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Why Dont Nigerian Men Bring Their Wives Abroad?

PLEASE don't attack me for generalizing, but most of the Nigerian men I've met have wives back home, yet they have been in the states for years.

Whenever I've asked them about meeting their wives, or when she will be joining them they are very adamant that they do not want their wives to come to the US, and that the US is not a place for them. Can you help me understand?

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They know say, if na America dem dey, the woman nor go wait make relatives come settle the matter. Nor be west we dey talk about? She go buzz am!

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My "you" is generic. I can't be using the impersonal passive form all the time.

1. I'll blame them when they insist on living with their ignorance. it can't be a valid justification.

2. There are some rules that are objective and believe me no woman gains anything from destroying her marriage. I am sure making an unhappy home is not in the agenda of any wife if she hasn't herself decided to put an end to it. Tell me don't you think that those women who take on the bad sides had already decided back home to call quits as soon as they had arrived abroad? Why do you think all do what they do because of ignorance? A lot of these wives might have different plans which don't include staying married to that man when she gets there.

3. I'll rather say it's the contrary. An educated woman knows more than considering an unfruitful marriage worth her life. Unless she derives some benefits from staying with an unworthy husband and is already getting what she wants elsewhere, i don't see any educated women throwing her life away in the name of marriage.

4. Who tells you that the Americans haven't got a society? Where there are men, there is always a society. Just because they don't share your values doesn't make them less than any African society. And if I am to express my opinion, I'll say I prefer the western society simply because they don't fake. Ours is made mainly of appearance and only on the surface do strong moral standards transpire. The deeper we go the more we see that corruption and delinquency has eaten us up. Nothing so special about hypocrisy!

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@ Uche

I tire for amber oh.

it is THE reason they are in no hurry to reunite? What about the kids in school? the wife's job and all that? What about the cost of a home for them to live in the US? No all those reasons are not important at all, it is simply having sex that is stopping them.

One would think that men in Nigeria cannot cheat - a country where they can marry as many as they please. I guess it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to cheat in Nigeria hence the need to run to America to be able to sleep with any woman they want. I wonder how you reach these silly conclusions.

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@nalijah

I think you should change your title to "Why don't some Nigerian Men Bring Their Wives Abroad"

I'm sure you have met Nigerian men with their wives in the states.

It'll be like me asking - Why don't American black men recognize and take care of their children or

be a father to their children.

I have been in the U.S. for over 10 years and I have met too many black people whose fathers did not have

any role to play whatsoever in their upbringing. I'm sure you can probably relate to this.

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As I said, it's backward thinking men that practice this, my point is, you can't blame them.

As I said before, when she comes here, there's a constant battle between her ethics and the exposure to the new environment.

You can't control those factors

An educated lady in Nigeria sees divorce as an abomination, compare them to the ones here.

The norms are different, they get to meet different people, they get new ideas into their heads, and there's no soceity to correct them

That's the difference. . .

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There U go again drawing baseless conclusions

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1. They know of course.

2. In that case, you can't blame these women because as you have said when an illiterate is given an opportunity he'll misuse it. Why not make sure your wife is properly educated before you bring her here? if she eventually comes and takes on the bad side of the country, you can't blame anybody but yourself. Get this right!

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Many reasons - some cannot afford to have their wives and kids in the US, some don't want to uproot their family and have them living in a foreign country, but would rather the family have a stable base at home in Nigeria.  

This puzzles me because they hustle (almost struggle) to send money home, as well as pay their bills here. Why not make it easier by just bringing the wife over and spend money on one household.

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due to the fact that I ended up marrying one of those African classmates of mine, I then became exposed to pretty much every Nigerian or Ghanian at the school, and many outside the school (you know how it is - small world).

I admit that my sample size isn't large enough to make statistical inference.  But it's large enough for me to have formed an opinion.

Perhaps it wasn't the reason they left in the first place, but it's certainly the reason they're in no hurry to reunite!

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First of all, I've told you before, I cannot be brought down to the level of slugging out words with you

The whole of Nairaland knows who the fool is, so I'll just skip that. . .

But thank goodness you actually made a point here, maybe you need to understand that there's a difference between education and exposure.

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Sample size is very small? U think?

Anyways, the African men might be doing all that. That is mostly as a result of leaving thier wife at home and not neccessarily the reason for leaving thier wives at home. Cause and effect, amber

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So based on your experience in ONE graduate school in Canada with at most 50 Nigerians/Ghanaians, you draw a conclusion that MOST of them want to hump whatever they see as the reason they refuse to bring their wives?

I'm a little worried about what you learned in that graduate school of yours for you to think its right to make blanket condemnations based on a tiny unrepresentative sample you've had. Really sad.

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I have yet to meet an African with a wife back home who isn't running around screwing everything that moves.

But my sample size is small so I admit this is not a scientific survey.

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I suggest U read debosky's post. That is the truth, lady

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Sorry dude you won't get me. You are just displaying your ignorance. An educated woman whether she lives abroad or home doesn't need Hollywood to know what's going on the in the world. Nor be Naija those girls who nor dey wear pant dey stay? Abi they had to come all the way to America to see that Paris and Co. move around Unclad?

Make you close that your mouth when what you are about to say can cause what you can't handle. Talk of stupidity. Shiorrrr!

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Several of my classmate in graduate school were Nigerians or Ghanians with wives back home. They all had girlfriends, friends with benefits, and even got other women pregnant.

So I agree that for most of them, it's because they want to have the benefits of married life combined with the freedom to hump everything they see.

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@debosky - I believe you have only met a FEW men with this warped thinking, or they are saying that to cover up some other problems which they may not want to share with you.

That is why I go no further with the conversation, I don't want to appear too nosey.

They actually do have their papers (dual citizenship) which is why I was so curious.

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Blame it on the westerns as usual. Losers!

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@eldee

god forbide your wife would become educated!

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2) The US does not want new families, they want more workers not settlers, so procuring visas might be difficult

3)And Most important, coming abroad is educative. . .Women get exposed to the outside world, they start hearing bout Hollywood divorces

Give her an inch, she'll take a mile, why don't you leave her with the constant fact that she's Nigerian, and she's not American

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Many reasons - some cannot afford to have their wives and kids in the US, some don't want to uproot their family and have them living in a foreign country, but would rather the family have a stable base at home in Nigeria.

Another reason is, many of them have tried and been denied by immigration authorities due to reasons like insufficient finances, or some fraudulent information they may have filled in their initial visa applications. Some of them may not even have legal status in the US and so cannot invite anyone to come stay with them.

I believe you have only met a FEW men with this warped thinking, or they are saying that to cover up some other problems which they may not want to share with you.

it should also be said that some of them will not bring their wives so they can be freely promiscuous in the US, but those would be in the minority in my view.

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So they can Bleep another woman in peace!

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