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What's Your Take On Divorce?

Guys, a friend of mine got married last year dec and two months later the marriage crashed.Now his pastor is advising him to divorce the woman and get married to someone else.

I for one believe that once a person is married, you remain married.You can get divorced if one paty is unfaithful, but you should remain divoreced. Though this guy argued otherwise.

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Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Luke 16:18 - Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from [her] husband committeth adultery.

Malachi 2:16 - For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give [it] in her hand, and send her out of his house...

1 Corinthians 7:15 - But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 - And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:...

Romans 7:2 - For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband. *This applies to men also-he cannot remarry even after divorce until his wife is dead*

Romans 7:1-3 - Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?...

Mark 10:12 - And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Deuteronomy 24:1-22 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give [it] in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage [is] honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

1 Corinthians 7:11 - But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

Romans 7:3 - So then if, while [her] husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Romans 7:2-3 - For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to [her] husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of [her] husband...

Mark 10:11-12 - And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her...

Mark 10:11 - And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Mark 10:2-12 - And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away [his] wife? tempting him...

Matthew 19:6 - Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:4-6 - And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female...

Matthew 19:3-9 - The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?...

Matthew 5:31-32 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:...

Matthew 5:31 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Titus 1:6 - If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.

Ephesians 4:32 - And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Acts 2:38 - Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Mark 10:2 - And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away [his] wife? tempting him.

Matthew 19:8 - He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

Matthew 19:3-12 - The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?...

Matthew 19:1-30 - And it came to pass, [that] when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judea beyond Jordan;...

Deuteronomy 24:4 - Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that [is] abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee [for] an inheritance.

Deuteronomy 24:1-3 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give [it] in her hand, and send her out of his house...

Exodus 20:14 - Thou shalt not commit adultery.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

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Here is another story of a restored marriage that was on the brink of divorce.

Dr. George Crane was a newspaper columnist and at the same time a Christian minister. He said of the story of a frustrated wife who came into his office seeking a divorce. She said:

"I do not only want to get rid of him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me."

Dr. Crane suggested an interesting plan: "Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you've convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you're getting a divorce. That will really hurt him."

With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, "Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!"

And she carried out the Dr's prescription to the letter, pretending to mean it. This she did for 2 months by showing kindness, (not nagging nor insulting), giving, sharing, showing love and affection.

When she didn't come back to Dr Crane he decided to give her a call and said: "Are you ready

now to go through with the divorce?"

"Divorce?" she exclaimed. "Never! I discovered I really do love him."

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Work at it whatever the cost.

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I am sorry but "growing apart" is a silly reason for divorce.

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Most of the posters here seem to be against divorce because it is not biblical.

Fine, if the desire to look good in heaven is your sole reason for living.

There, however, has to be something said about a god who wants people who cannot stand each other to continue in a marriage because he wants this to be the case.

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Divorce, hmmm!! Basically i see it as a necessary evil. Though it should not be encouraged, however,with the kind of orientation going on these days regarding marriage, it just seems the way out for alot of happily unmarried men and women.

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@OP

There's no road so far as to not be able to return. If the pastor does not support it, common sense does.

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GBAM. YOU CORRECT JARE

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hmmmmm

if someone doesnt want to forgive cheating nko

the bible doesnt say u have to

cheating isnt merely a situation to forgive and forget

its a wakeup call to what u have as a spouse

soo those of u thinking of quoting trespass passages after betraying ur marriage better think twice

if it leads to divorce theres no one to blame but yourself

and the spouse can move on freely without sin or shame

then again i never pray for such and wont pray on it for my enemy

but hearing u men talk sometimes puts me off marriage alltogether

id rather join a grp a culture that believes cheating is an unforgivable offence and the person deserves whatever comes his/her way!

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The problem we have in Nigeria today is the denial of practical living. It is better to know the truth and the truth will definitely set you free.

Remaining in a non-compatible relation is not different from digging an early grave. From the church angle, you will be advised to forgive, still live together, married once married forever, and get divorced remain divorced and all that.

Let us tell ourselves the truth, I know that most of us have being in one relationship or the other (either married or dating). If you pretend to forgive the person or you are forced against your wish to keep the relationship, will you truly in your heart love this person whom you have genuinely removed from your mind? I mean you somehow caught him/her chaeating. You will leave the rest of your life in regrets. Every little thing will matter, and anything that looks like the situation in question will remind you of the past.

