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Why Do People Divorce?

MALACHI 2:16 NIV

16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a

man's covering himself with violence as well as with his

garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your

spirit, and do not break faith.

God hates Divorce so much and Divorce cases are getting so much these days.

In most cases Divorce does not solve much problems.

Anyway was just wondering why do people divorce and why is divorce so much on the increase this days.

Cheers!

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22 answers

We all evolve during our lifetimes,

and what may have been "right" at

one point may just not work anymore.

It happens.Not to everyone,but it happens.

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Glad to know that yu're not annoyed and I do like that you support your reasons with statistics. Those statistics are interesting indeed but you have not indicated the controls used in the study(ies) that generated those figures.

For example taking a look at this quote,

[Quote]

To understand the significant relationship between the rate of crime in a community and family background, one need only look at the evidence. For example, Robert Sampson, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, found that the divorce rate predicted the rate of robbery in any given area, regardless of economic and racial composition. Sampson studied 171 U.S. cities with populations of more than 100,000. In these communities, he found that the lower the rates of divorce, the higher the formal and informal social controls (such as the supervision of children) and the lower the crime rate. [/quote]

The first statement might be true for all I know but a closer examination of the second statement points out where the problem actually lies showing distinctly why divorce in itself is not the problem. Good premise but wrong conclusion or what do you think? To further reinforce my point, Dr Benjamin Carson (of Gifted hands fame) was brought up by a single mother showing that divorce is not the problem rather it is the lack of children supervision by parents.

As to your statement about marriage being for the matured, what fair method can you come up with for ascertaining maturity? no offense meant, but do you realise that even yourself will be considered immature in some other people's estimation?

I only pointed out the issue of physical abuse as an example of why divorce should be permitted but there are a thousand and one reasons why it should be funny thing is that it was even permitted in the bible and Quran as well as other religious books (I know of) though of course, they mostly tilted towards favouring the male side due to the economic and societal realities of those times. By the way, why do you have a problem with people divorcing in order to have a better sexual life? I would rather have that than have a husband beheading an unfaithful wife or bathing her in acid or a wife poisoning her husband so that she can remarry after his death.

Divorce is simply one of the many reminders we have that human beings are not perfect.

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well mate i think there is no reason to be annoyed over anything coz i think we jst exchanging ideas on here, That there is conflict in ideas should'nt make anyone annoyed,

Secondly, there are many reasons that may lead to a man beating his wife but your analysis of broken home is totally wrong, the type of broken home that affects children in the way you've suggested is that in which the woman initially refuses to leave despite physical abuse from her husband, there is basically not much difference between a woman who is divorced and a widow and FYI two of my best friends were brought up by mothers who never remarried after losing their husbands and they are the finest examples of Gentlemen I could ever think of.

That goes back to my initial comment which i said marriage should for matured minds in the sense of a man and a woman, Not between a boy and girl, No matured mind in the name of a man raise his hands upon his wife, It takes a muture mind to endure and tolorate, ,

secondly we should not always place our conclusions based on exceptional cases, As such divorce is not something we should encourage in our society knowing its effect on the society, you only made mention of Women being beaten by their husband, If we should encourage divorce based on that what about those who go for a divorce jst becoz their for a better sexual life? Wht abt those who go for a divorce becoz things are no more palatable in their eyes as they want it, I think in this case we rather encourage courtship knowing fully well that marriage shouldnt be a thinks of let me see how it works out, Though you said it has no effect on the society but an immediated effect on the child involved, I guess u never red the link i gave up there but i will paste it on here for u to see the effect of divorce goes beyond wht u think,

HOW DIVORCE AFFECTS SOCIETY

The divorce of parents, even if it is an amicable decision, tears apart a family--the fundamental unit of American society. It should be no surprise to find, then, that the prevalence of divorce is having profound effects on society. What may surprise many policymakers and other Americans is how strong the relationship is between family background and such problems as crime, abuse and neglect, and addictions.

