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Why Do Women Find It Hard To Be Submissive In Relationships?

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22 - that's what the bible says but it seems nowadays the world is changing and the whole world is changing. Ladies are becoming westernised and are finding it increasingly hard to submit to their partners. Why is this so? is submission still relevant in modern day climate? Guys what are your views on this?

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...maybe, just maybe, because husbands are not able to love their wives ...

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The book of 1 Peter 3 says: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters [1] ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."

If we read this well, the last sentence is " . . . that your prayers be not hindered." This means there is a penalty for a man who treats his wife badly. God cannot be mocked. But God knows His creation. He made man first and made woman out of the ribs of man. Therefore, they are involved and as the institution of marriage is involved, they are one flesh, just like they were a part of each other from the beginning of creation! If a man deals badly with his wife, he deals with himself and also if a woman does the same she deals badly with herself. To crown it all, whenever both deal badly with each other, they deal badly with God because we were all made in His image! Rebellion is refusal to obey the word of God and both parties have instructions stated clearly as to how they should deal with each other. The root of rebellion usually comes from inability to obey the word of God and that is when the wiles of the world has captured us. The enemy uses its subtil nature to deceive us by making us fight for our rights; whether man or woman. But by Gods design, when we obey, things naturally fall in place. But please note this: There is an order to things! There is an order to creation. Our Lord Jesus Christ, even though a part of the Trinity and present at creation, had never seen Himself as equal to God. God sent Christ, Christ also sent the Holy Spirit. The bible says Christ is the head of Man and man head of his wife. The Patriarchs of old in the scriptures were talking about ideal situations where the home is founded on the principles of God, therefore examples like Sarah and Abraham were used. No one can give what he or she does not have! When the right foundation of God has been established in a family, it will always work the way it is written in the bible. A God-loving and God-fearing man will always love his wife and accord her respect and this will be visible to the woman who will feel so good that the outpouring of her own love towards him will be tremendous and that is why we find Sarah acknowledging Abraham as "Lord". Certainly she was not equating him with God, but only realizing that if she revered him in the way God desires, her prayers will be answered and she will always, without fail, enjoy the pleasantness of her husband and home. I am afraid to say, that most homes these days are not founded on God and the calamity of the consequence is what we are experiencing. Women equate themselves with men. Not so at all. Even God said ". . . giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, . . .". A weaker vessel cannot and must not equate itself with a stronger vessel and likewise, a stronger vessel must realize the role of availability and protection it must have towards the weaker vessel. But like I said earlier, both of them must have come off the REAL POTTER'S WHEEL. And who is that REAL POTTER? God the almighty. He is the foundation. Only He can mold to perfection because the potter does not argue with the clay. As long as we have a faulty foundation that is not of God,then what God said in Jeremiah 18:2-10 will apply, except we repent and look up to Him - "2 Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words.Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying,O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel. At what instant I shall speak concerning a nation, and concerning a kingdom, to pluck up, and to pull down, and to destroy it;If that nation, against whom I have pronounced, turn from their evil, I will repent of the evil that I thought to do unto them. And at what instant I shall speak concerning a nation, and concerning a kingdom, to build and to plant it;If it do evil in my sight, that it obey not my voice, then I will repent of the good, wherewith I said I would benefit them."

There are no shortcuts to bliss in marriage: (1). Did God certify the union? (2). If so, Has it remained founded on God or has it derailed? (3). Do we remain obedient and faithful to His word, and observing of the roles He has called for all parties, Husband, Wife and even Children?

May His Holy Spirit continually lead and guide us. Amen.

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When a woman finds it hard to submit to the man in relationship den der is no basis to continue in dat relationship, yes the bible says wives submit to ur husband. Most ladies will say "afterall we are nt married yet".when der is no submission der is no love. What is love. I av my own view but will kept it for yours.so wen it gets to dat level of finding it hard,just breakup. Becos a man is meant to lead and he will do just dat.likewise d bible says husband love ur wife.so if der is no love for the wife den what is the basis for dat relationship.women wen in love will always love to submit no matter how ridiculous d idea dey only fail to submit wen dey sense mistrust,betrayal etc.

