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Is Physical Abuse Enough To Get A Divorce As A Born Again Christian?

The Bible says the only time a christian should divorce is if there is adultery, what if there is physical abuse?

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how can a born again christian abuse a wife/ husband in the first place?

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As promised;

Original question;

First answer;

My take;

Ok, lets for discussions sake assume it's actualy life threatening extreme physical abuse? Do we head straight for divorce? No counselling, support network intervention or other mediation? No thought of healing and reconcilliation?

Are we equally assuming day broke and extreme physical violence sprung with it? no precursor warning or other reasons? Are we assuming this was a Godly union to start with? And if not, why look to scripture to end it, and at the same time give God a bad name? Why not look to the worldview or mindset on which the union was predicated - then again you probably did hence divorce! If you look to scripture and to God, why not at least consider healing?

A comment;

My thoughts;

Firstly, where does the bible suggest or even hint at a Christian instituted divorce for any other reason than adultery?

Secondly, in that it suggests seperation, does it necessarily imply divorce? and does divorce presume remarriage?

Thirdly, I would think that precisely what the bible does is discounts "worldview differences" as a reason for divorce.

A comment;

My thoughts;

Maybe the bible is not always black and white, but it tends to give a unified whole if properly studied - Please be led 0! (easier said than done I know)

On what basis would you "strongly believe" something the bible doesn't say, suggest or even hint at. Especially when the bible is pretty clear on what it does say? What if they were a member of a secret cult. When did membership commence? before, during. I believe my earlier point about foundations in marriage apply and also trusting in the love and power of God. Why is divorce a starting point or a solution for one who practices Xtianity, trusts God and/or is Spirit led? Leaving is not synonymous with divorcing! Please!!

A comment;

My thoughts;

What it meant, was she was to go away and sin no more! If she was married and her husband forgave her, fine. If he decided to divorce her, he has no sin. Under the law, anyone seeking her hand in marriage would have been committing adultery. Under grace, I would at best posit that if she were in a position to remarry - all things being new - that would be with the full understanding of what marriage entails.

A comment;

My thoughts;

Firstly it is hard for us to know the exact detail of her situation. If "the one she was with" was someone elses husband, should he not return to his wife? Would you advise she kept and married him in that situation? Again, under grace, I would posit a best position. She was from that point saved - all things become new - thats not to say it is suddenly clear cut. If all her previous 5 husbands had remarried and had strong unions, could she be forced to go back to any of them? If there was someone free to marry her under grace and she was in a position to, would I decry it? Probably not, but with the caveat as previous.

A comment;

My thoughts;

A tricky one in truth. What if the unbeliever leaves a young spouse and remarries, or even remarries several times? What if there are offspring/step-families all over the place? What if the Christian abandoned is young and childless?

Thats why sound doctrine and scriptural understanding are great, but being Spirit led is in my opinion preferable. I would hasten to add that trust in God and/or the two should ensure a blessed union. Before and during.

God bless

TV

ps - My thoughts are just that, my thoughts. Based on my understanding, experience and revelation. Literal understanding and experience may differ, but true revelation will not - but could it be deeper? - as There is One Spirit. Hence my rider that everyone should seek God and seek to be led by the Spirit themselves. I still seek the demise of the MOGmyth.

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Let me take a wild guess. I think the key is the "still a lover never a fighter" caption. I'd guess its osisi rather than drusilla.

Hope I'm not exposing what is being hidden

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My Lord!

Tv01 long time,we had a great time back in some other threads with my old name

welcome back

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A pertinent point methinks. Although I would say that contradicts with some of the points you made before. If that mindset is there bofore and during - by God's grace and tender mercies -  there will be no after!

Way too many - in my opinion anyway - erroneously discursive points such as "bad marriage", "abusive marriage", "valid reasons to leave". The relatonship was almost certainly bad or rocky before it was solemnised. Escape routes are then sought - twisting or re-interpreting scripture to fit - after the fact.

It would be way more honest if people seeking divorce were to point to error/sin before or when they got married. Does something perfect or merely good suddenly turn bad? Surely good would get better?  When it goes wrong after the fact, it's hypocritical and plain blasphemous when all of a sudden the marriage is bad or there are reasons to leave. Ergo the relationship was in all likelihood never good, or there were not sufficient reason or proof to tie the knot in the first place.

