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Why Would A Decent Woman Give Up Her Child?

O.k,my cousin(who's also a very good friend) came to my home to talk to me. She said social security had contacted her recently to find out whether she'd take full custody of her daughter. That was when i learnt the meaning of the expression slack-jawed. I mean she'd told me once that she'd given birth to a child b4,but i thought the child was dead or sumn,because she's the kind of person that wld be personally involved in her kid's life,and i had'nt heard anyting abt a child b4 or anyting after. She told me that she'd given the child to its father 12 yrs back immediately it was born and hadnt seen her daughter in 12 years. She had pictures,but as far as i'm concerned,that dont mean poo,i mean how can u have a daughter and not see her for 12 years? She told me that her daughter's father was doing time for drug-dealing and since she was the closest living relative,social security had contacted her. Right now her daughter was in foster-care. I got the feeling that she'd already made her decision;she just needed som1 to talk to. I was right,she'd accepted custody and after all the paperwork has been filed,she'll go get her daughter and bring her home. Here's what i dnt get. I know my cousin. We've been close friends for like forever. She's a good person. Family means a lot to her,to both of us,and i cant for the life of me figure out why she'd give up her child. Can you?

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Don't you think i asked her? After i got over my shock,i asked her why she gave her child to him,(when we'd talked abt it years back,she told me her baby was gone,which was why i assumed she was dead. She told me then that she didnt want to talk abt it,and i respected that). Now she just comes into my house with a bunch of pics and tells me everything. How cld she keep such a secret for so damn long? And here i was thinking i knew her. I guess it hurt to know that we're not as close as i thought. If she cld keep a secret like that,who knows what she cld be hiding? Yet,we've known each other forever,and my heart tells me that she'd have a pretty good reason for doing this. When she told me that it was a long story and she wasn't ready to tell me abt it,i was a bit too pissed off to push it.

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If she opened up to you about having a kid, why did you not ask her about her reasons for giving away the child? If you guys are as close as you have maintained, I am sure she will open up to you. Actually, if I was her and you had not asked me any questions after I dropped a shocker on you, I'd find that odd.

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Tell me about it. It's just,i feel like i should have been there for her. I feel like i let her down somehow. And it's not like she gave the baby up for adoption. She gave her to her father. If the guy had hurt her in any way,why wld she give him her poor,defenseless baby to him? It just doesnt make sense. And if things arent bad enough,she(my cousin)has a guy in her life. I'm not entirely sure she loves him(actually i've neva been entirely sure she's loved any of the guys she's been with),but the good thing is,she told him that she'd had a child long b4 all this happened,but still,this whole situation is pretty messed up.

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She was in school then. Abroad. She went to a uni there. She dropped out of school for a few months and lost a session. She said she'd run out of funds. Agreed,there was sumn off abt it all,but i was in school too. I had my own stuff to deal with,my own problems. I certainly had no way in hell of knowing my closest cousin was busy having a baby! I had this notion that if sumn that serious happened,she'd tell me. Apparently,i was wrong!

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a date-molest (molest by someone the girl has probably dated in the past) is about as devastating as molest by a total stranger, perhaps even moreso, cos she may have believed him to be someone she could trust. but this is all speculation. you won't know what happened till she speaks up. give her time. she'll open up eventually.

and the daughter may be as difficult as a mule. if you don't discipline her as well just cos you want to make up somehow, u wouldn't be doing her any good. but man, 12 years is grown!!

if you've been close to your cousin for that long, didn't you notice anything about the time she had the baby?

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I dont even want to think abt no 2. I mean u hear of molest a lot and you think,'oh,that's terrible',but you're kinda detached y'know,but when it's family,it's a whole new ball game,like you've been hurt by it somehow. And,she's 12,just hitting puberty. That's a critical age. For all i know,she grew up thinkin her mother abandoned her,and she'd be right. She could've grown up hating her mother,and that's not gonna change overnight.

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Yes. I know she is. I know she must have a good reason for what she did. I just don't know why. I tried asking her abt it,but that was a dead end.

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