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That verse was put there because it is one of the most difficult things to do continuously.

Same as the men love your wives.

It isnt and has never been easy for a woman to submit to a man unconditionally same as easy for a man to love a woman unconditionally.

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Maybe d ones in d west. . . .

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[color=#770077][/color]@ poster d bible also said husbands love ur wifes as CHRIST loved d church n died 4 it. d 1st question 2 u is r the men keeping to thier own part of the deal?

i really dnt knw y the fuss abt women submitting wen the men r not doing dr own part. wen u love a woman like d bible said,submission comes naturally.

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because of her arrogance, stupidity and even because of money

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No more comment. A god fearing woman knows what submission to her husband means unless you as a woman did not experience that in your family they you need to be tutoured

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They need deliverance, All of them.

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All these "wife, submit to your husband and husband, love your wife" talk, does it even make sense to you people?

Isn't love supposed to be a mutual thing, why assign roles i.e one submits and one loves?. What a load of applesauce!!

Anyway na una sabi. The ignorance never ends.

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Men listen to me and listen very clearly. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell your wife/partner that she has to submit to you because you are the head of the house.

Pastors should quit tellin women that if they will just submit to their husbands that they will have a successful marriage. It does not work that way. Take this pressure off the wives. The success of a marriage is not dependent on a man's wife. In 99.9% of cases, the wives are not the root nor the solution to the marriage problems.

Men ought to be taught to lay their lives down for and serve their wives. The more a man loves and values his wife. The more she'll want to do for him in return. In or words, treat her like a Queen she'll be happy to do things for him.

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Key to a successful relationship:

man love ur wife/girl friend

woman submit to ur husband/boy friend.

every other thing is wrapped up in there.

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@ post

I try to be submissive but he doesnt deserve it ANYMORE, hes got verbal diarrhea, says whatever he pleases when he is angry, but to top it all off he doesnt even feel the need to apologise. DERKHEAD

Whats a woman to do apart from breaking up the relationship? Still be submissive? LOL, funny

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@GL and Wrex,

It would serve some good to refrain from interjecting words like "obey" that are not present in the bible passage.

Marriage isn't a boss-servant institution where a wife or husband must scuttle to duty at the request of the partner, as bluespice earlier mentioned.

@GL,

The two extracts from the scripture are stand-alone declarative orders.

Yes it's seeable through simple logic that christly-love would make submission seem effortless,

But the two passages are disparate, though not mutually exclusive.

Wives submit to your husband.

Husbands love your wife as christ loved the church.

Simple order.

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Why should women be submissive when men cheat on them?

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Personally, I will not obey a husband that cheats on me or lies to me, period.  Anyway, with me he won't have a second chance and, that's it.

Yes, the Bible says ''Women should submit to their husbands' but it did not say we should submit to a foolish and selfish one and least of them all, one that cheats and lies to us. No, no and no! It did not say that!

Therefore, it's up to men to realize their roles and play their own side of the bargain honestly and sincerely then, women will reciprocate. Until then, stop moaning!

I hate cheats and could murder them! Only feel for ladies who find themselves at the receiving end of this selfish behaviour.  I can not cope, for my man is mine and mine alone, no one else!

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What is it exact that you criticise?

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Please be objective in your aguement. Thanks.

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@bankyiie

You have spoken very well. And I say this as a so-called western woman.

For many women the word "submission" may have a negative sound.

As well as submission before an enemy with a capitulation. However, this is wrong.

It isn't in such a way that I must lie in front of my man on knees and kiss his feet.

Nevertheless, it means only to recognize and to respect the man as head of the family

and to help him where ever it is necessary, so that he can also fulfil his part.

If I respect my man and appreciate and make to him the life so pleasantly as possible,

I am not unemancipated. And if this means that I must bring him the breakfast to the bed,

or must massage his tired feet, or whatever to make him happy, why not?

