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She's A Christian,am A Muslim. Can This Marriage Work?

She's a christian and i was born into a muslim family. I've been a muslim for over three decades now (i.e all my life). I think she has most of the "many things" i want in a woman. It even took me a while to come across her. In my search for an ideal partner,i've had to put up with "genotype barrier" which has brought about the end of many promising relationships. Although i've not said theres none like her, am sure it'll be hard for me to loose her.Do you think settling down with her won't cause trouble for us in future? What do you think can help our situation? When the children start growing up,won't it have an effect on them? Has anybody got an experience to share?

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If your viewpoint is valid, then explain the following:

The same Jesus=Son of god=god who wrestled with Jacob all night & displaced his hip? a man of peace?

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Mohammed's method was COMPULSION; Christ's aim was voluntary CONVERSION (Acts 3:19).

Mohammed practiced FORCE; Christ preached FAITH (John 6:29, 35).

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@olabowale

is your wife a muslim now?

@OP

let your life be the living example that will convert her but don't coerce or coax her to convert.dont forget that there should be no compulsion in religion.

@olabowale&barakah

why would you want your wife to be a muslim like you?

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@ barakah

let me say i just dealt with a similar situation wherein i wore your shoes

just as you are, i was overwhelmed. emotional becloudation had the better of me. we were together for months.When with her, its a good feeling.She was/is such a companion.When alone, i ask myself, would i really be happy to have a xtian as a wife? one who wouldnt be in a position to teach my child how to pray, how to read the quran, how to say teslim? or the thought that i may become the father of a potential church goer when i am no more? HELL NO!

It was a battle between emotion and reality (religious imcompactibility with its associated/inherent peril)

i just won that battle. I pray you do!

@olabowale: when i posted my worries too, your experience which you never fail to relate proved pivotal. May Allah continue to bless you

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I have come across a lot of scenarios like this

One needs to be realistic in your religion.

I always put this analogy forward to such people

If the two of you get married.

By the standards of both religions One of the partners is going to spend an eternity in Hell.

This is where i am lost how can you claim you love someone ,have children with someone, spend a lifetime with someone and you both know that the other is going to Hell in the next life.

Love Indeed !

@ Barakah

A good wife as described by the Rasul (Peace And Blessings Of Allah Be Upon him) is the best treasure one can find in this life.

I ask you where do you find diamond, Gold and other precious metals,

Deep down in the ground you have to dig through a lot of rocks to get them.

The same analogy can be put forward to a good wife.

You should not use the excuse to marry someone of other faith.

While you have Muslimahs who are in the community looking for worthy partners

You need to pray to your Lord ask Him to guide you (Istikhara)

Solicit the help of your local Imam and other pious members of the muslim community.

Allah will surely guide you aright

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@Barakah: As Salaamualaykum wa rahmatullahi Ta'ala wa Barakatuh. My first marriage is with a Christian woman. I was just around the age you are saying you are then, when we became a couple. The first rule of thumb, which I failed to apply,then, which I do hope you apply now in your case is; make sure that she wants you more than anything on earth.

Then with that knowledge in hand, introduce Islam to her, while you improve yourself without any doubt. That will include guarding your sexuality, and obeserving all that makes a person muslim; prayers on time, zakah and sadaqah and kindness, fasting, including sunnah periods; mondays and thursdays and the full moon days, which will help you curb your sexual appetite.

Do good deeds, etc and immense yourself inthe study of Islam, read Qur'aan in Arabic and study the Hadith/Sunnah. When she see the goodness in you, all tye while that you have improved in your humanity to her, she will either enter Islam and become your wife, or go away and Allah will replace her with somebody better, in your sincerity of thought, for the pleasure of Allah, through Istikara and Dua.

You want to have a woman, a wife, a friend, a partner, a lover who is with you firt, for the pleasure of Allah and helps you to improve your Islam. You are not expecting to have a person, who is just a fair weathered partner. You need a nurturer for your children, towards Islam. Also a nurturer for your emotion, steering you to what is good, only and discouraging you from all kinds of terrible and filthy deeds.

I wish you well. She is not a Khadijah. You need a Khadijah, if you can make her so. She is not a Aisha, or Afsah, or Mariam a Coptic. You need a woman you can make so. May Allah guide you aright. Amin.

