I am a married man not sufficiently attracted to my wife. At times I am not even able to perform due to my relative lack of excitement. She is not unattractive; in fact she is young and good looking. However, I am diseased. That leads to my second problem.Second, I am addicted to Indecency. Each time I make tawbah, repentance, and think I've stopped, I end up going back. The urges are uncontrollable. As a result of excessive Indecency viewing over many years, I've become attracted to a very specific type of woman and female body type. My wife -- and most other women -- do not fit the bill. This is a tragedy, of course, partly because my life with my wife is not satisfying and partly because it puts me at risk of committing zina, fornication, (which I've been more and more tempted to do).
Third, and finally, my problems with Indecency have caused me to have very bad thoughts. First, I feel I am a massive hypocrite. I pray and call people to Allah yet I commit these horrible, disgusting sins, and even feel that I am very capable of committing zina, a crime punishable by death in Islam. I am a hypocrite. I am plagued by extremes. At times I make (what feels like) sincere tawbah, and I am overwhelmed with love of Allah and fear of Hell. It is common for me to be overcome with tears at these times. These are great moments. However, most of the time my heart feels dead and I don't feel very attached during prayer and other acts.
Fourth, although I am knowledgeable about Islam, I have become confused about why Allah has not answered my prayers to cure me of my diseased heart, give me fear of Him, and put these problems behind me. I've made these du`aa', supplications, hundreds and hundreds of times over several years -- including crying on mount Arafat during Hajj, pilgrimage, -- yet my problems persist. What can I do about my problem of not being very attracted to my wife? I find myself attracted to women I see at work and in the streets who come closer to fitting my very specific criteria. (I should point out that my wife is just great otherwise.) What can I do about my disgusting Indecency habit (I should point out that I've tried counseling and even meetings for addicts, which haven't worked.)
Finally, what can I do to avoid being plagued constantly with thoughts of:
a) hypocrisy, and
b) doubts about why Allah hasn't answered my prayers. Please help.