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Would You Marry Someone Not The Same Religion As Yourself?

I have a friend that is stumped as to what decision to take,

She's dating a Muslim (hardly practicing) and she is a Christian. They are both very much in love, and he recently proposed but she is having cold feet because the issue of religion has come up. He wants his kids to be raised muslim, she has no intentions of becoming a Muslim. He is fine with her remaining a Christian and they never had issues about it in their 1+ years of dating but she worries that a few years down the line he'll be singing a different tune.

To further worsen situations her Mum and sister are strongly against the union.

What should she do, turn down the marriage proposal or go ahead??

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21 answers

Chill out, I think we're saying the same thing!!! It's not that I'm an extremist nor have I ever been, I think everyone has the right to worship God in the way they feel is best and will lead them to a good end. I think my religion is true but everyone has choice and everyone also thinks their religion is right. My faith doesn't make me superior to anyone else and I've been to many Eid celebrations, Shabbat dinners, Diwali parties etc  to support friends but its a little hollow because they are really feeling the occasion and to me it feels empty, and I can imagine that's how someone of a different faith is at Easter or Christmas etc. But the thing is those are just friends and so we can afford to hold certain parts of ourselves back from each other. I think a husband situation is a little different.

Maybe it's just the bad luck of my acquaintances, but in all the interfaith relationships I've observed (at least those in Naij; since it doesn't usually seem to matter so much abroad because everyone seems to lose their religion a little when they get out of Nigeria), unless one or both parties is not really that religious, someone always ends up converting or it causes tension in the relationship. I just think if faith is intrinsic in your life then it may be best to go with someone of your own faith.

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If the man is imposing his religion on the wife, refusal of which is leading to chaotic existence in the home then the relationship/marriage isn't worth it after all. If he loves her, working on the relationship is important than bitching on religion. What has religion got to do with marriage anyway? If your religion clearly states that you should not get married to a woman unless she converts why don't you easily get married to someone already in your religion instead of fomenting cold and unmannerly domestic war? Leaving behind your religion on the basis of marriage isn't love, it's simply loss of self esteem. If I was smoking from when I was born, I dare not not leave it because of any woman no matter how much I love her, if she can't deal with that she'd hit the cave!

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Sure it depends on how religious and I choose to differ from being an extremist. I know a Muslim man(Nigerian) who got as religious to a point where he doesn't buy any fabrics that has AMERICAN flag or symbol on them. If he likes such couture that much, he extricates the AMERICAN sign and replaces it with another design,  Now what do you call that? Being religious? I think that's being extremely extremist in my humble opinion.

Business partnership is very much opposed to marital partnership. In a relationship, what are the most important things you tell a woman or a woman tells you? We both tell each other that "you can't change who I am, I will always be me". You can't possibly ask her to leave her religion because that was how she was raised, that's an integral part of her. Asking her to leave her religion is tantamount to selfishness on the man's part.

Possession of the family doesn't solely lie with the man because he's the head of the family, they both share the responsibilities no matter how meager the woman's are. She has almost, if not the same, amount of rights on the kids as much as the man does. The man can dictate which religion he wants the kids to be raised in, but it is up to the kids to decide when they become adults -- as I am 90% sure that 80 of 100 kids will get along with their mom's religion, that's the influential power moms have on their kids that a father will NEVER have unless in some very sad conditions where the mom had died.

If the man is sooooo religious, why didn't he just get married to a woman from his religion? Aren't they good enough? I see it needlessly insulting to impose one's religion on one's wife. She has certain rights and freedom and one of them is freedom of religion, as it holds for her in the society, so does it rightly extend into her home -- which should never be checked.

Practising different religions doesn't connote dishing out conflictingly different rules.  Or maybe you could give me an example of what you're driving at, eh?

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I followed the Chatolic faith cause when I was young, my mom brought me to Sunday School and my father brought me to church every Sunday. When I grew a little older, than my mom converted to Catholic. So since then, my entire family goes to church. My brother is dating a girl from a Buddhist background and she willingly wanted to convert to a Catholic so now she went for classes.

Many of my cousins have parents with mix religions. Like Hindu and Buddhist or Muslim and Anglican or Jew and Catholic and etc etc.