Divorce and Crime

To understand the significant relationship between the rate of crime in a community and family background, one need only look at the evidence. For example, Robert Sampson, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, found that the divorce rate predicted the rate of robbery in any given area, regardless of economic and racial composition. Sampson studied 171 U.S. cities with populations of more than 100,000. In these communities, he found that the lower the rates of divorce, the higher the formal and informal social controls (such as the supervision of children) and the lower the crime rate. 4

Moreover, data from Wisconsin dramatically illustrate that the rates of incarceration for its juvenile delinquents are 12 times higher for children of divorce than for children living with married parents. 5 (See Chart 5.)

Different studies confirm the general conclusions from the Wisconsin data. For example:

Children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to become delinquent by age 15, regardless of when the divorce took place, than are children whose own parents are married. 6

A 1985 study tracked 1,000 families with children aged 6 to 18 for six years and found that children living in intact married families exhibited the least delinquency, while children with stepfathers were more likely to demonstrate the most disruptive behaviors. 7

In a British longitudinal study of males aged 8 to 32, David P. Farrington, professor of criminology at Cambridge University, found that the divorce of parents before a child reached age 10 is a major predictor of adolescent delinquency and adult criminality. 8

A recent U.S. longitudinal study which tracked over 6,400 boys over a period of 20 years (well into their adult years) found that children without biological fathers in the home are roughly three times more likely to commit a crime that leads to incarceration than are children from intact families. 9

Moreover, as a major review of literature on divorce conducted by the government of Australia found, divorce increases the likelihood that a child will feel hostility and rejection. 10 Further research on the relationship between family background and crime indicates that rejection by peers can lead hostile children to join delinquent gangs. 11 It is worth noting that these findings on delinquency are not confined to boys: Among adolescent girls, there is a strong correlation between family structure, delinquency, 12 hostile behavior, 13 drug use, larceny, skipping school, 14 and alcohol abuse. 15

Divorce and Abuse

Child abuse is closely related to delinquency and violent crime, and divorce is a relevant factor in an abused child's background. 16 Not only do higher levels of divorce accompany higher levels of child abuse, but remarriage does not reduce the level of child abuse and may even add to it. (See Chart 6.) Sadly, huge differences in the rates of fatal child abuse accompany family structure. After a divorce, mothers may marry again or acquire new boyfriends, but the presence of a stepfather or a boyfriend increases the risk of abuse, though at significantly different rates.

Serious abuse is much higher among stepchildren than among children of intact families, and adults who were sexually abused as children are more likely to have been raised in stepfamilies than in intact married families. 17

The rate of sexual abuse of girls by their stepfathers is at least six or seven times higher, 18 and may be as much as 40 times greater, 19 than sexual abuse of daughters by their biological fathers who remain in intact families.

Margo Wilson and Martin Daly, professors of psychology at McMasters University in Canada, report that children two years of age and younger are 70 to 100 times more likely to be killed at the hands of their stepparents than by their biological parents. 20 (Younger children, because of their small size, are much more vulnerable.)

The data from Britain predict a smaller risk, but this research is not as rigorous as the Canadian study. The British study reports that fatal abuse of children of all ages occurs three times more frequently in stepfamilies than in intact married families.

I quite agree with you that the exercise of free will should not be in a manner as to constitute a public nuisance but I fail to see how divorce equates to a public nuisance while I am well aware of the high possibility of public nuisances inherent in a marriage of strange bedfellows which is better averted by a divorce.

we might say divorce does not directly constitute a public nuisance but the fruits of it at the long run tends to,

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Please don't be annoyed when I say that you aren't thinking much.

Firstly, there is a big difference between what you do with your life and what others do with your life. I have no problem with someone who self flagellates (beats his or herself) but someone who is beaten by another I have a problem with (as such scenarios usually lead to untimely deaths e.t.c and is also a public nuisance as you've said)

Secondly, there are many reasons that may lead to a man beating his wife but your analysis of broken home is totally wrong, the type of broken home that affects children in the way you've suggested is that in which the woman initially refuses to leave despite physical abuse from her husband, there is basically not much difference between a woman who is divorced and a widow and FYI two of my best friends were brought up by mothers who never remarried after losing their husbands and they are the finest examples of Gentlemen I could ever think of.

