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Would U continue being nice to girls inspite of these?

Hello nairaalanders!sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to be nice to gals.Every girl i v met left me or use it as an advantage when they notice my nice attitude to gals.The first galfriend i had in my first year in the University,1998 is getting married this weekend.We were just friends and no other thing attached. I kept on looking forward to when i shall settle down with her until i got the ugly news days back that she is wedding this weekend.

The second girl i got in my second year just told me that her friend in the states will be wedding her soon.She comes from the North to lagos for her paper processing.She sleeps in my house on the same bed with me each time she comes in,but no sex O! Recently,she told me that one of the reasons y we can't continue is because i'm nice to a fault,but she needs someone who could be hard a little bit.

But what i keep on asking myself is this; if she has really left me y should she continue sleeping in my house,because each time i see her i feel hurt.i feel like someone has taken away the person i really cared for,but i don't know how i could stop accomodating her when she comes arround to finalise processes getting her visa.I feel the help i'm rendering to her is what i could also do for a male friend and she can't be an exception since i really cared for her. But the most painful thing is that it takes me days to regain myself each time she leaves.She's the only one left in my life now and she's moving just as she told me " I can't change my mind rather God'll provide my kind"

What could you do if you find yourself in this tight shoe? Is it bad to be nice?

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38 answers

@dutchmillionaire i only have one advice for you.You are "too" Nice.being too Nice is also Equivalent to Foolishness."too" is the key word"

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Old enuf to be ya papa

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how old are you again?

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@poster

The best time to sc.r.ew that girl is in the middle of the night.If she agrees to fine,if she doesn't kick her out.Now tell me who will save her  silly a.s.$ in the middle of the night.Who evr wants to save her will end up scr.e.wing her

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this and the 'be yourself' posts pretty much sum up everything that could be said on this topic

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@Poster: From times past up till 2day, Women have always been drawn 2 hard/mean guyz.Y? Cuz they r d ones they cant control. Being nice is not Originally on Mens' Specs by default. Ur mum brainwashed u in2 this and I wonder whr ur dad was when all dz waz happenin xcept he is a wussy himself(no Indecency intended). Alwayz remember NICE GUYZ FINISH LAST whr women r concerned. Just stop being "nice" 4 a change. Come back n tell us hw u fared.

P.S U WILL NEVA FIND THAT WOMAN WHO WILL "LIKE 4 WHO U R".The way u r rit now, I can confidently tell u dt there arent no woman on planet who will pitch her tent with u.

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Poster,

I sympathize with you for being Mr. nice guy to a fault. All I have to say is that never seek advice on how to date girls from all these girls on Nairaland, for they will tell you to be a wuss till you find someone who will love you for you. While you may find someone who will love you for you, the person who will love you will probably be an ugly, unattractive girl who has been rejected by many, all because you are not being a man who takes charge and gives directions and says no when necessary.

If you want to approach and attract quality, stop being nice, especially to girls who sleep in your bed without giving up the goodies. Just like that girl sleeps in your bed without giving up the goodies, if any other girl sleeps in your bed and refuses to surrender the goodies after several failed attempts at entering the goodies, kick her out from your house at night and tell her never to come back. Trust me, she will be so attracted you thereafter that she will voluntarily come back and offer the goodies to you, for she will be shocked that you had the "balls" to kick her out of the house, a situation she may not have undergone in her life.

If you like, you take advise from all these chicks, for they will lead you astray. Girls, many of whom are patently notorious for claiming that they espouse a particular behavior while they show a negative response to the behavior they claim to espouse,  can never advise you accurately on how to pursue girls since girls are generally preys, not the predators, and, as a result, lack the inherently assertive masculine mentality that qualifies a person to recommend a course of action that will effectively decode the nebulous behavior of women, and which will result in attracting the women you desire.

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@poster o! Man don't sme1 is cmin to luv ur nice person in u she sleepin on da same bed wth u luv she need's ur intimacy dat why if it is true sh3's travellin abroad 4 anotherman OR nut true definitely she is only teasen u cus a woman sleepin on same bed with a man she say's did't luv is false forktails my dear broda continue 2b nice don't mind dem sme ladies nd guys lyke u bro

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@OP

What a load of bullocks!

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Dutch millionaire you are not alone. I believe it is strenght of character not trying to be like any other man.

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@poster

this is not true, most women know what they want and that is why no matter how nice you are to them they still dont feel you if you are not what they want (at that moment)

please dont ever make the mistake of thinking being nice makes you a good choice for women, or being nice will get you a girl

being nice does not make you a man, but being a man makes you a nice guy

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Well,I pray to catch up with the right one soon.maybe those are not meant 4 me and that was the best way to take them away from my thinking faculty.They have really taught me lessons which need make me stronger,but some women don't really know what they want.They don't know good thing when it crosses their way.

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@Poster

We can't stop being who God has made us to be. God gave u a good heart so don’t stop at it if you ask me, Being nice does not make u a weak man as most are speaking.