The bible doesnt espouse divorce - pun intended - for any reason. What it espouses is biblically based (or even better Spirit-led) wedded union.

In reading left to right - yes I know some scripts do - nonsense can be made of the divine beauty and order of scripture.

Starting a discussion about proper Christian marriage from the perspective of divorce can lead astray!

I take issue with some earlier comments. I'll try and attend to those next time permitting.

God bless

TV

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Hi Sheniqua, normally I would ask aka? to save myself the embarrassment, but I'll take a risk. Dru is that you?

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If we only loved our spouses as Christ loved the church we wont even be discussing this issue in the first place. Divorce is usually not the first problem, it started long before.

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Lmao. seems like the Nigerian way to live

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If you are abused, turn your left cheek. When you die, you will to go heaven.

And you will die. Beaten to death as a result of your fervent and godly stupidity.

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I agree, although I doubt that anything contradictory to scripture will come forth. But I do know that sometimes a mere literal interpretation or academic understanding can be way off the mark.

Again true. Even an honest approach without illumination can be wrong. But an interpretation by one in a "bad marriage" is hardly likely to be right.

Pause for thought here. This is one area I wonder about. Ideally a true practising - let alone living Christian - should not marry outside the faith. But what if it was prior to conversion? or if one partner falls away? What if he or she moves on too remarry? even a number of times? So in truth, some case may not be open and shut doctrinally - and hopefully all Xtians should seek guidance and ideally be Spirit led, before and during. Some scenarios would be unthinkable, let alone unbearable. Even living by scripture alone, I think the starting point should always be "ideal".

I question some of the thinking here. Particularly the "most churches" and "mostly ladies" bits. Generalisations at best.

I abhor and decry physical violence - especially men against the weaker vessels and I have seen it live - but it cuts both ways.

Abuse is relative and difficult to define in some cases. Women wage war differently and I had my eyes opened to provocation and goading in another real life case. Abuse was her aim as it meant the law sided with her and she agitated and when the abuse didn't happen, she made it up. Please don't let's generalise.

In a marriage - entered into with a sacrificial love mindset - of true professing Xtians, who would enter planning abuse of any sort? And if it came, it would be a challenge and time of dependance on the Lord. Again I acknowledge difficult scenarios.

Some people think a limited budget is abuse. I know of people who leave for multitude of reasons but dress it up abuse. I don't think saying God loves the divorcee but hates divorce quite cuts it. There is to much of a sense of selfish desire behind a lot of cases.

Pray tell, what is a "bad marriage" who defines that? I shudder at that. There will be trying times, challenges. If you are committed to it you persevere and endure. What of barreness? Impotency? or all the others possible - Lord have mercy - scenarios. A "bad marriage" has many perspectives. A good one is one built on sound Christian principles, practice, but ultimately faith in and dependance on The Lord.

Think deeply, you marry and there are trying times, so you leave, not temporary seperation whilst seeking healing, but divorce. Who did you trust to start with? Who are you trusting through it. Does the love and power of God only kick in after divorce?

To often it's about what we want our own desires our own image. God did not instutute a bad institution and He can certainly fix "bad marriages".

Thanks for sharing.

God bless

TV

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The Bible says in Malachi 3:16 that God hates divorce because it covers those

involved with violence. This scripture is used in most churches to stop mostly ladies

from moving away sometimes from very bad marriages. Yet in my opinion, God hates Divorce

but loves the divorcee becuase divorced or not you are still His child and he does not despise you

just because you left an abusive marriage.

The scripture in 1st corinthians says if the unbeliever leaves, then the believing partner

is not bound - suggesting (only in my opinion) freedom from the law of marriage, whereby the law says

you can only remarry after death of a spouse.

Scriptures can be translated in many ways and many times we translate them to suit

our situations, but I believe the best thing to do is just pray and allow the Spirit of God to give you guidance.

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Thanks tv for giving it as scriptures direct.

Perhaps I should add that adultery is not only when one is involved in the actual act - but LOOKING unto a woman to lust is considered adultery. So a spouse caught in the act of 'lookery' would result in our getting divorced - & in no time, there would be no marriages to contract. Just a lighter, albeit true, view of possible outcomes should we follow earlier postulations.

