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Would You Marry A Househelp?

I have a friend who is about marrying "a househelp". This lady was introduced by someone to his parents who took her in. Along the line, he fell in love with the girl. According to him, she is everything a man will pray for in a woman: pure in heart, very hardworking, gentle, brainy and of course beautiful. It is already tearing his house apart but he would not bulge. What do you advise naralanders?

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hmmm if your son/daughter tells you mum/dad i would like to marry the house help how would you take it.

i think it is easier to say whats the big deal when we look at it from a third party view but i bet you that if tables are turned some of us saying whats the big deal na we go first kill person

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Who can find a virteous woman 4 her worth is far above rubies(treasure).A virteous woman can be a slave,poor girl,house help,banker,doctor,lawyer or watever.1 tin i can tel u is dat dey are hard 2 find caus dey are lik gold which are nt found on d surfaces,just lik ultimate search.If u knw u hav found 1 pls hold it tight b4 sum1 smarter dan u outrun u.Pls do everytin within ur reach 2 convince ur parents.Who are those people ur parent respect & listen 2.Parental blessin & backin is gud in mariage.Hope u guys are nt havin sex caus sex is nt luv.Pls dnt fool urself sex blinds luv btw 2 unmarried person & opens infatuation.Cheers & gudluck.

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Like Seun said, anyone who waits for others to respect his wife before he respects her does not deserve to have her as his wife. Even if I marry bigfoot, any friend or relative or yes, even parent, who has a problem with simply respecting my spouse, is not welcome in my home. Excuse me, but the behavior of the so-called entitled upper-class, is no recommendation. Daddy's money or name will not necessarily make a good wife. Or a good human being, for that matter. This master-servant mentality of Nigerians really has to stop.

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That was an exceptional "househelp". Househelps are most of the time, not graduates. that is where class issues come in. I think the man was just a man waiting for an opportunity. A househelp in Nigerian context is clearly different from this picture.

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If your friend wants people to respect his wife, he should not marry her. Imagine this: all the visitors that have been coming to your house must have known she was your househelp or they would have taken her for your sister of cousin, if she was so treated. How do you now go and tell them you want to marry her. Your friend should have taken her like a sister. there are some relationships that are better not started.

Your friend should also consider the case of his friends who know her as a househelp. Will they find it easy to respect her as his wife? Yeah, the house help has a right to live a happy life, but she will also find it happier if she lives completely away from her past as a househelp. there are some jobs that one can not be proud of. Househelp is one of them.

Please tell your friend to find love elsewhere and take the girl as a sister.

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yes i might.hes a human being isnt he?

there was this lesson teacher/house help that used to stay with us couple of  years back.

he was a gradute,good -lookn,brilliant and all-but luck wasnt forth coming in gettn a good job.

i took to him immediately i saw him-he was like a  big brother i never had-we did basically everything together-talked to him about anything.My  mum initially wasnt comfortable with the familiarity-of course u know how parents are but we had a long talk and i assured  her that i wldnt do what she wldnt be happy with.

okay enough of that.He won a visa lottery  in feb last yr and i was  the first person  he called,we cried together,screamed together and laughed together.He lives in Florida now and he has a very good job.

Hes coming over to Maryland next month and i can't wait to see him.

 

Bottom line-------its who u really are as a person not what u are dat matters to me.

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why not, is she not a woman too?

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I really don't know about other African countries but it seems it's only Nigerian women who are so selective in their quest of a husband. i know for sure a Nigerian man with degree to his credit would marry a house help with all the attribute of a good wife a man want.

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Never not in this lifetime even my parent will never support that decision

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Apologies if i'm off-topic. I have neither the time nor patience to read all the thread before saying sth. Why is it that whenever a house-help or a gutter person is being married, it is the man not the woman (mostly) going for the house-help? I skimmed through some of the replies, and most female respondent didnt see anything wrong with that. Reverse positions and your guess is as good as mine. My take is that the story of cinderella is meant for kingdergaton kids not for a mature and analytical mind. I hear ppl talk about love. Who loves who? And why? Then again, if having a househelp as a wife will make you happy go for it. I'm not against it just thinking aloud!

Prof.

