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Why Do Men Find It Hard To Love Their Women In Relationships?

Ephesians 5:25-27

Why do men find it hard to do that?

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56 answers

May God bless my marriage like yours,Amen!

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I am not even sure why i am bandying words with him. I should be off NL reading a book instead of trading words with na2day.

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You have the time. . . . seriously.

If you know how he looks, you would think twice about replying to his insults.

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Seems like jenibayo is umm in your own words "plankish " enough. Why don't you go disturb her like you have been doing?? or is it because she has gone to bed that you want to start disturbing and insulting me.

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Wow! what a man. Your wife is truly lucky. Good on you bro, hopefully, some of the egotistic naija [i]boys [/i]on NL will learn a thing or two from you.

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^^A very sensible question, which is answered in Ephesians 5.  Very easy but some men still don't - or choose not to - get it:

25 And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word.  27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. 29 No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. 30 And we are his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Note that there is more written to husbands as to how to love their wives (6 verses) than about wives submitting to husbands (3 verses).  Paul even had to spell it out for men in a way he didn't for women.

Do you think that it is possibly because submitting is easier for women than loving is for men? 

Some people joke a lot about going off with another woman if they don't get what they want from their spouse but seriously, do you think the reason why a lot of women don't submit to a man is simply her lack of respect for/trust in him? 

If "love", as some have already said, seems to consist of the material things you can give a woman, don't you think that the emotional investment reaps greater benefits than any trinket or gift can?

Note that to "honour" someone means to treat them as if they are worth something to you.  The day  you dishonour them, you treat them as if they're worth nothing to you.  Once a woman's heart is closed to a man rarely if ever will it open again.  Women are emotional beings; if a man wants submission he better be prepared to deposit in her emotional account.

[list][*]Make the effort to listen to her yabbing away about her day or something that happened.  Don't just "uh-huh", actively make an effort to listen and respond.  By the way not every problem requires a solution, most times all it really requires is a listening ear.  It may go against everything within a man but she will appreciate it!

[*]It's the little things that count; the odd gift may be appreciated, but doing something practical like helping with the housework, peeling a yam or putting on the kettle, keeping the children occupied, answering the phone or running interference when necessary makes a bit difference in a busy woman's day.[/list]

People want to get into something if there's something in it for them - the husband & wife relationship cannot be pigeon-holed this way.  Most people are committed to nothing and in the slightest breeze they weaken and bail.   Marriage requires compromise, it requires going with the ebbs and flows, and it also entails a fight to stand for something when others choose to cheat, lie and deceive.  So long as both are in agreement, that woman will submit to her husband without hesitation, and that man will earnestly and sincerely love his wife without consciously thinking about it.

If people aren't willing to give or sacrifice anything for the sake of another, and if they want their nice quiet life to remain so, don't marry.  Simples.

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I think in the course of throwing the blame the other side we forgot to question women on "How they want to be loved"?

Ladies listen up, submitting to your man is fairly straightforward. Your man's wishes should be your commands. If she want you cook, you cook. If she wants you wear skirts in stead of trousers you do just that. Etc.

But I am sure guys are lost on the second part of the deal. That they must love you ladies like Christ loved the church. Now help the guys out. What do they need to do or act toward you so that you feel loved?

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@michelin89

i guess d next post shud read "why must women return d favor"

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@H202 and harakiri,

So what the two of you are trying to say is that your mothers and sisters are the most unreliable species on the face of the earth? That when you give them orange they ask for apple then apple pie etc? That they are TOTALLY INSATIABLE? That other men are justified in deciding not to love them 100%? Hmm. . . .interesting. . . .

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The reason is very simple :

Women are the most unreliable species walking the face of the earth!

Women are fond of whining about "no good men around" or " no loving men anymore" or "no Mr Perfects". They cry about no right men being in the world anymore and when they finally find him, he's either too loving or not good enough or they want something else.They are never satisfied.They say they want oranges, you give them oranges and they prefer apples. . .you give them apples and they wonder why it isn't apple pie. . .they have apple pie and they wished it was pizza. . .you give them pizza and they wonder why you keep giving them all they ask for.TOTALLY INSATIABLE!