I quite agree with you that the exercise of free will should not be in a manner as to constitute a public nuisance but I fail to see how divorce equates to a public nuisance while I am well aware of the high possibility of public nuisances inherent in a marriage of strange bedfellows which is better averted by a divorce.

You are aptly illustrating the problem with most people whose reason for holding a particular opinion is wholly religious, it is this same line of thought that shapes the pro-life and pro-choice debate.

No one is pushing for all marriages to end in divorce, my position is simply that it might be the best choice in some instances or even unavoidable in other instances.

You also cannot show in anyway that having courtship before marriage solves the problem (in all circumstances) there are many examples of those who went through courtship and still divorced as well as those who did not and never got divorced.

As to its effects on society, I would say that it has no effect whatsoever on society at large but it has quite some effect on most of the children who are from such marriages (mostly because they see themselves as different from other children who have whole families) also they might miss out on certain aspects of gender conditioning which having a parent of each gender would have enabled them have.

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Wht a contradictory statement? You jst asked a question wht is my business of wht other though with lives and you go down to ask "how can a woman who is being beaten everyday not go for a divorce, Forgetting that it takes only takes men who does not think of other people's feelling or wht people think of him to panel beat his wife, Check a man who panel beats his wife well you might discover he must have grown up from a broken home where he never witness sweet and cordial relationship that exist between father and mother, Point of correction i don't interfere in people's life or wht they do with their life, but i still think wht you call the free will of individuals can be call to order when it turns to constitute public nuisance, That is exactly why such a question was raised up here, ,

Believe it or leave it marriage is never, has never been and will never be a cloth that u can jst wear anytime and remove when you think it's no more good for you, If marriage was seen as thing of test and run i think they wouldn't be tht word courtship, Those who are wiser than us forsaw all these about marriage and adviced to go on courtship b4 marriage, But  wht do we see today?People rush into marriage and rush out when they think they its no more working out as they thought, Ok Lets forget about seeing divorce in a religious way, Wht about the effects to our society today? Have you ever tried to find out?

You seem to have a very simplistic view to life, he was born because his parents had sex and not because they got married except if you are saying dogs and goats get married too.

Please wht an answer do u expect for such a simple question "why do people get married", lol

Wht is your definition of being nosey? Contributing to an issue we all knows that  effect are getting harmful to our society?Or When people raises an issue that need to be addressed world wide,

Please spare me few mins to read the fowlling article probably you will understand why people are being Nosey on such issue

http://www.dadsnow.org/studies/heritage1.htm

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Exactly. I dont know why people are so damn nosey about other people's relationships

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JESUS ONLY ALLOW DIVORCE, IF DOING SO WILL STOP FORNICATION. THAT IS IF THE WOMAN OR MAN YOU MARRY IS NOT YOUR RIGHTFUL HUSBAND OR WIFE. marriage takes place at virginity in God's sight. So let's say your wife was deflowered by someone else, and you thought she merely sinned, you are dead wrong because you are committing fornication with another man's wife. she is not yours, but belong to the man who deflowered her. so Jesus allow separation only in this case to stop the fornication, you are committing with she who is not really your wife. see what Jesus told the Samaritan woman,

This is sick and very dumb, so a virgin who was Molested also belongs to the Molester abi? or what exactly are you saying?

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All divorces are wrong?

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You statement is jst one of the major reasons people divorce, sometime human seems to abuse that free will giving by nature in making harse and wrong decision,

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There is no single reason, but it all boils down to the fact that human nature is complex and we mostly have free wills to make our decisions.