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I like the way you reason. you sound very resposible.

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Th guy is actually 8 years older than the househelp. Are you okay now?

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I was hoping that somebody would address this, as I thought it something that I had merely overlooked, but it seems not to be the case. So, I'll address it myself!

In the first reply to the poster (I believe it was by manulove) the post script says something to the effect that 8 years isn't much.

Again, perhaps I missed something, but what does that mean?

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A house girl is also a human being that can love and be loved. There is nothing wrong in marrying a house girl if there is genuine love between the two. It is easy to fall in love with a pretty, well-behaved house girl if you live with your parents and see her almost everyday. Added to the advantage that she is less likely to resist you, and also costs you less to date. You may think you are in love because of the advantages of easy sex and easy access that you have. So, you need to search yourself very well before you take the final plunge.

If you must marry her, make sure you carry your parents along. Don't rush things now. If the girl is really good as you described, then it will be obvious to your parents later on. A marriage that is tunning the family apart before it was contacted is due for imminent disaster. Use your brain, not your heart.

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You correct but th truth is 1) it takes a humble guy to do this 2)You must ensure first and foremost that she is teachable. If she is not you dare not go into it.

adeboo, you dey run, answer now!

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so @adeboo would you marry a househelp ?

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Yes am sure most would.

She would probably be the best woman ever but be aware cause they are on a different level mentally as yourself.

Its all well and good till she starts showing her 'househelp' traits am sorry to say - cause like an old adage in yoruba goes - 'children who are used to sleeping on the floor, if you placed them on a bed, they would fall out of it' its all good but sha be a bit weary and dont get upset at certain things sge would do cause she doesnt know any better.

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house help no be person, abi waytin, no be mama born am, so she self nogo born pikin.

lets be realistics in doing things and follow our mind.

papa.

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@topic

i dont think the guy's in good condition. The girl must have bleeped him badly that he got hooked with her you know, all these wetly guys.

But if indeed it's truly love, they should allow the river flow naturally.

One love

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@topic

i dont think the guy's in good condition. The girl must have bleeped him badly that he got hooked with her you know, all these wetly guys.

But if indeed it's truly love, they should allow the river flow naturally.

One love

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Have you vr watched worlds apart? An househelp may turn out to be more bautiful, brainy,resourceful, respctful, and what have you when given the ame resources a 'queen' has. The only thing the househelp in question here does not have is 'a family who can send her to a higher institution !

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True talk. More courage/momentum is coming.

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I hope the 'love' this silver-spooned guy is professing for our dear househelp is not 'pity'. He might be feeling sorry for her poor condition and thinks he's in love. They are two different and yes one can be mistaken for the other. Love based on pity tend not to last long once the pity factor is removed. Some people naturally 'love' to take care of vulnerable or damaged people. It gives them a sense of purpose.

I suggest he go away for a while, interact and meet other potential brides. If he still feel that the househelp (i hate calling her that) is the only sugar in her tea then, roll out the red carpet and lets start singing kumbaya.

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What difference does it make what job title a person has or where a person comes from? It is the characteristics and integrity of a person that counts. With that in mind, sure I would marry someone with that title.

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If your friend is so concerned about what people think, then he won't make a good husband.

In that case, the "house help" in question should dump him. She deserves more respect than this!

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With over 30% of respondents saying neveer (they will never marry a houshelp) it dos not give a clearcut buy-in. I had expectd to see a landslide victory for my friend. Somthing like 90:10 (Yes:No).

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@bcareful,

you b hard man o. respect!

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Househelp or no househelp,@ least she is not a theif nor a LovePeddler,so wot is d big deal?

if they love themselves they should forge ahead.Candid opinion anyway.

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There is nothing bad in marrying a housegirl but u have to put somethings into consideration;

i, Did u kn her very well? did u kn her family background? some househelp are from a very good family, some are responsible why some are not.

ii, Somepeople do pretend a lot, pls try and kn her life, if everything is okay then, try and convince ur parents and if possible involve ur matured Uncles and aunties to help u see reasons why u want her.If they base on class I believe u can convince them. If u cannot convince them, then nothing for u because the bible made us to understand that our parents are the God we see on Earth.

