why do we have to marry?
my peeps what do you think
i joined nairaland a couple of months ago, but this will be my very first post.
By way of introduction, i am married, and i married at an age people consider to be young for a man, 28.
Why did i get married? same answer as why did i go to school, lol, you just know its something u want to do, ok, i was joking with this one.
But seriously, to all those who have expressed one opinion or the other, for or against, i don't think i can fault what u all said.
Marriage like most other things in life is a question of choice, and personal conviction. You want to do it, or u don't want to. People say to fulfil God's will but I think we know that Paul also said that you don't have to get married, if u are convinced u are better off being single, so God's will really is what you and Him knows will work for you.
Next, people say you get married and its not what u think, too much heartache and all that, i think its the same as people who say, what if we serve God and we find out there is no hell fire, lol, we would have lost out of all the fun. Again, that is subjective. What gives u joy, what makes u complete, being married, staying single?
I think people should get married, to the right mates for them. How do i find who is right, u have your yardsticks, find a mate who scores 70% and go for it. The others, you either work it out, or get ready to tolerate it. Funny how people tolerate each other when they are friends, workmates and all, but once they get married they DONT want to, you have to! simple.
We work hard at relationships, but we expect the work to stop once we get married. No, it just starts, and with the realization that you are in there for the rest of your life, you just need to do it well, and get the magic formula very early to save yourself heartaches.
Marraige really is more about completing yourself, and finding companionship when you are growing in life, i don't know how you get your own kicks, but going into an empty house at night doesnt do it for me, and think about when you can't chase girls or be chased by guys again, and are too old to enjoy marathon sex, what do u do? kids will grow up and leave you too, if you are lucky your mate doesnt die early, then you have a good life ahead.
Now, when u get married, you don't suddenly stop finding the other woman/guy attractive, or u don't suddenly just find that you can look at a pretty set of bosoms and not feel a twang (by the way, the lady who raised the issue of big bosoms/butties have a pretty good one, i think u shld be proud of it). You just tell yourself that hey, i am committed to this woman/man, and i should be responsible to that commitment, its still about choice, And when you fall into temptation, i pray we don't, get up and move on, marriage is a journey, not a destination.
I watched a movie once, a guy in a relationship finds he can't stay faithful to his fiancee, they have breakups and all of that. He confides in an older guy who is married, the guy replies (almost verbatim) " I drive a 2002 ford taurus, every year, ford changes the taurus model, every day i see someone with a more beautiful car, do i go around and want to drive every single one, no, i don't because i can't" Marriage is like that (or almost), u have to make a choice to stay in there.
So to the question, why do we have to marry, i'd say, its the best place to be if u work at having the right one. Do we all have to be married. Answer is No.
It takes hardwork to stay married. Having said that, if you choose not to get married, asta la vista,
Longest post I myself have read, but as i am new, it will take a few lessons in summary before i can get this down to manageable levels, so forgive me if i bore you.
if you ask me,marriage is a good thing
d fact is life is not a bed of roses
its smooth and interesting sometimes
while sometimes,its rough and you feel miserable
your ability to handle this situation makes you stronger to face more challenges
as a lady,how would you feel,carrying a pregnancy for a man who is not your husband
then when your child grows and he or she is asking of d father you as the mother don't even know what to say
as a man,how would you feel impregnating 2 or more women aroun all in the name of catching fun
when this kids grow,dey will definately look at u as a uzless man
who cannot keep his manhood in its house
marriage comes with blessings
every woman gets to an age whereby she wants to belong to a mans arms for life
and evryman gets to a certain stage were he wants to b detached from his family and start a life of his own.
he wants to lean on a soft arm and tell himself,he haz a comfort
lets stop making this marriage issue hard on ourselfs
its just a simple thing
especially when you are with the right person
more importantly,we have to learn to endure,tolerate,and above all
think about this
and make your choice today[i][/i]
girl most say u ve said it all
Every good Question, drrionelli, presido thax 4 ur reply. we hav to marry because God has made every thing according to his plan God create Adam n eve also man should live d parients and woman should aslo live her parients and both should live as 1 husband and wife (pls s not good to hav children outside wedlock ok).
O ga ooo.
One thing that annoys me most is when we bring GOD name in a matter that should be based purely on intelligent discussion. I consider it as an attempt to peep at a supposedly correct answer in an examination. However, the answer may be wrong.
Meanwhile, I consider marriage as just 'an agreement between 2 people to leave together because they share stuffs in common, and to add more to the already annoying problem of over-population(?)' simple. Ordained by God(?) i don't know. is it not in the 'holy Books' that
i. u must not kill (unconditional). Why do u buy guns for soldiers and policemen? to kill ants and games ?
ii. u should not judge(unconditional). Why do u send your sibblings to school to become lawers and judges.
Leave God alone and discuss a matter of intelligence with intelligence.
Marriage no be by force oo,
if u can take the heat, then go right on
if u cant, hmm
Me im at a cross road now, i do want kids, but scared of this charade called marriage, i being a victim of a broken home, knows what i am saying, human beings cannot be trusted, neverrrrrrrr
(scratches head) , how do i go about having kids,
What utter rubbish, unmarried people weep for themselves, I think a million times more married people cry for themselves than non married.
Marriage is a dying form, one that more and more people are seeing as nothing more than a piece of paper.
There is no reason to get married at all these days, there is no stigma attached to couples living together and marriage normally ruins many good relationships as people tend to take each other for granted once they have the certfificate.
the other day i went to make my hair in this Nigerian salon, and they were talking about marriage.
About the right age for marriage. They were saying that when a woman finishes school at 24,
when would she get married.
i replied that she shouldn't have to get married. that she could just get a kid and live happily.
they women turned and looked at me as if i had just admitted to having mental problems.
i just silently turned and continued reading my book ( God bless JK Rowling).