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The issue of divorce and causes of high rate of divorce is not far fetched, Bible made clearly that marriage should between a man and a woman, But wht do we see these days? Marriage between a boy and a girl,

being a man or a woman is not of age or the numbers in age but the maturity of the mind, that is wht make u a man or a woman,

It takes a mutured mind(Man/woman) to endure, it takes a matured mind to tolorate and it takes two matured mind to work togther, Thats is why they said those who rush into marriage ends up rushing out of it coz they have not acquired tht quality of mind it take to stay marraige,i can give jst an example of my conversation with someone passed tro the same expirience, read.

prince: So tell me

prince: wht were the reasons for ur divorce?

Tracy Darlene: ok , i was a dumb young teenager and fell in love with an irresponsible guy

Tracy Darlene: u know teenagers, like to go out and party and drink

prince: yah i know

You missed a call from Tracy Darlene. (15:48 on 2009-2-1)

Tracy Darlene: well we did , but i did not realize he was actually addicted to alcohol, not just

prince: really?

Tracy Darlene: having a good time like me

prince: yah

Tracy Darlene: well when i got pregnant with our first child, i figured he would stop drinking

prince: yah

Tracy Darlene: not,

Tracy Darlene: then 5 months after the first one, i got pregnant again!!! wow that was rough, i promised myself that i would not put my kids thru that, so if

prince: awww

Tracy Darlene: he did not straighten up, then i would divorce him, and till this day he is still the same man as 18 years ago, did not change at all, so

Tracy Darlene: i made the best choice of our lives

That is jst one factor and i have heard several people have the same expirience.

In other ways we can easy these days most of the marriages are not instituted by God but by the law .as such men/women can always have their reasons for manipulating their ways out with laws, But there is no maniplation with God, So a marriage with God as the foundation and the head is till death do us path, there are other reaons which i might not have time to explain on here

JESUS ONLY ALLOW DIVORCE, IF DOING SO WILL STOP FORNICATION. THAT IS IF THE WOMAN OR MAN YOU MARRY IS NOT YOUR RIGHTFUL HUSBAND OR WIFE. marriage takes place at virginity in God's sight. So let's say your wife was deflowered by someone else, and you thought she merely sinned, you are dead wrong because you are committing fornication with another man's wife. she is not yours, but belong to the man who deflowered her. so Jesus allow separation only in this case to stop the fornication, you are committing with she who is not really your wife. see what Jesus told the Samaritan woman,

Mate i dont really understand where u are heading to but i will tell u that if this you message is been preached and people had to follow it then we should expect an increament in rate of divorce, Coz Almost 80% of the marriages didnt take at viginity. Moreso the bible told us in

Romans 6:4

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

Once are born again baptised in christ, it dosnt matter wht life we have lived before.wht matters is the life is how u live ur knew life in christ. Old things shall pass away and all things shall become new, that is the life of a born again, that u committed fornication when u were in the world and later got born again, That dosnt mean u marriage is not recognised in eyes of God, After all God is the head of every maraige, In the book mathew 5:32. Jesus stated it clearly abt the only reason for a divorce, So dont tell us that a man can divoce his wife jst becoz she is no a virgin or the woman must go back to the first man that met with her,

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WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED ?

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Divorce, at that time, was very common among both Jews and Gentiles, on very slight pretexts. Marriage is a Divine institution; and is an engagement for life, by God's appointment. We are bound, as much as in us lies, to live peaceably with all men, ( Romans 12:18 ) , therefore to promote the peace and comfort of our nearest relatives, though unbelievers. It should be the labor and study of those who are married, to make each other as easy and happy as possible. Should a Christian desert a husband or wife, when there is opportunity to give the greatest proof of love? Stay, and labor heartily for the conversion of thy relative. In every state and relation the Lord has called us to peace; and every thing should be done to promote harmony, as far as truth and holiness will permit. Verses 17-24 The rules of Christianity reach every condition; and in every state a man may live so as to be a credit

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hi

thanks you fpr your post it is realy informative.

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If u consider that then almost everybody alive is a sinner.Maybe he was sending that message to a certain church or group of people.

