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Lovemaking After Traditional Wedding Only: Is This Fornication?

This Is Not Fornication, Or Is It?

You are engaged to a fine lady that means the world to you,the big Church wedding is set for Christmas time. The traditional wedding (or a court wedding) is performed in August and her people finally hand her over to the groom according to customs. As Christians can the man and woman begin to enjoy each other in spite of the fact that they've not wedded in Church?

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As long as it recognized by govt institution then marriage is legal however it done.

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traditional marriage or just signing a court paper in court is still a legal marriage

its not a must to do the fancy white wedding, that's ur choice

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Customary and Civil Marriages

In some countries, couples enter into what may be called a[b] customary (or, tribal) marriage. [/b]This does not refer to two individuals just living together, nor does it refer to a common-law situation that may have a degree of status in some locales but is not a full legal marriage. We are speaking of a marriage entered into according to the publicly recognized custom of the tribe or area. This may involve the full payment and acceptance of a bride-price, by which the couple are legally and Scripturally married. The government views such customary marriage as valid, legal, and binding. Thereafter, it is usually possible to record or register the customary marriage that occurred, and upon doing so, the couple may receive an official certificate. Registration can offer protection for the couple or for the wife if she becomes a widow and for any future children. The congregation would urge any who enter such a customary marriage to register it as soon as possible. Interestingly, it seems that under the Mosaic Law, marriages and births were officially recorded.—Matthew 1:1-16.

The couple legally united in such a customary process become husband and wife when that marriage occurs. As noted above, Christians entering such a legal marriage may desire to have a marriage talk, with wedding vows.

In some lands where customary marriage is recognized as legal, there are also provisions for civil (or, statutory) marriage. A civil marriage is usually carried out before a government agent, and it may include both taking marriage vows and signing a registry. Some Christian couples prefer this civil marriage to a customary one. There is no legal need for both; each procedure is legally valid. What is said in paragraphs 9 and 10 about a wedding talk and vows applies here too. The main thing is that the couple are married in a way that is honorable before God and man.—Luke 20:25; 1 Peter 2:13, 14.

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virgin the issue of violation is a percusor to this. The bible is silent on if the girl was not a virgin or if she conceded willingly. Even though this passage in it self is not conclusive, it raises other questions about people's misconceived conceptions about pre-marital sex. Please note that pre-marital sex was not condenmed outrightly. The example given was that of a Molested virgin and the legislation given was marriage without option of divorce. Please note that it was not defined as a sin. it seems rather more like a jewish law of that time.

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@kunleoshb

I am sure you will agree that violating is not a good word shows that the man sinned. the penalty maybe too lenient but no one would have married the girl after such violation anyway (OT days) so the best option is that particular punishment.OT

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Deut. 22: 28-29 provides the proof that pre-marital sex was not allowed. Whether the law here was man-made or god-made is irrelevant. The man is 'punished' by forever marrying the woman without the option of divorce.

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Man, you can have a wedding in your living room with only four people present. Traditional wedding is a wedding.But for Christians there's a psychological block if they don't have a church to-do and all.

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Deuteronomy 22:28-29:

  28 “Suppose a man has intercourse with a young woman who is a virgin but is not engaged to be married. If they are discovered, 29 he must pay her father fifty pieces of silver.[a] Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he may never divorce her as long as he lives.

Clearly here the penalty here is marriage (in the case of the girl being a virgin prior to the act) without option of divorce. this law to me seems man made and not divine. IMHO

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She has mentioned many times that she "ate before the wedding" but they stopped when traditional/white wedding dates got closer.

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to be married, you have to publicly declear that you are now man and wife and both families have to consent to it. so whether you publicly declare it oo in the village or church na u sabi!! if you want God to bless your marriage, you have to abide by his principles found in the bible in your daily lives. just becuase you are wedded in a church does not guarantee his blessings.

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Hmm!! It amazes me that some Christians will do anything but read their Bibles; they'd rather cling on some sweetsounding fable from a 'man of god'. The last time checked, no pastor not even Jesus was the officiating minister at the wedding in Canna. You will all agree with me if I said that the wedding in Canna was also a traditional wedding; now does that nullify the wedding?

