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Will You Take Back Your Gifts When You Break Up?

This question is for the guys here.You are dating a girl and you bought a phone for her.After a while,you broke up.Would you take the phone back from her or would you leave it with her?

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76 answers

i think it depends if they tell you they lost feeling at the time it was given take it back

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no matter what u don't have to collect

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wake up old thread week

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I would love to take every single bit of it back. But a heart! Whats the point in taking it back? its gonna cause me eternal torments as i use the gifts to remember all bad experiences that transpired

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Don't take what u have given out weather ex or current

@

bleng

what do u mean ( u be real AJE)

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Don't take what u have given out weather ex or current

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@

blengacy

you are complainning that i don't have manners but look at what u are typing here

( taking back what u have given out devil)

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@topic

HELL NO, I wont take things back from an ex, that is just childish, I dont take back and neither do I keep anything from them. I either regift or discard,

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It it unwise for a man to collect back the gift given to a girl after break up

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The first thing we must understand here is that "GIFT" is something we give to somebody whether close or not, a gift once given out ceases to be our property,somebody does not have to deserve something(a gift) from us before we give and until we understand these we'll keep getting it wrong.

I have been taught that when i give something to somebody as a gift i should pretend as if i didn't have that thing before, am not trying to preach but the bible made it clear that "GOD so love the world and he gave" and there's no place where it was recorded that GOD collected back what He had given us.

We need 2 ask ourselves that all the blessings we receive from GOD do we deserve them, if NO, then when u say u have given a gift to somebody u dont have 2 go back for it.

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@topic,

That is just too childish.

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i am finding it hard reading your mind. you mean you will continue to pay bills for an ex? and may i know how long you will keep paying the bills kind sir?

as i said there are gifts and there are gifts. there is difference between giving some girl a God forsaken nokia phone costing you four figures and getting out of legal 6-7 figures financial commitments that continues to cost you dearly. for your info it is not funny having to pay lawyers to stop an ex taking advantage of you financially.

our lives and minds are our personal properties and we are at liberty to do whatever we want as long as it doesn't cause others harm or distress.

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Having ur gift back! ah ah, why were you in relationship with

her at first? it's always a game of luck, your eyes must be closed when

investing in, or you think it's the way you buy shares and looking

4ward to it's dividend? l bow 4 u oh

being manly is good sha

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phone? what about someone that bought a car? its a gift , if you were MATURED enough to give it to her, you should be bold and MATURED enough to let go, afteral you both at a time shared certain things in common.

E DEY PAIN SHA OOOOOO,

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Why would any1 consider taking back a gift??just can't understand. do guyz really do this??

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It is called a gift, cos it has been given out and it means it is no more yours, so you cant take it back and if you wanna take it back, law backs who now holds it, he day u gave it out, it siezes to be yours.

Even in a common law relationship, u cant take everything back, it is 50:50 ratio

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Nope thats so petty - but however, i did take back ma tape which had all ma nija jams on it.

I didnt really give him, i borrowed him so it was only rite i took it back cause it had ma jam on it - sambo ribobo by sauce kid on it.

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thanks guys. let's be serious. she is no thief nor criminal. she is a very fine lady that impatience took hold of. the business here is you cannot just get a flat when you come from naija immediately. we all had to squat at one time or the other. the lady she was living with was marrying and bringing the guy in to live with her so the only alternative i had was her moving in with me which was 100% looking for trouble.

personally, i cannot sleep very comfortably knowing the other half wasn't taken care of. we were stable and committed. i was not ready to marry because others were marrying plus i had loads of things to do with my life at that time. i have seen friends dragged into lets just marry and do it small that went too large you begin to wonder what would have happened if they set out doing it big.

i wish i knew some of you guys then. funny how you feel being taken for a ride. unlike back home here you are still left with paying bills for phone and satelite contracts. there are gifts and there gifts. imaturity has nothing to do with it. my principle is never leave anyone poorer than you met them. but leave you have to with most people. why must you jump on a bus going now where? your life and time is a terrible thing to waste.