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Which did you adopt?

I say it's complicated because I've seen it happen and the children either end up one or the other (so one parents religion loses out) or ambivalent to both religions/thinking that faith is not really important. Faith is important to me and I don't want there to be a situation where my children are confused about what's right.

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My father is a Catholic and my mom is a Buddhist. I did not get mix up naa

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I doubt it.

Even if we share the same religion there'll be problems talkless having different places of worship.

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No I wouldn't. Because the kinds of problems from the original post always arise down the line and it always causes friction especially when there are children involved and the children always end up confused and one person always loses and has to give up their faith in the end. Too complex!

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Sure. WHy not? I love most religions anyways

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@topic

nope its just too difficult for me lets say muslim-its either i have to convert or if i dont on friday he will go to mosque and while on sunday i will go to church wtf me i cant be doing that kind of stresss!!!

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She should consider if:

-she's ready at some point to convert if asked to

-If she's ready o not go to church with her children

-To be faced with the possibility of her home turning polygamous.

Now if all these things don't disturb her, then she can go ahead, but if not think twice.

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I would never sell my religion bcoz of lov neither would i fall for oposit rligion.This is what i consider 1st b4 makg my choice.After dat it's her level of educatn b4 genotype.Coz my dad always told me 2consider d3 optn b4 i conclud on marieg.Bcoz he told me mariege dtermine hw i wil enjoy wht av been laboured 4.

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Well, that really depends on how "religious" u are. If u are quite religious, you would want ur whole household to follow ur religion. Remember, this is ur family we are talking about, not friends or strangers.

Also, how can a "partnership" work effectively when both parties subscribe to different rules, regarding an issue that permeates their daily lives and affects all decision making?

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Iam a muslim so i wil never even 2 fall so deep wit a xtian. 'Dont even marry as husbands or wives until they become believers (muslims)' says the holy quran.

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You're right! But then let me hastily add that they are going into a marriage which is supposed to be a sort of partnership but not slave trade! If I'm married to a Muslim woman, I wouldn't impose any of my religious etiquette on her as long as her religious belief doesn't bother the home front

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This issue has been hashed out well on this forum many times. From a Christian perspective, she cant. The Bible is very clear on that.

From a carnal human perspective, Yes, she can, if she wants to, but she should be aware of the potential issues. As long as she can deal with them, then there really is no problem - Apart from the rift it may cause in the family.

The kids will also grow up to be Muslims, but will have the knowledge of the Christian faith, through their mother - Nothing wrong with that, as they can make up their own mind when they become adults.

He may have have certain views and principles which are consistent with the Muslim faith - she must be willing to accommodate those. On the issue of "not practising", that can change at any time.

If she is willing to comply with any request pertaining to his faith in the future, then she'll be fine, otherwise, the scene may be set for endless conflict and issues.

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She should make it known to the guy that as much as he wants to cling to his religion that he wants their kids to practice it, so does she have the right to practice her religion without being troubled or hassled about it in the future. If the guy doesn't agree with that arrangement, then he's not worth the 1+ years she spent with him. If he, on the better note, permits her to practice her religion, she shouldn't worry about the kids, when they grow they will know what religion to go through. Why is she worried anyway? Didn't they say mothers are closest to their children? Has that fact changed? I believe as long as she's the closer to their kids, they will practice her religion. Because there will be cases where she has to go to Church programmes with the kids and when she has to, will he stop her? Of course not! The guy is just ignorant and doesn't know the kind of bond between a mother and a child, Hell! He's not even a practical Muslim.

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@biola

thats always the problem.

the kids are torn inbtw whose religion to follow.

but for me i wont be deterred by such, if i truely love the girl.

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so whose religionwud d kids practice?

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its always a tough call where to pitch ones tent in this issue.

i have seen couples with diverse religious background live happily, and i have also seen marriages crash cos of the same reason.

if you know your man very well u wud be able to tell if he is the type that wud after some years change his stand concerning what religion to follow.

i hate to join the skool of tot that says a woman must practise the same religion as her hubby,

but someone there has to be unity in the home to be able to guide the children right.

i think communication wud solve this roblem on both thier part.

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