Dear poster, marriage is for life - even when you later discover your spouse to be a cultist. God hates separation. Should you decide to separate/divorce, (perhaps spouse is a dangerous psycho, given to murderous fits, etc) then YOU MUST REMAIN UNMARRIED otherwise you get reconciled to your spouse - you can remarry only if he/she dies. Simply therefore, virtues a la Galatians 5: 22,23 coupled with prayer should help in reining in difficult mates & keeping your union a blessed one.

Cheers and God bless

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Thanks tv for giving it as scriptures direct.

Perhaps I should add that adultery is not only when one is involved in the actual act - but LOOKING unto a woman to lust is considered adultery. So a spouse caught in the act of 'lookery' would result in our getting divorced - & in no time, there would be no marriages to contract. Just a lighter, albeit true, view of possible outcomes should we follow earlier postulations.

Dear poster, marriage is for life - even when you later discover your spouse to be a cultist. God hates separation. Should you decide to separate/divorce, (perhaps spouse is a dangerous psycho, given to murderous fits, etc) then YOU MUST REMAIN UNMARRIED otherwise you get reconciled to your spouse - you can remarry only if he/she dies. Simply therefore, virtues a la Galatians 5: 22,23 coupled with prayer should help in reining in difficult mates & keeping your union a blessed one.

Cheers and God bless

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Welcome back Syrup, it's a pleasure to read your reasoned discourse. Even more so seeing as there's a distinct lack of it on this thread nowadays.

This discussion has progressed somewhat so I'll share my thoughts in bullet point. I stand to be challenged of course, it's been a while.

1. Christian marriage is for life

2. Divorce is only permissable - not obligatory - where there is adultery

3. Divorce for adultery is never better than 2nd best, mercy triumphs over judgement

4. Divorce means that one refuses to forgive and or/one refuses to repent. Condemning both to singlehood.

5. To marry a divorcee is not allowed, its a sin

6. Remarriage is permissable only in the event of death. "Till death do us part"

7. Seperation is a burden that may have to be carried. Hopefully as a possible precursor to reconcilliation.

Why does it always have to be extreme "life in danger abuse" used to justify man made avenues for divorce? Biblically that is at best grounds for seperation. Knowing you cannot willfully divorce and remarry should lead you to bring all of your might into seeking healing and effecting reconcilliation. Hopefully this aligns with my points above.

Either you shouldn't or you can't.

God bless

TV

ps ~ to answer the question posed, NO!

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@4Him,

Reading carefully, it is difficulty to see that one's 'personal opinions' in that chapter. The reason why I say this is because quite often we fail to see the whole picture and might be making the mistake of hinging our thought on a few lines in a verse. Elsewhere we read of "all scripture" as being inspired by God (2 Tim. 3:16), and if the rule applies that "scripture cannot be broken" (John 10:35), where do we draw the line between one's personal opinions and "scripture"?

I'm not quite sure that's what he proposed. Although he expressed the point that he would that all men were even as himself (v. 7), yet he also pointed out that it were "better" to marry than to burn (v. 9). Perhaps I might be mistaken?

I concur - as long as there is a 'valid' reason.

True.

I especially like the way believers reason on this forum - especially because you guys always seek to be practical rather than remain with theories. On this note, I think the question here would be whether the believing spouse who leaves is then "free" to marry someone else?

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is the husby a christian??

if yes has she talkrd to her pastor about this issue?

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Juanita Bynum isnt a great example to use.

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Hi dear,

Just wanted to say that I think if you believe your life is at risk and there is no other way out except a divorce then go for it.  Al,so read the story of Juanita Bynum the famous American preacher who reecently divorced her husband on the bsisof physical abuse.

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Not everything is written in black and white in the bible, you shld be able to let the Holy spirit guide you to taking the right decision.

Even though the bible doesnt say the believing party can leave a marriage, i believe strongly that also applies. What if the unbelieving party were a member of a secret cult? Would you sit there because the bible didnt give you express permission to leave?

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then get a divorce. I dont think the bible admonishes you to remain in a marriage where your life is in danger.

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