Would you allow your wife to seek greener pasture abroad?
By GIDEON OPARINDE
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Photo: Sun News Publishing
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Akin and his wife Lara are facing a lot of hardship and there seems to be no solution, but he agreed to his younger brother’s suggestion that Lara should travel abroad to meet his wife, so she could try her luck and get something doing. Akin’s younger brother’s wife had been in Australia for eight years.
She works and sends money to her family.
The idea sounds good to Akin and his wife, who already have three kids, the eldest being nine years. She finally left for Australia, stayed at home for almost seven months before she got a job as a cleaner at a sub-way. Well, that would at least put some food on the table.
But as time went on, her boss, who is married and has two kids in Nigeria caught her attention and they started having an affair.
She deserted her family and joined the boss in his four bed-room apartment. She got pregnant, but refused to abort it, in order to gain a stay. All these were not hidden from the husband who, at this time had become rich and has a good job.
But as fate would have it, there was a rift between Lara and her boss and he set her up. Lara was eventually repatriated to Nigeria, leaving her with nothing whatsoever, other than her one- year- old son.
Her in-laws came around to know whose baby he was but at the end of the family meeting she was sent out of the house, and without the sympathy of her children she left behind for six years .
If your wife decides to travel abroad for greener pasture, leaving your kids behind would you allow her?
Travelling abroad is a good thing and good idea, but what is the purpose?
For my wife to travel abroad and leave the children for me alone to cater for is uncalled for and abnormal.
If her job requires her to travel abroad on a course, they would have been aware she is married, therefore the duration would be short. But for her to travel in search of greener pasture is not wise . A man alone cannot take care of the children and the home. Proverbs. 22:6 says “Whatever God has joined together, let nothing whatsoever, be it distance, purpose put asunder.
My wife has a role to play in the home, if she is absent, the vacuum is felt and it is a great disaster for the home.
We together can make it in life, not necessarily travelling overseas.
Let us be aware that a home without a wife/mother is incomplete and there are more dangers threatening such homes.
Proverbs. 31:10-31 says “A good wife is always with her family…”. The word of God also points out that “…a wise woman builds her home but the foolish pulls hers down with her own hands”. We should not allow anything to destroy our homes.
For this cause shall a man leave (detach) himself from his parents and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one. Gen. 2:24. Psalm 127:3 says “Children are the reward of this union”
Kai, I won’t allow her, even if it is just for a month. Who would stay and watch over my children when I am not home? I hope not a house help?
Even if her mother comes, I still would not allow her to go. A day without her in my home, she is gone.
Well, it is very okay, but things can never be the same if she goes there, leaving her family behind. For example, after a long time, she would not have feelings for the children anymore and neither for the husband . By so doing, she starts living immoral life, going after men, or later remarries and forgets those she left behind.
I do not buy the idea of traveling abroad before one can be employed comfortably or in the search of a greener pasture. Since we have children here in Nigeria, who would be the sudden nanny, I or the house girl? She can proceed , if she does not want to be my wife anymore. As far as I am concerned, my wife will stay with me here in Nigeria where God lives and we shall make it together as one family.
Not at all negotiable, as long as the children are minors.
Together we need to instill discipline in these children; they need parental care and one of us alone cannot be up to the task.
But she can be allowed to go anywhere she wants when the children are all grown or married.
Why not? It is possible she ravels abroad. As I raise my hands to bid her good bye at the airport, she should know that the relationship ends there . In other words, at the moment she leaves, another lady would accompany me home to take her place as the new wife. I married in my late twenties to check-mate my libido, and an opposite sex has to quench the urge, because Macbeth cannot be murdered twice.
Yes, why not? This reminds me of a Bible reference which says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God.” Understanding, trust, honesty keep the family going, but immediately these are lacking, the family crumbles. Allowing my wife to travel abroad is not any issue as I see it, though many people’s imagination is whether their wives would start messing around, as soon as she gets there or not. Would they cope without sex, which is another question people ask.
For me, I would allow her travel because it is for the betterment of the family.
It is for sure not possible. I wonder how desperate people can be all in the name of travelling abroad. Anytime away from home, you are given second class treatment, despite the struggle for raising the fare.
It is so unfortunate that majority of our people abroad refused to return to the country in order to cover their shame. Many of them are suffering and cannot afford to feed thrice daily, but prefer to be called and seen as Londoners, Americana and the like.
Many of them unfortunately are street cleaners, house-helps, morgue attendants, drivers while those who cannot try harder go into prostitution while their husbands are here thinking they are living fine and would send some money home.
No matter how hard things are in this country, you are always a bonafide citizen, rather than trying to change your nationality and pay taxes on every little income that comes your way and without having any savings.