Finally, if u are marrying her because she can do the thing v/well as some people said, that means u are lost. in that case listen to ur parents .be guaided

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if n only if the person in question is educated, good lookin, god fearin, can be able to do the thing v/well.

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you can be one, any day, its the matter of getting the clean cash! its not comparable with stealing whether thieft, robbry or white collar of a thing.

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That's the home truth, i hav met with the girl and know that she can be anthing a man invests in her to be. Going against the parents' wish might definatly be a last resort. The majority inhouse seem to be game but i can understand the feelings of th ones that hav outrightly said NO.

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Come to think of it, every other girl must have been a housegirl at some point in her life.

When you visit your elder sister, or aunty/uncle/relatives as the case may be and help out with house chores, cooking, taking out the trash, cleaning, laundry etc, you are invariably performing the duties of a househelp, be it on a temporary basis and in tight fitting jeans and spaghetti strap top.

So, I would not give second thoughts to marrying a decent well-behaved and brainy househelp.

After all, decency, good behaviour and brains are a combination of attributes that are fast becoming extinct in the average Nigerian ajebota/wife material.

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Take the girl out from where she is working now, since you said she is brainy send her to school I bet you in the next few years your parents will welcome her

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there is nothing wrong with marrying a househelp, only that these days guyz prefer to marry someone that would not be a liability in future. so as you make preparations to marry her also make plans to send her to school or empower her so she wont be so much of a burden. because future no dey house girl ooh. nd dont mind ur parents some would even tell you, u cant marry from a particular tribe.

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Well so far so good. What I have in mind and try to say is that has much the guy love the lady, there is nothing bad in getting married to house help. Parent has just little role to play in this issue because this girl is the one you are going to leave the rest of your life with. So as much the man love the girl and the lady so positive reaction they can go ahead and get hook.

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Take one between marrying an househelp or a sex worker?

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Feel free to 'chop' your househelp, but make sure your wife knows about it. And make sure it's 100% consensual.

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why not? some of us are just posing - bet if you ask them - they have slept with one or two in their life time.

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GNature has a good point.

But i presume this lady is marrying her out of a pure heart and not because of his money. If that is the case then by all means, i would marry her if i were in his shoes. You never know where love can come from.

If you truly love her then your prayer would be for a long lasting relationship.

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if she becomes a doctor or lawyer or engineer or has a major career. will that still affect the parent's decision? or does the stigma of being a househelp continue? it's left for your friend to decide if he is old enough to be a man or if he is still gonna play to the tunes of his parents. househelp or no househelp, despite the barriers we enact as human beings or even nigerians, she is still a human being and could be the only one who can tolerate your friend as opposed to a "non house help" or any other person his parents may bring

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Personally if she truly has all those qualities that you described and i fell in love with her i WOULD marry her, irrelevant of my parent's wishes - what are they going to do, Disown me?

But if we are talking in the typical sense of house-help that i grew up with in Nigeria (illiterate from the village - mind u nice body) i would still do what i did - chop n clean mouth!

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Househelps are human's. So I see no reason why it ain't right to marry them be it a male or female?

They grow up as every other human's grow, though they may lack the money you have but it is already in the sayings that "All fingers are not equal". That is why they come to you to serve as a helper in other to earn and to survive.

This is love we are talking about, it is better if the guy go ahead and marry the lady.

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Has any of those condemning, or turning up their noses at, the prospect of a relative of theirs marrying househelp bothered to learn or find out how Tiger Wood met his wife?

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We all know that a 'househelp' is human and as such should not be exempt from being married to.

But let's be frank with ourselves people, we don't live in a classless society ! If you live in the U.S. and you get married to someone whose earnings are substantially lower than yours, you risk losing a lot in the event that your marriage folds up.

Judges in the U.S. would ask you to spilt your assets in half and give it to your soon to be ex. Alternatively, you can be forced to pay a good chunk of your yearly salary as alimony.

I recall O.J. simpson was paying his ex-wife $10,000 a month as part of their divorce settlement (I am not saying I condone him killing her oo)

So @ topic, if you are talking about here in the U.S., then no, I cannot marry a househelp because of the financial ramifications on my end.

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