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Would You Take poo From Your Fiance/fiancee Because Of Her American Passport?

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Now, that's my favorite woman on NL. You can see what I meant when I say some Nigerian women mess around with their men because they feel they have an edge against them, especially the ones who happen to find themselves there when they were older.

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Just one more thought:

She may just be emulating what she sees her mom do to her dad.

I have seen many a Nigerian woman disrespect their husbands on US soil in ways I would never dream of doing all because they know here their husbands cant just smack them and get away with it.

But stand your ground and let her know now that you will not stick around for such treatment.

If you let her get away with disrespecting you now it will only get worse.

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@poster

your two last post made a lot of sense and now i can see where you are coming from. I think your fiance is pissed at you for not making the move to US as soon as possible. she must be stressed out from being alone, stressed out from being far away from you but, in my humble opinion, she must be pissed because she is giving you a chance to come to the US and you pass on it. i guess for some people, the US is the Eldorado and therefore she might be upset thinking that "here is your chance to come to the US and be with her but instead you are using your HEAD". she might think that the reason you want to stay is another than finish your post graduate (girls etc). some women in love make absolutely no sense so at least make sense for the both of you.

you seem like a smart person and therefore use your better judgment in this case. going to the US with nothing to show for and start doing"menial" jobs is not an option for someone who is "living well" in his own home. love might make people do silly things but once in a while you find intelligent people who use their heads accordingly.

talk to her, as i hope that you guys can communicate without having arguments. use whatever tool you can to make her understand that the job market, however she wants to see it, is not steady and strong in your field and it IS much better to finish your studies before leaving with no prospects other than being with your loved one.

BUT even if that problem is solved, there is absolutely NO REASON for the insults and you can already imagine what life being married to this cooking pot would be like.

better use that smart mind of yours in these areas as well.

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Plantimuk you probably have diferrent personal issues you to deal with which have manifested in the silly questions you

are bombarding the poster with. You kept on hammering the fact the the poster mentioned AMERCAN CITIZEN in his thread headline,

despite the fact that he has consumed enough time to elucidate his point. Didnt your English Profs teach you how to use attention

grabbers while writting a headline?

Anyway, I guess you are a carbon copy of the lady in question.

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I am still of the opinion that he shouldn't have highlighted the AMERICAN PASSPORT as the center of gravity for this thread. It'd have been something else then if he's so convinced she's changed because of her national status, he could just chip it in somewhere. The hype about American Passport is so overrated.

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Than you all. I'm really grateful.

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That's right. Couldn't agree less.

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Did u read my initial reply? I never supported her insulting him. This is what I wrote in support of what noble_gas1 wrote.

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I have seen it and it does happen. Most times they(some) feel they are doing you a very big and huge favor and sometimes take you for granted or make you kiss their feet.Much emphasis is placed on American passport because it is like the center of the world. Once you have an American passport, you are guaranteed and could travel anywhere in this world. It is much easier.

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@topic

Say wetin happen? wetin i wan use passport do?

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Why the emphasis on American Passport?

Anyway all the sorries are meaningless if she continues repeating the same offenses over and again.

I don't see how it's going to change with marriage u nless you somehow fix it now.

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Just tell her to stop being rude. That you dont appeciate that kind of language especially if you dont reciprocate like that.

December is just around the corner- did something happen to make her think you're reconsidering the marriage.

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I am not on her side, there are two sides to a coin and its quite suspicious when he mentions american citizenship when she been having her papers that shows me a shift of focus.

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I re read the original post, he said that 2 months ago she started acting funny. doesn't mean she got her papers 2 months ago, so I don't see how her citizenship has anything to do with this.

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But really is it better to finish your degree there or is it better to come here and work on it?

Dont you have to take some sort of extra classes here to use your Medical degree here?

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david I know all to well, we're just hearing his side, abeg let the woman come on here too. Why should it matter to him if she has a citizenship if it doesn't matter to him?