Unfortunately u missed the two girls u really love, in the midst of what u shared with them, did u ever show any intention of life time commitment?? That could be a reason, if you didn't show and they walked out, then a mistake on your own part as you don't expect them to read your mind. No one is a mind reader. And incase you did, well it only shows they were never meant for you, so be patient upon God and the best will come your way.

About letting her sleep while in town, I can't frown at that. A FRIEND IN NEED IS ALWAYS A FRIEND INDEED. Friends are not only for good times, if she is a good girl, i bet she will never forget your goodness 2m. She might also be in a position to render one to you someday.

Finally, well some girl/guys i bet don't appreciate so much of a weak partner, I don't if u ask me, weak in the sense that u cant stood your ground in decisions where necessary not just over ruling things ok. But a man has to be a man, be firm, we are meant to be under and not on top.

Don’t stop to be who your are but only learn to apply caution sometimes. Best of luck

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The sad thing is that once you get older, these same girls (women) will start looking for you to settle with. This will continue to happen as long as there males and females on this planet.

WORD!!!

I must tell you that there is this thing about the make up of a woman that even the women themselves can not understand. 18-25 yr old gals like men who would roughen them up, HARD or BAD boys, 26 upward when its time for marriage they want that loving nice good man but that is for the wise women though.

So poster keep being nice some gal somewhere is going to come ur way soon.

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Poster read dating tips www.datingkeys.blogspot.com/ . You really have a long way to go, you either be a man or a woman, if you are in between that means you are neutral. Remember the laws of physics positive and negative charge attract each other, Proton and electron attract each other but neutron has no charge and remains neutral for ever

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In my opinion, i don't think u should change,,,,,,,keep up with ur noble character n the ryt sistah will come along.

2 me my yea is yea n my nay nay.

Anywayz, Goodluck!

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na im be say u either be shoe-shiner or car- washer

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i've heard a lot of "be who you are" on this forum.

do YOU EVEN know who YOU are?

people may change in the short term, but ultimately they become more of themselves.whatever "direction" you chose to be more of yourself is up to you. you've seen how girls treat you when you're nice. if you step on a rat trap, won't you remove it and heal?

stop being "nice" to every tonia, harriet and diane. do you really have to wait so long to know that someone is using you?

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You are who you are. . .be true to the person you are.

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@dutchmillonier

Most girls (it can never be all) will always so no when they mean yes because they dont want to look cheap. remember, they are "ladies" the society is watching them and much is expected from them than the male folks, so unconciously this societal expectation makes most of them live a deceptive life (sorry all females i dont mean any disrespect)

@siena

Cool, be a nice guy, i am also a nice guy but i must let you know that girls dont interprete things they way you would. to them fantasy is very different reality. evn most ladies who say alot here dont do what they say, they only say what they wish but they know that reality is very different from wishes

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Could girls' "NO" actually mean yes all the times? could it be applied to every girl you meet?

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@ cixluv.not all girl's no means yes.she probably needed it bt was tryin to play hard to get.girls like me still mk their yes yes nd no no

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its guys like u  that end up becoming rapists. f ing RAPO!

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@Dutchmillionaire

Not to rehash what Blackman said but never take dating advice on how to get a woman from a woman, No no no no. They will advice you on the perfect scenario they would like. They probably will argue that they are women, so they know what works, (in this case, for them in an ideal world) but when was the last time they had to ask a girl out? The last time i checked, the guys had to ask a girl out. The guys giving you advice are not asking you to be a jerk to women, they are just saying; grow more of a backbone and have an edge.

Believe it or not, i was once a "nice" guy. I used to put women on a pedestal! You can imagine the rest. I had tons of female friends, but never a girlfriend. They all liked me because i was safe but will date my friends who had an edge and treated them like crap. Guess who they complained to when they got that kind of treatment? Me. I was always like why can't she my heart and know that I would absolutely treat her like gold? Some might argue that she wasn't into me. That is subjective. Not everybody can be into you, agreed (but you can also put your best foot forward)

But it took a me a long while to learn that they are just human beings like myself and have insecurities. If you want a new job or a new car, do you not do the groundwork to get it? Women might be complex in how they think (a lot of times) but they are still people. Cause and effect, try something unusual that you not normally do to your female friends and watch the reaction you get.

The sad thing is that once you get older, these same girls (women) will start looking for you to settle with. This will continue to happen as long as there males and females on this planet.

Got my protective shield on for the flaming responses.

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@POSTER

Don't stop being nice but i would advise that you do it with more caution.

