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Why Is Christian Dating So Difficult?

Why Is Christian Dating So Challenging A Task?

It was quite easy for me to date as an unbeliever but ever since I got born again dating has been a challenge.

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Well,I like the sound of xtain dating but what is the other one called?

i beleive if you must marry somebody then you must have to know the

person real well to make sure she or he is not a pretender after all every one

of us know that 90% of our so called xtains are hypocrites. a friend of mine said

he would rather marry an unbeliever at least he will be sure of what she is.

I have nothing against xtain dating but the reason why it is difficult is cos

the parties involved are not honest to themselve. I am saying this cos i

know that xtain daring can be the most fulfilling if and only if the couple are

true to themselves. But in this Naija that is truely difficult to acchieve.

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Hello Vadewoyin,

Many thanks for being so considerate in your response to my post. I wish to encourage other Nairaland users not to be too judgemental in expressing their views on this forum regardless of how strong our convictions may be  on issues raised.

May I equally inform everyone that assumed that the problem was that of sex that their assumption was completely off the mark.The challenge has to do with the fact that the moment you are identified with someone in your local assembly, everyone, including your date, assumes both of you would soon be signing the dotted lines. The creates undue pressure on the parties involved and invaribly results in people masking their true character.

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Hi dear,

Don't worry it all depends on the person you meet

People exhibit different character regardless of their religious status

But I believe not all Christian Dating is difficult

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53X is why or rather not being able to have sex is why.

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@ gridlock

I don't believe in Dating. I never have. Whenever I looked at a girl and thought of a relationshiop, I ALWAYS asked myself, "Am I ready to get married to this person, to spendthe REST of my life with them?". This idea of "testing relationships" is rubbish. You don't have to be in a relationship to get to know someone well. If you didnt really like them in the first place, you have no business wondering how good the two of you would be for each other.

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I dont agree totally with your view on dating though i respect it.

YOU see everyman(myself inclusive) perception or attitude about life is formed by a summation of all of his expriences (either direct or indirect).

Dating a christain doesnt necessarily mean that you take her to bed for sex.The problem is that these days people no longer know what they stand for.Christain values are no longer properly articulated.

you can date in the church and not take yourselves to bed.it depends on the parties involved.

On the whole my major baise against christain courtship is that we expect too much form ourselves.We tend not to be sincere with each other, we are afraid to discuss our fears in the church because of the aura and respect(empire) we have built around ourselves.None of us wants to be seen as a weakling.Yet we are burdened with heavy loads,we are burdened with "issues of the heart"

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@feelgood,

Thanks for the compliment. I'm with you on those beautiful posts of yours that expanded mine.

Cheers.

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A lot has really been said here; i have to look at it again

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@Feelgood

Nice posts.

Let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. Courtship is what is meant for Christians not dating.

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Hi y'all, I notice some heavy posters come in on this topic, interesting. More than enough's been said about this christian dating (if any such exists) in this thread, I agree with the few recent posts. Like He said "he that has ears let him hear"

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@ Gridlock

i agree totally wit our views and i must say u did a nice job breaking it down.i was once a victim and i must assure u that ur analysis was a complete breakdown of wat i went thru.If u ask me i'd say d term 'christain dating' is a contradiction in itself since the definition of dating incorporates full blown relationship with elements of romance,sex and d likes.How then do we reconcile that with christian morality.

this is the most beautiful part of the post.The outward show of being born again leads people to act so spiritual even when its very obvious that we are all human.Such leads to stifling of emotions and can dating flourish here??

Thanx for the post.it hit the nail on the head!!

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"Christian Dating" is actually referring to Christian Romantic Relationships. I believe the poster was referring to christian romantic relationships in general.

Really and truly, Christians don't - and should not - date. In Church, as soon as you ask a lady out or a guy asks you out, it is assumed that both of you have marriage in mind - and everybody watches you. Correct me if i'm wrong.

One big reason why they fail is that a very large percentage of [Nigerian] Christians [who I have come across] have "church" personalities which differ from their "everyday-life" personalities. When you relate with them (and it is obvious to both of you that you are Christians), there is a fake cloud of spirituality that is used to blanket every single issue. It is even worse when the other person realises that you have a romantic relationship in mind. It makes it hard to get to really know someone to the point of even considering a long-term relationship; and for those who choose to be fooled by the cloud of fakeness, the truth of the matter will reveal itself when you get married and start living together.

I don't believe in Dating. I never have. Whenever I looked at a girl and thought of a relationshiop, I ALWAYS asked myself, "Am I ready to get married to this person, to spendthe REST of my life with them?". This idea of "testing relationships" is rubbish. You don't have to be in a relationship to get to know someone well. If you didnt really like them in the first place, you have no business wondering how good the two of you would be for each other.