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if it woulda been my fiance started to rainf insults after 2 years of relationship WITHOUT the mention of an American citizenship I can bet my tail the responses would be hella different.

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platinum what are you talking about? do you understand the topic at all?

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if she was a nurse she would have been a citizen meaning she would have been in the states. the simple fact how the poster chose to wrote my fiance insults because she is a citizen shows where his focus is. every little thing u blame it because she has a citizenship. mshew!

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the ceaseless apologies is because she loves him duhh! even though I feel I wasn't wrong in what I said to my own bf I still bent down and begged and pleaded for his forgiveness.

simple.

men are available everywhere, she bent down because she wants only him, and she wants it to work.

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in a relationship there is compromise, u might be bringing the drama because obviously u trying hard to prove that u don't want to come here.

and in spite of what u said, millions of nigerians apply for visa everyday. I see someone new coming over every month.

I did the same thing ur girl did last because the drama with my bf was causing me so much headache I had to take off and beg his friends and family to talk to him. but honestly I found all our quareling stemmed from HIM trying to prove that he didn't need a citizenship either, and every small talk we would have would blow up into a quarell. be open and honest with her man, obviously if she sees a quarell with u the its somethings yal need to sit down and discuss seriously.

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@ Theseeker

Spot on I was thinkin about that as well. why didn't he open the topic as my fiance insults me? not american citizenship bs? ppl just love to harp that Nigerianamerican women especially nurses are bad mouthed and have no respect for men. as a respentative I say that is so false. why not bring us what brought about the argument. I feel ure just trying to prove that u don't need her citizenship and ignoring her needs.

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I am not jumping to her side because she is a woman.

There are three sides to everything:

His

Hers

Truth

Someplace between his and hers lies the truth.

Men and women communicated so very very differently and to have all of sudden changed in two months with less than half a year to marriage there is something that is not being discussed between these two.

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I have to ride along with y'all on this one. For a relationship of 2 years, it's rather absurd that she starts to insult just 2 months ago -- there's more to it that he has to find out. I have to say also that the way he presented the thread borders in between him wanting a US citizenship and her discovering that's what he wants and taking that as an advantage to lash out on him;which differs from his intention of this thread. If he talks to her I'm sure it's stress-related. Maybe she's been going through a lot of mess, might be anything, a loan, some debt, anything that's stressful. I advise he talks to her and find out what is going on. I wanted to find the guy's intentions questionable but it seems he's serious about her and she is stressing about other things but the issue of AM passport is definitely out of the question. Communication works magic in any relationship -- you can never quantify its effectiveness.

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I am still waiting to hear from the poster.

I am wondering how often she really is acting this way?

What are the words or pharses?

What subject matters are you discussing?

I am always available to talk off line if you dont want it here on NL.

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absolute nonsense. She's the only one stressed out?

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who's she 2 rain curses on u?damn her and d kpali.

be careful cos "when jungle mature u go know who be who".

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that could be a very good reason too, to suddenly burst out and not even realize your being insultive or less patient. the nursing profession is a very demanding one but to consistently act that way should raise alarm bells for any sane person. i am of the opinion that since poster said she was never like this, she can work her way out of the mess too. its a concious thing. i had to do some corrections like this myself after my bf complained that i was no longer patient with him and lashed out too fast.

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A time bomb ticking by waiting to explode thats what that woman is. Sorry to say, on the other hand she may have exposed herself or learnt alot of those oyibo way of life she forgets where she is coming from or who she is dealing with. Sorry all the time will soon tire you. you need to see a real change in her. since you say you have the means maybe you could go over once in a while or she could come over (this is very tough i know)

i'd not rush too fast with plans of marriage with this sort of woman, i wonder how long you can even take what she is dishing. Maybe you should give it a short break let everyone go and think what is good for them and access their attitude. please plan to meet up before saying i do and resolve every doubt you have in your heart before you go ahead, pray too.

finally sometimes a life in America or even the UK is not everyone's destiny. do you want to move there because you are persuaded and totally convinced its the right step in your life? you say you are doing well in Nigeria. not the one u will go der and begin to work your way to the top and start blaming your passport wife. you need to be sure and convinced 100%.

all the best oh

there just may be hope sha u said she has never been this way, if she puts her heart to it, she can drop the insultive behaviour.

