.

Put those two together and u'll get 2 confused individuals who absolutely have no shame.

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but why the ladies like they come here form one community like mallams, to bash and trash the male folks everytime, each person go just come here pour her anger and frustration wey her BF curse ontop gentlemen for the land. haba, abeg, u all stop am jare. and be real. men are bad, men are bad, but the same una, after posting go run go una BF house go hang legs for ceiling. shior.

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I have not read through all of the posts yet but i wanted to share this:

One of my closest friends is married to a Nigerian but the marriage was set up.  So she was not to have any relations as he still lives with his orginal wife at home who he divorced a year ago to marry this girl for you know what.

Well they started sleeping together and when she asked him why is it that he is cheating on his wife his response to her was that he was legally married to her and divorced to his wife therefore he was sleeping with his jr wife and not cheating on his sr wife.

My question is, is this how men really justify cheating?  What if the first wife finds out will my girlfriend be in serious trouble or do Nigerian women expect this when thier husbands divorce them and re-marry for paper?  Also are they still married in Nigeria still?  Does a divorce done in the states make them divorced in Nigeria?

I feel really bad for his first wife and really think that my gf should not be sleeping with him.  But it is her life and she thinks he likes her, but I keep telling her he cant.  he is still sleeping and living with his first wife and he just comes to her to Bleep and leave but she wont listen to me maybe she will listen if i send her some of the messages recieved from yall.  

How do i get thru to this girl and let her know that what she is doing is really really wrong?  He will never love her like he does his Nigerian wife no matter what she does.

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come u all tell that silly slowpoke to swallow he statement that my post is asinine and i'm a jester,b4 i spoil this thread for una o. wetin dey bring that nonsense, small pikin go just use the first grammer them teach for me. rubbish.

Lady J, na planet earth i dey, where u dey?

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