It is a nice feeling and I am proud that I am the woman who can make my man happy.

And believe me, I get it back 1000-fold. Because for it my husband loves me and

treats me like a queen. He appreciates my mind and thinks highly of my opinion, in all interests.

It is all about giving and taking. As it shouts in the wood, it resounds out, we say here.

It is important to be completely open and honest with each other before the marriage 

what concern the respective expectations by a marriage. This saves a lot of disappointments.

Besides, noted, I am no "only housewife" but self-employed and call a small company my own.

Still as last: The majority of "western woman" thinks like me. However,

headlines make only the negative examples.

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question: why do women find it hard to be submissive in relationships?

Original poster didn't give us the complete quote. he says

What does the Bible say in Ephesians 5?

Ephesians 5 talks to the Church as the Body of Christ. It spells how members of this body should relate one to another. For example:

v1 = be ye therefore followers of God,

v2 = walk in love as Christ loved us,

v3 = fornication and uncleanness, etc must not be named(must not happen) amongst you

etcetera, etcetera.

as from v22, the ideal loving and caring relationship between a husband and wife is used as an example of how the members of Christ's body should relate one to another.

submission here means: sex, obedience, love, care, loyalty, etc. In plain terms: wives, do not have intimacy with another woman's husband = don't commit aultery.

Therefore,

meaning: just as the Church(body of believers) hold on to Christ alone in thick and thin, a wife should hold on to her OWN husband.

V25 now starts talking to Husbands, with a first responsibility to:

Analysis:

1) Christ Loved the world. John 3:16 - For God so loved the world. God loved the world: God took the FIRST initiative. This first initiative included sending several prophets to warn man of their sins. This first move included sending Jesus his OWN son to die for Man's sin.

2) Christ loved the world - He had to sacrifice himself.

3) Christ loved the world - and even after making the first move, not all have realized his Love.

4) The command to LOVE is in black and white for the husbands. The reason is because naturally, women will love you back.

Going back to Verse 25: Husbands, Love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church: meaning Husbands have to make the first move to LOVE their wives. Husbands must show this love with all of their might and energy: words, thoughts, deeds, in everything and in everyway.

so v33 ends with:how the wife should reciprocate, by "Reverencing" her husband. Reverencing here includes "submission, etc, etc" as stated in the previous verses - the responsibility of a wife.

To answer the question: why do women find it hard to be submissive in relationships?

Let me assume you meant : marriage relationships. If your wife finds it hard to be submissive to you, there is a problem somewhere, which could be any of the following:

1) Love wan tin tin: you think you do, but you don't really know her: If you really know a woman, you'll know what she likes and what she doesn't; how and when to talk to her; what to say, what not to say, what to do / not to do; how to make her do what you want her to do(positively) without her being offended, etc., all to make her love you back, and stay with you through thick and thin.

2) Perhaps you loved her initially, but something had gone wrong along the line, for which her attitude has changed, and is manifesting in lack of submission.

"Husbands Love your wives" has two dimensions: (1) Husbands love your wives: husband makes a deliberate effort to love his wife, and (2) the wife coming to the realization that "my husband loves me".

- the most important part is #2 coz, its possible for a husband to think he is "showing her love": running helter skelter - , while whatever he might be doing might not really ring a bell in the woman's ears. Therefore, the man has to play his cards right: Husbands, Love your wives: first find out what she wants you to always do to make her happy, and then do it.

3) Perhaps, someone else has discovered what you havent discovered in her - in of your many years of relationship.

- the golden rule - you can never know who you don't talk to. Unfortunately, "talk" for many married men is defined as either of the following / related to the following: what will I eat? what will I drink? what clothes will I wear? where is my shoe? why is there no fuel in the generator? why is the TV not working? where is my phone? lets go to Church right now? Lets go home right now? stand up; sit down;, Yes. No. etc, etc,

4) Guys, no lady will respect you if you don't love her. She might live in the same house with you. She might give birth to all your children, but deep down they (wives) know they don't love you. Women love to be respected, cherished, complemented and held in high regard. If you are a "none of the above" to the aforementioned, she wont be submissive.  The reason why some women get physical (fight) with their husbands is because they(women) don't see any difference in him and the stranger on the street.