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as sisterwoman kindle pointed out, there are two sides of the story. I wasn't going to speak on this but I was in the same situation 2 weeks ago. any small thing he would throw a hissy fit and say im insulting him when if I told anybody the same thing they wouldn't be offended. my dear she is stressed out, take it from me and to me u show aloofness because she is AM citizen. are u trying to prove that u don't need a green card or that u love her?

sisterwoman do ur magic, and dig deep.

i'll be observing. . .

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Yes anything taken out of proportion and context will definitely look horrible. I'm not asking him to safely assume she's insulting her because she has an American citizenship. She might be going through some bad moments and have a lot going through her minds and sure doesn't want to bother him about it, or she's being seriously sarcastic and it becomes hard for her to handle it in the right proportion, it might even be a newly discovered attitude and worst still maybe she's on crack -- there are many reasons besides her national status. But what I'm saying is, from experiences gathered from people around him, he may have felt safe to assume so. I'm not saying he's right but that if he finds out that's why she's been awkward then he should let go if he knows he can't stand it. For me, I don't think she can all of a sudden start hurling insults at him for no reason; there's got to be something major about it. Maybe she's even tired of the guy and wants to find a smart way to get rid of the guy because for some reasons, I think an insulting attitude can't be developed overnight, not even after 2 years of relationship. My line of suggestion still remains that he talks to her and find out what is going on -- then it'll all be fair. Right now whatever decision he makes will be rash and I don't think he should ignore her calls or messages, they should talk it through

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i wont take poo from no one

especially a fiancee

irrespective of hi nationality

y'all need to talk about this

but an abusive relationship is not a healthy one

u should sort this out b4 u take the big plunge

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Would you not agree that anything taken out of context can look/sound horriable?

The Obama photo proved just that this week.

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He says he's been with her for 2 years. In my opinion, I think there's more to it than makes the eye. If she suddenly starts to insult him, he as the man in the relationship, might know why she's suddenly nasty. He doesn't have to safely decide and jump to conclusions, he still has to talk to her and know why -- but I'm of the opinion that he knows where she's driving towards. However, I have to tell you though, 60% of Nigerian women who have US citizenship look down on their men because they think they have attained what's the biggest dream for a "lazy African" --- there are a few who are exceptional to this.

I have seen situations where women won Green card lottery and they just took their kids and left the men on their own, I am sure and still convinced that it was done out of unnecessary pride which is common among some Nigerian women. Thank God for civilization, they are getting out to see more of what the outside world has to offer and they are being more respectful these days --- I still make exceptions to women who were raised there from childhood. But the fact still remains 60% of those who leave here to there at rather older age will be puffed up at their men and that is what I think the poster is suggesting especially, as I am certain about, when he must have witnessed a lot of that around him. The questions you asked him are however good, but I don't think any of that could have warranted her to call him names(fool, mad, silly, poo, bla bla bla) doesn't speak well at all and I don't think any man or woman should stand or endure that in a relationship. Respect is reciprocal and should be accorded to each other in that relationship and none of them should for any reason take advantage of an upper edge they have on the other, to insult or maltreat the other party after all, this is a relationship.

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Assumptions can kill a r/s.

You need to lay this all on the table and get to the root of it all. There is something that you are missing in communication with her and there is something that she is missing in communication with you.

How often do you spend time together?

Have you seen her here in the states?

How long has she been here?

Do you plan to visit a couple of months before the I do's?

Has all of your dating been over the phone, internet and long distance?

Is there a "main" thing that yall fight about all the time?

If she is in Maryland I would not mind meditating between you too as I am in MD.

Are you blowing it up or raising your back to assert your manliness?