I BET YOU WILL NOT FORGET. THEY SAY FORGIVE AND FORGET! IS THIS PRACTICABLE? We are conscious and rational beings for speaking out loud.

MY ADVICE: If you are not comfortable (genuinely) in a marriage/relationship please the earlier you quit the better. This is the reason you find married people still visiting their old time lovers.

We always want to please the people around us and then suffer the consequencies.

MAKE WE NO TAKE SHAME SWALLOW BONE OH!

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Streetwize,

I am in no doubt about what is written in the word, furthermore our context is the "spirit of the word", God's perfect will not his permissible will, and not the legalistic understanding that satisfies the intellect of self.

Consider the NKJ (New King James translation) Matthew 19:8-9   He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.  The Message(translation), Matthew 19: 8-9 Jesus said, "Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God's original plan.

Remember the Lord prayer forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us and the parable of the Unforgiving Servant.

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Divorce is for IMMATURE people who rushed into marriage not knowing what they really want. No couple should divorce after all the trouble of getting married and all the years and time put into the marriage. Really sucks to hear of couples getting divorced.

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Very true . . . . Now u see why i asked when is one ready for marriage, cos people that knows the meaning of marriage will never divorce 2 years into the marriage, except if their life is in danger.

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Come to think of it Marriage is 'making things work out' with

someone who grew up with or without the parent, graduated from

a different institution,her favourite colour is pink, has her likes and

dislikes, has her favorite colour and what have you?prefers to sleep

with the light off, snores while sleeping, she loves amala with ewedu?

All these put together and then you meet this same person and

you sincerely love her over time, you propose to her and you get

along, i believe the points I mentioned about cannot make you

call it quits.

Now you prepare and get married out of genuine love, would you

now divorce her just for any these mentioned above?I guess not.

Now seeing each other from time to time if different from having

your fiance now your wife stay with you, for a week, a month, a year

and more.

Now i want to make this very clear, that there are so much you may NOT

realise until you stay together in marriage under the same roof.

And then you say 'Oh my GOD do I have live all my life with this?' Of course!

You Must Be Best Of Friends In Marriage.

You cannot marry a perfect spouse, you will help her to deal with her

weaknesses and boost her strength and she will also have to help you

deal with your weaknesses and strength too. All the points enumerated

in the first paragraph of this post, you will have to apply maturity and

understanding, paradventure unfaithgulness is the case, then you will

have to apply maturity, a forgiving heart and absolute understanding.

Marriage brings out the best in you if you marry Gods chosen for you,

but if your marry out of any other error, you are like to excell less than

what you should, but you will still excell an live a peaceful and prosperous

life even without DIVORCE.

Cheers!

Samoyin

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Hmmm! A lot has been said about this word DIVORCE,

First of All marriage is Sacred and Institution that is the CREATORs idea of

expressing LOVE while building a family.

At the ALTAR its "you will forsake all other men/women and stick to only

your spouse" 'TILL DEATH DO US PART'. And the 'I DO' was the loud answer.

God's standard cannot be compromised for ANY man, do not even think

divorce at all, because i assure you where ever you think you are going to

might even make life more miserable. TAKE NOTE!

Divorce is not permited since you both have said 'TILL DEATH DO US PART'

there is no turning back. 'FOR BETTER FOR WORSE', 'WITH OR WITHOUT WEALTH'

Now I would like to let you know that you must NEVER go into marriage

prayerlessly, in a rush, out of pity for your fiance, out of mere physical

appearance, with a negative hidden motive or falsified make-believe wealthy

status which turns out to be fake or any of such.

If this is the case then there was no LOVE in the first place, prayer and

counselling would have a very great impact on the relationship with both

parties understanding each other and fully participating not passing blames

at each other, accepting responsibility can go along way, during this time.

The Holy book even says that, 'The Kings Heart is in the Hand of the Lord, like

the rivers of waters He turns it to whereso ever HE wills' No heart is to stoney

for the Rock of Ages.

Also He says I am the Lord the God of All flesh(including your spouse) is there

anything too hard for me? Tell me one thing that HE can not do?

All things are possible to Him that believes. Whatsoever you ask of Him

believing that HE has done will be accomplished.

There is a difference between Age and Maturity, you must be of a matured mind,

spiritualy ready and of course phyically capable of taking care of your self and

someone else(spouse).

A word is enough for the WISE. Divorce is NOT PERMITTED! Under no circumstance.

If we permit Divorce indiscriminately with or without children, what future are

we planning for a Nation like ours?