Okay, let us assume that they were not 'born again' christians, was there any other account of a wedding ceremony in the bible (New testament)? if that information is not provided for us, why are we making unnecessary unscriptural assumptions?

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Please quote the biblical scripture for the above highlighted hallucination.

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i pity we nigerians who have allowed the europeans to keep us in perpetual ignorance. What is traditional about our culture and what is all this trash about white wedding putting marriage on strong foundation. Kai my people.

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My brother chop the thing dey go, peoples do only traditional marriage this time

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are you saying a traditional wedding cannot be done in the name of christ our lord? curious

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A true christian is not permitted to sleep with a woman even after traditonal marriage until they have exchanged marital vows before a minister of God. I didnt say they must perform the american style of white wedding, but they must make their vows before God's minister as a dedication of their marriage to God. Remember Col 3:17 that says whatever we do in word or deed (e.g marriage), do ALL in the name of Lord Jesus.

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Hi everyone. I'm new here and would like to contribute to this very interesting topic. My take is, as long as the parents on both sides have given their consent, and the bride price has been paid, the ceremony(ies) that follow are, to fulfill all righteousness. As some one said earlier, if that were not so, then i guess all our grandparents, great grandparents and even some of our parents were fornicators all their lives?

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+

Where in the bible does it show otherwise?

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Bulls eye people have been so mis-led by pastors who keeping preaching their opinions and biases as if it is the word of God, there is no were in the bible that even remotely suggests that you must marry in the church, even the marriage at canaan that Jesus blessed was not in the church. People are really perishing for lack of Knowledge. Traditional marriages and court weddings are valid in the sight of God.

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Sorry I have not really read the replies here, quite a few, but I thot i go straight to the ?. We had a religion and culture before oyinbo bring christainity ooo. Court marriages are not done in church or mosque either, So to me traditional marriage is a valid wedding ceremony. We also know that we all do it before our wedding day anyway.

just my two cents.

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guys,marriage is marriage be it in the church,traditionally,mosque,court etc.it all means the same thing.once u are married u are married.if not what about people who do not wed in church nko,so dey no go do?abeg lets call a spade a spade here.o boy carry go.

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Well Donnie and Kola Oloye seem to think that the pastor is the one that will consecrate their wedding.

From their knowledge of the word, I would have expected them to be in a position to do the job by themselves.

I love my Pastor, but in my marriage, everyone except God is a guest.

If they cant make it on the wedding day, the show must still go on.

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No, Traditional Marriage has nothing to do with the church or Christ. For any pastor to go to a traditonal marraige to bless it is a disgrace. Traditional marraige history is to do with the gods of this and the gods of that before Christianity was introduced to Africa. Therefore, registry, traditional marraiges are not marriages in the eyes of the Lord.

Everyone must go to Chruch in the present of God and his children and be blessed either by a man or woman of God

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@donnie

sweetheart, I still fail to see what the 5-fold ministry has to do with joining yourself to a woman that God has destined for you.

You assert that it is a calling or function for a Man of God to officiate a wedding. Why dont you show it in Scripture?

Until then, please accept that it is simply oyinbo tradition.

Even the ring that you are made to wear, have you considered the tradition behind this? Before you call our traditional weddings places filled with ritualists and drunkards, you need to also research that traditions that you have accpeted.

Trust me buddy, I am not deceiving myself.

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My dear there are gifts and there are callings.

You are not called with the same calling as the one who is an apostle, prophet, pastor or teacher so dont decieve yourself.

To attempt to put yourself where you are not called to function is to look for trouble for yourrself.

The things of God are not for fun.

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@KOLA OLOYE

Should you not be the 'Man of God' unto your wife?

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By their FRUIT you shall KNOW them

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Quote from Grouppoint

Marriage is a union between Man, woman and God.

Pastors and Church mambers are simply guests. They do not have to be present at this sacred union.