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If you are not a woman's first man you are committing adultery and fornication with her, and the only way to stop it is to return her to her husband, her first man. Remember that God will not lay down his standards because many people are doing it. do you remember the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, or the days of Noah? how many people were doing the right thing? did God lay down his law because so many disobey?

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What are you insinuating?

If we are to consider this, it means 75% of the people on earth were given birth to through another person's wife.

More than 75% women did not marry their first man so therefore your opinion to me does not hold water.

@topic,

the major reason is lack of tolerance

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People divorce once they start having a divided voice.

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People divorce because they are depraved of mind. they do not understand that God does not allow divorce. People need to understand that when you marry you are taking a vow before God and not before men. For Heaven rules. God is the REAL government. the ones we have one earth are subject to God's Authority.

Malachi 2:14-16

You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

15 Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

16 "I hate divorce ," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.

JESUS ONLY ALLOW DIVORCE, IF DOING SO WILL STOP FORNICATION. THAT IS IF THE WOMAN OR MAN YOU MARRY IS NOT YOUR RIGHTFUL HUSBAND OR WIFE. marriage takes place at virginity in God's sight. So let's say your wife was deflowered by someone else, and you thought she merely sinned, you are dead wrong because you are committing fornication with another man's wife. she is not yours, but belong to the man who deflowered her. so Jesus allow separation only in this case to stop the fornication, you are committing with she who is not really your wife. see what Jesus told the Samaritan woman

John 4:16-18

He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."

17 "I have no husband," she replied.

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

NIV

What Cases of Fornication Allow for A Divorce?

Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Jesus is talking in the context of Moses’ Law. This Law of Moses allowed divorce on two conditions

1. If the woman was not a virgin

2. If the man found some other uncleanness in her, or he just did not like her

Jesus gives the final rule, by saying you can’t just drop your wife for any arbitrary reason, except for fornication. Firstly, these verses are about a man divorcing a woman. They are not about a woman divorcing a man, which is quite common today. So what is the remaining reason why a man may divorce a woman according to the law of Moses? IF SHE IS NOT A VIRGIN.

This is the only way we can warrant divorce according to this passage of Scripture, applicable to those who are under the law of Moses. This leads us to ask, does the condition of virginity apply to us today, who are under the gospel? This brings us to the correct definition of fornication:

1. Fornication respects a disvirgined woman as understood above

2. Fornication comes from the Greek word “Indecency” and therefore respects a woman exposed in sex, obviously not a virgin.

THEREFORE WHERE THE BIBLE EXPECTS US TO STEER CLEAR OF FORNICATION IT IS THE SAME REQUIREMENT AS IN THE LAW OF MOSES

To prove this further, the early Christians were confused as to whether they should keep the law of Moses, and out of all of his laws, there were only four things left for Christians to keep according in the Law of Moses:

Acts 15:20 But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood.

Fornication is one of those things, fornication in the same sense as required by the law of Moses. Under the gospel therefore, fornication still must be stopped, and in the same sense as in the virginity law of Moses. The only difference in the gospel is that people are no longer stoned for fornication, but rather asked to repent, and go back to the original situation.

JESUS AIMS TO STOP FORNICATION

To understand the main question therefore - What type of divorce the Bible warrants in Jesus’ teaching “whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication” we need to understand that Jesus means TO STOP FORNICATION, and to not allow it to continue in perpetuity.

Men have authority and must take responsibility in this situation, and MEN are mostly to blame. Therefore to have sex with a disvirgined woman is fornication which must be stopped. Or to have left a woman that a man has disvirgined - to leave her to fornicate with another man - this must be stopped. It is fornication for her to go onto another man once she has lost her virginity.

Let us look at the case of a man and his virgin. Can he divorce her? There are many ways of being formally married in society, and even in the church, but the real marriage takes place at virginity:

1. If a woman who gave her virginity to her man then goes and has sex with another man - will separation or divorcing her stop the fornication? NO. The seperation and divorce will allow the fornication to continue. The woman must return back to her husband she gave her virginity to.