Husbands Love your wives, then she will be submissive.

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The keyword is "as it is fitting unto the Lord".

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@JustCash,

I've been following your posts and i must say that they are commendable. You've been spot on, speaking my mind on every occasion. keep it up, bro!

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I never knew this topic could be this interesting.

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The Bible has never used the word obey so don't get it twisted. I am sorry if you think that being women means we are silly and we can't read the Bible for ourselves.

But I have a brain of my own and YOUR BIBLE HAS NEVER USED TO WORD OBEY!!!!

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Women find it difficult generally to submit because of pride. A woman that earns more than the husband will find hard to submit. Educational advantaged women also will not want to obey easily. Submission gives birth to Love. It comes before before Love. Every woman has this singular role to play-Submission, which makes the heart of the husband to be endeared to her. The advice to women generally is that they should exhibit total submission to their husband at all times and husbands as well should totally love their wives. For any marriage to work out, it must be 40-60 level of tolerance, if it is 50-50, it won't last.

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. . .in line wiv my thoughts!

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Hmnnnn. . . . . . . . . .

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@poster,

I think marriage shouldn't be seen as  a context between d husband and the wife battling for supremacy over who wins in terms of submissiveness or love.

the  bible says the two shall join together and become one.  Its not necessary waiting for your wife to submit before u love  her or for her to wait for ur love b4 she submits. Once both of you are serious and want the marriage to work u will naturally do d right thing.

Are we saying  because the bible says man love thy wife the women cant love their husbands too? or woman be submissive to thy husband means men cant be submissive too to their wives? i think marriage goes beyond those too rules. and a working marriage is only for those who are ready to lay down their pride and ego, to do the right thing that they think will move their homes and the families forward. In any good marriage, their must be alot of sacrifice to keep it moving.

Thats how i understand marriage.

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Oh! I'm so Sorry. You just said it for the first time. I got the clue, but wanted you to say it so that I can be sure.

You just disappointed my lesbian friend here. Lol!

I didn't mean to insult you girl.

Yes, I am new to Nairaland, because it is becoming more popular in Asia.

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you're new

i'll pardon your insolence

and i'm straight

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Women be submissive to your Men and Men love your Women, Those are the word of God

Please: No to gender war

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refrain from using the word 'babe' when referring to me thanks.

You know what, i'll let you be. You keep swinging to both sides of this discussion the act itself is almost dizzying. i realised a while back that you would use the bible to support your views, so i might as well let you be. But remember you saying submission was the only guarantee to a 'happy' marriage?

why shouldn't the man submit to his wife?

i'm outta here no time for your antics

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Oh come off it babe. It is not meant to suit my argument. It is meant to justify my argument. I am saying the simple truth.

If the topic was "Men are better than Women" I'd prove that wrong. I am neither saying that a woman must always obey her husband (Especially when he is wrong) nor that a man should batter his wife because she is submissive.

I am just saying that it is natural for a woman to be submissive to her husband. A woman needs to be submissive (Recommended by the bible). It is another thing to be submissive to a fault (Most guys don't like this). It makes a woman timid. Being submissive and smart is it.

However, We are in a free World! You can do what you want. You can choose to be submissive to your man or not to be. If he surpports you, then you can keep dancing along. However, Most Men prefer submissive women due to the cordial co-existence, mutual understanding and unreserved love that comes with that.

I aint cut out for a Gender war! It is unnecessary. why would I want it, when for every woman that doesn't want to be submissive, 10 are waiting eagerly to be as submissive as the man wants (as long as they will marry them).

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okay, i see. actually this submission controversy is worsened by our culture. i agree that natural family responsibilities should not be overlooked. culture is dynamic, yet we're holding on to aspects of ancient culture that are at odds with modern life.