They always complain that men aren't loving enough but the moment a man shows that real love and opens up to her, she thinks he's a weak sissy.Totally pathetic. This is why men go out of their way NOT to love a woman 100%. Even when they do love her, they try as much as possible NOT to show it and for those who outrightly don't love their women, well. . .do a background check and you'll discover a few heart breaking sluts at the background.

Nuff said!

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@Dreamm,

But you obviously didn't get my drift, right. Call me old-fashioned and stuff, I don't mind/care. The point you're trying to make was completely marred by that poorly constructed write up of yours - and that's a fact. Just go back and take a look at it. Re read that write up of yours again. Surely you can do better than what you have up there.

And thank God for dictionary.com. Web surfers like me don't have to go too far into my room searching for the good old Webster dictionary. The link below will help you with knowing that we have words like ''headaches'' widely in use out there. 

http://ask.reference.com/web?q=headaches&qsrc=2445&o=10602&l=dir

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Well, Its our culture

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women are the same everywhere, treat them good they give you all your heart desire

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Well, it takes two not one. Most women are not submissive and are always gunning 4 control. How can u luv such women? Nigerian women need deliverance. All of them.

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Men feel that if they love the women they would behave as they wish

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Hahahaha. U're havin headaches. Gud english. Wil it harm u if u say headache instead of headaches. I wrote most of my words in short forms,bt u complained. U nw wrote urs in ful nd messed up. HEADACHES LOl!! I cn't stp laughin.

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How about just typing out the words correctly - it won't do you no harm to do that! I'm having headaches reading your post.

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@OP, says who?

I laugh inside my edikaikong.

Where did you get this twaddle you posted?

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Cos dey lv wit their heads nd nt wit their hearts.If u need a queen,u'v 2b a king.If u want a submisv wife,u'v 2b submisv 2. Mariage is 4 mature minds,pple who realy knw wat real lv is al about. Real men dnt brag abt submisvnez wit their spouse. Dey do their part as real men nd u see their wives being loyal 2dem. U dnt xpect 2cheat nd your wife wil also b submisv cos u'v betrayd d trust. Wat kils our men 2day is 2much pride ova ladies. Alwyz wantin 2initmidate nd showin superior.Evn wen they'r wrong,dey say they'r men so dey dn't apologse.wich is bad.God has said dat d submisvnez is 4 both patners nd nt only 4d wive.some men c it as a let dwn helpin  their wives 2 do som house chores evn wen they'r pregnant nd weak.instead they shout on dem. To me men dnt do much work dan women. Coz dey jst go 2work nd kom bk nd complainin of being so tired while d woman wil go 2work,mayb heavily pregnant, prepare food,take care of kids nd hubby,sweep,fetch water,wash clothes nd so many oda tins. And d huby wil b readin newspaper. Bt if he  helps her out ,she'l b hapy nd u'l alwyz c d best in her. Submisvnez is 4d 2partz,it's mutual.

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to some of you who use the phrase, ''to grow love in her husband's heart''. this does not make sense at all, since a man picks a woman he thinks love him and marry her. not picking just anybody and waiting for her love him, the same law applies to a woman. so whenever you say something like that remember you cannot make or force somebody to love you.

a woman is not a dog you buy and hope to get love in return. remember we are talking about two human being free to choose who to love and live with. your partner/wife owes you much as you owe her. if you have not realized that you are not a good boyfriend or husband, quote on that

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Gees ! Another wild generalization, is it a crime to use the qualifer "SOME" men?

na wa o!

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I quite agree with you cyberfreek and folex cos it take the husband and wife to make a marriage work .firstly ,both party must chose eachother based on the fear of God cos my bible says , the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom which is the principal thing in life . Wisdom itself is the ability to understand  a perticular situation and knowing what to at the rigth time in the rigth way .

Men should stop going into a relationship simply because the lady is pretty or got money to throw around . its takes a good woman to make a man .

Women on their part should genuinely go for a man with good  intentions not looking for the highly professional , rich and the most handsome man . remember ,the more handsome a man is the more women will go after him . that's not to say that handsome men are bad but to really lookout for those good qualities needed for a happy home.