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if God wanted 1 religion to exist HE would v simply done so and if HE wanted love not to b open he 4 do so,we as humans especially nigerians r hypocrites,when e come money issue we go forget religious differences we can make friends with anyone do business with anyone from any faith but then 2 people love each other na lie cos their religion is different,even if you both are muslims or christians remember one thing your children will still make their decisions when the grow up,if u are not at peace with yourself u can't be at peace with God,be happy with yourself and tell God what you want,how many of us truly get this faith we shout about everyday,we don't v religious differences we only have human differences

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Sure they can,as long as they respect each other's faith. Not trying to make the other see reason for conversion. You met and fell in love as a Christian and a muslim,why then should religion be a barrier? This so call religion has been the reason for most of the crisis and inherent problem in Nigeria, it has caused many to loose or miss their soulmate or true love in life. To which religion is best , let us leave that to God after all it's all about relating to God and Man.

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@OK. Gerald, you've said it all. And besides, there are better beautiful muslim ladies out there. So, PICK YOUR CHOICE, THINK WISELY, FRIEND,

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WHY DON'T YOU BOTH CHANGE RELIGIONS, OR BECOME NON RELIGIOUS ALL TOGETHER?

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if you love her, u can marry her, or will u prefer to marry a muslim woman that will not give u rest of mind ,if u both understand each other then why not?

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ALHAMDULLILAHI am a MUSLIM from the CROSS WORSHIPPERS,MARY WORSHIPPERS & GHOST WORSHIPPERS,Am indeed free

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What a gullible fella

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Ahhhh!

The bliss that comes from the ignorance of men when they really choose to let their emotions over ride their reasoning!

Seriously how many people on this post have actually been on one side of the religious divide whilst their partner whom they truly love is on the other?

As far as im concerned all ive seen are posts & plenty more posts that fail to address the mans fears, sincerely!

On a general note,Let me ask based on both couples having the same religious backgrounds,which religion has a higher divorce rate, or more lightly put more complaints about spousal differences?

I keep saying this the bane of our problem is we never accept the truth,we just let our emotions & "religious preferrential differences" run riot whenever issues involving religion is involved.

Lets go back to the basics believing of course that everyone here apart from getting some form of education {which i must say im having difficulty convincing myself on its effect, sorry but i need to be honest!} also reads other books on self improvement.

At some point even if its just a snippet from a newspaper column on relationships, we all must have read something on the issue of relationships so i ask

WHAT ARE THE BASIS FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND?

DOES MY GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE OF THE SAME RELIGION AS MINE GIVE 100% GUARANTEE THAT MY MARRIAGE WOULD BE FREE OF CHALLENGES OF ANY FORM LET ALONE DIVORCE?

WHAT IF MY PARENTS WERE OF YOUR RELIGION & MINE OF YOURS, WOULD WE STILL SEE THINGS THIS WAY?

&[MY FAVOURITE!], WHAT ROLE EXACTLY DID YOU PLAY IN YOUR BEING BORN INTO YOUR PRESENT RELIGION, THAT GIVES YOU AUTHORITY TO BLAME ANOTHER?, im just asking but your response hopefully would be intelligent enough.

Lets be honest with ourselves here, I believe people come here to share their views and concerns on issues so that they could be improved as individuals and so that people with similar challenges can learn, let that be at the back of our minds when we click on reply, please.

I know a couple both christains with three daughters today theyre seperated, theyre still christains even afterwards.

I also know a man who is a muslim married a muslim  for close to Eleven years today hes seperated from his wife, irreconcilleable differences he says, theyre both still muslims, with two sons and a daughter between them.

I had a Prof at school then whose wife was from a christain family,Hes a muslim, their kids are grown now all out of the house now the mans about retiring now.Met his wife the other day she said she came to get curtains for their home in the village according to her Prof was retiring soon & they had to leave the staff Quarters for our own house, I could be wrong but if she hadnt been happy with her husband all this while I dont think that look of peace on her face that day would have been there.

A friend of mines married to a christain wife hes also christain, & theyre both really happy with themselves just got back from a second honeymoon they called it in Ghana after 9yrs of marriage!

A really close friend of mine from a muslim family,you need to see the way her parents talk with each other youd almost certainly assume they were secondary school students, their first son is out of the university,the man still buys his wife chocolates!

If we all choose to look closely we all have similar examples from around us except our bias often blocks our view of things.

I really dont think God brings challenges that are beyond us our way,

How come the very thing that preaches love & peace becomes the basis for so much, ?

Dude i hope im not too late responding but if you both truly love each other, do you know even if its not the religion thing,theres tribe issue,social standing of both families?Trust me you dont want to even go there,you'd hear people of the same tribe say they dont think you should marry because of differences in your dialects!

Try raising the post and see.Youd be amazed!

, like i was saying if you both love each other, take time to be good to each other, be friends to one another,talk, talk, &more talk to each other, youd be amazed how far things will work out.

There really is a difference btw religion & knowing God.