God has blessed me with a fabulous lady we will be marrying later this year and discussing this topic with her yesterday she said thank God for her which we always do. i am so glad and can't wait.

you come across various people along life's pathway. i am glad i was there for her because if she was my sister or daughter i would have liked some young man to have done the same but probably cut off the bills earlier than i did because it did become messy and stressful trying to have a clean break. i have sowed my seed and waiting for the harvest.

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na onitsha Joshjosh's ex come from.

I concur wholeheartedly with Debosky's point of view.

No financial commitments until she has the ring.

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lets personalize this now. i am all for leaving things. cell phones and stuff like that are small things.

i dated some lady years ago. helped got a flat i was paying for. she choose to end the relationship because according to her she wants to be married within a year. sadly i was after setting up a business so  was  going through enough stress to add marrying. the lease was a rolling 2 years lease with 8months left. this  i duly paid up as it was in my name.                              we are talking £1400 pcm for 8 months

i also had a car worth £21k with i think about £9000 loan she was using. at £650 x 8 months do the maths.

she was working and earning good money that can easily fund these 2 needs. 

at expiry of the lease she wanted me continue paying for the lease. was this fair and would you have done that?  she also pretended she didn't know the money for the car repayment was coming out of my account. i gave her enough chance to take over the repayment because i would rather loose the car than continue the repayment she opted for the 2nd option and i allowed it so they can take the car. at least i got back about £10k which was a forced sale value.

her excuse for all of this was that i moved her into a lifestyle she cannot afford so pay for it. thank God my bank managers hear instructions.

i know to some ladies these are figures but i don't think it is fair to pay for what you don't have any interest/benefits in.

i do expect to be taken for a ride but some sisters don't know fair play.  sadly she went ahead and married some lovely guy and last time i heard they are divorced after 15months. i don't know what happened but i thank God i escaped that hurt.   she did try to make us remain "friends" which i kindly declined.  i was born in the night but definately not yesternight my mother raised us to treat people nicely but not to be fools.   

be fair that is all most guys ask for. would i do that again of course yes. she was just a misguided human being and sadly too many about. lets stop loving in words only but in truth and in actions.

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never give what you cannot leave!

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Like Seun rightly pointed out earlier on, all R/ships not heading to marriage is only bidding time. So how do u deal with this kind of situation. take my word:

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what would I be taking them back for?

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lol!

we all can't see it from the same angle. But its not about the costs!

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My friuend i can't collect anything from you o.

So u have a diary u write all that ur ex or ur girl benefit from you .

I wonder how u'll take the consumed items back.Maybe she will take you to the eatary the number of times u've taken her.LOL

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I can't believe you can be so dumb to link this to finacial status, its not about the cost of the gift mr millonaire, but the fact that what you gave as an "expression of love" from your heart is taken into another relationship, to be used. Its totall disrespect to the man or the lady,bothways. A man/lady with sense will return them without being asked. That was why i stated car, & property, which can be used in another relationship by the new partner. In addition, the engagement ring has to be returned aswell.

*Not the bags/shoes or expensive trips u had together. you dumb!

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taking back the gift after break up makes no sense. just let go because u can't also take back the lovely moments u shared together.

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ahhh dumb thing to do, did you borrow to buy the gifts?

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*THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!

I dont think a lady would want to see someone she's invested a few years in walk away with the car or property she bought him(as gifts), only to drive his new girlfriend round town or live in it. lets be realistic!

For me, she can keep gifts, but not gifts like a car, or landed property. These i gave (out of love) to make life easy because i though we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together. But if she's walking away, then they have to be returned, unfortunately.

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hmmm!!! i wanted reserve my comment but just want to say some thing for the record. guys, please, if you are in the habit, desist from it. it bad omen. believe me.

cheers.