Again, I say: Marriage is a union between Man, Woman and God.

Everyone else is excess luggage, whether desired or not is another issue.

HABA! IF YOU ARE NOT A XTIAN NO PROBLEM BUT, IF YOU ARE - THERE IS FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN.

    YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS SOLID FOUNDATION THROUGH A SEASONED MAN OF GOD.

MARRIAGE IS AN INSTITUTION WHEREBY YOU ONLY GRADUATE WHEN YOU END YOUR JOURNEY ON EARTH.

I`m not insisting on the white wedding ceremony becos it is not compulsory but the blessing.

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@Donnie,

Marriage is a union between Man, woman and God.

Pastors and Church mambers are simply guests. They do not have to be present at this sacred union.

White weddings and Traditional weddings are all traditions of men.

(after all Christ himself turned water to wine at one such events).

By the way, was that a white wedding, or was it a traditional wedding held at Cana?

You speak by the spirit, but you also need to listen to the Spirit.

We cannot simply discard our traditions and blindly embrace the white man's tradition, because he has infused it with Christian notions.

Also, dont forget that their white weddings have gradually removed scriptural references such as 'honour and obey your husband' etc

Again, I say: Marriage is a union between Man, Woman and God.

Everyone else is excess luggage, whether desired or not is another issue.

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I am not about to go into any such carnal arguements. I am speaking by the spirit and they that are of the same Spirit will hear me.

It depends on what type of pastor you have. And is he going to  be in charge of the occassion or he will subject himself to the officiating of the elders, traditional rulers and priests.

My pastor cannot come and sit down in such a gathering or drunkards and witchdoctors, nodding Amen to their prayers and libations while he smiles that the sinning brethren.

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@donnie

where in the bible does it say that a wedding is when ppl are joined in a church?

who's to say that the marriage isn't blessed because it took place outside a church?

what if i don't have this is so called "wedding" and instead do my traditional marriage and then invite my pastor? would that mean that my marriage isn't blessed?

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@ jookco, agree with you, white wedding is jus to make ur pips happy and not look at you with the[b] left eye[/b]

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White wedding is just waste of money, Bleep the monger mugery pastors

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It is okay when you have not yet been born again with the life of God in you.

That way, it'll only be natural for you to follow the way of the world.

But for a christain to ask such questions as these only shows that he is still a babe and does not yet realize that he has been called out of the world.

The reason we do the traditional marriage is because we cannot totally severe our familly ties. So you do that for them to fulfil the law and custom but you know that the church from which you feed and in to which you have been born and planted by Jesus for whom you live has not yet recognized such a union. As such, you are not married.

There has to be the blessing of the Lord upon that union. So until then, bear in mind that even though you have celebrated the party in the village (because that is what it is. . . the people want to eat and drink), you know the body of christ into which you were born must first recognize and sanction such a union.

Anything outside is disorderliness and God frowns at such.

Tip: you can set you traditional marriage a day or two before your wedding to avoid falling into sin.

But for those of us who are already known as radicals for christ, that is not a problem

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I believe God recognizes traditional marriage as a valid union. The reason for white wedding is to undo possible evil covenants unwittingly contracted from the traditional thing of the past and present. These evil, ancestral and idolatrous covenants have proved to have disastrous effects on couples and their offsprings, perpetrating the evil machinations of demons (dieties) to whom our parents or ancestors ignorantly paid allegiance and consecrated themselves and generations unborn. It requires the superior power of the Lord Jesus Christ to change our marital and procrational orientation and foundation in order to produce clean and undefiled offsprings. Sex after traditional marriage can only be called a sin relative to the norms to which the head of the union (the man) yields his allegiance. It cannot be applied as sin for anyone anywhere who has done this.

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my opinion is that; if you know you still want to have the church wedding, then forget about sexual enjoyment until then. but if you know you can"t wait till then, forget about church wedding and be content with your traditional wedding, 'cos you can"t deceive God.