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Poster,

Your poster shows sincerity of heart, and as I see you, you are too good to be hurt, so I suggest you just map one week or just see a good pastor let him pray for you to confirm if that girl is really your wife ok, so that you will not make a mistake, I am a lady but I don`t like nagging woman or somebody who cannot take correction for ones. So just do as I told you and you will not regret it, in everything you do make God your first priority and you will not regret it.

Thanks

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Poster,

Your poster shows sincerity of heart, and as I see you, you are too good to be hurt, so I suggest you just map one week or just see a good pastor let him pray for you to confirm if that girl is really your wife ok, so that you will not make a mistake, I am a lady but I don`t like nagging woman or somebody who cannot take correction for ones. So just do as I told you and you will not regret it, in everything you do make God your first priority and you will not regret it.

Thanks

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I cant even believe the topic you gave this thread! Simply put, I wouldnt take any crap from anyone irrespective of their status! You're not even married yet and she insults you with ease, let me tell you if she ever gets married to you she seems the type that can get you locked up for some drummed up charges if you don't play ball with her; and she can do this even before you get that american citizenship. Don't be fooled my friend, save your dignity and call her bluff go for someone who truly cares about you, money and the american citizenship can still be obtained without mortgaging your happiness,

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my problem in this union is the fact that she is insulting/degrading you for no reason(unless you are saying less than what really happens in your 9ja life). i know women usually continue in this matters and i wouldnt be surprise if she keeps on insulting and degrading you the day something is not the way she wishes it to be in the US.

since you are going to get married, these issues need to be resolved before going any further and letting her know how these insults make you feel, should help. if after you told her how it makes you feel, she keeps on insulting you then i am sorry but it will NEVER stop.

some women might take that "passport" as a leverage she has on you and, maybe, coming back to 9ja for some years to let her understand that you obviously do not need her citizenship might get her back in "normal mood".

as for the question you asked, ME i wouldnt take poo from anybody, especially not someone who i was going to marry (it tells a lot about how life is going to be later). she might think she is better than you and therefore you need to let her know that: even if she was, this is definitely not the way to act with your future spouse.

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I will start by answering your question in line with your topic. Will I take poo from my "fiance" because of her American citizenship? No I won't, why? Because I'm content with wherever I am from. I don't care who's an American and who's not. Wherever you find yourself, make an impact there. The problem you guys have is at the mention of American or British citizenship, you're ready to give in all you got to be citizens. That's total bullshit to me.

This "relationship" to me isn't about love, it's about getting married for the sole sake of getting an American citizenship which she may have suspected your desperation about, hence her ugly utterances at you. Since that is what you want, you should take the insults --- sorry if that was harsh but I'm still going in line with your topic.

If it is about love, I think you have to let your stance known to her and let her understand this isn't about her damn blue passport but about how you both feel about each other at least in your opinion. Let her understand that if that persists for another one month, you'll sever the relationship and if it continues for another month, please do as you have threatened. If she doesn't come to terms with herself and make amends with you then she's not worth the stress. But if that blue passport is so important to you, please take all the shits but what happens if you dumps you along the line? All the same I think you tow the caution line and be really careful or your pride will be sold for a cheap passport.

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@ibrokay and agabaI23. Got you guys. Thanks so much.

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Poster,

Find out if anyone is telling her tales about you.

Also try and find out if she has another option. Probably she met another guy she will like to go for but have not made up her mind.

Again find out if she is under a certain kind of stress esp if the new stress has to do with your coming over.

if it would have been possible to find out why she quit her other relationship, it will be of help as that will tell you if she has always been an abusive person.

However for someone you have been with for 2 years to suddenly start misbehaving is not normal.

Something may be wrong. You can only try your best to diagnose what it is and see if it is remediable. If not, you may have to reconsider the marriage thingy.

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I will like to ask you some questions before passing my judgement.

1)Were you dating her before she left the country or you met her online?

2)What kind of insults or poo is she giving you

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Would You Take poo From Your Fiance/fiancee Because Of Her American Passport

Well i guess your problem is not love.

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