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Most married women are cheats. If men of today were to take their children for DNA test, many hidden things will be made known or if they were to put to put charm on the women so that who enters their Jerusalem will ever remain. I am not saying that men are completely God but women are more unfaithful than men. Be faithful to your men, don't turn your marriage into harlotry.

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That is so true folex. It's just that some men believe that a wife must live a life of slavery before she can be regarded as a good/obedient wife. Or don't believe in helping the wife out with the housework.

I wish more men share the same opinion you posted above.

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@cyberfeak, I agree with ur view. It is solely not one person's responsibility, both parties have to work hard at the marriage in order to make it work. Though one partner may abound in more grace than the other, The bottom line is that they should be ready to make compromises and be more tolerant when the need arises. With that and the fear of God coupled with self control, they will see that the love between them will be mutually exclussive.

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@greatprince,

God is not unjust. He would not make unjust rules. Do you really believe that it is in the way of things for the woman who is weaker in strength than the man to do more work than the man does?

@bashydemi,

alright. The man can surprise the women and such things. But if the woman does all those things I listed before ie job, kids, house etc, dont you think either she would not have time for such outings or she would not be physically up to it after all the work she does regularly?

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na we (girls) allow am, if u like to believe it or not. men r not silly. the attitude is not God given. So, it's very much our fault.

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It may be because they never loved their women in the first place. From experience I see women giving more in relationships and most times they do not get anything in return. Maybe that's the way God made it to be.

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Follow up threads like these are partof the reasons why it is harder to love the woman you are in a relationship with these days.  Well i no blame una na 'Beijing 95' na im everythin for blow up. women liberation has become the order of the day since that time. women want to contest and rub shoulders with men in every ramification of life and dis is one of the reasons why divorce rate in Nigeria and other parts of the world has shot up by over 67% in just a little over 10yrs.

To suffice, itz a two way thingy but it is imperative to start that most women would have to do more work when it comes to marriage,  Why? I guess itz a natural law of nature. I did a little research a while back with a sample of 20couples who were happily married (so they said, ) and I found out most of them had to go through serious normal guy wahala -he does not love me enough, he cheats on me, he does not allow me handle finances etc) but they all and I mean all had to 'STOOP TO CONQUER'. All said at one point in time they finally got the respect and place they deserved after carefully playing ball and generally submitting to their husbands.

So I laff when I see threads like this.

Men do love their wives most times but you all know the normal issues with men - so you had better find a way to deal with and submit to your husbands(not necessarily boyfriends)

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@bashydemi,

So your point is that it is the woman's responsibility to grow love for herself in the heart of her husband (by carrying his bag, setting the table, running shower etc)? Whose responsibility is it to grow love for the husband in the woman's heart?

And are you aware that a lot of women also work jobs nowadays just like their husbands? Where would they get the strength to lift their husbands onto the very high pedestals they deserve to be on, after going through the stress of white collar job, plus taking care of children plus taking care of household, plus taking care of herself plus taking care of the husband's needs?

Please reccommend ways in which the wife can balance all the responsibility above with treating her husband like a king.

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From the religious point of view. I am a Christian and I know that the bible discourages the act of a man marrying another. Although it was widely practised in the old testament but Christ came to correct us on this. But what of the muslims? My colleagues that are Muslims always explain to me that you can marry more than one so far you can love both. Some muslims argue it's not possible while others say it is. and I have seen Islamic clerics who have two wives. please I really want to understand something here. When a Muslim brother has a wife. How does he get the other woman? Is it not by wooing her. Will that be regarded as adultery or what exactly is adultery in Islam. I'm not trying to castigate or be offensive. I've got lots of Muslim friends that are wonderful people. I just want to know more about what the religion says about this and how you'll go about getting the other women without committing sin.

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These Women sure need a moral Approach emotional rearmament. Say NO to botchedfeminism myopia and see through the glasses!

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Gurls should as a matter of urgency quit this drivel and be reasonable and submit to their husbands.

Nuff said already!!

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Some men love but don't know how to show it, Others (like me), know how to express their love to their women, big time! It's a question of how respectful can the woman be, all the way?