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I want to add to what i had posted earlier, even though it may reflect all what has been said before. Women are weird creatures. Agreed with all what others have said, you don't have to pretend being someone else, and the best person you can be is urself. U have been taught to be nice to people, just like hw my parents taught me too, but atimes you shouldn't be too nice, cause such things can be and will be used against you. take for example what frank said earlier. Women might say something but they mean the other. they may say "NO, get lost" when they actually mean "guy, try harder, i don't want to appear cheap to you". you don't have to do everything a woman asks you to do. have the will power to say "NO" in some situations. Like ur second girl, i'm sure she knew ur weakness at saying NO, that's why she had the guts to say she wanted to sleep over in ur bed when she knew that she was going to meet another man. It's insulting to a man. Just be a man, and continue to be urself. but most importantly, learn how to say NO and control ur emotions when it matters most. Okay pal?

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I appreciate your comments.your Replies are all right,but can u actually change from being your real self? I  tried that lately,but it doesnt seem to work 4 me.Myself sleeping with a girl on the same bed without doing anything does not really mean that i'm sick or what.I can bet that i am 99.9% healthier than many can imagine.I know I do have sexual surge at times especially watching some movies or scenes,but steering away from them controls my emotions.

moreover,i'm not weak and I  like being in charge,but my fault is that i like respecting women's opinion,a training my mum gave me right from childhood and as they say i find it difficult to depart from it.

Does it mean there are no attributes a kind of me can posses to get out of this.I'm really leaving a lonely life without a girl to socialise with and make this stressful life seem easier

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Let me tell you a joke, that fits this scenerio.

a girls vists her guy but find out that he travelled and left his friend at home.

it was late and she couldnt go backhome, she slept over.

they slept on the same bed and during the night she put a pillow between them.

in the morning the friend was seeing her off when a thief snatched her hand bag and jumped a fence.

the friend being a nice guy chased after the thief.

she called him back and asked him "can you jump that fence?"

"yes ofcourse" he replied

"how possible is that when you cant even jump a small pillow, abeg let him go"

this is how women think.

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@izeek

i dont mean he should stop being nice, but the fact is that men should know that this not what women look for in a man even though they will easily say its what they want.

yes be nice but dont make it very obvious, women will definitely translate it as weakness.

no woman likes a weak man.

take for instance, a girl tells you: "i want to go home"

but the whole truth is that she wants to stay, with you but she didnt want to sound weak, she wants you to make her stay.

instead of trying to convince her, you try to play the NICE GUY, by letting her go

how do you think she will translate it.

be nice but not stupidly nice.

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SHE'S NOT THE RIGHT GIRL FOR YOU.

THE ONE WHO IS WILL FIT INTO YOUR LIFE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHE'LL BE SO IN LOVE WITH YOUR GOOD NATURE.

GIVE UP THE OTHER GIRL,

SHE'LL MEET HER 'HARD' MATCH; WHETHER OR NOT SHE IS GETTING MARRIED.

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poster,

She is simply not into you. Do not worry yourself about changing anything, be nice and be happy, you will find your own. Its not her fault either there is simply no chemistry from her end.

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stop being 9ice den cos as long as u are 9ice u will be gongoso (lol)

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To add to what i already said: Blackman hit the nail on the head accurately, and i couldn't have put it better!, like he said, being nice comes at the bottom of the list of what women want in a man, and as such i suggest you get a grip, and stop making yourself a doormat for every Tonia, Diane and Harriet!

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Sorry about your predicament, but nice guy coming from a girl = mugu. For the fact that the girl slept with you on the bed, without anything happening, means you must really be a nice guy. I will advice you to keep it up, maybe eventually, you will find a girl who will love u just as you are. But then, i must be honest with you, women are strange bed fellows and it seems you have been coming across as to weak for a man. Learn to play the game, study your friends who are good with women and you might learn a thing or two about female psychology.

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@poster,

I really felt touch and I feel for u.

There is nothing u can do and that don't mean it is the end of the world.

Don't change, be you and be postive You will have find someone else who will love u for u.

All the best!

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i wonder since when ppl start advising other ppl to stop being nice?

look being nice is something we all wish we can be,

dont change for any reason.

u will find some1 who will love you for that same reason believe me.

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unfortunately being nice is at the bottom list of what most ladies want in a guy.

are u insecured? why do feel you can have you way with ladies by being nice.

well, let me tell you something. Being unneccessarily nice is seen as weakness. it means you cant make decision on your own and you cant take care of your womnan in difficult situation.

Get your grip man, be tough, be yourself, be wise and learn from your past.

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Very sad case, but u turned urself into what we call a "WUSSBAG", meaning that you are always trying to please women. Ladies like men who challenge them, who don't say "YES" to all their demands. The girl in question knows this, that's why she decided to sleep in the same bed with you. She knew that if she said "NO SEX", you would agree. And to imagine the insult to a man's ego, sleeping in the same bed with you and not doing anything when you know she is getting prepared to go meet ANOTHER MAN somewhere else. Guy u need to harden up. All this ur Wuss wuss behaviour, dump it into a nearby bin. tighten ur emotions up. Ladies like men who take charge. you don't have to be kind all the time. next time the girl comes around and says she wants to sleep over, tell her you aren't in town and she should go find another place to sleep. Be a man.

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