Seriously Nigerian men and women are obsessed about marriage ( some of them).
when a woman gets to 30 and is not yet married they start to look at her insinuatin that she is a " leftover".
this is silly and really immature, its not about getting married and haing kids.
Its about becoming somebody in life and raising the kids well.
If i find someone i lov i would get married but if i don't i would just get a kid and make the best off my life!
A fair number of postings in this thread refer to the idea that marriage allows us to have a single long-term pairing, as opposed to animals. What is not considered in such an assertion is that many species of animals do, indeed, form pair-bonds for life. Do we even humorously suggest that those animals do so based on belief in a deity? Why, then, do not all animals (we would be led to believe that they, too, are created by the same deity) exhibit such behavior?
Also, many of the theocentric posts here have used as their basis Christianity. Where do some of the other of the world's faiths stand on this issue?
wise guys and wise ladies in the house,
God did not make marriage compulsory,
in fact, Paul only advised that those singles
who can't cope should get married.
marriage is like life.
the fact that we are faced with diverse problems
in life, does not mean we all have decided to stop living.
so why is it that pple are refusing to get married because
of the problems encountered in marriage.
we should not 4get that there are still marriages that are
blossoming no matter how few and i know that mine will
be one when i am ready to lose my bachelorhood degree.
well its your life, your choice and your decision.
1. Three Gbosas for Lawyer. Gbosa! Gbosa!! GBosa!!!
2. You dont have to marry before you can have children. Just take care of them when they come.
3. What is the use of a marriage if it doesnt make you happy. Ask the women that are always battered. What is the use of a single life if it gives you misery? Be married because you are happy.
4. To hell with what any society thinks about marital status. Must we live up to other people's expectation? When shall we start living to please ourselves? I can afford to disappoint anybody, but i can not afford to disappoint myself. I do what suits me and makes me happy.
5. Birds of the air do not marry and are not given out in marriage, yet they are happy and even " Solomon in all his glory was not as adorned as any one of them," not even as the grass of the field.
6. Marriage or no marriage, all is vanity. Just live and enjoy yourself so much that when you die, you would not wish you had a second chance. Live so well, that by the time you die, even the chil;dren that are not born by you will miss u.
7. All said and done, the choice is yours.
We have to get married for various reasons, the first reason is that God made man and woman and the man and woman are one. If a man and a woman love each other and they want to spend the rest of their lvies together then why not sign on the dotted line and commit to each other. If a woman/man is good enough to sleep with are they not good enough to marry?
I suppose there's a verse in the bible which makes us understand that a time must come for the woman to leave her peeps and go settle down with her guy, someing like that sha
so for the bible to have said this, i think all man must follow besides i LOVE the idea of settling down, you know,wake up to the smiles of your lovely wifey,kids come running through the door, scattering things aorund the house, feel me? Its beautiful really. I don't want to spend the rest of my life driving down to my girls crib to see her in the evening or she coming over and then leaving me later in the day for her house, nahhh,that will be madness. Man fit colo.
Pls attck me if u wish.
Its best if u are married and happy in it. Its worst if u are married and sad in it. U may take a calculated risk or uncalculated (if u wish).
Anyway, we always look for every opportunity to call God's name to suit our needs. I dont care what u quote, marry if u feel its right 4 u and would not negatively affect u and others(, ) otherwise do as u beleive its OK.
The bottom line: TRY AND LIVE A HAPPY LIFE AND TRY UR BEST TO ALWAYS MAKE OTHERS HAPPY TOO. forget about societal dos and donts especially african society.
It sounds scary enough, but I still wonder why does that get married and hear that one of them snores, the other is a sex machine, she is materialistic and he just can't control his third leg (Applicable to a lot of men)
Having BASTARDS? Now that's even scarier! Mr. Post threader, Are you a bastard? Do you think you values would be any better if you were one? Are you trying to give an excuse for not wanting to be tied down by one woman and at the same time be free to impregnate any girl you see because you want to be father of many?
Marriage is an institution. It has been said in this thread, times without number and that children born out of wedlock are BASTARDS, yes they are, by statement of fact, but with right moral values, they can actually better their lot in life and want to sire children that would bear his name.
Anyone saying this is your life and you can marry a woman for like six months and later on move to another woman, I wonder why your father and mother did not do the same thing, maybe we would have more of people like you and then Bin Laden will have more reasons to blow Nigeria up.
Harsh? Who said the world was fair.
God who gave the commandment has a reason for that so you dont have to question him.
He demonstrated marriage by creating Eve for Adam and said therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they two shall be husband and wife.
He created marriage for companionship and not loneliness
For love and not hatred
For trust and not misunderstandings.
Keywords being "have to"? Of course you don't "have to" get married either to have sex or children. Besides the word "bastard" is more of a description than an insult (at least in it's original context).
Marriage is a choice and mainly because of it's exclusivity more than any other reason as in
- Have sex exclusively with one person
- Have children exclusively with one person
My dad's not a very rich person but he told me something. He said you don't have to get married and only you can decide for yourself whether to or not but one day you'll be older 40-50-60 and you'll see what you've missed and how different it could've been and that you had no real excuse to've not done it.
P.S. Don't knock adoption especially if you can't do it yourself.
we marry because
1. companionship: so you dont have to be lonely
2. helper: so u dont have to do it by yourself
3. sex: so u dont have to finger yourself or sample everybody u like.
4. unity: 2 heads are better than one
5. strenght: his streghth will be yours and your his.
6.warmth: so u dont have to use ur wrapper.
7.i can go on and on but most importantly, it is ordained by God.