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will you shut your mouth with your hypocritical lies about being up for gender equality,

you're a sexist who uses the bible to defend his ways taking the word of God out of context

for real there should be a special place in hell for people like you, rob pattison and rush limbaugh

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The Context in which I used ownership is different from just owning a piece of cloth. My Idea of ownership is that after marriage neither you nor your husband can have any kind of marital affairs outside yourselves and your Family. Your husband's marital love, responsibilty and care must be shown only to you and your children. in that case he has been taken. The same goes for you.

You own your man and your man own you. That is why it is considered unfaithfulness for him to fall in love with any other woman outside you.

It can be likened to constraining yourself to only him because you are his own and he is yours.

IT does not mean that your husband has bought you and kept you as a furniture. Nah! It means that you are no more available for other Men and he is no more available for other women.

I don't surpport gender inequality. I antagonise it feverently. But Culture and natural family responsibilities must not be overlooked.

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Not one to call the integrity of the Bible or the wisdom of God and those that wrote the books into contention,

but imagine if that verse existed without the word 'submission'?

imagine it was replaced by mutual-understanding in love(which is really what it means) imagine the amount of discussions and arguments that wouldn't have taken place?

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I'll submit to him, not 100% tho.

I hit a pot of gold.

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He's using the bible and the quotes therein out of context, the sooner he realizes that, probably the better for him

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i was actually agreeing with your post till i got to the bold part and felt like i'd just been hit in the face. NO man can own me, not the wealthiest, most loving, most handsome, godliest man. i'm NOT a piece of property, i don't want to own my husband so why would he want to own me. i'm a submissive and loving type but can't see myself as a man's property ever. it's a shame if a man can only feel responsible when he feels he owns me because i dont even plan on owning him and yet i choose to submit to him and love him. rather than feeling threatened i expect a man to feel honoured that i can walk away from him anytime but i won't. if that doesn't scream love, i wonder what does.

i agree that submission isn't equivalent to slavery. i see submission as me ALLOWING a man to take the lead and CHOOSING to follow. anything that takes the choice out of the equation reduces it to slavery. like someone said people are submissive at work, that's because you have to choice to resign anytime. if you don't have the option of resigning, then you are a slave. as for your comparison of wives and children, children are supposed to be incapable of making intelligent/right decisions and they require supervision. we can't be expected to remain children forever

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I think the woman should fully obey thier husband. because they are the breadwinners of the house and more as the standard figure in the household.

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women are dissatisfied with useless men and in relation men also refuse lazy women.  i understand the plight of men who shoulder the monetary responsibilities, and it's only fair for the woman to pamper the home.

a lot of this conversation borders on the kind of relationship one is in so i am going to desist from making absolute statements.

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you can't go on about providing the money n expecting everything to be done for you for that reason alone?

a marriage is a union, not a contract or acquisition.

Making the effort to join in the house work on weekends, taking out the trash, these are menial things that a sole breadinner can do to help out a bit. (since we're talking home responsibilities now)

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then divorce sweetie! God does not compulse a woman to put up with a heartless animal.

i know it's easier said than done, but . . . . sometimes count your loses

A woman then asking him to come home and man the other responsibilities is just being ridiculous.

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lmao, you are a joke. You dont deserve a proper response from me. It's only an animal that would want a full grown woman treated like a child. please fly away. .

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animals have the capabilities of reasoning?

enough to know when insults (after they developed the sense of speech and an organised language understandable by humans) are necessary and unnecessary?

ever considered a career in stand-up?

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I didn't insult you babe. I stated facts. Take it easy dear. You r hurting yourself.

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Exactly my point.  I have alot of Lesbian friends. They are so many that I make some mistakes when I am with a straight girl. I respect their ways and they respect mine.  So dear, all the insults just revealed that you are in an emotional trauma (No insults intended)

Like I said before, I understand you. [b]There is no need to tear your skin.

It is Simple, You cannot be Submissive to a man. I understand and respect that. You are a lesbian, I don't expect you to be submissive. People like you can never be.

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