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Hi guys,

I was with a man for three years. We decided to get married and in 3 yeas being friend and engaged we had bought lots of gifts for eachother. But he started behaving weird 6 months before marrige and it really made me mad. In new year eve we were together at a restaurant (expensive) and after 12:00 PM when couples started kissing, hugging and celeberating the new year he was kissing other people and completely forgot about me. It really pissed me off and it was the beginning of the end. 10 days later he said ON THE PHONE he does not want to marry me and he did not want to marry since the beginning! then he disappeared for three weeks. I wrote him an email and asked him please send my books and cloths I had left in your house by post and I will do the same with your cloths in my place. In the answer he called me and said I will bring them one day and take my stuff and I asked about his stuff ! he said well I want my gifts back! It really made me upset. I returned the ring and other jewlleries he had bought me but I did not return birthdate gifts. He returned most of my gifts, birthday gifts, marriage gifts even my parents gifts! For me it meant so childish, foolish, and humiliating. What about the memories we shared! Interesting point is he has kept few of my personal stuff not gifts over there in his place! The way he acted was interesting he did not want to marry me but he pretended it is me breaking up with him! so he should return whatever I have bought for him and I should do the same. Men are so strange sometime!

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@ babe1, was she doing it to herself? What about the 'oganwa' she got from his pole? Relationship is twosome and if it doesn't work any more, we should part and sometimes with what we came togther with.

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well gifts like cards and other small things i burn em up.

for the pix my ex didnt want his back so i tore em up and burnt em,

there's no use cryin over spilt milk

sometimes this little gifts haunt you when you low if you come across them

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@ hot angel's question--I would return the picture. A similar thing happened when I broke up with my ex.I simply returned the pictures to him and took mine back because in my opinion,what on earth am I using your picture to do?When I am moving out of my parents' home to mine,what would I be doing with your pic in my husband's house?I surely will not burn them,so the best thing to do would be to return them and maybe take my own back.Not everyone will agree with my view,but thats just my two cents.

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i believe dat is what the closet is meant for.

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*cough cough*.

Uhmm what if u have the guy's picture? Will u return it? Or her picture or something? Personally i'll put it in my journal.

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let her say hello to bills cuzz i aint paying no more.

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what if the guy is the one paying the phone bill

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@hottie

there is a way of doing dis. just get closer to her b4 she reacts and take the ring. she can take the car is she wants but that rock is important.

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@ diddy, ha i see. U better not let it happen to u oo. lol

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would i take my things back ? No , it just doesnt make sense.

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Well, i wont buy a rock that i cant afford to loose. so if she no give me back, to hell with her and the ring!

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another good point. i hope hotstepper and the rest are seeing this.

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Women say that they want a man to spend 2 times his salary on their engagement rings. If all men are to go by that rule. Heaven knows they have the right to DEMAND and COLLECT that ring back if they break up before marriage.

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@hot-angel

thanks for that. that was exactly what i said. how can i leave my rock for her? and i dont even buy fake cuzz im all real from hair to toe.

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men, this is not hard o.

MEN! Here's one advice for you. If you have plans to marry a girl, and after putting rock on her finger she breaks it up. Im telling you. STALK HER TILL SHE GIVES U that rock back. Well if u bought a fake sh1t, don't even embarrass urself by asking for it.

If the girl is like me sha, i'll even return it before u ask for it.

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@ soulpatrolno one likes styl-plus on nairaland like i do. I am the greatest styl-plus fan.

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She is so harsh @fabian. I guess if a lady knows you truly love her and you show it, she takes it for granted and hurt you real bad.

You need to see the look on ma face when she said it. I was so mad and same time broken down. I couldn't believe it.

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@soulpatrol, i believe everyone have their own opinion and sides to things, as far as i am concerned(apart from a gold ring), i cant give a lady material things that i cant afford to give someone else.

So if sdhe mess up at the end, i believe if its just a casual friend, i would have given her nearly dsame thing.

As for the girl-- I can't take her back coz she told me i was such a loser, and thats why she broke up with me, everybody can u imagine that?

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Not all all, I won't. What will I use them for? That's way too cheap!

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