All the best!

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Sense of reasoning and deduction is an expensive quality

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That is no guarrantee . It does depend on the individuals invloved and not as blanket as that.

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it will work

my parents are the exact combination and have been happily married for over 30 years. =)

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this is really a serious issue.am in such a situation though am indiff com my deen isnt that deep(aint proud to say that~)i respect and love this religion a lot.but what happens if we get married and crop up kids

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If you wanna practise Islam successfully, don't marry a Christian. Look at it from this angle, is she gonna be down with Saum and Hajj when she does not understand the basics,

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If you wanna practise Islam successfully, don't marry a Christian. Look at it from this angle, is she gonna be down with Saum and Hajj when she does not understand the basics,

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As far as i know in Islam a muslim lady is not allowed to marry a non muslim. It is as simple as that and no scholar would tell you otherwise. I am in no way to judge people or assess their situations but that is just the islamic opinion on the issue. The issue of age i dont think is a condition for doing it as far as i know and i understand many people are in this situation. I have a very close relative who did the same and her arguement was age wasnt on her side.

Marriage i reckon should not be something one chooses a person due to fear of growing out of the marriage market likewise one should not be too picky as well.

God knows best!!!

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sallam, im a new member in the house,just that im intrested in this topic

can a muslim lady also marry a christain?due to age not bein on her side

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@Bawolomo: « #56 on: Today at 06:59:47 PM »

They will in the future. But the future is not the present. But until the future, the parents will just have to worry and pray for Allah/God Mercy on the child. That used to ask could be used to seek for other important things, if marriage to disbeliever was avoided, at the start. Who likes to complicate his life? For sure not me. Thats why I am sticking by my Muslim woman. I dont want that kinda test!

The truth is complex for many minds, including yours, man. No wonder the children find truth hard to swallow.

Bawomolo, am sorry man, the truth hurts. You live in Chitown. Look around man. Islam has gained many matured souls. There are Nigerian Masajid in there. I know. I have seen many of them in New York for dawah.

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@JJYOU

What is John Thomas?

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i would have tot their being christians would repulse you guys so much your john thomas wont rise. so you dont love your religion that much?

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@Bawomolo

Its not like that. its just that man makes house, woman makes homes. Man doesnt spend their times like women when it comes to rearing children. Wifes tends to be closer to children than men and as a result of this the christian wife would have upper hand in preachig her religion to the kids. It could go well for the husband if he is not the lazy one but the type that has both Islaic and Biblical knowledge.

I know of christian ladies that accepted Islam and never go to back to christianity. It all depends on the husband and the way he treats Christianity. Islam shouldnt be forced on her but should be allowed to see reasons why Islam is the truth. Study both religion together, ask her questions on her faith and allow her to do same too. Before you know it, she would accept it but most people treat christian wives as if they are forcing them to accept Islam.

There are different ways, methods of bringing people to Islam.

Peace

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most Children rebel, shouldn't they come back to Allah if they are raised with strong Islamic principles. Isn't it worrisome if Christianity prevails in most of these relationship?? It seems u are saying Christianity is the easy way out. Is the "truth" too complex for the young ones?

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@Bawomolo: « #53 on: Today at 06:26:26 AM »

The same reason people, especially young people will engage in riskie actions (immoral sexual acts, even with the danger of catching HIV, other transmittal diseases or becoming a parent and "spouse" to a wrong partner), drinking, smoking and snorting, or inhaling (glue, paints, etc) and drag racing, as in playing Chicken, etc. Inshort, just because it is seductive, looks good from the outside, since personal responsibility is shun (put all of that on Jesus death on the cross). Is there a reality with the Creator in this reason; Jesus takes all their sins? Of course, no!

Just like men piercing their ears to wear earring, this days. I hope you blokes are not earring wearers? Is there a real estetic quality to it, except that a man is changing his appearance to look like a woman, since there is no real romantic or masculine projection through it? And Bawomolo, you must have heard the true saying; Truth is bitter? Really who is a muslim except a true believer, considering that it constrains or curtails so much of your "freedom", compared to Christianity that allows you to do all that you want, when you want it, as long as you belief in the death!

@davidylan (m): « #54 on: Today at 06:56:56 AM »

The same reason you don't end up being a Doctor, even though you have the brain! Well, just like you said to me; I dont wanna spend many more years studying. The same way people want the easy way out. Afterall, a mere testimony that Jesus will save them by his "death on the cross" makes the "High Level Allah (God) Who is Invisible, etc, accepting Muhammad (AS) as the Messenger to be followed, making 5 Salah every day, giving Zakah and Sadaqah, Fasting, making Pilgrimage, and doing good and shunning evil (illegal sex as in fornication with boyfriend and or girlfriend, homosexualism, and many other heartsore and eyesore behaviors) the more unappealling.