2. If a man then goes and has sex with another woman - will separation, or in the case where formal marriage took place - will divorcing him stop the fornication? NO again. The divorce will allow the fornication to continue. The man must return to his virgin wife.

3. But if a man is married formally to a woman who is not his virgin, whether they are married on paper or not, she has already been disvirgined - it is fornication to stay together as married. Now listen to me. There are some marriages God does not bless, and this is certainly one. It is an act of FORNICATION to have a non-virgin as wife, and in this case — will divorce stop the fornication? YES. Divorce will stop the fornication. Then they must divorce. Why must they divorce if everything is going rosy and well? Everything is NOT going rosy and well. Many people are guilty, guilty GUILTY. Another party has been abandoned, now FAR AWAY, and they try to smooth it over with smiles and a false happiness and deceit. Unless that outside party is DECEASED, that marriage is preventing the lost outside party of LONG AGO from being reconciled to God in this very marriage - I repeat what Jesus sternly says Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. This Scripture is saying clearly that it is causing ADULTERY for a man to have sex with a virgin and then to leave her to another man, unless she was not really a virgin (remember Christ’s idea of fornication is in the context of the virginity law of Moses). And It is ADULTERY for a woman to have sex with one man, then to go onto another man,

It may be her second marriage, or at least the second time she has slept with someone - doesn’t the bible teach us that she should not go about looking for a second husband? From what I see around me in the church at large, I really wonder if women pick up on this point at all, especially as it relates to women:

1 Corinthians 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Often, this Scripture is quoted to support remarriage - 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. What does it mean, that a brother or sister is not under bondage, and called unto peace? Does it mean they can remarry? It does not say that. This Scripture is still subject to the previous quote 1 Corinthians 7:11 ”let her remain unmarried” Do not put something in the Scripture which is not there.

Where no solution can be reached, the woman must remain single until they are reconciled. Now there is no instruction for the man to remain single. But he is in great danger of judgment if he takes another woman who is a virgin. Often providence rules in these situations, God causes the man to not have more than one virgin, and his second wife is often not a virgin. In this case, we assume he too must remain single, or be reconciled. If his second wife is a virgin, then he is accountable to God for two women, and he is answerable for the many difficulties which will arise out of this situation.

1 Timothy 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;

The meaning of the Greek is the husband of FIRST wife. And not as incorrectly interpreted to mean that he is free to abandon his wife as long as he has only one wife at a time.

To repeat, There are many ways of being formally married in society, and even in the church, but the real marriage takes place at virginity. Your wife is the one who gave her virginity to you, and you as a man are accountable to her, whether you were formally married, whether you yourself were a virgin at the time, or whether you masturbated or had sex beforehand, or even if you were formally married to someone else at the time. The true meaning of virginity rests with the woman. We never hear of the Virgin Joseph. Only the Virgin Mary. AND JESUS ONLY ALLOWS DIVORCE IF THE WOMAN YOU ARE MARRIED TO IS NOT YOUR VIRGIN.

This needs to be loudly repeated again:

JESUS ONLY ALLOWS DIVORCE IF THE WOMAN YOU ARE MARRIED TO IS NOT YOUR VIRGIN

How Can We And Our Members Remain Free From The Sin of Fornication?

The pastor needs to preach and to support virginity. It will not be solved by shying away from the problem. We need to accept the biblical principle of purity, and live by it. We have to be so strict in our congregations to preach it and get members to return to the right husband and wife, or to remain single, or to enforce church discipline and dis-fellowship them.

New people obviously first have to be won to Christ before we can have any influence over them, or exercise any discipline in their case. They are brought in mostly ignorant of their situation. But long-standing Christians seeking church membership and especially leadership in any capacity must be disciplined.

This principle of virginity needs to be explained especially to young people who are still virgins.

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The Bible is not against divorce.You have to divorce someone for the right reason.You can not leave someone because they are not good in bed or whatever lame excuse people make up.Its gotta be something serious for God to not count it against you.

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