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dear All,

i will like to back up, a little bit. When u search thru scriptures, it was a wrong thing in d beginning to just see a woman, grab her, and lay her. Even when she was a war conquest, there were rules you needed 2 follow to have her as yours. One thing that's at the back ground, in some of these posts, is it seems we have many here, who may have been laying them selves, even at the level of fiancees, so if you re already doing that, whats the big deal of waiting again? What i understand we are saying is this, If you have accepted to live the way of the Bible, that means you want to honour God with your body. Once you have done the proper thing, which is getting the consent of parents, if you both agree that you dont want to go through the "church wedding route", you can have your spiritual leader/mentor/pastor come to the traditional, and bless your marriage. Go ahead after this and go the whole distance!!! If you want to take it further and get joined in church, discuss with your wife and make your decision whether you want to wait, or not, but if you dont care to do it God's way, for you anything goes!! A Xtian, who has gone through parents properly and wants to end there and "take a ride", no wahala  Nothing stops a Xtian man and woman discussing these things and coming to an agreement, i mean to wait or not to wait after traditional wedding,  I rest my case

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haba!which one we dey, man dey chop his wife una dey call am a fornicator? i beg oh nah 2008 year we dey, what will you call someone having a one night stand then. i still do not know that two people could possibly decide to marry and spent the rest of the lifes together and never ever chopped each. so what will you do if you find each other boring in bed, abi chopping is for making kids ony!!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont think so

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u have to wed properly in a church, in accordance to the will of God.

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The bible is clear, what ever you do; you have to commit it unto the lord. It is important that whether traditional or white, it must be committed to God.

Okay to the issue at stake, lets go to the bible; I cannot see anywhere marriage happened without the parents consent. In fact, marriage happens, when the person with spiritual rights over the girl, hands over this lady to the husband (including the spiritual rights) this person is usually the father of the girl. Immediately he does this, he looses those spiritual rights over the girl. This is spiritual rights concept between father, daughter and husband this is made very Clear in Num 30 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=numbers%2030%20;&version=9;

That is why the husband is the cover for the wife…not the girls father. Okay lets go on…

What this means is that the Father is the 'owner' of the girl, and until he give her away to another, she remains his ‘property’. If a man takes her away without his permission, he has stolen from the father, and sinned against God. It’s exactly the same way if someone steals your car, he has robbed that individual and sinned against God. God would definitely not be please with him. Please, please, I am not comparing women with 'items' but i am just trying to clarify a spiritual principle, so ladies bear with me. On we go…

If the above is correct, it therefore means that if a man gives his daughter to another as a wife, it is ABSOLUTLY acceptable to God! I have a right to give my property to anyone I please. Every other thing is ceremony, which is absolutely unimportant in the spiritual scheme, In fact, the ceremonies is purely for man and him alone. That is why no two weddings are the same, some are more lavish than others. Lets go on…

Since every good thing comes from God, it is pertinent that a true believe dedicates whatever God gives him/her back to God, so after the marriage (when the father gives the daughter to the man) the couple should dedicate their marriage to God. This could be on the same day of the traditional wedding or at a latter date, this is effectively asking God to come into the marriage and help you make it work. . This prayer can be 1mins 2mins or even 1hr depending on how the spirit leads.

In the light of above, I would strongly discourage sex before you dedicate your marriage. This dedication is a simple prayer and you do not need to take an oath. Its just like moving into a new house before dedicating it, I would not advice it. Dedication show that you acknowledge God as the giver of this good thing (marriage) that you have received. Remember the bible says, He that findeth a good wife, findeth a good things and obtaineth favor from the lord.

From the forgoing it is clear that sex after marriage, before dedication is not a sin, but an unwise step. Not praying in the morning and evening is not a sin, but unwise. Not dedicating your house before moving in is not a sin, but unwise. Being stingy is not a sin, but unwise, and the like. Doing such unwise things would invariably expose the individual to the enemy and you know what happens to those who fall into the hands of the enemy.

Do note that the tradition of white wedding is a western tradition, exported with the glorious message of our lord and savior. Please take this linkhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_wedding.

Remain blessed the lord is Goooooooooood!

