Woman'How Do Re=Act When You Feel It That Your Husband Cheat On You?
kark Ken! that cannot be true oh the one I know is a wonderful wife and mother of four children and she never has any money she is the opposite of greedy, she buys her clothes in charity shops and still manages to look good. To no avail though, At least she is still making an affort. Any spare money she has she donates it to the choir the odd time.
No culture accepts cheating period! So, sistawoman, while it may seem so in the case of some Nigerian women, in general, most women will NOT just openly accept her husbands infidelity. If she does, she is probably doing her own thing too. Now, the fact that Nigeria is a polygamous society definitely makes infidelity somewhat acceptable to some women. Now, you may not see too many guys of the current generation pick up another wife, but the fact that polygamy is still accepted in the freaking society, makes it difficult for some to accept that it's immoral to have an affair or to have a mistress outside. It was probably tolerated in the old days. However, I think most women these days would rather move on from the marriage rather than put up with that crap! And that's likely one of the reasons why about 50% of Nigerians marriages in the US end in divorce!
There is no reason to fault sistawoman for asking this question. She asked for information, and we should try to educate her as much as possible.
Do you know that I have NEVER met a couple that has not experienced cheating within their relationship? Because of this I must say that I would not be so quick to kick him to the curb, but to weigh the pro's and con's of the relationship. Why should I leave him for someone else who may just as well cheat on me also?
However, he will never know I feel this way. I will make him think that he will catch hell should he ever cheat on me.
I see your point there are things that you can say you will hope you will do but when confronted with it you react differently.
It has always been my stance that if someone tried to steal my purse I would just give it to them it is not worth my life or safty to try to keep it. But when that day came two years ago and that punk tried to steal my purse i held on to it. I fought him althu he kept telling me he had a gun. I watched his hands and had he produced one all i kept thinking was i was going to let it go but then i may have been too late. I may have died that day over papers. There was no money in the purse but the principal is the principal and i did not want to give him something that was mine.
Back to cheating let me ask you something:
If you walked in on your husband on top of your 10 yr old daughter having sex with her. Do you sit down with him and have a conversation about it and try to figure it out, or is the marriage over in that instant.
For me cheating is the same. I can say that because in this marriage at 33 years old I am not a cheater. Because I cheated in the past does not give him a free pass to cheat on me. He is aware of my stance on this issue thus him cheating says that he wants out of the marriage and out of the marriage is what i will give him.
There are things that are black and white to me. That does not mean that i believe it should be that way for everyone. I am speaking in I statements, this is how I live my life and how I will react.
If i was married and my husband cheated on me, so help him God. I would pray to God to give me a sign if i should stay with this heathen or to leave him. If God tells me to stay, I will do as i'm told. His word is law. But things will never be the same. Trust is destroyed. Infidelity uncurable. Love lost. Vows thrown away.
Sisterwoman my point to you is hun you will not accept cheating so why did you feel it was ok to cheat on your ex. Thats double standards!
You cannot live life so clear cut and ruthless. If you current husband (God forbid)messed up you as a fellow ex cheater should listen to his case before throwing him on the street.
I am not saying cheating is good or should be tolerated as I have never cheated but I cannot bet my life on it that I wont. Life is not black and white theres a grey area too.
And the reason I came at you was the fact you could even ask that kinda question was beyond me!
No he is very clear that if he cheats and gets caught we are done. I will not stay.
To me cheating is on the same level as Inbreeding. There are negotiables and non-negotiables. There are certain things that can be negotiated or dealt with and there are others that can not. It is black and white for me on the non-negotiables they are cut and dry and we have discussed my non-negotiables.
The reason i cheated was purely sexual. I did not seek anything else from Winston, just sex. Were their problems in the marriage before yes, did I marry him for the wrong reasons yes, did i truly love him no. I was 17 and dated him from 14 what the hell did i know about love. For some this works because the people they grow into as they get older is compatable with the person they married.