Love(Forgiving and Caring), Patience, Understanding and Appreciating One

Another and Much more,  Keeps the Marriage.

GOD was in attendance during this marriage, the Congregation and other

witnesses where there, Men of God were in attendance and after 2months you

want to call it quits? Think twice and make your own way right with your Creator

then you can live peacably with other human beings(your spouse).

Please reason once more, do you think GOD was in attendance for fun? Answer, ?

FEAR GOD NOT MAN?

If you are not ready for marriage. DON'T DARE IT!

Cheers!

Samoyin

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And that is why some of us are shocked to here that after only two months people feel like they have given it their best. Even if the man came out of no where and beat the crap out of the woman I would still say an immediate separation is in order but only for them to take time to decide what went wrong. That process in itself will take at least a year. Marriage is not a joke.

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that is what is ought to be

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You mean if there was infidelity too, divorce must not be an option?

You mean if your life is in danger too, u shd stay and not leave?

Please clarify

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Divorce is never a good thing especially if children are involed in the marriage because the kids usually suffers . Divorce becomes inevitable when the situation is terrible and there is no more compatibility btw the couples. 4 me it will be a last resort

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In my own opinion there is no right condition for divorce if you are a christian. I have consistently said and believe that marriage is not about finding the right person but about being the right person. Nedless to say the supposed pastor is definitely not informed in the word of God.

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Eradication is the best option in a situation where a toothache is incurable.

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wrong, right, wrong, right wrong and the argument goes on and on each with his valid points.

my take: the home is supposed to be your last refugee a place you look forward to. your spouse should be your friend and companion. but if, for some reasons, these scenarios dont happen, wont you crave for a change? if everything else have failed and you know deep down that it is unworkable, dont you think divorce becomes a painful option?

my one kobo thought!

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divorce is not good for anybody.never

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i hate divorce with passion, for me it is a no no. but our world has turned upside down and u can never say never again. i will rather wait and get married to the right woman or just adopt a child and live happily with my child. if i decide to get married, we are gonna sign a prenup and hopefully we never have to get divorced

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Oga it is like your not readin what your writin oh. . .

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@echidime~it is rily 'bleeping his wife'!As 4 mua,no comment.LIFE is full of poo!

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i personally i hate divorce,i wonder why they both have to say i do when they know the love is not there.i also wonder why the pastor have to encourage divorce.i also hope the couples go through d bible 2 understand what wi happen after divorce.why cant they settle it witin themselves or marriage councillor.i tink dat will work for them.hun just 2 mth.

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i personally i hate divorce,i wonder why they both have to say i do when they know the love is not there.i also wonder why the pastor have to encourage divorce.i also hope the couples go through d bible 2 understand what wi happen after divorce.why cant they settle it witin themselves or marriage councillor.i tink dat will work for them.hun just 2 mth.

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@Poster

What is the point staying in a loveless marriage. I will rather have a divorce. Married is about enjoyment and not enduring. Most people that stay in such marriages do it for the children.

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Personally, i think divorce is absolutely wrong.

I believe if 2 adults can love each other enough to get married, they should be able to work out any problem.

The situation with divorces today, especially here in the UK, is quite laughable to be honest. People get divorced for the flimsiest reasons.

The funniest i've heard is a woman leaving a man just because 'it's not working out'. Nothing more. Just 'it's not working out'. Unbelievable.

My advice: Just work things out. The grass may look greener on the other side, but it rarely ever truly is.

Visit www.Ukgists.co.uk to find out more about Studying, Living and Working in the UK.

You'll find folks there with great experience discussing wide ranging issues and helping each other out with very useful information.

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Probably the pastor initiated the divorce in the first place, hence by having constant fling with the man's wife. Just my opinion though

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I   am not sure from what perspective we are approaching this issue, humanistic rational and liberalism or Christian standards.

However, since the issue of the pastor’s advice is also central to the issue. My approach will be Christian not religious in the context of none believing but attendant halleluiah shouting, tongue speaking church goers.

No debate, no opinion belief and acceptance in Christ does not have pre- requisite of acceptance to the rationality of your intellect, thought and or personal opinion.So we arrive at the beginning the word, God’s word.(NKJ):

Luke 16: 17-18      And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one tittle of the law to fail.  18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Malachi 2:16 “ For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

Matthew 19:8-9   He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,[d] and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:4  And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made[a]them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?[c] 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

It’s  put more succinctly in the [b]Message Matthew 19:8-9 Jesus said, "Moses provided for divorce as a concession to your hard heartedness, but it is not part of God's original plan. I'm holding you to the original plan, and holding you liable for adultery if you divorce your faithful wife and then marry someone else. I make an exception in cases where the spouse has committed adultery."