Its too much hard work, just like too much of the years to study medicine. Yet a musician who put his heart to it, with determination and great perseverance and adequate focus, will in less than a decade becomes an MD!

By the way, it is not true that they never end up as muslims. My sister and I are both muslims, from a "christian mother" to a Muslim father (ra). Thank Allah, the same "christian mother" is today a "muslim mother!" It is harder, and the chance of the children going to the mother side is high since she is the nurturer. Who should have to start out with such an unpredictability?

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Why dont they ever end up as muslims?

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Sww,Pls my brother never you take such risk pls leave her alone,most cases I have seen has not been a plesant one.Your children will end up christains.Allah will give a muslim lady.

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Morpheus24, until just the last 4 or so years, my lovely mother was a Christian. She raised me. Today at least 2 of the women that make my heart skip a beat are not Yorubas. I guess the black, and ewedu eating things dont matter. lol.

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Please read

"What else would you love the best, apart from Yoruba women since you came from one and obviously are one as well (i.e Yoruba that is). What else would you love apart from being a muslim when that is all you know and were born into.

How could you know anything outside of that since you are unfortunatley a subjective being

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@Morpheus24: What was point again, apart from; "Black, ewudu eating yoruba Muslim woman?"

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Thanks for proving my point.

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Barakah,

My advice to you is, Make her see good Reason why she should revert to a Muslim. The Holy book says, you can marry a woman for her beauty, wealth and religion. and further says the best is religion.

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@Morpheus24: « #35 on: Yesterday at 10:25:47 PM »  

I have been a yoruba all my life and no matter how deeply I look, I can't figure ut what you are insinuating. Not all yorubas are black and ewedu eating. Not all yorubas are muslims. Not all muslims are yorubas. You could have help yourself in your argument or response to me or the poster, by realising that my first and at that time only wife is a yoruba like me. Except that we had different religions, which I said was the first victim of the marriage when it was collapsing. Now, my primary interest in a woman is her Islam.

Yoruba or no yoruba, black or no black, ewedu eating or no ewedu eating, and others, eat or collectively is or are secondary. I like a woman who speaks yoruba more than the one who does not. But thats beside the point.

It is clear in my mind that a marriage, like any other contract or agreement needs a greater commonality between parties. What people call mutual benefits. If people have a focal point; in the case of Islam, Allah in all that He commands, then the tearing apart of relationship will for the most part will not be harsh, hard and violent. Like it is stated; a family that prays together, stays together.

And enough about your narvana! Discuss that with hindu. I happen to be a muslim. Rather say that I am a Mumin. And my having Islam in common with my spouse is greater than the yoruba commonality with a non-muslim.

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I am so against the forceful conversion of people because of marriage

Personally, i will never try to convert a woman if she is not practising the same religion as me and i will marry anyone i love regardless of the religion*

*As long as the religion is Islam or Christianity, my boat is rocking!

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You must be bushy. I stop for a moment to wonder how you have been raised. Everything is curse word or juju. Is this the christian part of you or the Oloogun or Juju fetish part of you? I wonder if there is no homeless people in Beverly Hills; Nick Nolte and betty Midler movie about homelessness comes to mind.

Take your heart from the bush for a moment. We know you are in america. America is not in you, yet. But of course there are many bushy places in america, too. So am not surprised about your thinking. You need to see many places and many people.

May your akobi position be secured. Pele. Your one liner and ameebo responses is less that from people of Nursery School age. Ogaa o.

When a person says 'wa mu mi', it simply says that your statement is really an effective statement. We are on discussion board, but we must still be honest, in dialogue.

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@KarmaMod: I think the youth in you is running amock. Now are you man crazy or promiscuous? Afterall, you are a yoruba woman. I spoke about a specific yoruba woman, who said she was boy crazy, while she was a muslim. Obviously, she was not actually practicing Islam then, because she would have known it was a wrong idea to be that boy crazy.

Later she left Islam for christianity where the rule about boy and girl mixing up is not as hard and defined. I wonder if she dropped the boy craziness, even now, considering that somebody ask if she was looking and her affirmed. There is nothing wrong in being whatever she wants to be. There is nothing wrong in you being what you wanna be.

Obviously, you are not for or less yoruba than me. I come from a large family of almost 40 siblings. You can imagine how many sisters from there, nieces and then cousins. From my parents' extended home there are two royalties. And in the days, unlike now, these kings have tons and tons of children. So you can imagine how many aunts and great aunts and even cousins and great cousins that I do have. Anyone who is a yoruba with the last name of Ojomo is related to me by mother's side.