In my case my ex-husband was not compatable with me as I grew up. I grew into a different person and had different desires, wants and needs. We did not like the same things anymore, we did not share the same tastes in music, politics and conversations. His reasoning was off for me and often times i just hated the sound of his voice. But we had children and i wanted it to work i wanted my children to have what i had two parents. I did not really think i could support my family on my own.
I was afraid of failing but the one thing he did that ended the marriage was loosing his job and me having to do it all on my own. I saw that I could do it and did not need his money or income and that gave me the strength to kick him out.
WHY IS EVERYONE INSULTED BY THIS QUESTION?? WE COME TO THIS FORUM TO HELP EACH OTHER, AND TO SHARE OUR EXPERIENCES. WHY THEN SHOULD YOU ATTACK SOMEONE WITH SOMETHING THEY REVEALED FROM A PREVIOUS POST? I AM REALLY SURPRISED AT SOME OF YOU.
IT IS NOT LIKE SISTAWOMAN IS NOT A REGULAR CONTRIBUTOR TO THESE POSTS. I HAVE READ MANY OF HER POSTS, AND SHE ALWAYS TRIES TO HELP OUT BY SHARING INFORMATION. SHE IS NOT LIKE SOME OF THE OTHER IGNORANT AMERICANS I HAVE READ POSTS FROM WHO JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL A HARD TIME.
PLEASE STOP THE NONSENSE!!
Its so easy to say you would leave him. Yet you happily cheated for years on your hubby. Every case is different. Apart from your ex having as small joystick and job issues was there any other major reasons to cheat?
Life is so complex and messed up. I think every cheaters case needs to be heard before a decision can be taken. Many African women are not daft bimbos they weigh up all the odds before jumping ship. Life over there is not like life in the west.
I dont think it is fair to jump on sistawoman for her question. She specifically attempted to ask the question with respect to the culture more than once. Why would she attempt to insult the culture? Her husband is Nigerian for crying out loud.
Please just answer the question, as I have heard this also.
Sistawoman I think it may just have to do with the fact that Polygamy is accepted in Nigeria. I am sure the wives do not necessarily accept it, but within that type of environment it may be difficult to deal with. Especially when you have the Elders advising you to stay.
For some reason I can understand why sistawoman thinks that's the case. In some Nigerian movies, the rich man always has a mistress. After he's bought her a raggedy car and taken her to a random restaurant, she becomes pregnant and the rich man either tells his wife that he's been cheating on her since the day they got married or the wife finds out because the mistress would be sending hella letters (like there isn't email) or calling the house. Anyway, she forgives the rich man that same night and nothing happens. Of course in the end, the mistress is found out to be their long lost daughter.
Still that isn't enough reason to generalize.
I am female, do you not notice the (f) next to my name?
I did not do both, Please re-read what i wrote I said "Is that true", it is only Sterotypes and generalizations if i repeat this rubbish to others and pass it off as facts.
they will not tell this to you are talk about this to your face.
That is not what I am doing. What I am doing is asking questions, gaining knowledge. If you want to help me in that pursuit then so be it and if not then so be it you are free and able to do and say as you please.
I live in america so i am surrounded by american women. Sterotypes and generalizations are horrible. The only way to try to educate some of my other sistas is to get it from the horses mouth.
So Nigerian women speak up and tell it to me raw. Please dont take my question as any form of disrespect. I actully look up to yall and respect you all more than you will ever know for reasons that I am not going to discuss on this board.
But do you stay with him affair after affair like it is as normal as good morning honey?
I know some American women that have stayed with their American or otherwise men affair after affair but I am speaking specifically to Nigerian women and if this is something they are taught growing up that men will be men and women just love them more, cook more or treat them better and they will leave the GF and come back home.
I wonder how many females would really do this?
Among american women it is believed that Nigerian women are expected to accept cheating from thier husbands, is this true? Is cheating just the way it is and I have been told by american women that Nigerian women dont consider it cheating it is just how it is. Thier men will just have sex with other women but that is not cheating.
I dont want be bashed I just want understanding. What causes divison and mistrust is rummor and miss-information so i am seeking clarity not bashing. Please help shine my eyes in the proper direction.