Simply put for Christians there is NO DIVORCE  the desire for divorce emanates from the self(flesh) even if your wife is unfaithful having had our sins forgiven by the price paid for our justification Jesus, you should be able to forgive your wife. If you cannot forgive your wife you have put your own salvation to question, asking God to forgive you but you cannot forgive your wife.

However, if you are not in Christ  then NO SHAKIN,  do as your mind tell you , your final destination is different.

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I don't believe in dying for a marriage but 2 months is just too soon. What could you have learned in two months.

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i will still push in the other two conditions

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THEY ARE BEEN MISLEAD, FOR ME THERE ARE THREE CONDITIONS THAT MUST TRIGGER DIVORCE

1. IF THE MARRIAGE Is BASED ON FALSEHOOD e.g when the guy knowing full well that he is HIV positive, thwart the lab test convince his wife otherwise. eventually if the wife finds out she can file for divorce or When the guy is suffering from seasonal madness (raining season the guy will be normal but during dry season the madness will be at pick), lowsperm count, impotency without letting the wife know his full health condition before they marry, the wife can file for divorce if she eventually finds out.

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Divorce is poo, Nothing good comes out from it. I don't realy understand slowpoke people, how they envolve, they blind. emotion is burning your brain up instead of understanding. Animal are more perfect in their dealing while human keep modifying from perfection to imperfection. I ve come to learn that two enenmies kept in the same room become friends overtime. One side said if it is not working get out. Go out there, there are still the same nothing work fine, you make it work for you.

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Lol . . . . . I am sure what he did is not what all other pastors would have done

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Two months is such a short time to make a decision such as divorce. They are still supposed to be in "honeymoon" phase. what were they doing before they got married? where was this so called pastor before they got married? What could have happened within that two months? The pastor should be concerned and not be contributing to their divorce. I think the couple should give it time. Except the marriage itself is a fake

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If their is no infidelity,2 months is too short a time 4 a pastor to ask them to get divorced. He should have counselled and prayed 4 them. If two ppl in a relationship,find out and understand their unique differences,problems will not arise. The decision to have a peaceful home is urs,make it and u'll be happy but dat is if ur spouse makes d same decision.

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This is a HOT issue. however am of the opinion dat divorce is not permissible except in cases of ADULTERY!

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divorce is advisable in cases of incompatibility that can't be repaired by counseling.

children may suffer during a divorce but the damage can be mended if both parents act like adults rather than become bitter exes.

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The pastor is definately a fake or doesnt understand the doctrines of the bible and doesnt know what marriage is all about. am not suprised becos a lot of people nowaday after going to one bible school automatically parade themselves as pastors.   these same pastors will tell you that you mama is a wizard, ur neighbours is a mami water or you gf is not your wife or that if you marry someone the marriage wont work. nonsense. the guy is silly. marriage is about 2 people and also as my pastor used to say there is nothing like compatability in marriage its understanding each other and the ability to be able to say sorry even thou you are not at fault and also a lot of communication helps as well.

ABSOLUTE TRASH THAT PASTOR SHOULD BE DE PASTORED FOR SAYING SO!!!!. DAMNNNNN NONSENSE.

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^^ not really, if its due to adultery there is no sin on the divorcers part

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Based on a Christianity, divorce is a sin and a sin before God is a sin, take it or leave it.

I think the pastor is not a real pastor if that is what the pastor adviced.

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it's too early to talk of divorce.

Something is dangerously wrong somewhere and somebody is mis-leading the couple.

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The question should be "Your thoughts on divorce witout prenups" If we sign prenuptuals, then we can divorce no problem. "But if the chika wan carry my money waka, Na there tori don end" "I know baba alawo and me I be in number one customer" I fit take vex turn the chika to he-goat at discount price.

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, Unlike xtianinity dat prohibits divorce,

wat does a man do with an "STI likely wyf"

wat do u do if she badmouths ur mum all over the area and she has no courtesy and manners

as in things u neva knew b4 marital kerewa?

What if she is a juju apostle claded as a firbrand choirsista/prayer warrior?

Divorce is essential when the essence of marriage has been punctured. How do u fix a broken glass, a badly shattered one? gums will make it ugly and so is a marriage of "by force, till death do we path"

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