Now, some of my nieces are still virgins. So for you to just open your mouth and say that I considered all Yoruba women as boy crazy and promiscuous is silly and dishonest. Will I say that all non-muslim women are terrible or all muslim women are good, such statement will be pure lie.

Kini mo tie nba iwo omode yi so? O she wa si Manhattan wa mu mi? lol. Mo raye ni mo tie nda e lowun. I dont know why I should pay attention to your baseless complaint.

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That's why you are propelled to respond to me is because in that complex brain of yours, you respond only to one stimuli, which is the sensation you get thinking you have reached nirvana and the comfort in most of your delusions of grandeur which you are compelled to share with others cause it gives your life meaning and sets you above others which unfortunately most human minds crave.

Mind you I am still answering the poster's questions. You are only concentrating on the "black, ewedu eating part".Anyone just has to look a little deeper to figure out what I am insinuating.

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And I managed to be outside the "box." My criteria; woman, muslim, beautiful and gentle. What tribe are you? Do your women have these qualities? If I can't marry from it, I will friends and my sons to "invade" it for the best of them for wives.

The only reason that I even respond to you is the "black, ewedu eating" statement. I found it typical. You dont know enough about Yorubas. we are tapestry of colors, patches and textures. Just like any group of people, the things we have in common are fewer than what we do not have in common.

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What else would you love the best, apart from Yoruba women since you came from one and obviously are one as well (i.e Yoruba that is). What else would you love apart from being a muslim when that is all you know and were born into.(Please no we are all muslims when we are born BS)

How could you know anything outside of that since you are unfortunatley a subjective being.

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Mo sha ti so fun e pe ko wa mu mi ni Manhattan. In case you don't know, the Yorubas dont use e for agbalagba in the ta lo ron e nse, which you wrote above. Rather it is yin as in ta lo ron yin nse.

I guess your yoruba cultural respect is lost by the gain that you have made in america. As stated again, wa mu mi.

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pals my guy don't play with your future. try to Mary to Muslim. at worse Muslim be name is better that marry Christian that u converted because of love. I have many experience and these pretending Christian.

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KarmaMod, this is the place you should have used your 'agidi.' Morpheus24 is qualifying yoruba women as "black, ewedu eating", in a way that it insinuating a let down. Am disappointed that you didn't start fighting for the Yoruba women, so that I may now join you in the effort.

Now Morpheus24, not all yoruba women are 'black and or ewedu eating" person. So I will leave it at that. And not all women from outside Yoruba ethnicity is not black or not ewedu eating woman either.

KarmaMod (Ameebo, meebo,meebo), am also married to Yoruba woman, too. The sweetness of yoruba women would end with a failed marriage. I love the language, so I will always a room in my heart for a yoruba woman. But no alagidi in my life.

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His new wives are Igbo

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Yes, a terrible mistake on your part and now you have realized this, You will live happily ever after with your new muslim, Yoruba, black, ewedu eating wife.

The human mind I tell you, Fascinating!, just fascinating!

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@Morpheus24: You are correct in your analysis. I was a Kufar to her considering that I do not accept 3 godheads, and not a church goer. I have no problem with her thought about me. Remember what I said. I vow never to let that "non-muslim" woman enter my life, again. No way, no how, no Mark, John, Matthew, Luke and no Paul!

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I can agree on cultural or religious barriers as a factor in not creating a harmonious marriage and this is not exlcusive to Muslim/Christians so there is nothing unique in your situation. The problem is when one beleives his/her way of life is the better.

Most people gravitate to what they PERCIEVE as an exemplary way of living and ultimately through free will change their belief system for the better. It cannot be forced down their throats nor can any amount of arguement without action change them.

Your comments on cross's and arguements only goes to show. you shuld put your self in her place and imagine if she thought the same way about you and how in her mind she was truly convinced of the the fact that you were going to hell when you died.

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Contradicting yourself. A husband can better his wife but a wife cannot better her husband. That is to say a muslim woman marrying a non muslim man is so weak that she cannot influence her husband into becoming a muslim. Only men are privileged in this your elevatiion of humanity. I've seen that type of redrick before.

I remember when White men strictly forbade their women from marrying or having intercourse with black males knowing fully well that it would signal the end of their kind and power over their womenfolk but sure nothing was bad for White men To Molest and impregnant black women, of course it was their God given right to do so seeing that they were made to believe they were superior. Ring a bell?

Your reasoning is nothing new. You and others have used such to decieve men for ages.

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