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try listening to creed

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@ Analytical - beautiful post there. God bless you. @ y'all, we continue:

@ chidebe, I do hope the above treatise (from David Feddes' Is Dating Dangerous?) clears your worries. Remain blessed.

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All,

Thanks to Bolarge for his post.  Just to add my voice.  The truth is that Dating and Courtship are not the same thing!  That is why it is difficult for a christian to date, according to Chidebe, because many confuse the two.  The focus of the two are not the same.

While dating is a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person, courtship on the other hand is seeking the affection of a partner with the intention of marriage.  The difference lies with the intention of marriage.  Dating is not specific to a partner, since that intention is not there and there is no commitment involved.  Dating is done with as many people as possible.  There is nothing wrong so long as there is no motive behind it and done with christian brotherly love.  You can use it to make friends.

But when you are in courtship with someone, the two of you agree to court and make commitment with each other, in short you are engaged to one another, with the intention of marrying.  This is what you will find in the scriptures.  This is the christian way, and there are guidelines of going about it.  It is such a wonderful period that leads to marriage.

If it is your intention to be in courtship, then don't do it the way it was done before you became a christian.  It won't work.  They are two different kingdoms with two different lifestyles.  For more on this, read this article by a Christian counsellor on Dating and Courtship.

Be blessed.

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A very interesting thread and quite enlightening. But then why is 'christian' dating difficult? I should

like to share with you another angle to this dating stuff - which I share. I recognise however that I

may be regarded as an out of date person. I agree. But then I encourage you to think on it and then go back to

the original question.

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To some extent the poster is right.I allude this problem not to the christain tenet of a godly relationship but to the people involved.Most christain shy away from real life issues all in the name of godliness.Many others pretend and even double date in the church a virtue common among unbels.Many more suffer from unresolved "issues" of the heart probably carry overs from past relationships.

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@chidebe

I think you should reborn again to make this Xian dating issue advantage for you Christian faith,

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@Chidebe,

bro.I quite agree with U that it's challenging.However,i want U to know that U're still seeing it from the worldly point of view.As a born again christian,there are meant to be changes in U and ur ways-the way U live,talk ,approach people,etc(as the rules stated).Ur going about it might still be in ur past.Of course this will pose a challenge towars u in that U are now a new creature with old ways. All i'll advise u is to still pray and GOD will put U thru.It's well with u.

@Bolarge,

I agree with U wholeheartedly.May GOD ALMIGHTY continue to guide us in His ways.Amen

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dating as it is get odd when after a while:

(sometimes as odd as a a few hours)

touching - general tactile contact aint made,

and advanced tactile contact aint made,

it's as if touch is the criteria for levels of intimacy.

that's how the world sees it,

that is NOT how God sees it, so it get hard , really it gets odd

for christians who've been doing it the other way.

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chidebe, now that u are a born again, ur choices in women should change as well, i think the issue here is u are still drawn to the same ladies u dated when u werent a born again christian, so open ur eyes and pray to God to help u choose the right woman for u goodluck

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What is difficult about the christian dating?

Expansiate

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Christain dating is actually easier if you are both christains.

The problem is that christains try to date like non-christains.

Throughout my courtship with my fiancee, she only visited my house once. We always kept outdoors.

When I visited her in the flat, that she shared with friends, we always kept the room doors open.

Get busy, get preaching, get praying and playing, get sharing

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@Freestyl

u are right nad u also have to open ur eyes,not just get carried away by ur emotions.

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you really have to pray hard for God to give you a true date.

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I agree with bolarge's input on the issue. I just wanna say that it's a beautiful thing to be in a relationship with all the right values and attitudes. And i believe that " Christian Dating " offers an excellent platform for developing the right mindset which would prove invaluable in marriage and family life when practised with some of the points he's outlined.

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@Bolarge

Abeg u hit the bulls-eye point blank!!!

Lemme just add to mcgboye that cristian dating isn't about dating someone from ur church, haven't u heard the saying now that the devil goes to church?

Its about two people commited in their hearts to their faith (In God through Jesus Christ), seeking to live lives of fulfilment with integrity and loving each other in the true definition of love as God gives and not the movies/ soaps/society/or even culture

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It depends on ur reasoning as a christain,if u are an archaic christain or ur girlfriend is,then u both will have problems.sex is prohibited and i think thats a problem for u.

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Think i agree wit u. I always think dating some1 from my church is like dating a fake. And u are never free 2 xpress urself&there seems to be many dont's than do's

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i don't see why it is a challenge, except if you are reffering to sex

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