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keep telling your cartel of mods to remove my posts. You will never rest

inshangu prince-less.

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@michelin tyre,

Who said they do not love their women?or you boyfren no luv u?tell us now!

Nigerian men do love their women only if you know how to play your aces well.

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hello every one,

find this thread very interesting and at the same time worrying. in the sense that some of the guys here are using God or even bible to justify their desire to boss women around. actually lots of men do love their wife/women, you have to be there to know.

relationship is a 50/50 thing, love is required from both end and sex is a mutual agreement. quoting the bible to fit in your interpretations of ''submission'' which in this case sounded like one would expect from his slave. is not the best manner to raise a family with fear of God and love. nobody has mentioned ''respect'' for {the women} one another, in a relationship people need understanding and love, not one submitting to the other, and not the man waiting for the women to submit before loving her. i hope you are not propagating such idea and hoping that God will reward you ''seven virgins''

what about ''one good turn deserves another'' i believe that if we, as men, would drop our ambition to dominate the women we would enjoy every good things that come with them. which we miss while we try to boss them around

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It is perfectly normal to have eyes for other women.

What sets apart a responsible man is self-control.

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cox the always have eyes for some women.

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I love my wife with all of my heart.

Reason:

- We were very good friends for over 2 yrs, both matured and ready to settle down.

- Because we were good friends right from the onset, I never lied to her and she exacly knew what she wanted in her man and found just that before we got engaged.

- There is no such thing as pride in our relationship . . she lets me be when I sulk and vise versa. So either one finds it really easy to say I am sorry and truly mean it.

- We both ironed out our differences before we decided to get married. So if I'm not going to allow something as a married wealthy man, I started rejecting it ever since I was poor and single.

- We truly care about each other - we want to make us happy

- Here is the number reason: A woman that knows she is truly loved will readily give her eyes for her partner. That is the kind of commitment I want and get from my wife. If you truly love your wife / husband, you will not cheat on them and have extramarital affairs or kids outside the marriage. I added my wife's name to all my accounts without her knowledge and gave her my atm card and two credit cards. She then personally decided to her work cheques paid directly to my account. It is easy for your wife to love and trust you when she knows you are a responsible man and you devote all your attention to your family.

I am almost forty, lived with my parents for over 20 years and never saw my dad cheat or raise his hands on my mother. Of course my mother gave him her all and everything else.  So why should I want my own to be different.

I am truly blessed to be married to this woman.

Love your wife truly and you will enjoy the fruits of marriage.

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Actually I don't even follow the Bible. . .but since men are so fond of using the submissive card all the time, I wanted to remind them that that same God has ordered them to love their wives like Christ loved the Church and Jesus did die for the Church.

How many man can die for their wives?

Boko dear, no one wants to play the fool. I was born a woman BUT I AM NOBODY'S FOOL!

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The Bible is NOT silly. God is also not foolosh! Which injuction comes first in that Bible? Submit or love?

Ephesians 5: 22 – Wives submit to your husbands

Ephesians 5: 25 – Husbands Love your wives

God is the greatest chronologist I’ve ever seen. He is NOT an author of confusion, and that’s why he organizes whatever He says & does. He also knows the implication of His actions and word. Be NOT deceived and let no one teach you nothing else.

Women, yours is to first submit; and every other thing shall be added.

- In s.ex, u must submit,

- In listening to him, u must submit

- In submission itself, u must submit

It is also NOT different in Koran or any other religion of the world. Can you challenge that?

Michelin89, pls, tell the ladies.

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We,re polygamous in nature,

mention one great men of GOD in the bible that married one wife except Jesus Christ who did not marry,

and women have follow in the trend of polygamy by having three to four boy friend at a time even after they become married, reference can be drawn from NL.

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cus you women don't know a good man when you see one

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an average good gal hv at least 3 boyfriends. what do you think about that?

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A man is in charge of a woman, if there is love then that is a bonus. This constant insubordination by women has got to STOP!!!! haba

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they find it difficult cos they dont love God

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Thank you jooooooooooooooooooo

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must everything get to the front page?

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because women make it impossible

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