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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

AS A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN I INSIST THAT IT IS AN ACT OF FORNICATION. FOR ENLIGHTMENT:

SEE MY PROFILE FOR MY E-MAIL. WE SHOULD STOP DECEIVING OURSELVES. NO WONDER THE

BIBLE SAYS "THERE IS A WAY THAT SEEMETH RIGHT UNTO MAN BUT THE END THEREOF IS DESTRUCTION".

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God recognizes everything that you make to him including traditional weddings. i think when you make an agreement with your partner then you are making it with God. So it will not be fornication.

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WITHOUT HOLINESS NO MAN SHALL SEE GOD. IF YOU ARE BORN AGAIN YOU NEED YOUR SPIRITUAL

FATHER`S BLESSING BEFORE YOU START ANYTHING AT ALL. THE BLESSING COULD EVEN BE ON THAT

ENGAGEMENT DAY NOT NECESSARILY IN THE CHURCH.

GOD IS SPIRIT AND THOSE THAT WORSHIP HIM MUST DO THAT IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH.

MY DEAR, YOU NEED TO BE PRESENTED AND HANDED OVER TO CHRIST BY A TRUE SERVANT

OF GOD. ANYTHING OTHERWISE IS FORNICATION.

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My contribution to this topic is this:

1. To the Christian, who can point out to me in the Bible where the Bible says that the marriage that is acceptable to God is the one you do in the church.

2. The Bible says Jesus was invited to a marriage ceremony (John 2:1 -10). Is this a church marriage or traditional? (the Bible did not say) but we can deduce from that story that it's traditional marriage.

Also, while you are doing your traditional marriage people are present; so, you are doing this in the presence of God and People. and your parent are consentting.

This is the main marriage that God supports. many do the church marriage and their parent are not fully supporting it. but is very difficult to do traditional marriage and your parent will not support it.

so let's stop making this church wedding thing as compulsory as if if you don't do it your marriage is not bless by God. no is not like that.

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@poster (osisi)

you were engaged in August, I would rather ask: what are you waiting for till December.

As far as Im concerned, from the little I read in my Bible, after a man gets parental-consent and blessings from the parents of the Lady, and pays the dowry, they are married. God blesses such unions and does not wait for the blessing of a wedding official.

The Church wedding is good and fine, but is more of a public announcement, that 'we are husband and wife'. It is not necessary, if the couple do not have the financial means.

I believe both the man and woman should have sat down to discuss and make sure that the time-frame is not too long between the engagement and the marriage. If the time frame is long and such begin to have sex, yes the lady might end up preggy on the wedding day, however in the eyes of the guests at the church wedding, they might think the wedding is a coverup to the pregnancy, and many other people might get a false impression.

No, its not fornication, after parental consent and dowry payment.

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It is not fornication at all so far u are married at all, traditionally or otherwise.

God recognises all marriage institution even he is not in that marriage he recognises the fact that the two of u are

joined together by marriage.

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Fornication is a christian word, and from the christian perspective, sex before marriage IN CHURCH is a sin. Even if u've done a traditional marraige of a court marriage. God dosent recognize these. We are not trying to judger you. The bible says, can we continue to sin, so that the grace of God shall abide, GOD FORBID!In advising you, we are advising ourselves. If the wedding has been fixed, you've waited for so long, whats it going to cost you to wait again?

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I TOTALLY AGREE WITH IYES AND MALBRIES

WE REALLY NEED TO STUDY OUR BIBLES, MOST OUR WAT ECCLESIASTICAL LEADERS CALL CHRISTIAN TRADITION ARE MAN-MADE DOCTRINES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CHRISTIAN BASIS,

REMEMBER WAT CHRIST SAID, FOR IN VAIN DO YE WORSHIP ME, TEACHING FOR DOCTRINES, THE COMMANDMENTS OF MEN,

DO NOT ALLOW YOKES TO BE PUT ON UR NECKS WHERE THE BILE DOES NO SUCH THING,

MAY THE HOLY SPIRIT LEAD US TO ENLIGHTENMENT

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